https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 19:14:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874170 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:19:47 +0000 youboots 2874170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: I was also going to suggest Unruffled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874168 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:12:36 +0000 poppygirl15 2874168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My almost three year old will kick, hit, and throw items when he gets mad. I follow hand-in-hand parenting (similar to Janet Landsberry) calmly tell him, "you can be angry, but you cannot hurt people or things." I will repeat this over and over, often as I hold him so that he can't actually hurt people (me or himself) or things. I will tell him he can scream, and let him scream and cry. The only rule is not hurting people and things. I will sit with him until the tantrum passes. Usually, it doesn't take long before his brain turns back on and we're back to the races. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874166 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:10:19 +0000 SweetiePie 2874166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: @josina: someone also told me that and I actually googled it because it made me glad to know that there might be physiological reason! But it’s a myth. Womp womp. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874158 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:01:05 +0000 hitchhiker 2874158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Play doh would be awesome for this. I think I would like some play doh to pound when I am mad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874156 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:00:20 +0000 hitchhiker 2874156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: It gets better! It's a phase! (Although a really hard phase. Mine loved to throw these epic tantrums in public places, which was just really lovely...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874151 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:56:06 +0000 josina 2874151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: lol, well that would explain it at least!<br /> @hitchhiker: DS loves playdoh, so maybe that would be a good option for him... and he can destroy that as often as he'd like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874149 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:53:36 +0000 gotkimchi 2874149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: @josina: I heard or read somewhere that there is a testosterone surge at 4 that mimics puberty. So good luck and god bless 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874147 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:46:33 +0000 SweetiePie 2874147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hitchhiker: someone who has made it to the other side! Please tell us it does get better????? It’s a phase???? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874146 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:45:44 +0000 SweetiePie 2874146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I think it must be common with this age because last week his teacher decided to make a “calm down box” for the entire class filled with tools to help them cope with anger and frustration. And this week she’s been talking to them about emotions and how to deal with them.<br /> It helps in general to know it’s somewhat common, but it doesn’t help in the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874145 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:43:27 +0000 hitchhiker 2874145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through this at the same age with my now 6 year old DD. She really liked to draw, so I would use the Janet Lansbury line mentioned above (it's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to do whatever destructive behavior you are doing) and then ask if she wanted to draw her feelings. It worked most of the time. I feel like it could be modified for other interests - build your feelings with legos, etc. I also think it takes some repetition, because my DD couldn't really hear me in her moment of rage. But she started knowing that it was something I would offer and kind of helped her deal, so then she was open to it. Now that she is bigger she will often ask to draw her feelings when she is feeling overwhelmed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874143 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:37:03 +0000 josina 2874143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: REALLY glad to not be alone in this. I was trying to pinpoint a change that may have caused this for DS and there isn't anything I can think of.<br /> He makes a fist, grunts in anger, makes the snarling face.. time-outs have been when he's most destructive since I'm not there with him, so they're not working in this case. But when we do, we tell him to go calm down in his room and come out when he's ready to apologize. We acknowledge his anger and make him tell us what he did wrong. </p> <p>I did find on another post to watch some episodes of Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street (Belly Breathe) that deal with handling emotions, so I'm going to show him those tonight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874141 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:28:44 +0000 SweetiePie 2874141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: SOLIDARITY. I could have written your post word for word and thought about posting myself. He has always been on the calmer and happier side of toddlerhood and at 4yo (right when he started full day pre-K) shit has hit the fan. He’s a different child and it’s ANGER. He grits his teeth and makes a snarling face at us, pants and screams and grunts like a wild animal. Hits the couch, and occasionally us but he knows he shouldn’t so he’ll usually slow it down to more of a tap but the intent is still there.<br /> I’m at a loss mostly because we’ve never dealt with this before. For the “normal” stuff we’ve always done a time-out and that was effective. But this is NEXT LEVEL and it has brought me to tears many times over the last few weeks.<br /> The positive (if I can call it that) is that he does eventually calm down and he knows he was wrong. He’ll come and apologize for getting so upset and be very sweet and regretful. But man, the moment of anger (also in public 🤦🏻‍♀️) is BRUTAL.<br /> A friend recommended we watch some old episodes of Super Nanny so I’m going to do that this week.<br /> Overall he’s still a wonderful child most of the time so I’m praying this is just some crazy 4-5yo transition/phase. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874139 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:19:23 +0000 josina 2874139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: Thanks, I agree that he needs a new outlet for his anger, punching a pillow would be a good redirection. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874132 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 11:44:59 +0000 JennyPenny 2874132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't dealt with this personally but I've been listening to the Unruffled podcast a lot and I think Janet Lansbury would recommend saying "I see you're angry but you may not X" and instead telling them how they can show their anger. So maybe keeping a stack of junk paper he can rip, poof balls he can throw, a pillow he can punch, or going outside to yell. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874099 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 09:41:04 +0000 josina 2874099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 4 year old DS has recently started handling his anger very badly... He has ripped up a book, thrown things, tried to kick me or DH, and finally, last week he actually punched a wall(!) when DH wouldn't take him for an ATV ride. </p> <p>What are your tips for getting LO's to properly handle their anger? And what do you do when LO is angry?<br /> This is new to us because he actually has never been a big tantrum-er and would put himself in time-outs if he needed a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2828007 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 19:41:49 +0000 ElbieKay 2828007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just tell my 4yo that I would not be doing my job as a mommy if I let him do xxx. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827942 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 13:07:18 +0000 Ajsmommy 2827942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD says this often bc they talk about expressing their emotions in preschool. I validate her feelings and say sorry but stick to my guns. It's my job to teach her and direct her and sometimes the things she needs to do or learn will not be things she likes or wants to do and that's fine. It's fine for her to feel sad or mad but in the end she needs to listen to me or DH </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827930 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 12:33:35 +0000 lindseykaye 2827930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD has used this line SO MUCH in response to any sort of correction and even as others mentioned, a simple request (like please put away these toys before I will get out X other toy to play with, or no you cannot have more yogurt let's pick another snack to have). She is quick to emotion and will cry/hide at almost ANY sort of discipline or even percieved discipline (please don't sit on the coffee table, remember not to put your open cup on the edge of the table) so it took a lot of reinforcement (still takes) about the idea of being unhappy about something vs. hurt feelings.<br /> We will usually stick to a script of something like "I understand you do not like X but that is the rule/request/options available" or "I hear you that you say your feelings are hurt, we are not saying/doing this to hurt your feelings but need to protect you/guide you."<br /> I've also tried to be consistent in making sure she knows she is in charge of her feelings too - like, she can decide herself in a lot of ways whether something we ask her to do or deny her will upset her or if she will brush it off and accept the other options or do the thing we are asking and then get to play or have a snack or whatever it is. Similar but opposite to the post Mrs. Train recently did on making her kids happy. She's young, but I want her to still know it's up to her in a lot of ways whether something makes her upset or hurts her feelings in some cases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827923 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 12:15:59 +0000 LCTBQE 2827923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: this made me laugh :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827909 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:59:53 +0000 Sams Mom 2827909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: My nephews were terrible about that. They would use it as a manipulation, and would use it constantly as an attempt to get their way. Now on the rare occasion that it was used correctly, mom &amp; dad addressed it; but usually it was just to get their way about something or to argue a point that was not open for discussion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827898 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:45:07 +0000 Mama Bird 2827898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I apologize if I was legit wrong, and if I wasn't I say "I'm sorry, but doing xyz really isn't OK and you can't do it because..."</p> <p>And the first time DS said I hurt his feelings I said I'm glad he told me. I never stood up for myself at his age, just kept it all inside if someone was mean to me. So as frustrating as it is when the kids talk back, I'm glad they've got the confidence to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827888 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:35:24 +0000 Hypatia 2827888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a form of manipulation. With DD, she said it once and observed that we were taken aback by it, and proceeded to trot it out at the slightest provocation in the hope that she could defy us or at least weaken our resolve for her not to do something she wanted to do. </p> <p>We told her that wasn't an acceptable answer when given an instruction, and to stop saying it. When she realized she got zero leeway from us for saying it, and that she'd face consequences if she continued to say it, she stopped. It might vary by kid, but with her, I could definitely tell she was just using it to whine/be dramatic and not as a genuine emotional crisis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827885 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:31:27 +0000 snowjewelz 2827885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also validate but that doesn't change my stance. I'm not totally sure if my 3.5 year old has said that exact phrase but she definitely has expressed those feelings tons of times! I just say "I see you're upset about ________" and pretty much just leave it :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827879 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:18:03 +0000 Boopers 2827879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would acknowledge his feelings, but still stick to your guns. “I know ____ hurt your feelings. It’s ok to feel sad, but I cannot let you have a cookie right now because ___”. I would be consistent with the language you use each time he expresses himself that way.</p> <p>With my LO who just turned 3, if he has a fit after something like that I say “it’s ok to feel sad/cry/etc. If you would like to do that, you may do that in your room”. He hates being away from us. It validates that he can have those feelings while giving him the choice to continue those feelings privately in his room or he can choose to stop and stay with us. He usually stops because he hates not being with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827855 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 10:39:28 +0000 raspberries 2827855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do/would you respond if your LO says you've hurt their feelings? My son has been saying this a lot, usually when I tell him something he doesn't want to hear (ie. "no, you can't have another cookie," "please share with your brother," etc.) I want to acknowledge hurt feelings, but still stick to my guns, and I'm not quite sure how to do that. </p>