https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 20:07:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764588 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 17:42:11 +0000 SweetiePie 2764588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others who said that you should not give in to her. If she can't travel an hour to her daughters shower then that's on her, not you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764577 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 16:36:59 +0000 birdofafeather 2764577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: +1</p> <p>i would not say anything to my friend at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764470 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:32:44 +0000 catomd00 2764470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my mom to a T. No, don't change it or o PT Reid forces her behavior. Either she comes or she doesn't, it's up to her. Either way you'll enjoy your shower. It's hard, but you need to Put your foot down with her if you don't want her driving you insane. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764361 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 10:51:44 +0000 hellobeeboston 2764361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's only an hour away?! That's just ridiculous... agree with @MaryM:'s response too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764360 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 10:51:30 +0000 youboots 2764360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not change a thing. The people who want to make it work in the mail.</p> <p>My cousins new wife's invite got lost in the mail. She called my Aunt about it. Rather that trying to clear up up my Aunt suggested boycotting my shower and getting pedicures instead. It ended up getting resolved the night before because my cousin got wind of it and wanted it resolved. Bottom line people make things about them and create more drama than needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764355 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 10:47:16 +0000 caterw 2764355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The party should be convenient for you (the guest of honor) and your friend (the host). Anyone else is a guest and they can choose whether or not to attend. I would drive an hour for a baby shower of a close friend or family member for sure. </p> <p>My MIL pulls the same crap where coming an hour to see her grandkids is "too far" yet she will drive literally past our town on her three and a half hour road trip to see her mom. Every month. It's infuriating. She complains that she "never sees them" but she refuses to stop for lunch or coffee because their tradition is t stop at another town thirty minutes past us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764339 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 10:07:39 +0000 Anya 2764339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It would definitely be rude to ask the host to move the location. I like MaryM's response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764290 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 09:05:13 +0000 shabang 2764290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What do you think the root of the problem with your mom is here? Do you think she doesn't feel included and is acting out because of that?</p> <p>I would not change the location of the shower. </p> <p>I would see if there's another way to celebrate with your mom and relatives close to her - maybe a sip and see once the baby arrives? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764285 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 08:56:50 +0000 MaryM 2764285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's your second baby, right? Did your mom/family get to go to/throw a shower for the first one?</p> <p>I feel like if a friend wants to throw a shower for a second baby, that's fine. But I don't think the same rules of "fairness" apply. I wouldn't suggest family throw their own if they've already done that before. And I wouldn't suggest moving it if someone else is hosting it. </p> <p>I think you have every right to say "My friend is just trying to do something nice for me. If you'd like to come, that's awesome. If it's too far to travel, that's also ok. You don't need to feel obligated to come" and leave it at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764273 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 08:42:14 +0000 ElbieKay 2764273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also have a crappy relationship with my mother. I did not want to deal with any shower drama, and I certainly had no interest in hanging out with her friends (or my MIL's friends, for that matter). So I just told them I did not want a wedding shower or baby shower. That is how little patience I have for this crap. (I also don't really like showers anyway, so this was not a personal sacrifice.)</p> <p>Anyway, your mother is taking something that should be about you and trying to make it all about her. Narcissist or not, that is a selfish thing for her to do. I see no reason why you should indulge her, especially since it would be rude to your friend who is hosting the shower.</p> <p>I would say no firmly and say that the topic is off limits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764270 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 08:31:56 +0000 arosebyany 2764270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let me start with I don't have a relationship with my mother at all, so I get that. With that being said I agree with @Anagram: that I would be worried about asking the host to move the baby shower, after all she is your friend, or as I like to call friends "chosen family member" I would not be worried in the slightest about your mother . It sounds like you'd be just fine if she didn't make it at all, less drama. :heart: FWIW I haven't spoken to my mother in over 2 years and she has never seen or met my son, and I don't regret that, because that woman is toxic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764250 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 08:10:20 +0000 Anagram 2764250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you can ask the hostess to move the party without being a terrible friend. I'm trying to imagine a scenario where I volunteered to host a shower and pay for it, and then later my friend asks me to change where the shower is located to a place an hour away and also start coordinating with her difficult mother who seems to pout when she doesn't get her way. I would probably back out of the hostessing duties. Does your hostess friend have kids, or a husband, or a life? Hosting a party far away means driving the 1 hour the night before or quite early in the morning to decorate and take supplies, then either hanging out at the venue all day, or driving the 1 hour back home to get ready for the shower, then driving 1 hour back to the venue, then back home after. You're turning a half day commitment to a full day commitment. Whereas showing up as a guest to a shower an hour away means driving there, enjoying the shower, driving home. </p> <p>Are you okay with inconveniencing your friend and damaging that relationship to appease your seemingly difficult mother? That's something you should think about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764249 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 08:10:06 +0000 erinbaderin 2764249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, based on your update I would stand firm. "Mom, I'm sorry. The shower is going to be at x venue. I understand that it's a long drive and I absolutely won't be upset at anybody who isn't able to make it." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764222 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 06:43:23 +0000 Jennibenni 2764222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@helloperidot: It sounds like from your update that the shower will be one of those milestone events where you either give in and and made your mom happy in the short term (not to mention how completely rude that whole scenario is to the hostess) but you resented it forever, or you finally put your foot down and set a new precedent that works for you. The longer you keep up the routine you're describing with events etc, the harder it will be to change and change expectations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764221 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 06:23:23 +0000 Adira 2764221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely be annoyed if anyone tried to pull this on me. If she doesn't want to drive the hour to come to your party, then she doesn't have to (but she's going to get judged SUPER hard for skipping out on her own daughter's shower over only an hour drive).</p> <p>My parents and I don't live local to my extended family. My mom hosted my baby shower and had it where it was convenient for ME. My extended family drove THREE HOURS to attend. Some of course didn't make it, but that was fine.</p> <p>Your mom is being a jerk. Tell her that if she wants a local party (to her), then she can throw it herself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764213 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 05:39:05 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2764213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You can always have more than one shower: I think that is the best option unless your friend was really counting your family to round out the party attendees. Your mom's offer to pay for half the party still may change a lot of the party. Your friend would have to work with a different venue and food would change. Plus with money comes opinions about activity and theme. I think it's best to let your mom throw you a family only shower that is convenient to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764206 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 05:18:50 +0000 Alba4 2764206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom would pull that same crap. There is always so much drama around those things. I would keep plans as they are unless the majority of guests have to travel over an hour. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764196 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 23:54:46 +0000 PawPrints 2764196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm confused. This is not how showers work. </p> <p>Someone volunteers to throw the shower, then that person plans and hosts the party. That's it. Guest of honor doesn't decide where, geographically, the shower takes place.</p> <p>All of which is to say: if Mom or relatives want you to have a shower that's local for them, they should stand up and offer to throw you one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764187 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 23:03:52 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2764187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@helloperidot: ok 90 mins I do think is kind of a lot (because both ways that's 3 hours plus the party itself) but one hour is usually about my cutoff for what I expect. From your update it doesn't sound like this is an issue for anyone but your mom. Just let it stay her problem and say "this is where the hostess decided, but I understand if people can't make it. It's ok!" and if she wants to throw another shower she can but otherwise I'd just go with the existing plans. Sorry you are having drama after a tough journey to get here! I bet it'll turn out lovely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764173 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 22:04:28 +0000 Meowkers 2764173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's complaining about an HOUR drive? That's crazy. Where I live people drive an hour to get to work, go to doctor's appointments, out to dinner, etc. Thats city living. This just seems so insignificant. If I were you I'd keep your plans as is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764171 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:58:14 +0000 gingerbebe 2764171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I would say no it's rude to move it when it's your friend hosting and that if SHE wants to host a brunch with just her family you would be happy to attend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764168 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:52:17 +0000 azjax 2764168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Keep the plans that you have. If it was that important to your mom, she could have put together a baby shower for you in the first place. Your friend is being very generous hosting a shower for you, and it would stink to interfere with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764167 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:51:28 +0000 Truth Bombs 2764167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@helloperidot: I'd tell her thanks but no thanks. Yes, it's just as inconvenient for them to travel to you as it is for you to travel to them, except that you're pregnant and it's your damn party. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764151 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:19:48 +0000 helloperidot 2764151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, to me it's like whoever is invited will either come or they won't. I'm not going to be hurt or upset either way. I literally just want to sit and eat brunch and make headbands and say "yay, im having a baby!" (I had a miscarriage last summer and so I'm really excited to celebrate this baby). I'm not particularly close to my extended family; it's great if they show but I'm not going to hold a grudge if it's too far for them, or they're busy that day, or whatever. That's life!</p> <p>The majority of my friends that are invited live near me. I think what's bothering me the most is whenever there are holidays or family gatherings, I'm expected to travel to them or I get massive guilt trips from my mom...and if I'm hosting a party (like my DD'S birthday party) or someone is being kind enough to host a party in my honor, I'm still expected to move it closer to them or I get massive guilt trips from my mom. This is not her wanting to make sure everyone is included. This is 100% her worrying that no one from her family will come and no one will see how loving and attentive a grandparent she is because look, she helped pay for the shower and she convinced her pregnant daughter to move it closer to "the family" and that's the definition of loving and attentive, right?</p> <p>Also, she lives an hour away from me and works about 20 minutes away, but refuses to come up and see her granddaughter either on weekends or weekdays that she has off because "traffic/tired/excuse of the day". She literally hasn't seen her only grandchild in 4 months, but will drive the 45 minutes to see her mom/siblings twice a week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764149 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:19:16 +0000 LCTBQE 2764149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All this crap from her to move the shower and she lives AN HOUR away from you? How many people on this board commute an hour to work and another hour back each day? </p> <p>I don't have a very easy relationship with my mom, either. My response would be, "if you can't make it, I'm sorry and I'll see you another time." Done. What is to be gained from getting in the mud with her, besides distress and what you describe as bribe money? The only reason why it's wrong that you're upset is that it's a waste of your precious energy and time :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764133 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 20:36:26 +0000 FancyGem 2764133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't move it. I had my first shower at "home" because we lived far away. I was early in my 3rd trimester. I am having my current shower closer to me due to it being later in my pregnancy. Honestly my family travel to any where they want so I'm sure they will come for my shower.<br /> I honestly feel like people will travel if it's within 2 hours (unless they physically can't). It's not about them, it's about you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764130 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 20:33:37 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2764130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does she know the person hosting the shower? Could you just put them in touch and maybe they would together pick an in between location? Your friend may be happy for the help and your mom happy about the location. </p> <p>I think if your mom wants to host something closer and just have two showers that's also reasonable. I do think if your shower is 90 mins from your family it is asking a lot of them to drive that far.So my reaction to her kind of depends on what percentage of the guests you're asking to drive over an hour each way. Not gonna lie, I just skipped one that was a little over an hour away because I just couldn't work in that much time and they weren't that close of family anyway. (But most of the guests were closer than me and I still appreciated the invite and will send a gift.)</p> <p>Ultimately either your mom has to step up or just keep her opinion to herself. She can't expect it to be about her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764128 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 20:30:03 +0000 DesertDreams88 2764128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Where do most of the guests live? near your mom, or near the shower host? That's a factor we considered when having my (3) baby showers. </p> <p>Could you have two separate showers, one for friends and one for family? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764125 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 20:25:37 +0000 misolee 2764125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would you be upset if your mom or other family members don't make it? </p> <p>Bc if you don't really care, then just have it closer to you. You're the main person, they should come to you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/drama-over-baby-shower-wdyt#post-2764106 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 20:06:23 +0000 erinbaderin 2764106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would you consider having two showers? Would your mom be willing to host one for the friends/family in that area, and you could have two smaller ones?</p> <p>It isn't wrong that you're upset, though - it's pretty rude of your mom to basically tell you that the shower that somebody is thoughtfully hosting for you is inconvenient and asking you to make changes to a party you aren't throwing to suit her. </p>