https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 20:36:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2074621 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 01:50:58 +0000 wonderstruck 2074621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: Related question...do the overly accommodating people annoy you? I'm totally the type to offer to offer help or hold the door open or whatever but would never want to offend and will definitely stop if it does cause those kinds of feelings. I mean, obviously you and he are capable of handling it, I just instinctively want to offer if it seems like there is something I can do to make things easier for you two; I would do the same for someone who was on crutches or wrangling a baby/toddler/stroller or anything like that, but I certainly don't want to give the implication that you/he couldn't handle it on your own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2074605 Wed, 18 Feb 2015 00:23:15 +0000 californiadreams 2074605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I saw a non disabled man in the women's washroom by himself, I wouldn't complain to management if he didn't look suspicious (maybe the men's restroom was temporarily out of order?). A man in a wheelchair being assisted by a woman? I wouldn't think twice about it. Sorry you had to deal with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2074552 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 22:27:57 +0000 macintosh 2074552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: We were already at the sink when I heard someone talking loudly about him being in there. I have to imagine she saw us, because we don't move too fast.</p> <p>@looch: I know what you mean about people being overly accommodating. I do appreciate the consideration, but I can also quite easily hold a door for him myself. On the flip side, I've also noticed some people are completely oblivious and will step directly in his path when he's trying to navigate through a crowd. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2074547 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 22:23:04 +0000 cmomma17 2074547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: this would not have bothered me and I'm sorry you had this experience :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2074544 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 22:21:36 +0000 macintosh 2074544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: I can totally empathize with your mom. It's hard enough to get used to people looking at us because of the chair.</p> <p>@Mae: Ugh, winter is the worst because of the snow and ice! I've also noticed more than a few times that snow gets plowed into handicapped parking spaces, which is totally illegal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2074542 Tue, 17 Feb 2015 22:20:06 +0000 macintosh 2074542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want says thanks for all of the support! I also appreciate hearing so many honest opinions. I love this forum :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2071213 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 23:14:28 +0000 irene 2071213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, so sorry that you went through this....</p> <p>While I would feel awkward and uncomfortable but seeing you guys with a wheel chair I wouldn't have said anything. Come on, it is not like he was bending down or doing something awkward outside of the stalls, you guys were washing hands. This lady may have a wild imagination to think someone faked disability... she either works at the CIA or watched too many movies. I suspect the latter.</p> <p>I am so so sorry again.... I hope tomorrow is a better day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2071143 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 22:07:37 +0000 Ms. RV 2071143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you went through this!</p> <p>The engineering building at my college had all of the restrooms in the same place on 12 floors, but only two of the floors were tbe restrooms ladies' rooms. Through my years there I ran into a handful of guys that didn't realize they were on a ladies' floor. Never bothered me and at times I was alone. Totally uncalled for that she complained. It isn't like she felt threatened! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2071104 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 21:45:39 +0000 Tanjowen 2071104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am surprised by people's unease. I mean, it's not like you are peeing in full view? There is such a big distinction between this situation and a creep in the bathroom spying on women that it's almost laughable. But a lot of times people don't seem to use common sense :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2071098 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 21:42:39 +0000 Amelieisme 2071098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People are ridiculous. I might be a little surprised, but would understand why he was there. People are so easily offended. I cannot imagine going to management about this. Hugs to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2070917 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 19:00:42 +0000 IRunForFun 2070917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I'm curious whether it was obvious to the woman who complained to the employee that your DH was disabled? You said you overheard her talking to someone outside the bathroom as you were doing the hand washing, right? Is it possible she had only overheard you and your DH's voices while inside the stall, and not seen his wheelchair/seen him in the wheelchair while you helped him? I mean, if she hadn't seen that and just heard a man's voice, she may have assumed something else was going on. </p> <p>If that's not the case, and she definitely saw your DH was disabled, then she definitely overreacted. And the employee definitely saw he was disabled, and should not have chastised you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2070906 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 18:49:59 +0000 looch 2070906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I think the general public is more uncomfortable with differently abled people than seeing a man in a restroom. My first hand experience tells me this, I have a brother with special needs and people are always overly accommodating, which is always a sign that they're unsure/uncomfortable.</p> <p>I would have been surprised, yes, but not to the alert the management level. It doesn't surprise me, though, that some people would complain, they don't know who you are, why you are there, etc. People are suspicious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2070824 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 17:08:26 +0000 PurplePumps 2070824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I probably would have been surprised opening the door to see a man there, but I'm sure it was immediately obvious that you were that assisting him and wouldn't have been bothered by it at all. You have more restraint than I, I would have said something to that lady too to make her feel like shit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2070746 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 15:20:17 +0000 Madison43 2070746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Surprised, yes. But there are stalls in women's rooms, so I'm not sure what there is to be uncomfortable about (or any more uncomfortable than using the restroom in close proximity to strangers who are women). Even if I was uncomfortable, it was pretty clear why he was in there, so I would have assumed you didn't have a better option and not said anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2070710 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 14:24:11 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2070710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have been startled to see a grown man in the ladies' room which is my similar reaction when I see and older boy ( 7 years up w/ a woman).</p> <p>My first inclination is to speak to people not complain to staff/ management. So, OP you and your hubby would have received a "hello" from me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2070707 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 14:19:26 +0000 mrsjyw 2070707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Surprised? Sure maybe. But that lady's reaction was completely OTT and the employee was absolutely rude. Obviously there was a need. People are just so into themselves they can't see beyond their own feelings. Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent/page/2#post-2070704 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 14:15:32 +0000 Coffee-lover 2070704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I would be uncomfortable but would not complain about it or say anything. I think it may be less awkward for you to go into the mens room. Adult men in a wheelchair and small children are different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070693 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 13:57:38 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2070693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others have said, I might have been a little surprised but would not care let alone care enough to complain. And for the employee to scold you is just a shame. Don't people have bigger problems than worrying about stuff like this? I think what you did was fine and I think people should be more considerate. Don't let this cause you to hesitate to go out and have a nice time with your husband. That complainer should be ashamed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070615 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:01:54 +0000 wonderstruck 2070615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I think the fact that there are usually urinals in men's bathrooms would make that difficult. You could try to stick your head in to warn them, but while I can see guys being more easygoing about the opposite gender in their bathroom, I can see it causing issues trying to warn guys who might be in the middle of using the urinal.</p> <p>I wouldn't be upset at all if I saw a man in a wheelchair using the ladies room with his wife. I can understand why some women may initially be startled, but I truly can't wrap my mind around being uncomfortable or finding a different restroom to use. I mean, you're in a stall, he can't see you, and obviously has a real reason to be in there. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this, OP. I'd probably be on the other end telling the lady complaining to mind her own damn business or offering to hold the door open for you two or help in any way I could. Daily things are hard enough for you two without dealing with crap like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070604 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 11:45:50 +0000 winter_wonder 2070604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you guys had to deal with this, how incredibly rude. I find it strange how upset the lady was...it's not like there was anything to see besides your dh washing his hands...good grief!</p> <p>People have no idea what it's like to walk in another person's shoes. :bummed: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070591 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 11:31:39 +0000 jedeve 2070591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just curious - is there a reason you wouldn't use the men's restroom? I mean, I don't know if I would feel comfortable going into a men's restroom. But lines are shorter and im guessing men don't complain as much! Does your DH have a preference?</p> <p>I know in Oregon they have a law saying opposite sex assistants to someone who is disabled are allowed to be in the other restroom!</p> <p>Honestly sometimes I think people even forget why they are supposed to be upset about something. Morality? I doubt anything happening is immoral. Safety? It doesn't seem unsafe. Embarrassment? That I could see -<br /> Maybe it's more embarrassing to poop in front of a man than a woman? But that minor discomfort is outweigh by actual needs of someone who needs assistance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070572 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 11:12:18 +0000 Turd Ferguson 2070572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I'd be surprised and uncomfortable. That being said, I wouldn't go to management about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070570 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 11:07:19 +0000 blackbird 2070570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like the fact he's in a wheelchair makes oh super obvious he needs help. And it's less awkward that you are in the ladie's room than in the men's room, where there is less privacy. </p> <p>There is always someone who's going to complain, unfortunately :( the vast, vast majority wouldnt, though, and would be understanding, because it is so obvious he has a disability and needs assistance </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070566 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 11:01:31 +0000 Mae 2070566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :( </p> <p>Honestly it would make me uncomfortable to see your husband in a women's restroom because he is a man. I don't feel like it is quite the same as a male child because he isn't a child, he's just a normal guy in a wheelchair. That being said given the wheelchair and you helping him, I would immediately assume there was a valid reason for him being there and would assess my minor uncomfortableness less important than his need. I would possibly leave and find another bathroom or wait until he left, but I would definitely not ever complain! </p> <p>And FWIW I understand (at least a little) how frustrating accessibility can be. My brother was in a wheel chair for several years and now still walks with arm and leg braces and isn't super stable. He hasn't had a ton of issues with bathrooms but we've had a ton of issues with parking/parking lots especially in the winter when places don't shovel and salt well. It's frustrating to try to plan going places when you can't guarantee how accessible those places will be when you get there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070565 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 10:58:37 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2070565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for sharing, it's something I've never given much thought and I can only imagine how it must affect your daily activities. I wouldn't mind at all. But where we live, all restrooms are unisex (all individual stalls with its own sink) and I thought it was odd to have until now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070562 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 10:52:45 +0000 catomd00 2070562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And seriously who complains about it?! If I was upset by it I would say something to my husband and get on with my life. No one was Harmed!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070561 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 10:51:25 +0000 catomd00 2070561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I couldn't care less if there was a male in a public restroom being escorted by a female caretaker. People are ridiculous and I'm sorry you had to go through that. They should haveor convenient accommodations on the main level! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070536 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 10:26:45 +0000 namaste 2070536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow I wouldn't complain at all. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! How awful :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070529 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 10:21:26 +0000 CakeLady 2070529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry! Aside from a moment of surprise (kept to oneself of course) at not expecting to see a man in the ladies room, there is no reason for anyone to make a big deal over this. There are definitely people in this world who look for any excuse to complain, make a scene, or create drama and don't give one thought to how it might impact others. Sorry you had to run into one of these on your date night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-restroom-vent#post-2070527 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 10:19:40 +0000 pinkcupcake 2070527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you had to deal with that :( I understand how difficult it can be- my dad is disabled and my mom needs to help him use the restroom. He can manage in a public restroom alone now, but for the first year or so after the stroke, she would wait until the men's room was empty and then take him in - I think she was too afraid of what all the women would think / say if they saw him in there. I told her who cares, but she is so tired of all the looks and glances - I cantblame her. </p> <p>Hugs. I know how tough life can be with a disabled spouse- I see my mom live it, every single day. </p>