https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 11:08:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-589649 Sat, 23 Feb 2013 23:25:57 +0000 lemondrop 589649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My IL's stayed with us for a week about 24 hours after we got home from the hospital. They were fantastic, I never had to go take him away from anyone- it was all about what I wanted/needed. If I wanted a break, they were happy to hold him, if I wanted to cuddle he was all mine. My meals were cooked, my house was cleaned, it was great! My MIL even put order to the nursery and the huge amount of clothes we had. </p> <p>It just depends on everyone's personality! My only regret was locking myself in our room to breastfeed and pump, the process took forever and I wasn't comfortable enough to do it in front of anyone. These days it isn't a problem to flash a boob and start feeding anywhere or with anyone. Maybe it will be easier next time around? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-589642 Sat, 23 Feb 2013 23:18:40 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 589642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents came in the day DS was born and stayed 10 days. I was so happy to have them with us! My mom cooked, my dad weeded our yard, and they took some night shifts so we could sleep. Yes it was a little stressful because having guests always is, but I have a really good relationship with both my parents. We're pretty open (I didn't hide away to breastfeed) and I enjoyed their support. Plus they live 14 hours away and DS is the first grandson.</p> <p>Now, MIL? She's great, but we had her wait a month before she came. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-588541 Sat, 23 Feb 2013 00:51:48 +0000 shopaholic 588541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the recent input! I actually was just re-visiting this same issue today. I guess my IL's have said they would come stay a week max - since they have their own lives too. They told DH they wouldn't come if I didn't want them too, but being that my SIL already has had 2 kids, they know what it entails and think we could really use the help the first few days coming home from the hospital. At this point, I feel bad if I don't have them stay, because I can't really ask them to come later if they didn't offer. I know my MIL will be good with cooking stuff for me for postpartum care and keeping the house in order. And both will really try to get me to sleep and rest. I guess I think that the pros will overall outweigh the cons. Everyone keeps telling us to accept ANY help we get and so far, this is the only offer so I shouldn't refuse right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-588524 Sat, 23 Feb 2013 00:03:04 +0000 PrincessBaby 588524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, it's stressful to BF w/guests in your house bc you have to go hide away to BF. And you'll be BFing every 2 hours or so (and depending on how long your LO nurses, it could be 30 or 45 mins) then it's only a little over an hour until LO is hungry again. This caused me to spend a lot of time isolated when we had guests..I couldn't relax in my own home and feed my child while I hung out with DH or watched TV. I had to be locked away and that stressed/annoyed me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-588523 Fri, 22 Feb 2013 23:58:52 +0000 PrincessBaby 588523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, BFing meant that I didn't really have the opportunity to let anyone else really help with her. I didn't know how to pump yet, and in those early days waiting for my milk to come in- she fed CONSTANTLY. I feel like if I would have FF, then that would open up room for people to really help bc I could have let my mom or someone take her while I slept a while, but I was on the clock 24/7 due to BFing. My parents stayed with us right away and my brother and SIL came when she was a week old. I was glad they got to meet her, but it did add stress to my life. I wish they would have waited a few weeks at least so I could have had time to adjust. Especially bc when you are a BFing mama, there's just not a lot that others can do for you...I mean I guess cooking and stuff but we just ordered takeout a lot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-588433 Fri, 22 Feb 2013 22:02:00 +0000 LittleGBee 588433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL came on day 6, which, in retrospect was the WORST TIME EVER. I was super hormonal, and she is incredibly insecure. We ended up getting into this huge miscommunication where she took my daughter away without my permission. Let's just say it didn't end well, and she left on her own volition the very next day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-588007 Fri, 22 Feb 2013 17:54:58 +0000 kml636 588007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I asked this same question, and delayed my in laws coming until she was about 9 days old. That was perfect IMHO because we had some time to get into our own routine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-588003 Fri, 22 Feb 2013 17:50:38 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 588003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am stressing about the same thing except mine live in an entire different state and wont be able to see the baby much after they visit. Also, his mom stresses me out to no end. I wish I could be helpful but I think I can just offer some commiseration here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-587988 Fri, 22 Feb 2013 17:40:00 +0000 tysonja 587988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i didn't get to read the previous posts, but i know after my LO i desperately needed the help. We were home 2 days before my mom arrived from across the country, and they were so hard! as soon as she arrived we were so much happier and restful, and were able to enjoy and bond with baby A LOT more.</p> <p>it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your MIL -- hopefully if they are able to truly *help* and not be houseguests that you need to 'take care' of, it will be something that will help you get more time with your LO, too! i guess it all depends on your inlaws and your relationship with them! also, definitely need your DH on your side to advocate for you and baby, if anything comes up :). i guess i wouldn't say no right away :) one week sounds like a good amt of time too. my mom and dad stayed one month and it was perfect for us, even in our tiny 2 br apt :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-587973 Fri, 22 Feb 2013 17:32:56 +0000 jetsettermomma 587973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if they come over so soon postpartum on the premise of helping you out, they should! Not to take baby away or encroach upon your family bonding time. My family came to stay with us immediately after baby was born and they were a tremendous help, not imposing, just doing what needed to be done, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. My ILs live nearby and every time they came over the first few weeks, I personally felt like they were almost a burden to me because all they wanted to do was play with baby (they would wake him up and keep him up!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-585382 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:39:58 +0000 MrsRcCar 585382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FIL was at the hospital when DS was born. He then came back a week or so later to spend the weekend with his new grandson. I loved having him with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-585340 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:34:37 +0000 littlebittyhouse 585340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the bonding with the three of us was something so special and outweighed the help. We have some really great memories of that new family time. I found there wasn't much anyone could do for me other than cooking and we managed that. The breastfeeding and personal care for me were the most time consuming and then there was the fact that I didn't want to share the baby ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-487166 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:57:27 +0000 ladyfingers 487166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I had the biggest fights about the terms of his mom's visit. I really like his mom and she's not an obtrusive MIL, but he wanted her to stay here and we have NO ROOM for a guest, no guest room, not even a pull-out sofa. He tried to tell me she could sleep in the living room. I told him absolutely no way, no houseguests. And I also said I wanted her to come a month or so after baby is here. I figure that's when the sleep deprivation will really start getting crazy and I'll need a lot of help. So she's staying at a nearby hotel, DH is taking the week off work, and she's coming 4 weeks after baby's due.</p> <p>FIL will be in town but at his own place, starting Jan. 27 (I'm due Feb. 3) but if he's over too much or I need him to leave, DH will back me there. His aunt is also coming into town in February. So I'm kinda worried, but nobody is staying with us. </p> <p>I think you need to put your foot down if you feel like you'll be uncomfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-487077 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:16:29 +0000 shopaholic 487077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: Ditto. I can't tell my in-laws to stop or "you're driving me crazy." They would think I was rude or ungrateful. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-487073 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:14:50 +0000 littlebug 487073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My plan is that when we come home it'll just be me and Hubs. My mom will come for a week or so when Hubs goes back to work (after a week). I know his parents would love to come down, but I am just not comfortable with that. His mom is a busy-body, and would drive me crazy with constantly wanting to be doing something - cleaning, cooking, taking the baby, whatever. I know the help would be great, but it literally would NOT STOP - she can't sit still. And I wouldn't be comfortable saying to her, "You're driving me crazy, please go to the mall for 2 hours" or whatever. I would have no issues saying that to my mom, but not my MIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-487052 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:06:57 +0000 regberadaisy 487052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: hahhaa I like your suggestion! 2 weeks is about when the engine starting chugging! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-487049 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:05:13 +0000 regberadaisy 487049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Because they are so close I say tell them to wait a day or two before coming into town. That way you guys and the baby get a few days to get into a home routine. That way you're not trying to figure it all out while other people are interjecting their opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-487047 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:03:03 +0000 shopaholic 487047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: Thanks for the advice! I think 2 weeks sounds good and DH will be back to work by then. Got to convince him that's the right move and that we'll actually have adrenaline! He thinks we'll be exhausted just after 2 days at a hospital! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-487033 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 18:55:08 +0000 SugarplumsMom 487033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shopaholic: You will be running on adrenaline and excitement. Even if you're exhausted from the delivery, the sleep deprivation wouldn't have caught up yet! My suggestion is to wait at least 2 weeks after. Even better, 1 month. By then you'll be running on fumes and the new parent feeling would be wearing off (or you'll be too tired to notice). Plus you need that initial bonding time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486967 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 18:18:50 +0000 erwoo 486967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since both of our families live so far, especially my parents, I welcomed them coming to help out. In all honesty, the baby was with me more than anyone else b/c he was nursing every 2-3 hours so I wouldn't worry about not being able to bond unless they are taking your baby all the time. Then, I would just interrupt and take the baby away to feed. :) For me, the way I see it is that I'll have the rest of my life to bond with my boys and my parents will only have once a year to bond. So different circumstances, but I really loved the help, especially when our second was born last year. </p> <p>In-laws, for me, is a different story b/c my MIL has severe asthma and FIL is paralyzed in half of his body so neither of them can really help out too much with either of my boys. Also, I would feel uncomfortable nursing in front of my MIL. I had no problems with my mom and sister though. They've seen it all. LOL! Anyway, so with my in-laws, it would be more work for me than with my parents. I didn't want them to come until after my family had left b/c I would have gone crazy with two sets of parents in the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486945 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 18:10:05 +0000 BlueWolverine 486945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I faced this last week. My mom lives 1300 miles away and was planning on arriving about five days after my due date. I'm somewhat convinced I'm going to be late, so I started freaking out. I'm so happy Mom and my awesome stepdad are coming, but I really wanted that week with just DH, LO and me. So, I told my mom that everyone (including baby class) said that I'd really need help about two weeks after baby is born. The adrenaline will have worn off and I'll really need her then. It worked. She's not coming until the first week of February. Now I'm really looking forward to her visit and don't feel any anxiety about it. Maybe you could go the "We'll really need help later..." route when you ask them to hold off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486931 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:59:26 +0000 Mrs. Train 486931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted the help. When my twins were born I wasn't alone for almost three months. That include parents, in laws, my sister and her three kids, my cousin and his wife were living with. It was a bit crazy but it was fine. When my fourth was born I had people with me for 6 weeks. That was mainly to help with older kids. I never felt that i didn't have time to bond as a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486927 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:58:05 +0000 matador84 486927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just depends on the person I guess. The visitors really stressed me out. The last thing I needed was my dad sitting around my house on the day my milk came in and was so painful on top of healing on my own from childbirth. I think it's so hard to know what to expect with your first, you know better what you can handle with second, etc. I wish we would have asked everyone to wait and we'd let them know. My parents did stay in a hotel which helped, but even then I was still stressed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486924 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:57:30 +0000 shopaholic 486924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Thanks for reassuring me of the bonding experience! My DH will take off 2 weeks to, but he might have to go in for some things here and there when needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486912 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:48:35 +0000 hilsy85 486912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't have anyone come and stay with us at all, and we honestly were fine! I was breastfeeding, so the only thing someone could help with at night was bringing the baby to me and diaper changes, which DH did because he had a week and a half off work. During the day, DH was very capable of doing errands and ordering us dinner, while I nursed the baby and took care of myself. It would have stressed me out way more to have someone stay with us, and I don't really think it would have been that helpful. We did, however, get really lucky with a baby that slept 3-4 hour stretches at night almost immediately, and so sleep deprivation was never too too terrible for either of us. I did feel like going through the experience just the two of us was definitely a bonding experience for DH and I, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486903 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:46:11 +0000 twinmama 486903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With twins, we definitely needed the help more than we wanted alone time. That said, I really just wanted my family around - my mom, dad, sisters. I didn't mind short visits from my ILs, but when they came to our house or the hospital and stayed for hours, it was just hard for me sometimes. I appreciated the help from my ILs and genuinely like them, but given all the immediately postpartum stuff (BFing/pumping, bleeding, painful BMs, hormones, and so on), I felt pretty fragile and just wanted MY people, you know? My sister bathed me for a few days and actually removed my foley cath...that's some serious love! </p> <p>Suggestion 1 - Brainstorm some out of the house things for them to do to help like fetching takeout or groceries, or even yardwork. BIL wanted to help, so he mowed our lawn, and my mom planted pretty baskets of flowers outside the window I could see all the time while on the couch. Or tasks at home that still give you plenty of baby time - my mom and MIL both love washing and folding baby clothes and cooking for us.</p> <p>Suggestion 2 - Ask hubby to referee his family, when necessary. My ILs were definitely the type to make suggestions and sometimes just needed to have things spelled out - please don't do that, please call before coming over, if baby is fussy/hungry they need to go to mom, and so on. My DH was really frank with his folks and very protective of me, and that made a big difference when they were around a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486902 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:46:01 +0000 shopaholic 486902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pink Champagne: Thank you for this. This is basically what I wanted to know. Would the help outweigh the bonding time? </p> <p>To all the ladies who said their mom was okay, but not their MIL, I honestly feel rather envious. My own mom has never once mentioned taking time off or coming to help me or stay with us. She has offered my grandmother to come cook for me. She always says my MIL can come help me because she doesn't work, etc. So yeah, my mom is not the type I can cry to or lean on a shoulder. </p> <p>I really want to tell DH to ask his parents not to come until at least after 1 week after the baby is born. Visiting, sure, but not sleeping/staying with us for 1-2 weeks. I just don't know how to put it tactfully to my sweet and thoughtful, though sometimes overwhelming in-laws. DH is so blunt, he'd probably just say that I don't want anyone there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486690 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:31:27 +0000 MamaMoose 486690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: this is what my mom did. She came for 4 days after LO was born and she cooked us three meals a day. She only got involved in baby care when we asked for help or advice. It was great.</p> <p>@shopaholic: I would not want my ILs to come right away. And definitely not for a week!! My in laws came when she was two weeks old and just stayed the weekend and even that was a lot for me. I really resented having to be closed off in a bedroom by myself every few hours when she needed to eat. And my MIL kept making "suggestions" which were not helpful. And they smoke which caused a lot of stress for me because my MIL kept putting her hands in the baby's face. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486675 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:24:38 +0000 Pink Champagne 486675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Even after spending two nights in the hospital and getting hardly any sleep, I still was happy that it was just me, DH and LO when we came home. DH's parents kept trying to find excuses to come over ("Do you need diapers?") but we preferred to handle things ourselves. It wasn't that bad, and I really cherish that time we had to ourselves- we had some very entertaining moments as we were learning the hang of things.<br /> I encourage you to hold off on any help staying with you for a few days... That bonding time really is special. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-laws-right-after-baby-is-born#post-486653 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:13:24 +0000 mlm2934 486653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, I definitely would not be ok with the in laws setting up shop at our house during such a new situation for myself! I want to be able to feel relaxed and I would be worried about how my MIL thought I was doing/behaving.</p> <p>My in laws live two hours away. When that time comes if they wanted to spend time in our city, they would be welcome for few hour stretches at a time, but I wouldn't feel bad saying sorry you will have to get hotel or stay with other relatives. </p>