https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 10:08:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904980 Sun, 08 Dec 2019 13:26:32 +0000 brownepiano 2904980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No toys in the car the next day to practice just sitting? </p> <p>@gotkimchi: we've listened to more magic tree house than I'd like, but at least I can count on it being appropriate without reading it first. Also any Roald Dahl. The Classical kids CDs are 30 min stories about composers. Mrs Frisbee and the Rats of Nihm. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904977 Sun, 08 Dec 2019 11:56:31 +0000 gotkimchi 2904977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: books at bedtime? We do that one sometimes </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904972 Sun, 08 Dec 2019 10:54:54 +0000 JennyPenny 2904972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: yes, this is definitely what we strive for. I was mainly posting for suggestions on what the “whatever” we take away could be. Like, we don’t usually do screen time on weekdays so taking away tv on a Monday car ride would have been pointless. I need a go-to thing that serves as a consequence for situations where I can’t do something more clearly tied to the behavior.</p> <p>@brownepiano: I doubt my kids would sing or do hand motions with me either. We are not a very musical family and DS1 has asked me not to sing on more than one occasion because it hurts his ears 😬 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904968 Sun, 08 Dec 2019 09:24:31 +0000 gotkimchi 2904968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownepiano: I’ve never tried audiobooks with them. Any recs? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904965 Sun, 08 Dec 2019 08:48:33 +0000 brownepiano 2904965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: haha. Nope. There was a short time where they loved singing with me but that has ended. Audio books however ensure instant peace and quiet in my car. </p> <p>Op no matter what you choose it's really the consistency that matters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904961 Sun, 08 Dec 2019 07:43:20 +0000 gotkimchi 2904961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownepiano: Seriously? Mine are 5.5 and 3.5 and love singing in the car! They also can be fidgety and usually something like I mentioned above will at least snap them out of it.</p> <p>@JennyPenny: I try not to say my son isn't a good listener because the more I say and think that the more it tends to bring itself to fruition. Definitely the more I'm getting annoyed the more everything annoys me. But if you're having repeat problems with something like that I find that giving only one answer sometimes works. So everytime my son repeatedly is asking me something I say you only need to ask me once. If he asks again I say how many times do you need to ask? He'll answer and I'll say don't ask me again. So maybe in this situation you could say I've already asked you to stop, If i need to tell you again you will lose "whatever" and then just consistently do and say that same thing all the time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904960 Sun, 08 Dec 2019 06:50:34 +0000 brownepiano 2904960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 5 year old is in general a conscience rule follower but he has his moments. With both of them we have to slow down, make sure they heard the rules and consequence and then follow through (or at least demonstrate that you are serious about it). This usually means having them repeat the rule and consequence back to us before they can go back to playing. My 3.5 year old is always in his own world so I have to keep reminding him, but obviously he's also younger. </p> <p>One time in the car they were doing something that drove me nuts and I told them if they didn't stop we'd have to turn around and go home. They didn't so I pulled over. After that I had their attention and could talk to them, have them repeat back to me what I said, and they knew next time we really were going home. If it were on the ride home I would stop the car and have the same chat (with I can't drive safey when you are distracting me added, since you need to get home) and then maybe ask what they want to listen to on the drive. Fwiw My 5 year old would never, ever do hand motions to a song with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904955 Sat, 07 Dec 2019 22:10:03 +0000 JennyPenny 2904955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownepiano: My kids are 5 and 2.5 and it was the 5 year old messing with stuff. In general he is not a good "listener" which definitely feeds into my frustration every time he cannot consistently respect an instruction. This is probably the number 1 situation in which we need to give consequences regardless of setting. I'm curious, given your expectations, how would you have handled the car behavior? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904949 Sat, 07 Dec 2019 20:10:46 +0000 brownepiano 2904949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I expect my kids to be able to be bored without messing with stuff in the car, but they are almost 6 and 3.5. Some of this comes down to kid personality/consistent expectations/age. That might need to figure into your evaluation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904948 Sat, 07 Dec 2019 19:08:32 +0000 JennyPenny 2904948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm, I like how different everyone’s perspective is. I realize now that I keep a basket of books and toys in my car the kids play with, but all DH had in his car was scattered sports equipment and the AC controls :-/ Perhaps it was just setting them up to fail. I know we have more instances where we struggle to come up with appropriate consequences. Maybe if I’m struggling it means it’s more of a situational thing that I should try and solve... I’ll have to pay attention next time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904941 Sat, 07 Dec 2019 15:05:07 +0000 BadgerMom 2904941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I don’t necessarily feel like your example was misbehavior. He was stuck in the car and he was bored. He’s going to fiddle with things. We all do it. Is it annoying? Hell yes, but I don’t think expecting him to just stop because you say so is necessarily appropriate. Like gotkimchi said, come up with something else to do that keeps him occupied and is less annoying to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904938 Sat, 07 Dec 2019 14:20:20 +0000 brownepiano 2904938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The car is hard. If it was really bothering me, I'd probably pull over and tell him when he's actually done we will finish driving home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904937 Sat, 07 Dec 2019 14:10:18 +0000 gotkimchi 2904937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This might not be helpful but I would probably have tried to give him an incompatible behavior such as a song with motions (let’s all sing if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands) hey son do you know how to snap your fingers etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/consequences-for-bad-behavior#post-2904935 Sat, 07 Dec 2019 13:28:46 +0000 JennyPenny 2904935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What kind of consequences do you all use for general misbehavior?</p> <p>I ask because DH and I try and do logical or natural consequences whenever possible but we often run into cases where we can’t think of anything and just resort to taking away screen time or something. For example, in the car ride home today, DS just kept futzing with various objects in the car despite repeated attempts to ask him to stop. I’d like some sort of go-to but I don’t know what makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2833225 Tue, 10 Jul 2018 15:29:59 +0000 MenagerieMama 2833225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: I don't have a lot of advice but my 15 mo old is the same way and I just flew solo with her and big sister (3.5 yo, a good rule follower) and buying her a seat on the plane and installing her car seat was worth its weight in gold. We've never bought a seat for a lap infant in our many, many flights to date, but for this solo trip it was amazing! I think she would have jumped out of the plane somehow otherwise :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2833208 Tue, 10 Jul 2018 13:56:24 +0000 Becky 2833208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: Just had to share my mom dislocated both my shoulders when I was 4 and being a runner! She wasn’t being aggressive it’s just easy to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2833165 Tue, 10 Jul 2018 11:30:47 +0000 Mama Bird 2833165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Toddler leash? I know that doesn't look great, but do what you've got to do to keep her safe without losing your sanity.</p> <p>DD was like that at that age. DH once dislocated her elbow because she randomly stopped in a crossing and was being all honey badger don't care, while a car was rushing at her, and he had to pull her away :bummed: It was "only" a ten-minute trip to the ER but still... not good. She still didn't start sorta kinda listening until she was maybe 2.5.</p> <p>The good thing is, she absolutely hates skinning her knees, so now that she's more reasonable, I've convinced her to hold my hand so she doesn't trip and get all scratched up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2833157 Tue, 10 Jul 2018 11:07:24 +0000 MrsSRS 2833157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know 15 months is young, but my DD understood simple consequences at that age. I would target one behavior. Like maybe you want her to come when you call her. Practice it in little 2 minute sessions a few times a day. Praise praise praise when she does it and do something fun like toss her in the air. At the same time, teach a strong no. So if you say no and the behavior doesn't stop, straight to the time out spot and stand in front of her keeping her there without giving her attention for one minute. Then a simple "when mama says no you have to stop. Let's go play now " and move on. Rinse and repeat.<br /> I would say though that most kids that age would need toys in a stroller to deal with a 20 minute customer service errand so that doesn't sound too wild to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832963 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 17:04:34 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2832963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You described my daughter. She’s a wild child and always has been! She’s almost 3 now and it has gotten so much better over the last six months. We started implementing time outs and taking things away for not listening and it helps. We started time out right before she turned two. For a year though I couldn’t go anywhere without being able to restrain her. So stroller, carrier, buggy at the store, etc. I couldn’t run errands without her in the stroller with a snack. Oh, bribes work really well too! I’ve had to football carry her kicking and screaming to the car more than once.</p> <p>ETA: I’m also pretty good about ignoring her throwing a tantrum if she’s restrained and I need to finish up what I’m doing. I don’t care about dirty looks. I won’t let her scream in a library or a restaurant, but if I’m checking out at the grocery store 🤷🏼‍♀️ Also I offer a lot of praise when she does a good job of listening and holding my hand without fussing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832961 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 16:49:47 +0000 misolee 2832961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 2.5 year old is also like this. His older sister was a rule follower but he isn't and even though we scold him, he doesn't care. He refuses the stroller and he will kick and scream if we try to put him in. Last week, I had to put him in it bc I was baby wearing younger sister and we were on vacation in a new location while I was also holding his older sister's hand. He kicked and screamed so hard the stroller fell over backwards :meh: </p> <p>Even today, he refuses to hold hands while crossing parking lot and such. I have to forcibly hold his hand and he kept yelling that his hand was hurting. I was dead against the baby leash but these days I'm contemplating it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832946 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 15:55:41 +0000 snowjewelz 2832946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: @FaithFertility: DD2 is also the way more wild one. Same thing! Runs off, climbs stuff, wants to do everything big sis does which means everything is dangerous, lol. </p> <p>I basically always have "restraining options". Stroller, carrier, etc for when she is just not listening and I still have to keep an eye on my 3.5 year old. I also bring a plethora of snacks haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832913 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 14:58:06 +0000 FaithFertility 2832913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is this way also, DD was EASY as can be compared to him!</p> <p>I try to go out a lot if that even makes sense, the more we go the better he is.</p> <p>I also try to give him freedom, but take it away calmly the minute he runs or what have you</p> <p>He is 20 months </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832909 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 14:54:51 +0000 DesertDreams88 2832909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same here and this thread is making me feel so much better bc the only other toddlers I know (3) are so well behaved.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832894 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 14:18:52 +0000 Becky 2832894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD1 was a runner (I was too). I was on maternity leave with DD2 during the worst of it when she was 2.5 and I just didn’t take the kids anywhere alone. She even broke through the childproof locks on the doors. I would only take her outside when the baby was sleeping or if I brought something out to safely put the baby in because she was so fast that I couldn’t catch her while babywearing without the baby almost flying out. Neither of my kids would be able to sit still for 20 minutes in a store like Kohl’s though—I don’t think that’s weird at all and I totally get their desire to run wild (I don’t know about you but I remember how fun it was to hide in the clothes racks). My strategy was to 1. Not take them shopping ever, and 2. Always buckle the stroller. I would trap DD1 upstairs while I fed DD2, or barricade the door with one of the storage benches we had. DD2 is a bit more trustworthy but like any kid thinks it’s hilarious to run into the street. Again, totally normal. I’m much harsher on her and don’t care what the neighbors think so just pick her up and carry her inside while she screams bloody murder and thrashes. Honestly it seems to work. I’ve only had to do it a few times and she seems to get that if she runs into the street, she has to go inside and playtime is done and she’ll stop for weeks after that. I have heard countless stories of teeny toddlers running away and they all seemed to have grown out of it by age 4. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832892 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 14:14:47 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2832892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my daughter. She just turned 2. My son was a handful but not like she is. He would sit in the cart and generally wouldn’t run away. My daughter runs away constantly. I’m having baby 3 on Saturday and I can’t take her places alone because I’m not fast enough to chase her. I think I need a backpack with a leash! She seriously doesn’t listen ever. At all! It’s exhausting taking her places. She also has a fit if I try to strap her down when her brother gets to walk. Gah. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832881 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 13:59:30 +0000 Sams Mom 2832881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 2y3m son is feral. He listens great to his nanny thank god, but me... nope. He looks at me and does whatever it is again while watching me for my reaction. He won't stay seated in the cart, can unclip himself, hates the stroller sometimes, wants to pull everything off of the shelf, wants to walk by himself, doesn't want to hold hands (except in the parking lot thank god), he unlocks and opens doors... The list is never ending. </p> <p>I had a backpack leash and he snapped the eyelet off of the backpack the first time we used it trying to pull and run away. </p> <p>I haven't wore him since he was little bitty, but if I was flying with him he would have to be strapped to me and I would have to have ear plugs until he screamed himself into a nap. </p> <p>I'm sorry I have no advice, but I definitely know the feeling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832871 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 13:52:27 +0000 autumnleaves 2832871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My runner is still going strong at 2 plus years. He now lets me hold his hand and carry him more than he did when he first started walking and he is OK with riding in carts in stores. I try to let him walk on his own but that usually ends in a safety issue. I am hoping he will outgrow this soon. When we went blueberry picking this weekend he couldn't stick with us and pick the berries and went running off - it was not good. Honestly because I have 2 so close in age and one being wild, I find there are certain places I will not go with 2 alone because I am worried for my youngest's safety and I can't just focus on him and not the older one. I had a backpack harness for awhile and that helped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832858 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 13:30:59 +0000 josina 2832858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds a lot like DD, who is almost 17 months. She will climb up onto anything (just the other day was climbing up the oven by stepping on the bottom drawer and holding the door handle!). She loves to run. She is a little trouble maker but also the sweetest most affectionate little girl.</p> <p>If we go out we just have to watch her like a hawk. There is no setting her down unless I'm walking right behind her. Yesterday at a flea market she'd walk off and I'd yell 'bye' like we were leaving her, and then she's start running for me. She hates the stroller most of the time so I get stuck carrying her often. Shopping with out a cart is not enjoyable!</p> <p>I'm not sure there is a way to teach her otherwise right now? I'll be following to see what others say! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/toddler-has-no-sense-of-fearobedience#post-2832844 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 13:12:08 +0000 codeitall 2832844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I was spoiled with DS, he is very cautious as a rule and very sensitive to approval. DD is a little wild thing though. Leave the door open a crack while you take the trash out? Expect her running down the street (not the sidewalk, the street) within seconds. Try to checkout without holding her? Expect her to be pulling all the items in the display out and dropping them on the floor.</p> <p>I was working with customer service at Kohl's to return some shoes without the receipt (also her fault incidentally) for about 20 minutes, she kept running to the back admin offices. As I sign it all and turn to go, she is nowhere in sight. Not in the restroom area, not in the toy section, not in the admin offices. I look down some other aisles and see her at least 20 aisles away over halfway across the store. :shocked: She didn't seem to care at all as I scolded her and told her no and all that stuff. She cared when I physically hauled her out and wouldn't put her down, but she's too young to really understand consequences I think.</p> <p>DS would break down and cry if you told him no, DD just ignores you. Don't eat the dirt for the upmteenth time? How about a rock? I'm flying with the kids solo soon and she will be spending the vast majority of her time in a baby carrier because I'm terrified she'll just take off through the crowd!</p> <p>She's only 15 months, but I need to address it now. Any one else deal with a runner? What about wild toddlers? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/siblings-wont-own-up#post-2775831 Wed, 27 Sep 2017 09:09:20 +0000 josina 2775831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with ElbieKay, I think the easiest thing to do would be to assign chores/days, that way it doesn't matter who made the mess, one of them is responsible for cleaning it regardless. Alternate days, or alternate chores - (one does the dishes/counters, one sweeps the floors).</p> <p>My stepdaughter's chores for the last 6 years (she's 14) have been putting the dishes away and sweeping the floor when she gets home from school. She also helps wash dishes/clean up after supper. </p>