https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 17 May 2026 18:14:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/emotional-since-3rd-trimester#post-2885399 Thu, 23 May 2019 09:36:01 +0000 cyoung 2885399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pollywog: @jennlin821: yeah I definitely deal with axienty. Only really when it comes to my looks since being pregnant. I also have a lot of deep rooted self esteem issues. I've dated some crappy men in the past. One I was with for 3 years and he left cause he "couldn't date a fat girl" and the other just straight cheated. I also have a mother who makes comments about how "I let myself go" .....I'm dealing with it in therapy. It's just a long process. I think my pregnancy hormones just amplify everything more so since I hit the third trimester. I was not like this in my 1st or 2nd. I have an appointment June 25th to talk about maybe upping my meds or what I should do in that area but a therapy appointment June 3rd. So I'm definitely able to talk about it with people. Like I know its irrational and I never act on it or freak or act crazy about my fears. Just a thought that runs through my head when I look in the mirror and see my huge stretch marks. Like deep down I know he loves me and would never do any of that. I just get weepy sometimes and seeing my stretch marks and the extra weight makes me feel gross. I've never felt pretty when pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/emotional-since-3rd-trimester#post-2885397 Thu, 23 May 2019 09:26:06 +0000 Pollywog 2885397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds like anxiety. I know hormones make my anxiety skyrocket and several moms I know have had to either take meds for anxiety or have their anxiety meds adjusted during pregnancy and postpartum.</p> <p>You say you are seeing a psychiatrist soon. How soon? If it is more than a week I would call your therapist, explain what is going on, and ask for help to be seen sooner.</p> <p>Hugs. Pregnancy is so hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/emotional-since-3rd-trimester#post-2885392 Thu, 23 May 2019 08:44:31 +0000 jennlin821 2885392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The crying sounds normal. I'm not a crier AT ALL, but my whole pregnancy I was a weepy mess, usually from a tv commercial! (My husband is a PT, and he would adjust my back during pregnancy... one time he did it and I burst into tears for no reason. It didn't hurt, it was not unusual, I just cried. He felt bewildered and terrible, but it had nothing to do with him or even me! :grin: )</p> <p>As for the insecurity you are feeling, that sounds a bit extreme. Its becoming intrusive into your life and you could probably use some help there. It sounds like anxiety, which can absolutely be hormone fueled, but I would seek help about this. No reason to feel so awful if you don't have to. </p> <p>Lots of love... your body is doing something amazing for the THIRD time. Give it all the help it needs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/emotional-since-3rd-trimester#post-2885389 Thu, 23 May 2019 08:20:52 +0000 cyoung 2885389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oof so sorry for all the recent questions. This place just seems to give more sound advice. </p> <p>Since 27 weeks I've been super emotional. Some background though ...I am bipolor and back on my meds. I am seeing a therapist and I'm seeing my psychiatrist soon. I'm doing play in that area. However I don't feel like this is anything to do with that...I hope. I'm mostly weepy. I cry so easily. Be it stressful things to happy things like looking at a cute baby onesie. Idk if this is normal. It was NOT like this in my other pregnancies. </p> <p>I'm also super insecure and that makes the wanting to cry worse. I dont feel attractive when I'm pregnant. It's my 3rd pregnancy and I have stretch marks, extra skin and feel huge. Not magical or beautiful at all. I keep thinking my husband will leave me cause I'm so big and "fat" I wasnt thin before so it's just worse. He has never gave me any cause to doubt him and he is amazing and I love him and I know he loves me. We have a great marriage. I'm just almost paranoid and that's so not like me. I control it pretty good but some days I just want to cry. </p> <p>Does this sound like normal 3rd trimester hormones or should I be more concerned? I'm just worried it's my mental illness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875409 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 19:04:21 +0000 mrsrain 2875409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be ok with this. We teach our children that feelings are natural and that it’s ok to cry in response to them. This would be reason for me to talk to the teacher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875348 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 15:06:17 +0000 maddyz 2875348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be pretty upset about that and I would like to think there is a different way to manage a classroom that doesn't mean that a child has broken the rules when they cry from nonphysical pain. I have a rule follower and he would 100% stuff his feelings until he got home. I don't see how this rule would actually help bring up and processes emotions and really that's what K should be about. Side note, I am going to have one hell of a time when we start school in the fall.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875231 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 17:18:43 +0000 Rocker2014 2875231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mommy Finger: Oh good! I realized once I posted that it was a long and complicated response, but this is a big part of my job (and creating trauma informed spaces like @Mrs. Turtle: mentioned) and I have a lot of feelings about teaching youth about feelings, lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875228 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 16:44:39 +0000 Mommy Finger 2875228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rocker2014: You put into words what I couldn't. I agree with this but couldn't figure out a way to say it in a coherent manner. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875215 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 15:49:49 +0000 Rocker2014 2875215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't love this statement as it is quite limiting, but upon reflection I don't really disagree completely. Crying is useful for self-soothing, but not really for problem solving. I am constantly reminding LO to "use her words" to manage situations and/or get her needs met, as she is prone to dissolving into tears without any visible trigger and I have no idea how to help her address whatever she is feeling. If she gives in to tears it can often be 10 minutes or (much) longer until the issue is resolved, but when she can tell me what is going on I can usually help her resolve it in just a few moments (ie. want to wear a different shirt, want fruit snacks package opened, etc.). In a learning environment, I can see this directive as a part of that process, but I'd like to see it pared with an action step for the child - like "Crying is for when we are hurt, can you tell me what you are feeling/what is upsetting you/how I can help?" Or maybe have a feelings faces chart on the wall where a child can point to their feeling, which can start a conversation. Helping children learn to express emotions in safe and productive ways (ie. that allow for self soothing, maintaining relationships and problem solving) is a very important developmental task , and I like the idea of it being reinforced in an educational setting (though I wouldn't assume that was happening in a class just based on the statement the OP is concerned about). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875193 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 13:39:54 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2875193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be pretty upset about this. I'm surprised so many of you feel it's par for the course for Kindergarten. One of my goals for my daughters is to teach them it's OK to feel, OK for things not to be OK and that they can express their emotions rather than bottling them up and pretending everything is OK. (which is the unspoken tradition in our family) If this is par for the course in Kindergarten, I need to start thinking about alternative school environments. Not to mention, I think all schools should be trauma-informed at this point, and this mindset would not work for trauma kids. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875185 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 11:47:42 +0000 Portboston 2875185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can understand why she says it but I don’t agree with it. That being said I’m not sure it’s worth saying anything since the school year is almost done. I would empower your child to vocalize that she is emotionally hurt and her mom told her it’s ok to cry not only when her body is hurt but also when her feelings are hurt. It may be a good opportunity to teach her to recognize that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875171 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 10:46:00 +0000 shabang 2875171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@poppygirl15: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: @LadyDi: From our schedules, I actually never see our main teacher, and we just had parent/teacher conferences, so unfortunately, there's no casual way for me to mention this. I will say that because I've talked to another parent who heard the teacher say something very similar, I'm pretty certain it's not an isolated incident or misunderstood comment. I'm going to keep talking to my child about this, but this really is the tip of the iceberg as far as social/emotional/peer issues this year, and since it's March, I'm just really ready to be done with this school year in 2 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875170 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 10:39:07 +0000 shabang 2875170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: @bhbee: @gotkimchi: @Mamatimes3: @MrsRoo: Thanks for level-setting me, guys. I hear this and start snowballing into imagining my child becoming emotionally repressed which obviously is ridiculous from this one thing, but it's helpful to hear that I can let this one go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875077 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:40:15 +0000 LadyDi 2875077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @poppygirl15 and I would ask for clarification from the teacher and put it nicely. This would really bother me, but I think it would help to understand the context in which she says it and if it's just a "rule" difference then explain that to your child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875075 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:26:37 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2875075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’d like to know more about the situations when the teacher is uttering this idea that crying is reserved for physical pain. We know that bullying starts at a young age whether that’s being teased or excluded or whatever and I would hope that the teacher would take those situations seriously and do something about them. I will say that I do not tolerate whining and fake crying at home to get something LO wants and I ask him to use his normal voice or not cry about it and that could be what she’s dealing with. You never know until you discuss it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875072 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:14:26 +0000 poppygirl15 2875072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally, I would talk to the teacher. I'd approach it really nicely and just as that you want clarification. It's possible she said one thing, but a different thing was understood/heard by the kids. That will allow you have a more directed conversation with your child, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875070 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:08:31 +0000 MrsRoo 2875070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To me it sounds like a situation where the rules at school are different than the rules at home. It also can probably explain why kindergartners (mine at least) comes home sometimes and is an absolute wreck from keeping herself “together” all day at the age of 5. </p> <p>I like the suggestion above to use it to talk about coping skills, and also reiterating that home with you is a safe place where she can let her feelings be felt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875068 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:07:34 +0000 Mamatimes3 2875068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a similar situation with our son’s PK teacher when he was crying at school. She told him big boys don’t cry. It annoyed me but I also understand their in a different environment dealing with so many kids. I’m not a fan of the teacher but I let it go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875066 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:59:32 +0000 gotkimchi 2875066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think this sounds par for the course for kindergarten</p> <p>ETA - maybe this is an opportunity to teach other coping skills about what to do if you’re sad - you can talk to a friend, you can draw a picture of mom etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875064 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:55:38 +0000 bhbee 2875064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I agree, you can say that’s how it works at school but at home we do this ...</p> <p>Our experience was that there is SO MUCH crying in kindergarten, I’m sure it’s to help keep it under control. My husband did a thing where dads volunteer for a full day and came home shocked and worn out from it all! And sometimes it’s hard to take out of context. My dd had a teacher who came off as pretty strict but I know she gave hugs when dd was sad and missing me. She just had to be strict in general to keep order. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875061 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:40:37 +0000 Mrsbells 2875061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shabang: I personally don't see it as a big deal. Think about it from the perspective of the teacher with people crying all the time because they miss mom or feel sad. Children spend a good amount of time with their teacher and I wouldn't want to undermine the teacher's rules.<br /> In situations where DDs teacher has said something that I dont fully agree with but dont think is a big deal, I explain to her that people have different views on things and that when she is at school she should follow her teachers rules </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875060 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:33:26 +0000 shabang 2875060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My preschooler was crying the other day, and the kindergartner told that she should only cry if she is [physically] hurt. I asked her where she got this idea, and she said her teacher says it at school when kids cry. </p> <p>We talked about it more, and I explained that we cry for many reasons, sometimes because of physical pain, sometimes emotional pain, sadness, etc. I said that was fine, and she reiterated "but my teacher said..." to which I answered, "your teacher can say what she likes, but that's not how it's going to work here in our home and for our family." </p> <p>Would you now let it go? Does this warrant a talk with the teacher? I spoke to another parent who had a similar story, so this is not an isolated incident, this seems to be something she tells the kids. So I cannot imagine that talk going well. This seems like a pretty big deal to me, but I understand she's also in a classroom environment and needs to be able to prioritize accordingly. Is there a teaching or parenting philosophy she's using with this kind of mindset, and I should just throw this in the everyone is different category? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-567009 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:02:56 +0000 sweetooth 567009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs.halfsie: I'm glad this post helped you :) HB has helped me so much during all of this madness. Your question, "How are you supposed to balance between being optimistic and not getting your hopes up too high?" I wish I knew the answer to this. It's the rollercoaster I'm on every month. Trying to stay positive, but also protecting myself from the monthly crash I've been experiencing for almost 19 months. All we can do is keep trying, right? Hope for the best, and lean on each other when it sucks. And BOY does it just suck sometimes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-566688 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 13:06:12 +0000 mrs.halfsie 566688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: thanks for this post! I stumbled upon this post at the perfect time for me! this month was especially hard because I thought for SURE this was the month - our month - for good news. Emotions are hard, and I try to shove them down, but they bubble up - and I end up taking it out on myself or my poor DH in negative ways. After af started this last cycle, I started a ridiculous fight which just ended in the most depressing crying session I've had since we started almost a year ago. Like full on wailing, hyperventilating, animal noises, the whole bit. How are you supposed to balance between being optimistic and not getting your hopes up too high?? It's hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395476 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 15:17:29 +0000 sweetooth 395476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: good good :) You just never know with the written word, how it's meant to come across. I appreciate the support and insight. And the sharing of the crazy feelings :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395465 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 15:11:12 +0000 Cherrybee 395465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: No, no, no, no, no... I wasn't upset at all! Not one bit! I was just being completely emphatic that you should never feel that you have any less right than anyone else to feel sad about the length of this journey. I'm perfectly comfortable with the craziness of my situation - LOL - and I'm giving myself every right to feel it, early days or not!! Waaaaaah!!! :-)</p> <p>Edit: What I'm trying to say is I was trying to be supportive and insightful! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395452 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 15:03:46 +0000 sweetooth 395452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chibee: When I first joined HB I was in a place both mentally and physically where I could tell I just had to take a break. I can't say it was a full on NTNP period in my life - but the break did help. I hope you find that balance you need. And I'm with you - this community is a tremendous help during this process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395445 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:59:16 +0000 sweetooth 395445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I hope what I said did not upset you in any way. I only mentioned that I felt that way about the length of time and where I'm at in comparison to the other women in my class probably because of my own insecurities. And just lack of faith in all of this anymore. I know that where you and Chibee are at in all of this is just as hard of a place to be too. You are so right - all of you have great points and insight. And I appreciate the sharing and the reminders to push through all of this. Acknowledge the feelings, and keep moving forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395228 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 13:47:11 +0000 chibee 395228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: You're right about trying not too hard to suppress my emotions but right now, i am having a hard time balancing it - between explosions of emotion and trying not to feel anything. I think i will take this period of NTNP to try to level myself out, and be a little more stable and stronger to be able to handle whatever this TTC journey has to throw at me. I have to say though, being here and talking to you guys have been a tremendous outlet for me. I don't have anyone in my life to talk to about this openly, so this really helps to get my feelings out there and to feel less alone. Because sometimes I really do feel crazy - like am I the only one here that is having this hard of a time dealing with TTC?? and i know i'm not, and HB is a place where I feel less crazy, less alone, and I gather my sanity and put myself back together. So I guess what i'm saying to you guys is thanks!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395170 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 13:26:24 +0000 Cherrybee 395170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: I was thinking about what you said about being, to put it one way, "less deserving of sadness" all the way home from work but @Grace: beat me to replying! No-one's challenges are any worse or any easier than anyone elses, they're just different and it's how the individual feels about it that is important. </p> <p>I mean, Chibee and I are very early in our journeys but it doesn't make the stress any less real. I've had a loss - does that give me any more permission to be sad? How about when I compare my very early loss with a much later loss - should I feel ashamed of my sadness? Absolutely not! How about women with secondary infertility - should they be any less sad because they have a child already? No! They have their own devastating concerns- such as guilt that their child may never have a sibling.</p> <p>Your feelings are 100% valid. You know how I know? Because you're feeling them. Feel them. Own them. And, for what it's worth, I think 16 months of trying is a very long time..... </p>