https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 10:00:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856362 Tue, 13 Nov 2018 12:03:59 +0000 snowjewelz 2856362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely put photos of anything that has to do with her in the album because she is part of your family and you should be able to talk about her if friends/family are flipping through the album. Do what is good for you and your family :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856267 Mon, 12 Nov 2018 15:37:13 +0000 pachamama 2856267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: I think it's a lovely idea to permanently and publicly memorialize your daughter. :heart: You loved her so so so much and it will keep things more present for you and your family (and neighbors!). It was such a hard decision for you and I know you want her to know you will never forget her. I'm not sure why our society has made this very common pain and sadness we feel as women so taboo. Let's bring it to the surface.<br /> Sort of in the same vein, I wear my children's birthstone in rings between my wedding bands- when people asks about the ring set I tell them the aquamarine was from a baby I lost. It makes me sad/happy and creates a conversation where more often than not they will share their history of loss.<br /> @Pollywog: girl. crying. UGH :-( </p> [attach=5254/18/pi3la1.337x600.1112181531.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856105 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:53:05 +0000 DesertDreams88 2856105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the idea of a dedicated page or two. Another alternative is to make a separate book. Each of my children has a small 8x8 book with ultrasound photos, diary-type entries, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856104 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:50:23 +0000 yellowbeach 2856104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LabradorLover: Still fighting the good fight, thanks for thinking of me. We are ok. Today was a good day as DH saved a life of a man who suffered a cardiac arrest while running a local marathon (he was the race doc). DD and I went to see Peppa Pig Live and it was the happiest I've ever seen her. So today was a good day. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856102 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:41:38 +0000 Pollywog 2856102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally not the same, but I had a miscarriage after I had announced to everyone. Looking at photos from those three months is so clear I'm pregnant. I'm beaming and clearly nauseous. The photos afterwards I look much older and that I'd gone through hell. I'd include the photos that capture that you lost a daughter because it's an event that changed your life. If people ask, my reply has been "we lost a baby" or "J wasn't our first pregnancy". No one has asked questions. </p> <p>We have a teddy bear that was a gift for our first baby in our room. My almost 3 year old asks if it's his and I reply "that was the first baby in mommy's belly. She was too sick and was never born, like you were. You can play with the bear,but please put it back when you're done. " He's never asked follow ups </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856101 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:09:30 +0000 LabradorLover 2856101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just adding my :heart: :heart: :heart: to this. Always thinking of you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856097 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 21:25:18 +0000 yellowbeach 2856097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: Thanks so much for your reply. I feel so consumed by all of this even still, so it's really helpful to have some rational outsider perspective. I think you bring up a good point about listing Feb-May 2018 because that will say everything and set the tone in case anyone wants to ask questions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856094 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 21:00:29 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2856094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you are ok to talk about it, I would reserve a page in the book to put a scan of the ultrasound photos with the dates of February to May (ie: Baby E forever in our hearts, February 2018-May 2018 or whatever you prefer with specific dates/phrases) I think that allows you to honor her and make her an important part of your year while also making it pretty clear what happened for future. I think if I scanned through a friends book and saw that, I would understand what it meant and ask no further if I was a casual aquaintance who didn’t know what happened. If your other child sees that, I think it could be a good conversation starter as well and helps them to know they had a sibling and this is the photo we have of them.</p> <p>I think it’s ok to put whatever you like in the book, even if that’s a blank page if you aren’t sure and want to come back to it later. I’m sorry for your loss :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856093 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:46:10 +0000 gotkimchi 2856093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: then I think that’s a really beautiful way to honor her </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856092 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:45:04 +0000 yellowbeach 2856092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: That's a great question that I hadn't really considered. I would actually welcome the idea of talking about her because I feel like everyone except me has forgotten. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856090 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:30:04 +0000 gotkimchi 2856090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What makes you feel good? Would you be happy to talk about her if someone asks or would that make you miserable? Do what you can handle and are ready for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856089 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:24:51 +0000 yellowbeach 2856089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every year I make a Shutterfly photo book for DH. It's our family album of the events of that year. It's his favorite present every year and our moms love it so much I give them a copy as well. I'm struggling with how I should handle Baby E (our TFMR for T21 in May) in the book. She was a part of our lives from Feb to May, and the emotional aftermath defined the remainder of the year for me. I still have her US photos and am sure down the road I will want to have them somewhere more permanent. I just struggle with the awkward questions that might come up in the next 2-5 years, especially as our 21 mo DD grows older and starts asking questions. Maybe this would be a way to start the conversation? Perhaps it will just create very awkward moments if new friends &amp; neighbors casually peruse the book lying on the coffee table... Any advice/thoughts/experiences appreciated. </p>