https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 11:37:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quit-job-pregnant-feeling-worthless#post-2773813 Mon, 18 Sep 2017 10:08:25 +0000 catomd00 2773813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you're struggling. Highly recommend a good therapist and psychiatris if you don't have them already. Do you have any hobbies that you could turn into a little "job" or do volunteer work to give you something to do? I think it's probably easier at this point to wait to find employment until after you e had the baby, unless finances require a different plan. Next time, I'd encourage you to go to HR/Occupational health to get an ADA reasonable accommodation that will legally protect you. I just went through this process and my supervisor and HR only know I have a covered disability and the accommodation I need. They do not know any other details, only Occupational Health is aware of the exact diagnosis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quit-job-pregnant-feeling-worthless#post-2773766 Mon, 18 Sep 2017 00:32:14 +0000 birdofafeather 2773766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you went through that with work. I would encourage you to find a therapist to talk to. Pregnancy hormones are no joke and neither are post partum hormones and getting yourself help, whether by talking it out or medication if necessary will set you up to be a good place when your baby comes. Sounds like your partner is supportive so that's huge! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quit-job-pregnant-feeling-worthless#post-2773765 Sun, 17 Sep 2017 22:51:27 +0000 Gigglefits 2773765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello, this is my first time here.</p> <p>My name is Autumn, I am 34. I had to quit my job that i had for twelve years due to insensitivity from the newly transfered manager. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression by my doctor and immediately informed the manager of the diagnosis. To my surprise she treated it as if the condition doesn't exist and continued to push my mental state to the limit. April eighth was the day i was pushed overboard, resulting in my resignation.</p> <p>I am now six months pregnant. I am happy and scared at the same time. This is my first baby. I live with my fiance who's the daddy to be. Often times though i wonder if i did the right thing. I feel worthless and lazy. My depression and anxiety will not let go of me. I try to stay calm for my sake and more importantly the babies. It just seems like its getting too much to bare, i just don't know what to do. Finding work has been fruitless. My fiance though tells me not to worry about work just the baby. I love him so much, but i still feel terrible for not working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772463 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 18:28:49 +0000 gingerbebe 2772463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LulaBee: I think part of this is that your "normal" in terms of feeling your son's loss the last three years may have been while in an "abnormal" mental state - meaning what you experienced as your grief journey was possibly more intense because of your depression and mental health issues amplifying those feelings, so now that what you're feeling (or not feeling) seems weird. Seeing a therapist might be helpful in deciphering what is more "normal," although from experience I know SSI numbness is definitely a thing. However it might just take a while for the meds to balance everything out. Perhaps tweaking the dosage down could also help. </p> <p>I had two losses. It's been 5 and 5.5 years respectively, and I don't think TOO much about them. Maybe a few times a year and usually it's with fondness or like crying when I realize they're with a newly departed relative or something (we lost DH's grandma last year and it was a big way we mourned and grieved - knowing she was with our girls). But for the most part they're just my girls and I acknowledge them but I don't sit around and actively miss them all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772396 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 13:10:49 +0000 MaryM 2772396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Maybe I'm at a place where I just don't want to talk about it (which usually means I do need to)."</p> <p>This was SO me before I finally got therapy. I had a huge blowout with DH because we weren't talking about any of it before I finally decided to get help. I didn't "want" to talk about it...but I knew I needed to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772386 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 12:14:21 +0000 LulaBee 2772386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LAZB: :heart: </p> <p>@MaryM: I agree that learning to talk about it helps. I just feel like I've talked so much already. Maybe I'm at a place where I just don't want to talk about it (which usually means I do need to).</p> <p>@Ajsmommy: that makes total sense. It just feels WRONG to not grieve every second of every day. But I guess when it's not so fresh you're not SUPPOSED to?</p> <p>@catlady: I'm sorry about your mom and your miscarriages. I understand- I wouldn't have my youngest if I hadn't had my losses either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772379 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 11:56:10 +0000 catlady 2772379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get the feeling of wanting to feel the loss. I lost my mom 7 years ago and had 3 miscarriages over the past 4 years as well, and I recently realized that I don't feel those losses anymore. In my case, I think it's just time and the fact that I really did let myself fully grieve, and I think I'm just healed. Which is a good thing! But sometimes I feel guilt about it. There are times when I still miss my mom so much but I've accepted it, if that makes sense. I just miss her presence as opposed to grieving. My feelings about my miscarriages are more complicated because my two children wouldn't have been born if I had not miscarried before them.</p> <p>I agree with others that it's probably worth talking with a therapist before making a decision about the medication. I definitely feel like it would be worth seeing a therapist about wanting to feel more. Having experienced both, I personally found grief to be quite different from depression, and honestly I think it is important for us to feel grief and not hide from it, so I get where you are coming from. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772369 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 11:42:06 +0000 Ajsmommy 2772369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This totally makes sense to me, although not child loss related. I lost my longtime highschool sweetheart/college bf/future fiancé and now that I am married with kids it's hard to "miss" him bc I don't want to disrespect my husband. And no, my husband hasn't said or done anything to make me feel this way. It's hard. The sister of my bf actually reached out to me recently to ask if I missed him and I do but its like I can't express it or feel it. It feels wrong to not actively miss him and mourn him daily....... does that make any sense.</p> <p>I kind of feel like that's how you feel... you feel wrong for not missing your son and want to feel it. I totally get it. I'm sorry I dont' have advice about meds but I do think therapy is very helpful and talking about it also helps a ton. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772361 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 11:11:31 +0000 LAZB 2772361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I never went on meds after losing Q, but I can totally understand you being upset that you can't "feel" your son anymore. It's been 3.5 years for me, and I am having fewer moments of sadness, and more moments of fondness of his memory. That isn't to say that I don't get sad, I frequently still cry or at least tear up, it's just getting to be less and less.<br /> I think it's definitely worth evaluating getting off of the med if they are making you not feel what you want to feel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772331 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:51:04 +0000 MaryM 2772331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LulaBee: It totally makes sense to me. </p> <p>I think the biggest thing I've gotten out of therapy has been learning how to feel things instead of avoiding them. I tend to ignore the messy stuff and hope that it just goes away (of course it doesn't). </p> <p>I don't like talking about it. But she's helped me realize that if I DO talk about it (and not just with her but with DH too), then I have SO MUCH more control over how I feel it and when I feel it and it becomes a lot less messy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772330 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:48:18 +0000 LulaBee 2772330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: That makes total sense. I feel like I had hit bottom when I went to see her a few months ago (and subsequently started the Zoloft). I just want to miss my son, if that makes sense. Can you go to therapy to try and feel sadness? Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772324 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:38:13 +0000 MaryM 2772324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LulaBee: If you're considering going off the meds, I'd maybe think about seeing the therapist short-term just to help you work through that. I think it's easier to have them onboard through the process (I went to therapy starting before my dad died...that was a lot easier than trying to "catch up" my current therapist after our third loss) than to try to catch them up once you finally realize you've hit bottom (if it ends up being really hard once you're off the meds). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772321 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:32:11 +0000 LulaBee 2772321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I was in therapy for a year after he died... and I've gone back to see my therapist recently but not sure I want to necessarily "go back" to therapy- mostly it's a time and finance issue. But really I hadn't actually thought about doing that (duh). I guess it's worth trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772316 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:22:25 +0000 MaryM 2772316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not related to my child losses...but I was on celexa when my father died. I started to realize that sure, I wasn't depressed anymore, but I also wasn't really ever happy. I sort of wasn't feeling anything. That's when I went off the medication. </p> <p>Child loss wise, I've only taken anxiety meds as needed. </p> <p>Are you doing any sort of counseling or therapy? I feel like that's made the biggest difference in coming to terms with feelings and emotions and being able to feel them and talk about them in a healthy way. I'm not going to lie, it was HARD at first, but I think it's really made a world of difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772312 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:13:49 +0000 LulaBee 2772312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started Zoloft a few months ago to help with depressive thoughts and it's been really good as far as that goes- I'm much more relaxed and happy, able to be present with my kids and engage, don't think about death all the time or have days where I feel nothing at all.</p> <p>However I really don't think about my son who was stillborn almost 3 years ago anymore. It's definitely changed since I started the meds. I keep pictures of him around and try to think about him but it just feels very... detached. I'm sure part of it is more time has gone by since he died, but still. </p> <p>Should I consider going off the meds so I can FEEL him again? I know I need to be present for my living children, but I don't want to feel like he's being erased. Has anyone else ever experienced this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-weaning-from-ssri-pre-ttc#post-2706778 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 09:43:38 +0000 yoursilverlining 2706778@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't wean to TTC, but I have been on and off Zoloft for the better part of 15 years and haven't ever experienced horrible (or even bad, really) withdrawal and weaning from it as long as I did a good, gradual step down process over the course of about 2 weeks.</p> <p>Effexor on the other hand - never again! Even missing a dose by a few hours brought about symptoms and getting off that was a nightmare (even stepping down extremely gradually). My doctor had to Rx me another med just to get through getting off effexor. You couldn't pay me to go back on that - but Zoloft also works well for me. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-weaning-from-ssri-pre-ttc#post-2706776 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 09:30:29 +0000 IRunForFun 2706776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Slightly different but I was on Lexapro prior to TTC and was told it was OK to stay on through pregnancy (I tried Zoloft and it didn't work for me.) After getting pregnant my doctor changed his mind and wanted me off of it so I weaned onto a different class of drug and it was an awful experience because my anxiety came back with a vengeance. My midwives and a maternal fetal medicine specialist assured me the risks with Lexapro were very, very low and encouraged me to go back on it. I did and my DD didn't experience any withdrawal syndrome or anything like that. I'm still on it, in fact I've upped my dose, while breastfeeding, and she doesn't have any issues related to the SSRI. (Now reflux and dairy intolerance are a whole other ball game! :silly: ) </p> <p>So if you find you aren't handling weaning well, try not to worry too much about risks! And I echo everyone else who says to wean very slowly. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-weaning-from-ssri-pre-ttc#post-2706772 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 09:21:49 +0000 edelweiss 2706772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my OB told me zoloft was safe for ttc, pregnancy and breastfeeding (in contrast, lexapro, citalopram, lamictal are not okay). i was on it for all those phases and have 2 healthy boys. i don't have advice about weaning from zoloft, but just wanted to add another perspective. whatever you decide, good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-weaning-from-ssri-pre-ttc#post-2706767 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 08:58:50 +0000 HeartAbandoned 2706767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: Thank you for sharing! I'm so relieved to hear that you, @Coral: &amp; @catomd00: were able to continue on the medicine while pregnant and/or BFing. I am still hopeful to wean from Zoloft for more than just TTC, but it's helpful to know that if Zoloft is what it takes for me to be my best self, I won't have to sacrifice BFing or worry about pregnancy side effects (any more than normal, anyway)! </p> <p>@farawayyama: Good luck if you decide to come off the meds! </p> <p>@PawPrints: I'll definitely keep this in mind. My PCP's office recommended reducing by 25 mg for 2-3 weeks at a time, and scheduling an appointment about a month from now to check in. Hopefully it will go smoothly. </p> <p>And for everyone who has commented - I'm so thankful for a place to talk openly and honestly about mental health and how important it is for us to take care of ourselves. I've been out of the HB world for nearly 2 years (something about my kid actually being born meant I suddenly couldn't be on the boards anymore), and it's nice to know it's still the loving, supportive community I experienced while TTC #1. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-weaning-from-ssri-pre-ttc#post-2706669 Mon, 06 Mar 2017 20:59:39 +0000 catomd00 2706669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following because I would like to wean off Zoloft before we TTC again. I will say, I started taking it when DD2 was 4.5 months and did not notice any side effects with breastfeeding. Still going strong at 9 months. The only thing I noticed is I started getting a recurrent plugged duct every few weeks. I never took Zoloft with DD1 and had 1 plugged duct the entire 20 months. It might just be a coincidence and not anything to do with the Zoloft but figured I'd mention it. I'm on 100mg and definitely plan to wean very slowly. I tapered up more slowly than my doc told me to. I basically waited until I had no side effects at one dose for a few days then when up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-weaning-from-ssri-pre-ttc#post-2706583 Mon, 06 Mar 2017 18:11:33 +0000 PawPrints 2706583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My experience may not be directly relevant because I weaned when I felt symptom-free for six months, not in preparation for TTC. But my one input is that when your psychiatrist tells you that withdrawal symptoms can include all the symptoms of the flu, that can be SERIOUS BUSINESS. I figured I might feel tired. Yeah, even after a very gradual tapering, I still felt like I got hit by a truck and was more or less unable to work for a few days. So another vote for weaning very, very gradually. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-weaning-from-ssri-pre-ttc#post-2706577 Mon, 06 Mar 2017 17:56:20 +0000 Coral 2706577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HeartAbandoned: I'm relieved you didn't think I was being pushy! I just wanted to give another option. I have been on Zoloft since the month before I got pregnant with my son and bf him until 14 months. I saw absolutely no effects whatsoever that would have given me concern. We had a great bf relationship (after the first dreaded 6 weeks :silly: ) and I honestly think that zoloft helped me to avoid ppd/ppa.<br /> I have tried to get off of it many times and the most recent time, I did it in a healthy/smart way (also seeing a counselor) but I think I just need it to be a healthy, happy mama. :happy: </p>