https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 15:42:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743755 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 10:29:58 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2743755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO sucks his fingers. My dad and aunt/ his sister compared it to their first cousin until my FIL said he did that too and that's where LO got it from. Sometimes pointing out a closer/ more meaningful relative can squash comparisons. I also like @LCTBQE: suggestion and simply repeat a mantra. </p> <p>My MIL finally admitted LO looks like me just when I have now realized he has both my husband's eyes and mouth/ expressions. Ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743671 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 08:22:08 +0000 ElbieKay 2743671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh while I am ranting, on Mother's Day, my MIL told my 3yo, "If it wasn't for me, you would not exist."</p> <p>I mean, I get that this is technically true, sort of, but wtf? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743662 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 07:54:59 +0000 LCTBQE 2743662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PikkuAiti: I didn't read every single response, but I'm going to go against the general grain here and say this isn't something you have to let go in order to make nice, and yes you're completely reasonable. It's not like to stop this (incredibly) annoying, incessant dialogue you have to explode the world--you can shut it down or at least temper it a little. Maybe in response to "I can't believe LO said mama first because my daughter/your SIL said dada first" you could kindly but firmly say, "LO is her own person, and I'm excited to see her develop in her own way". Or you could say, "I don't really see the comparison" in a cheerful voice, and then change the subject. And then repeat, over and over again. </p> <p>To me this seems like another instance of people who at the core of things want to use you (or in this case your child) as a vehicle to discuss themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743648 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 07:20:22 +0000 Ajsmommy 2743648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, this is super annoying. But I think you kinda just have to let it go. DH's family is similar in that they claim both kids look just like DH. Which I disagree with but whatever. I mean I look at him all day as well as the kids and they just don't look the same to me. I'll mention it to DH and he says "he used to look like them" when he was younger. Blah. Whatever. They look like themselves. SO annoying when families try to claim something about their looks, what does it matter anyway!??!?! Why is it like a trophy for them? I just don't get it.</p> <p>They also comment on how teeny my babies were. They all have 9lb+ babies... ours were 7lb1oz and 6lb8oz and ooooo they were sooooo small, never seen such a small baby before. @PawPrints: your "fatso chunkers" comment literally made me LOL as I pictured myself saying it to MIL!! LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743598 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 21:14:18 +0000 PawPrints 2743598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL, who is completely wonderful and I love spending time with her, had a fairly persistent habit of comparing DD to her own daughter for quite a while. SIL is almost 30 years old, so, super super weird. But I heard over and over how SIL was walking super early, measured in the highest percentile consistently, how DD is soooo tiny (even though she's in the 40-some percentile so as average as it gets). Eventually when she was going on about the size issue, I just burst out "the fact that your kids were fatso chunkers is not my problem." Fortunately we were all laughing and she took it well but I think it got the message across that I wasn't appreciating the comparing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743537 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 16:53:28 +0000 FancyGem 2743537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is annoying, but I wouldn't take it personal. Sometimes they are right. I usually say that my brother and son act alike because they both act like 5 year olds sometimes. lol </p> <p>I noticed that some relatives would say that my son looked nothing like me to make me feel some type of way. I think it made them look silly more than anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743536 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 16:36:34 +0000 avivoca 2743536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ITs super annoying. My kids look just like their dad, but they have my skin and hair. My inlaws always talk about it and it makes me feel like just the gestational carrier. Then my mom always talks about how they got whatever from her and it's like, "They are MY kids, they got the traits from their parents!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743519 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 14:47:05 +0000 littlejoy 2743519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there are two perspectives here ... people who don't care about comparisons and those who do. I've seen a few posts on here regarding people saying who LO looks like. Personally, it doesn't bother me. </p> <p>I think your MIL is probably just trying to relate to you. It's like the person who always has a story to tell about every single topic you bring up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743510 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 14:13:02 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2743510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah thats annoying. Not exactly the same as you but my MIL ALWAYS compared my daughter as a baby to my husband. Like in a ridiculous way. Things that probably every baby in history has done. Blink, poop, squeeze your finger, kick its legs, coo. Like completely normal things was " Oh XYZ did that exact same thing!" My daughter had my exact same nose, it was probably the only feature that was unquestionably mine, even in ultrasounds the tech would comment on how she had my nose but of coarse my MIL was the one and only person who would say her nose was just like my husbands. Thankfully after awhile she stopped, but after seeing that yours is 2 already and its still happening it doesn't seem like she will let up.. I don't think they mean any harm by doing this so it was just something I ignored completely and never commented when she said anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743509 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 14:04:10 +0000 ElbieKay 2743509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL complained to my husband that our son looks more like me than like him. WTH?</p> <p>Also, EVERYONE says he looks like a mini version of my husband. (I actually see both of us in him, and I don't really care if he looks like me.)</p> <p>My MIL is so self-absorbed. It is like dealing with a child. I can't stand it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743475 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 08:42:06 +0000 travellingbee 2743475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My side of the family talks about how much LOs look like me. DH's side talks about how much they look like him. My parents say DS1 got his thick curls from my dad. DH's mom says they are just like SIL. It seems normal to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743474 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 07:44:27 +0000 Shantuck 2743474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd probably let it go. While annoying, I'm guessing she doesn't have bad intentions and perhaps it is just a way for her to make conversation and find a common ground/interest (being a mother to a daughter). If it isn't a thing where she's taking digs at you or your daughter, I'd just grin and bear it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743409 Sat, 03 Jun 2017 15:39:27 +0000 skipra 2743409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just got back from an annoying visit with my MIL and it sounds like she is very similar to yours! I'm super annoyed because it's so fresh but basically I get ZERO credit for anything and even DH is not in her best Grace's now because we stood up to his sister's bullying behavior. Just an example today - all 3 of our kids have blue eyes because of course he got them from DH. Our second had darker blue eyes exactly like mine and our youngest's still can change. And she was pressuring us to do one joint birthday party for 2 of our kids in September and we need to tell her the details asap because SIL is having a baby over the summer so she needs lots of notice. She lives 10 minutes from SIL so it's not even like she is traveling or anything. So sorry no advice, just venting and lots and lots of commiseration! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743407 Sat, 03 Jun 2017 15:14:44 +0000 PikkuAiti 2743407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone! This is my first post but I've been a lurker for awhile. I need to ask if I'm being unreasonable. My mil is constantly comparing my 2 year old daughter to my sil, her only daughter. SIL is 13 years younger than me and the baby of the family. Understandably my mil likes talking about her only daughter and is proud of her. What bothers me, though, is that we literally can't discuss things my own daughter does or how she looks without mil drawing a comparison to SIL. According to MIL they look alike, act alike, etc. I understand that maybe my daughter reminds me of her daughter but it would be nice if she made some comparisons to me, the mother, once in awhile or just cut out the constant comparisons all together. My DD is her own person! Am I being unreasonable? Any advice for dealing with this? Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2703129 Sun, 26 Feb 2017 20:09:12 +0000 caterw 2703129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lilmrsm: My MIL is OBSESSED with pictures... She makes approximately zero effort to see her grandkids (the entire responsibility of creating and maintaining a close relationship falls to DH and me apparently) and then when we do see her, she spends at least half the time trying to make my kids pose for pictures and shoving a camera in their faces. She then sends all of these pictures to her whole side of the family but not to DH or me... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2703087 Sun, 26 Feb 2017 16:01:50 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2703087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the ignore advice. If I don't have the time or patience to deal with my MIL's texts at that moment I just don't respond. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701574 Thu, 23 Feb 2017 11:20:08 +0000 psw27 2701574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: oof. DH needs to back you up! (easier said than done, trust me. It's why we have an open ended plane ticket situation... he thinks its "fine" and "helpful" to have her around.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701450 Thu, 23 Feb 2017 06:35:54 +0000 azjax 2701450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lilmrsm: my MIL doesn't do FB but she does print a boatload of pictures of DS and then plasters them all over her house. That doesn't bother me at all, since she has always been photo obsessed and I think DS is awesome too, haha.<br /> - </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701431 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 23:04:51 +0000 Lilmrsm 2701431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@azjax: I stopped sending my MIL pictures because she would print every single one out and put them in her brag book. I rarely post on FB anymore for this reason too. Bothers me to go to their house and see them all around everywhere! I think they are obsessed/have no life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701422 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 22:28:33 +0000 azjax 2701422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It probably sounds silly, but my biggest point of irritation with DH's family is the excess of perfume and make up that the ladies wear and then get all over DS. Seriously, his eczema is badly inflamed by makeup and fragrance and they don't care that their Lipstick kisses make him break out in an itchy rash almost instantly. They think it is okay, because it comes from love. Gah! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701421 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 22:24:43 +0000 azjax 2701421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lilmrsm: I would flip out on DH if he started parroting his mother's nonsense to me after I shut a conversation with her down. Hell to the no! </p> <p>One way that we manage the demands for pictures in videos is by sending them through a whole family iMessage thread. This way,everybody gets the same thing at the same time and nobody is butthurt. If there are complaints about the frequency of messages, ee wait longer until sending out another. At daycare, they tell the kids "you get what you get and you don't get upset," which is the principle we are working on with family haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701417 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 22:14:51 +0000 ElbieKay 2701417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@psw27: I don't tell her we're free. My husband just answers the question honestly without thinking about how she will reply. Drives me crazy.</p> <p>@IRunForFun: You need your husband to get them in line. Otherwise you will be the bad guy.</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I wish my MIL would just come during the week while we are at work. But she doesn't want to drive to our town, and she doesn't want to hang out with our sitter there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701369 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 20:22:42 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2701369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL recently got an iPhone to FaceTime with LO :grin: One day she called just after I dropped him off at daycare. She asked what time he gets up and if she should call at that time. Noooo! Not when we are trying to get up and out in the morning. </p> <p>@gotkimchi: @IRunForFun: @ElbieKay: my dad is the visit all the time in law. He bothers me more than DH, so that's good. He would love to visit probably every week, but it's pretty consistent every other weekend and he even sneaks in a weekday visit sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701353 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 20:05:32 +0000 gotkimchi 2701353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: this is my in laws too! They want to visit every weekend (sorry I don't) and then my mil cried when lo was 6 mo old because she "didn't know her" because we couldn't see them for 2 weekends. Barf. I've resorted to avoidance and wine </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701251 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 15:18:34 +0000 IRunForFun 2701251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: My MIL is shaping up to be this way too. DD will be 5 weeks tomorrow, and the ILs have visited 3 out of the 4 weekends we've been home with her! MIL will call and ask if we have plans, DH will say no (because obviously at this point our plans are surviving the newborn days) and she'll be like "Oh great, we'll come visit for the day!" Ugh. How does she not realize with DH working long hours during the week we might want our weekends to ourselves?? She makes a lot of passive aggressive comments about needing to get to know her only grandchild. Uhhh yeah there's plenty of time for that. After this past weekend I told DH he needs to start being blunt and tell her we don't want visitors. To hell with the fallout. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701248 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 15:12:23 +0000 psw27 2701248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MenagerieMama: omg same. I'm due end of April, I had my first 5.5 weeks early so god knows when this one will come so yeah, the open ended ticket happened. Ugh. </p> <p>The "he seems like he's being difficult and needs his mom" fade out is the best! My son is 2.5 and she couldn't handle him over Thanksgiving at ALL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701235 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 14:49:09 +0000 MenagerieMama 2701235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@psw27: oh god. Pillows?? At least my mom has only requested we buy her decaf coffee as well because she mixes (we buy her coffee when she comes since we don't drink it). We just bought my mom tickets for coming out at the end of April to help with LO1 when 2 arrives because we have no other support options and I'm already dreading it. She wanted an open ended ticket but I said nope! There is an endpoint for baby to be out and there is an endpoint to your stay. We paid for the tickets and she was picky about what times she could or couldn't fly. When she's here if LO gets cranky (as 2 yr olds do sometimes apparently...) she just fades away and has me take over. She doesn't even help her with the potty if she asks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701227 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 14:37:59 +0000 psw27 2701227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: It is an open ended plane ticket... so she's just going to stay until the baby arrives. I can't even...... Pros and Cons to a MIL on the other side of the country but the visits don't tend to be for a day of course! I would literally never say we had a free Saturday I were you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701226 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 14:37:44 +0000 skipra 2701226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh MIL's should be banned from texting. Mine used to request photos so I would send them and never hear anything back but she would send them out in a group text to other family members thanking DH for the photo. I stopped contacting her or sending her anything. She complains to DH a lot so he tells her to call/text/email me because I am with the kids all day and she never does. Whatever, it's her loss that she can't lower herself to contact me because she doesn't have nearly as good a relationship with our kids as she could. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-vent-of-the-day#post-2701211 Wed, 22 Feb 2017 14:22:58 +0000 ElbieKay 2701211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@psw27: Omg a MIL visit at 38 weeks? No way José!</p> <p>My MIL has a history of expecting us to visit every time we don't have plans. I finally lost it at my husband last fall and told him she has to stop calling him at 8am every Saturday to ask about our weekend plans and demand a visit if we have free time. I look forward to my down time with my family, and she is not allowed to swoop in and steal it at the last minute. If she wants to make plans they need to be made in advance, and they can't always be on her terms. She always wants it to be at her house, and she pouts when we leave. She is pretty judgmental about our lifestyle -- we live in an urban environment, and she thinks it's terrible that we don't have a yard -- and after she got so demanding over the past year I am totally over it. My husband needs to stop letting her guilt trip him all the time. </p>