https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 12:39:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1591152 Thu, 24 Apr 2014 20:57:13 +0000 simplyfelicity 1591152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All of these stories sound so familiar! </p> <p>I totally understand as I am going to turn 30 in a couple months. So...DH and I weren't going to start trying until late summer/ fall but we were bit by the "baby bug" and started this month for LO #1. We started off super easy wanting to be blissfully unaware and just BD a ton, but I started doing research and that very quickly changed to OPKs, fertility friend, loosely checking CM, etc which DH still wanted to be suuuupppeeerrr chill. </p> <p>So I made it super chill for him, which is what I really think he wanted. I let him know when a certain window was about to open and then it was my job to seduce him with lingerie, back rubs, wine--I romanced him! The only problem is that we started way too soon in my cycle (like cd 7, so we were exhausted BD ED until cd 15.) </p> <p>Anyway, I say romance him. Make it about him and his needs and seriously just having awesome sex. I got my BFP this month, so something went well! Best of luck to you! :goodluck: @fryxie: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1584623 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 19:10:33 +0000 As Time Goes By 1584623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We started out with a similar approach, but last night I let him know what timelines would look like if I got pregnant now vs in 6 months or later. I casually mentioned temping and opks and made it sound like opks are less "trying" and asked his thoughts. Because timing works out sooner rather than later for mat leave for me he was fully inboard with opks next month if needed. </p> <p>I'm not suggesting lying to your husband, but maybe present it in a way that will make sense to him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1584229 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 15:41:51 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 1584229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fryxie: P.S. If you really want to know where you stand as far as egg reserve, ask your OB for a simple blood test (day 3 FSH). You'll feel better knowing that you're fine, which I'm sure you are!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1584217 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 15:38:29 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 1584217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fryxie: This literally sounds EXACTLY like my DH and I. When we started trying he didn't really want to TRY, just not prevent. He didn't want to know when I was fertile because he thought it would take the romance out of it (which it kinda does). He also didn't want to become one of "those" couples who only talks about fertility and schedules life/sex around ovulation. Well, I agreed and was just happy that he was ready for the possibility. About a year later, nothing had happened. He didn't think we needed to see a doctor, but I went to my OB, who gave me Clomid. Still nothing. After a long wait on a waiting list, I finally got into see an RE. He first suspected diminished ovarian reserve (based on my age and FSH). But, he also questioned my painful periods, etc. After an ultrasound, his suspicions were (almost) confirmed. We then proceeded to laparoscopy and found out that I had stage 4 endometriosis. It was removed. RE said it was 100% impossible to get pregnant before the surgery. </p> <p>We had our first injectable med cycle with IUI this cycle... IUI was today. </p> <p>My point is that without actively trying without success and seeking help, we would have never gotten pregnant. Now, we can! DH no longer feels the way he did. He's on board with everything. </p> <p>I think you should just relax and go with the flow and your DH's comfort level for at least 6-8 months. A year might be fine. You're young enough to take it easy. I'm 35, so my clock is ticking fast. Yours isn't. As women, we are so much more emotionally attached to what we want...and so impatient. Men just don't operate the same way. </p> <p>My tip: buy some VERY sexy lingerie (shock him) or just surprise him by slipping into bed completely naked. No man can say no to that!! </p> <p>It'll happen!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583979 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:06:12 +0000 Kemma 1583979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you able to compromise by "just letting it happen" for the next couple of months (like till June maybe) then get more focused? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583970 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:04:03 +0000 Happygal 1583970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is he as gung-ho about wanting a baby as you are? Maybe there are other anxieties at play.</p> <p>I explained the very small window of time we have each month to get pregnant to my husband, and how that even with perfect timing, our chances of conceiving are low. But for a guy with a high sex drive, just getting naked might be better than all the talking. Get things going before dinner and booze. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583903 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:46:45 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1583903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that @pui: has a great approach. You can do all of the tracking and not really let him know when you're fertile except for initiating sex. Given the fact that he has a pretty high sex drive compared to you, it shouldn't be much of a problem. Perhaps getting to the bottom of why he doesn't want to track anything might be a good idea too. My thought is that he doesn't want something like last night to happen. </p> <p>A lot of us know that TTC can be a stressful process. It's a very small window in which you're able to get pregnant, and adding additional pressure to him to perform when he's just not ready may be turning him off. Getting incredibly angry at him for not wanting to BD will likely add to his anxiety about it all. I certainly understand your feelings of urgency around this, but unfortunately, you can't always plan everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583860 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:33:41 +0000 gingerbebe 1583860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if this helps, but DH and I basically handled all of our sex issues by going on a schedule. Right now, we have sex on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays. We can have sex more often or move it to another night if one of us is sick or something, but never less often than three times a week. Basically, it ends up being that we have sex about every other day. Sperm stays alive inside for days, so basically if you're on that type of schedule, you're never NOT within your fertile window. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583842 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:28:27 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1583842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unless he wants to have sex every day or every other day he should know he could be waisting any months you guys don't time things. 30 is not old by any means but I do think every woman is different. Some women are more fertile at 40 than some 30 year olds. If your mom went through menopause on the earlier side that can also be a reason to start as well as just wanting to get things underway so you have many years to explore other options if need be. I didn't meet my husband until I was 31 and he was only 26 so we waited till I was 34 before we started trying and it was hard to convince him not to wait till 35 like we had originally planned but I had some testing done which moved up our timeline. I am now 36 almost 37 and he knows that time is a waisting! He still doesn't like all the planning but he prefers that to every other day all month long. We have a toddler and it does get exhausting. I hope your husband comes around. I make a huge effort to make things fun for my husband and wear lingerie or do things that make it about us being intimate and not just making babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583819 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:21:40 +0000 Radish 1583819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Perhaps have him watch The Great Sperm Race? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583794 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:15:44 +0000 babybronco 1583794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Meredithnyc that is BRILLIANT! </p> <p>@pui yup. no tracking, no nothing. He has a high sex drive, but I don't. I've been on antidepressants since I was 16 and have never had a high sex drive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583792 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:14:59 +0000 MaryM 1583792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: I also do this. It's our current version of NTNP</p> <p>I've been using OPKs because my cycles have been so odd and I've had no clue whats going on (and want to make sure nothing is wrong). And I've charted since we were married and continue to in order to see if there is in fact anything wrong. </p> <p>So *I* know when I'm fertile, but I haven't been discussing it with DH. If we BD at a good time, great. But I don't push him to just because a chart says we should.</p> <p>In another month or so...that might be a different story :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583786 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:13:50 +0000 Anagram 1583786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fryxie: I was 32 when I got pregnant (no known fertility issues though--and not sure about your background) and we are the "just let it happen" type. </p> <p>But I also have a husband that would be happy to go at it every day, sometimes twice. So the first month we decided to not use some form of birth control, we happened to dtd 10 days in a row and sometimes more than once on those days. And two weeks later, I realized my period hadn't started. Didn't even think to test until I was almost a week past when my period was due.</p> <p>So if he doesn't want to know when you are ovulating, maybe just make a pact together to have sex every day (or every other day?). It's fun and good for your relationahip if nothing else. =) =) I realize that won't work if you husband isn't up for it that often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583779 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:13:07 +0000 regberadaisy 1583779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh btw. Just because he's not willing to read the books you want him to read don't assume he's not educated about TTC! My DH did a ton of research on the side himself and would often surprise me with knowledge *I* didn't even know! ;)</p> <p>So give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He's like just as anxious as you and just handling it differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583768 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:09:51 +0000 pui 1583768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fryxie: When he says "let it happen", what does he mean? Like don't track your fertility and just have sex whenever?</p> <p>I noticed that timed intercourse was a bit of a struggle for my DH so eventually I just left him out of it. I would still temp and use OPKs to track ovulation, but I wouldn't bother my DH about it. Instead I would just initiate sex when it was optimal. He has a rather high sex drive so I rarely missed fertile days this way and he felt much better about TTC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583767 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:09:39 +0000 meredithNYC 1583767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's just SO hard for guys to understand these anxieties, as I have a few friends who are in your position (we are early 30's). And in a way I can understand because it's likely he's worried that TTC is going to become an obsessive, all-consuming thing - which, sometimes/for some people it does!</p> <p>I think you need to get to the bottom of what his fears are and then approach from there. If he won't read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" (which is a super informative read, by the way), could you maybe show him the section that talks about why targeted (as in timed to coincide w/ ovulation) "trying" is best in the long run? Basically it says that if you are charting and timing sex appropriately, you at least have somewhere to go w/ that information provided you don't conceive. Does that make sense? Basically, in the case of infertility you will have more (very helpful!) information to share with your OBGYN or fertility specialist - whereas if you've been NTNP for a year it's like, you're starting from the ground up in terms of figuring out what's wrong. Hopefully he'll see your point of view. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583756 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:07:03 +0000 MaryM 1583756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fryxie: I agree with what @Mae: said.</p> <p>After I had a MC (the pregnancy was unplanned)...I was ready to try again right away, but DH would prefer some time to make sure our ducks are in a row. </p> <p>We discussed what was holding him back, and agreed that we'd NTNP and see what would happen for a few months, and then if I didn't get pregnant, we'd start TTC with more effort. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583753 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:06:57 +0000 babybronco 1583753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've only been trying since December. I know that's not long at all. But I'm a control freak, I'm a planner, it is what I do. </p> <p>I like the your idea Mae! I'll bring that up. I'm also wondering if he'd be willing to read taking charge of your fertility together. Like a TTC book club. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583750 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:05:46 +0000 regberadaisy 1583750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH was like that the beginning for both babies. But after a few months he was ready to know when I was fertile but not a play by play if you will.</p> <p>I found it helped to just put more of an effort into getting him into the mood around my fertile period in the beginning without telling him. It can be a long journey so I can definitely understand why he wants to "let it be" at the beginning. It gets very systematic towards the end and takes all the fun out of baby making! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583746 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:04:27 +0000 Adira 1583746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww, that's rough! Sometimes when Hubs doesn't want to know and wants to be "spontaneous" about it, I just try to make the moves on him when I know it's time. I still chart and keep track of everything so I know when I'm fertile, but I don't necessarily tell him when it's go-time! To help with that, I'll try to be more active earlier in the month when I know I'm NOT fertile so that it doesn't feel like "Oh, okay, it's been two weeks of nothing and NOW she wants sex, obviously it's because she wants to get pregnant".</p> <p>Good luck to you!! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583741 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:03:53 +0000 Mae 1583741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How long have you been trying? I wonder if you can compromise (as 30 might feel old to you but honestly it really isn't!)? Like for example: for 6 months just "let it happen" by his rules and see if you wind up pregnant-- lots of people DO get pregnant just by not preventing (I was one of them at 29). But then if that hasn't worked after 6 months you get to try your way being a bit more scientific about it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583739 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:03:49 +0000 pui 1583739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How long have you been trying? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583725 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:01:16 +0000 lawbee11 1583725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fryxie: Would he read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"? At least part of it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-dh-thinks-we-should-just-let-it-happen#post-1583711 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 12:58:38 +0000 babybronco 1583711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! </p> <p>My DH just wants to "let it happen". I'm 30. I know that the number of eggs I have are not what they used to be. Last month, I really thought I was pregnant, I was pretty devastated when I wasn't. I know it hasn't been that long, but I want a baby so badly it hurts. I've never wanted anything so much in my life. </p> <p>Last night we just got into it. I was ready for some BMS; I made dinner, I made nice drinks, I was ready! He was too tired. I was so angry. Before he didn't want to know when I was fertile, now he does. I'm just angry. I feel like he doesn't understand how hard this is, all the stuff that has to line up for a baby to be made. </p> <p>So what should I do? What have you ladies done when you're DH just wants to "let it happen" but you know that a million things need to line up for it to happen. DH is big into numbers and facts, any articles would be greatly appreciated. </p>