https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 12:59:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2912757 Mon, 23 Mar 2020 21:47:07 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2912757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: I hate hate hate guns and I feel the same way you do right now. I’m probably still not getting one but you’re not wrong about the possibility of civil unrest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2912634 Sun, 22 Mar 2020 17:48:33 +0000 bees_knees 2912634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: yes. I would also add that I would actually show it to DD and tell her what it is, that it is NOT a toy, that it is something only adults can touch, and that if she sees it (or one like it at someone else’s house) she should not touch it and tell an adult immediately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2912633 Sun, 22 Mar 2020 17:32:23 +0000 gotkimchi 2912633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bees_knees: I agree I think if there’s a gun in the house all adults should know where it’s kept, how to access it, how to load and unload it etc. god forbid it gets left out or something all adults should know how to make sure it’s safe and put away. </p> <p>We have guns because we life on a farm. I don’t prefer to use them but I know how, and like I said more importantly how to make sure they’re stored safely </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2912632 Sun, 22 Mar 2020 17:23:58 +0000 bees_knees 2912632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: full disclosure, we are a multiple-gun owning family (DH is a big hunter, but he also owns several for recreation and protection)</p> <p>ANYWAYS, they make gun safes that can go right on your nightstand. They are easy and quick to access for an adult, but impossible for your DD to get into. Just wanted to throw that out there for safety purposes. </p> <p>Also, make sure he actually knows how to use it. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that, but it is part of being a responsible (and safe) gun owner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2912620 Sun, 22 Mar 2020 14:17:34 +0000 yellowbeach 2912620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well I wrote this OP 12 days ago, and my how so much has changed, and towards the direction of DH being right about all this. </p> <p>Like Baltimore, we’ve unfortunately been seeing an increase in gunshot wound victims at our hospital just in the last week. Police, fire and EMS colleagues around the city describe “desperate people” roaming the streets bored, financially drained and without much to lose. Our local fire and police departments are planning for losses of 45% of the workforce due to Covid exposures and quarantines. I think as DH was anticipating, there’s a very real chance for civil unrest. </p> <p>And with that, I begrudgingly told DH he could go get the gun, on condition I never see it, it’s not ever around DD and that it is only temporarily in this house until this pandemic ends and we have a new president. </p> <p>Ugh. Fuck fuck fuck. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911866 Sat, 14 Mar 2020 07:55:38 +0000 yellowbeach 2911866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wanted to say thanks again for everyone for sharing their perspectives. I love that on such a controversial topic everyone can keep perspective and give rational reasons for their thoughts. </p> <p>Just an update - we have been honestly been too busy to have the gun talk again these past 4 days. I’m sure you guys have noticed, but the chaos and panic has definitely escalated, which we were predicting last week based on the lack of functioning systems for testing in the healthcare system across the country. DH is at work today (I finally have a day off) and we both work tomorrow. Expecting to get called in for extra hours and work every day next week. </p> <p>I’m not sure avoidance is the best strategy, but we’re just too busy to talk about a gun, nevertheless go buy one, and for me I need as many wins as I can get right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911568 Wed, 11 Mar 2020 06:26:07 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2911568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: to me the issue doesn't really seem to be the gun but rather his anxiety over the worst case scenario. Does he have access to to an EAP via your work? I always assumed physicians who deal with a lot of trauma have some kind of mental health support readily available, but maybe I'm wrong. I think the bigger thing here is for him to talk with someone about the anxiety he has about this because from what my therapist taught me about anxiety management, the thing that we think will curb the anxiety is only postponing the dealing with anxiety, so the gun isn't actually going to make him feel calmer, it'll only exacerbate the issue and can lead to things like him having it under his pillow "just in case" and all kinds of unsafe behaviors. I'd encourage him to discuss this with a therapist asap. Good luck to you both and thank you for the work you do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911565 Wed, 11 Mar 2020 04:00:00 +0000 Pumuckl 2911565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: Coming from a country where gun ownership is handled very differently take this with a grain of salt. But the one thing that came to my mind was that a compromise could be to have a non-fatal weapon in the house; something like a taser. </p> <p>That said with what you wrote I would definitely stick my ground and not get a gun, sounds like you would end up with a lot of anxiety over it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911560 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 23:17:17 +0000 agold 2911560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911555 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 22:34:21 +0000 annem1990 2911555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: I agree his reaction does seem rash. I completely understand why he’d be paranoid given your professions, but how does he jump to people trying to kill each other over basic necessities? I work for a Chinese company and even they aren’t really in mass hysteria although a lot is shut down. Everyone is still able to tend to their basic needs, work remotely if possible, go to school online, etc. It’s a little scary his mind is jumping to such an apocalyptic scenario that he fears for food and water. Paranoia and stress certainly don’t go well with owning a gun and I don’t at all blame you for refusing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911537 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 17:51:05 +0000 MoonMoon 2911537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really really really don't understand the Covid19 =&gt; armed crazies roaming the streets argument. My first reaction is that there is something else going on with your husband, some manifestation of depression or anxiety that the gun won't really address. And I don't like the combination of depression/anxiety and a gun in the house. I'm sure you know the stats that a gun in the home is far more likely to ever hurt you than an intruder. Plus, your feelings should matter! Him getting a gun is not compromise. I'm really sorry. This is a tough situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911529 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 16:57:57 +0000 Mama Bird 2911529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oof. I totally get both of your points of view. For what it's worth, I've batted around the idea of getting a gun a few times in my life, and the biggest thing stopping me is, I can't see how to store one safely with kids around. If I could figure out how to lock a safe, one of them little bandits could probably figure out how to unlock it.</p> <p>So is there something else that would help your husband feel safe? Better door locks? A baseball bat in the hall closet? A krav maga class, if there are any near you? If you haven't heard of that one, it's a martial art meant to be used in real situations of being attacked (rather than as a sport). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911523 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 16:08:47 +0000 periwinklebee 2911523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Even if there is a doomsday scenario (and I think it will be bad but not that bad), it is not as if having a gun is going to help unless you are very skilled at using it. Which can take years of practice and training... Perhaps it's an issue with relinquishing control (something I have a hard time with too)? The situation is scary, I'm sure especially working on the front lines. Is there anyone besides you (I know you've tried) who can help him with processing through everything and confronting the unknown? </p> <p>And also, thank you for everything you do. I know it is a really challenging and uncertain time to be a doctor or first responder. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911520 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 15:47:33 +0000 MrsSCB 2911520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with you on absolutely not wanting guns in our house, just offering that in the interest of full disclosure. But, trying to be as sensitive as possible here, wanting a gun for what honestly amounts to paranoia that is not really based in fact would be a hard no to me. I'd be concerned that if he's already on edge, he might end up grabbing the gun in a situation like you or someone else surprising him by coming home early or something... I know that sounds far-fetched, but it seems more likely than some doomsday ransacking scenario at this point. Obviously if things change you can reassess, but that's my general feeling on it -- if someone is wanting a gun essentially out of paranoia-based fear, I don't really see that as a good or safe time to get a gun. Just not really sure how you could say this in a way that's least upsetting... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911518 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 15:45:01 +0000 lindseykaye 2911518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've gotten great advice so far, and I don't have much more to contribute except to say THANK YOU for the work you and your husband do, and that I'm sorry you're in this position and having to think and handle all of this right now on top of all the other stress you can't control.</p> <p>I grew up in a safe, gun-owning household. My parents and brother both responsibly own guns, and my SIL was even an arms dealer for a while. DH and I both have handled and learned how to shoot a variety of guns, but it was partly for fun and partly because we both feel that we should be comfortable around firearms in the state where we live. We still do not personally own any firearms. The risk for me is not worth the benefit or the amount of responsibility required. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911506 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:57:36 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2911506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: ah I didn’t realize he is also a physician. So you guys are totally surrounded by it. I feel for the healthcare workers for sure. It must be so hard for you guys to manage the stress of work and your own lives. I still think it’s a bit of a stretch to jump to needing a gun to protect yourselves, so maybe still seeing a therapist could help with the stress and get some strategies for coping that are healthy. I really feel for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911505 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:51:20 +0000 josina 2911505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, my DH has guns, unloaded, locked in a safe, in a locked room in our basement. Realistically, if a situation were to arise in which someone broke into our house - those guns are so far away and hard to get to, it's not going to be very easy to grab them for defense anyways. (although, I guess if shit really hit the fan we'd have them ready).</p> <p>Maybe talk through the reality of it - with a 3 year old in the house, where will it be stored that is safe for everyone in the home and still easily reachable for defense. If that's not even feasible, then he needs to have a plan b - extra security, a baseball bat by the door, taser, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911503 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:32:50 +0000 yellowbeach 2911503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: Just to clarify - Covid-19 is like the 3rd person in our marriage right now - unavoidable as we are both Emergency Physicians. DH also happens to be on the task force for the hospital and is growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of planning/sense of urgency at our institution and in our state as a whole. I agree with him that this is all a big deal - but the reality is we'll either be at the hospital working or home on quarantine if and when the shit really hits the fan. But he's like spiraling with it all. I think if we both knew we had better plans in place (regionally, state and nationally), we'd both feel a bit better. </p> <p>Ugh I have a headache. Time to check my BP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911502 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:28:59 +0000 agold 2911502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: You really sound like you are being reasonable. :heart: Best of luck whatever you do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911500 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:27:01 +0000 yellowbeach 2911500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks ladies. You are giving me some good angles to ponder. I like the idea of offering to him that if he goes to a class at a range I might consider it. I don't want to be downright dismissive of his fears, but my fears are real, too. </p> <p>And in theory, a gun properly stored should be safe, but I have unfortunately lost track of the number of patients I've treated who had a safe/lock/whatever but the gun was out for just that one time. Not being a gun owner I'm not sure if that's because things get lax or what, but I can barely manage to load the dishwasher religiously... we aren't the most disciplined household in the world... but maybe a gun would be different - IDK. I just know I would NEVER forgive myself if something happened to anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911497 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:20:13 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2911497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a tough one for sure, but there is zero chance a gun would cross the threshold of our home EVER. 1000% hard no from me without chance of compromise. My dad owns guns and most of the men in my family hunt. They are in a gun safe and feel ok when we visit. But in my own house? No way.</p> <p>I would insist he needs to take a class, go to gun range as the only compromise here. As you said, it’s either have one or no, so that’s the only middle ground I see. As for what you said about protection, I think he should consider seeing a therapist for CBT about his fear and paranoia. Only if those conditions are met, could you even have a rational discussion about this in the future. </p> <p>I have a history of major health anxiety. 3 years ago this covid 19 stuff would be sending me through the roof. But I did CBT for it and find I have been able to manage ok so far. I’ve deleted Facebook and Twitter to avoid all the media about it. I’ve got my pantry and medicine cabinet stocked. We are washing our hands. That’s all I can do. It sounds like his fears are getting out of hand especially if this is the first time he’s spoke about this seriously and actually wants to go through with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911496 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:18:02 +0000 MrsADS 2911496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hard no from me and I would not compromise on it. I would not have my children in the home with guns. I would leave with the kids before I had guns at home. PARTICULARLY given your history, no way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911495 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:14:06 +0000 JCCovi 2911495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: Since he's specifically brought up compromise is there anything else that would make him feel safe without being a trigger for you? A taser? Pepper spray? A security system? A big dog? </p> <p>Personally, this would be a hard no for me and I don't have anything like your experiences with guns. Just the fear and dread that comes from living in an age of gun violence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911494 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:08:22 +0000 Mommy Finger 2911494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I'm stuck on the whole "in marriage, you need to compromise" but you're the only one who is expected to compromise here. Especially if this was a decision that was made prior to marriage. I get that things change, people change but it seems a bit unfair that just because he decided to change his mind, you just automatically have to go along with it. I don't really have any answers on this one. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911493 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:06:22 +0000 erinbaderin 2911493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find it interesting that one of his arguments was that in marriage you need to compromise. How is he compromising? I think your very real mental health concerns and your actual bad history with guns take precedence over his very far fetched paranoia situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911492 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:05:26 +0000 Sams Mom 2911492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, so I know I'm on the otherside from most people on here. I own multiple guns, my husband owns multiple guns, I grew up in a home with multiple guns and shot frequently from a young age. (My family started a gun club and my dad and uncles shot competivly.) I am all for gun ownership with training and safes for storage in the home.</p> <p>BUT, given what you've shared now and on other posts, I wouldn't be on board with going along on this one. If you're both generally (outside of this current circumstance) anti gun, and in agreement about it, this isn't a good reason to get one now. Fear can mess with you a lot, especially since both of your profession puts you on the Frontline of people's panic AND actual contact with COVID-19. I honestly don't know how I would go about talking him out of it. Would he be open to discussing if he would still want one when this all calms down (or previous to this)? If fear based rash decisions is the best thing to do? </p> <p>Maybe if he has zero experience with guns, sign him up for a training class at a range where they supply the gun and ammo and everything, see how he feels after that? Maybe actually shooting and talking to someone with lots of training might bring him some clarity? I know a lot of instructors and they would adamantly speak against buying one out of panic. He might take it better from someone that's not you (admittedly I have a hard time taking some things from my husband, but will take it better from other people, even if my husband has a lot of authority on it).</p> <p>ETA: The training might settle him in wanting one or completely turning him off to it. You won't know until you try. If it's something you're interested in, I can ask a couple people I know that have lived out your way for recommendations on instructors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911491 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 14:02:25 +0000 agold 2911491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: That's so interesting that you say he is very left and yet now he wants a gun. I'm so curious if this will change his voting position. But of course, that's not the issue... I am part of a gun owning household. I do see of course how tough this is for you. I can tell you - kids and guns can safely coexist in the same home. Maybe you can take some gun safety classes with your husband before revisiting the actual purchase issue. Start there and maybe you will grow a little more comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911490 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 13:52:54 +0000 yellowbeach 2911490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: I tried that but the purpose isn't for sport/fun - he's convinced we need it for protection. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911489 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 13:52:46 +0000 hellobeeboston 2911489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ugh. I'm sorry... my dh went through a gun phase for a bit. it had to do a lot with him being worried about a creepy person coming to our house which was a long shot, but still.... i was NOT ok with it, and he was trying to pitch his case. He had even signed up for a gun class.... Long story short. We got a security system installed in our house, and I talked him down from it. lots of conversations were had weighing pros &amp; cons. </p> <p>it's hard if his mind is made up - but he's being a little extreme (media's fault perhaps) i don't think we'll get to that - maybe there is a different way he can calm his anxiety? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911488 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 13:49:57 +0000 Kemma 2911488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would be a firm nope from me, particularly with a young child in the house. Tell him if he wants a gun he can keep it at a gun range. </p>