https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 02:42:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them/page/2#post-1910339 Wed, 22 Oct 2014 07:28:11 +0000 catomd00 1910339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JMOM: your honesty is refreshing and if I am being honest, I always feel mani </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1910259 Wed, 22 Oct 2014 01:29:29 +0000 lemondrop 1910259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cut that shit off since it is just deflecting the issue. Immediately I come back with something similar to @wonderstruck: "We both know that is not true, but we have a problem/this isn't working, and I would appreciate your help in finding a solution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1910185 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 22:01:50 +0000 blackbird 1910185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate that pity party victim shit. My mom pulls it and my therapist has had me pull back because she never gets it. Some people will never change, unfortunately, so all you can change is your interactions with them. Makes me ragey, though. Woe is me, wah wah wah. Rage! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1910182 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 21:57:54 +0000 youboots 1910182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a weird form of deflection. I could not handle dealing with it, it seems like a very unconstructive way to communicate. Do you see a therapist? Could you take them? I see this a some weird mix of passive aggressive/manipulation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1910180 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 21:49:06 +0000 JMOM 1910180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do this to my husband. I really don't know why I act like this, but reading all your responses is convicting me about my behavior. I think I just take things he says personally. It's probably a self-esteem thing - I just assume he is saying the things I am thinking in my head because I'm so hard on myself.</p> <p>If I'm being honest, I wonder if it isn't a form of manipulation. :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1910087 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 20:48:50 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1910087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, responses like that would really get to me. I'd start saying: Why do you always turn it around on me? I'm sorry if I'm making you feel bad for mentioning it, but please put yourself in my shoes and imagine how I feel when you do X and Y. If I'm asking in a way that you think is constructive, then please let me know how I should approach the subject for next time ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1910037 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 20:25:45 +0000 Mae 1910037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd call them out and just be like: I'm not saying you're a piece of shit but I am saying that I'm unhappy with X. And when I try to talk to you honestly about my feelings and you respond like that, you're putting me in a position where instead of talking to you about my problem I end up reassuring you that you're not a piece of shit and nothing gets solved. If you want to be a good friend/sibling/etc what I need from you is to talk to me about how we can avoid this in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1910031 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 20:22:58 +0000 catomd00 1910031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I pretty much just roll my eyes and ignore them as stop the conversation. My mom does this all the time. It's so obnoxious and rude and I just can't take it. I've accepted she will just never change so it's no longer worth trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909777 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 17:20:02 +0000 namaste 1909777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: I usually say something similar! It took me a while to get to this response but really it is just a cop out way to get out of addressing an issue and it's pretty lousy when someone's worked up the courage to address a problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909744 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 16:51:23 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1909744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds like my husband sometimes! Unusually tell him not to be dramatic. No one is perfect but I value communication and self betterment. If no one every criticized me I'd never be better and I expect the same. People often do this as a manipulation I feel . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909612 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 15:50:35 +0000 .twist. 1909612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: hahaha Sometimes I wish I had the balls to say this, but I know it would cause MORE of a fight and I try to avoid arguments like the plague! </p> <p>@gingerbebe: Get straight to the point. I like that too, thanks! :D </p> <p>@Dandelion: lol! It's what I want to do too! Pity Party, get OVER it! LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909494 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 15:07:51 +0000 Dandelion 1909494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I slap them.</p> <p>Not really, but that's what I want to do.</p> <p>I say OH PLEASE, just listen to what I'm saying and cheer up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909484 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 15:04:25 +0000 gingerbebe 1909484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would personally try to out-blunt them to stay on task. Like, their feelings on the matter aren't what I'm questioning. I'm following up about what you said you would do or letting you know that you made me feel badly about something.</p> <p>Me: I asked you to do x, y, and z but it didn't get done. </p> <p>Them: Well then I guess I'm a shitty person.</p> <p>Me: I literally have no idea what that response has to do with this situation. I really need x, y, and z to get done. Would you mind finishing that up for me because you said you would do it. Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909464 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 14:56:30 +0000 avivoca 1909464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: This is excellent advice! I'm going to try it the next time my wonderful DH responds with something like what yours used to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909204 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:58:58 +0000 stiletto_mom 1909204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"You said it, not me. Just do better next time."</p> <p>LOL DH knows better to pull this crap on me. I usually just go with it in the completely opposite direction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909175 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:44:02 +0000 .twist. 1909175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: I definitely think it has it's place. :) And, obviously as soon as I wrote this thread I got a phone call with an apology like an adult. HA. They must've known... :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909168 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:41:42 +0000 mediagirl 1909168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: you might be able to get help on how to handle situations like that if you go. Therapy is great. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909149 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:34:14 +0000 mlm2934 1909149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: totally get that! it was a much bigger issue when she was my roommate in the past, but now we don't ever upset each other so I don't have to deal with it often :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909140 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:31:56 +0000 .twist. 1909140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: hahaha. I liked the way you worded that. ;) </p> <p>Probably not. For a few reasons, they have been to therapy before, multiple times, and have never had positive results. I, personally, feel like we can work it out on our own. </p> <p>I would consider therapy for myself, though. I've gone before for other issues and I would try again for this if it doesn't change soon-ish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909131 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:29:20 +0000 cyndistar3 1909131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: I totally get it, I have no tolerance for pity parties ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909127 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:28:09 +0000 mediagirl 1909127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: great response!<br /> @.twist.: depending on how close this person is to you, would you and that person be willing to go to therapy over it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909121 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:26:00 +0000 .twist. 1909121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: I'm so tired of wording everything carefully and walking on eggshells. I try to word things carefully from the start, no need for me to sit there and ponder a 5 word sentence for an hour in hopes I don't hurt your feelings. haha I'm just tired of it! </p> <p>@Baby Boy Mom: It is so dismissive and annoying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909115 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:24:13 +0000 .twist. 1909115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: Thank you! That response is great. I will use it. :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909114 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:24:08 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 1909114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like that is such an annoying dismissive response. I generally respond with "That's not what I said. I was talking about (insert original topic)." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909111 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:22:56 +0000 mlm2934 1909111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have advice, but I do have a friend who is like this. In that case, it is a self-esteem issue. The person has a very hard time hearing anything non-uplifting without projecting it as a reflection of their worth. If that's the case with these people too, I really don't know how to handle except very careful wording. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909106 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:21:52 +0000 .twist. 1909106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Thanks! I like the bit about deflecting and not addressing concerns. :) </p> <p>@hilsy85: Yes, I feel like that's exactly what it is. If I say it first you can't and the conversation is over. Thanks for the tips, I definitely always try to make "me" statements, but it doesn't always work. I'll have to work on that! </p> <p>@mrsjyw: It is SO frustrating! It's not enough of a reaction to just cut them off. I just wish they would change their response and behaviour! I hope your MIL gets better at taking things less as an insult and more just, that's the way things are. I also don't bring things up often because I am constantly walking on eggshells about their precious feeeeeeelings. </p> <p>@Synchronicity: haha it is so dramatic. Pull up your big boy/girl panties and just talk to me. Like you, my comments aren't personal and I just wish they'd take it and try more/better/something else next time. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Thanks! I really appreciate your response. You have a lot of great tips. Especially like the bit about pointing out how it's the exact behaviour that's unhelpful. </p> <p>@Mama Bird: Thanks for chiming in. :) I'm sure you're correct, and I'm sure it does have something to do with that. Honestly, I'd rather them just say "I'm sorry, I dropped the ball, I will do it now" or something along those lines? ya know? If I fuck up, or if I do something wrong, I own it. I think a big part of the problem with these people (one in particular) is that they have a hard/stubborn time saying sorry. </p> <p>@cyndistar3: It totally is putting words in my mouth and I usually just give up. What else am I saying that they're interpreting in their own dramatic way, ya know? haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909081 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:14:27 +0000 wonderstruck 1909081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH totally used to do this, anytime (okay not anytime, but too often) I complained or brought up an issue it was, "Well sorry I'm such a crappy husband/dad!" Ughhh come on, really dude? My response (and it took a few times, but he doesn't do it anymore) was something along the lines of, "That's not what I said and you know it, it's not fair to make me feel bad for telling you when something is bothering me. If you have a problem with the way I'm addressing it we can discuss that, but right now I'm trying to talk to you about X, and I'd appreciate it if we could focus on fixing that instead of you just saying crap to try to get me to drop it."</p> <p>It's wordy but that kind of stuff hits a nerve for me, I get mad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909070 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:07:26 +0000 cyndistar3 1909070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My response is typically along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way but I did not say that, I would appreciate it if you didn't put words in my mouth"... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909052 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:02:03 +0000 Mama Bird 1909052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am guilty of responding like that sometimes :( I don't do it to blow the person off, it's more that I feel terrible about whatever is making them upset but I'm 99% sure I can't do what would make them happy. </p> <p>Maybe that's the problem for them too, that they feel guilty but don't know how to fix the problem or how to say they feel guilty in a less ridiculous way, at least in the moment. Don't know if that helps... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negative-responses-how-do-you-handle-them#post-1909042 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 11:57:43 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1909042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That kind of response is dismissive and allows the person to play the victim. I know people like you are describing that handle constructive feedback the same way. </p> <p>Don't drop what ever you were saying. I find simply asking "what do you mean?" Or "why do you feel that way?" continues the dialogue. You may still get sarcastic answers so reassuring the other person you actually want to hear what they say, value what tthey say may help them open up.</p> <p>As a last resort, point out how their behavior in the situation is exactly the behavior that is affecting how you feel about them &amp; your relationship. </p> <p>What I find helpful also is tailoring my initial remarks to foster engagement and cooperation.</p> <p>Example: original "I asked you to do x, y, z." Death stare til the other person speaks. </p> <p>New, " before I left to go do X you agreed to do why Y, Z. But, Y,Z are still left un done. Could you get those completed now, so I can move on to A?" I know its a lot of words, but it shows what I did, what they should do and how their inaction impacts me- a member of the team. </p>