Hellobee Boards Tag: one and done

Hellobee Boards Tag: one and done https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 19:07:17 +0000 Aimed121 on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2362827 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 10:37:03 +0000 Aimed121 2362827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thank you ladies for your input. I love that there was so many changes of heart! Our LO is almost 3 and we may be starting to have a change of heart too - but still comfortably on the fence.! erinbaderin on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341768 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 20:17:30 +0000 erinbaderin 2341768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband was pretty much one and done, and I had always seen myself with two but after 5 years of infertility I didn't think it was going to be an option (wasn't going through IVF again). Having one also was working well for us, we'd gotten into a good rhythm. Then I got surprise-pregnant, so the decision was kind of made for us. It's actually taken me a while to come to terms with having two (which is weird because I'd always thought that I wanted a second but wouldn't get to have one) - I'm anxious about changing a family dynamic that works great. 2littlepumpkins on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341749 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 19:52:06 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2341749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I was only truly one and done for the first maybe six months, maybe a little less. Then I felt like maybe I could survive it again. :P I don't think that really counts though. OhCaptain on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341680 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 17:48:39 +0000 OhCaptain 2341680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We were never 100% one and done, and our second was an oopsie. When I was pregnant I was sure I didn't want another and now I can't quite close the door on the idea of a third. MoonMoon on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341627 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 15:59:08 +0000 MoonMoon 2341627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We said we were one and done before having kids. But literally the day LO was born, I was like um... I want another! But DH isn't on board, though he's not 100% against it either. Now it's a matter of timing. We're both getting older, and I'm about to start a nursing program and embarking on a dramatic career change! So I have no idea if it'll happen, or when, just that I really want it to! Sigh... Tanjowen on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341576 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 14:49:22 +0000 Tanjowen 2341576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Change of heart. And our son getting to a point in being independent enough where I can actually visualize having another and it doesn't stress me out. Currently trying to get pregnant! sorrycharlie on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341409 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 10:40:27 +0000 sorrycharlie 2341409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I always wanted more, but after LO1, my husband decided he was one and done. We actually had a LOT of intense fighting over it, because I felt lied to (we had pre-marriage talks of 3!). He actually had a change of heart when our LO was 18 months, and we got pregnant try #1. So there was no changing minds again ha. We are definitely done now, though - we both are happy with our two! lovehoneybee on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341400 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 10:24:19 +0000 lovehoneybee 2341400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ There were several factors. My husband was 98% sure we were one and done. I went back and forth a lot, but he wasn't on board I didn't want another. I just asked him that he not completely shut the door yet....no permanent measures until we had both been 100% sure for at least a year. Couple things that changed his mind: I went back to work, so he didn't feel the pressure of being the sole provider. We were in the process of looking for a larger house. Evan was becoming very independent and is almost potty-trained. My mom was planning on retiring and moving up, so she'd be around to help me (D works second shift so I do evenings alone). Apparently he'd been thinking about it a while. In late September we were at a wedding and he told a friend that there was a 50/50 chance he'd want another. In mid-January he told me he was ready for another. I had been thinking about it too...I was trying to come to peace with only having one. I thought I might always have a little bit of regret, but I had a long list of positives. I was in a "I'm okay with one" state of mind when he told me wanted another. I decided to go with it...I wasn't gung-ho about it at the time, but figured it took us over a year to conceive our first, so I'd have time to get excited about it. I got my IUD out in late February, had my first period in mid-March and got a BFP in mid-April. So no real transition period, lol. I was in disbelief for a while, but we're excited about it now! MrsH on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341370 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 09:37:00 +0000 MrsH 2341370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Change of heart. Wanted LO to have a sibling for later in life. No transition really. Aimed121 on "If you are a one and done dropout!" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-one-and-done-dropout#post-2341328 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 08:18:03 +0000 Aimed121 2341328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ If you are a one and done dropout - what changed for you? Was it a financial situation change or other practical change, a change of heart or an oppsie! Also how was the transition to your new plans? Greentea on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280953 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 21:24:21 +0000 Greentea 2280953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think a child can have the best life ever as an only- I think parents, PARENTS, affect children most, more than a sibling (or lack thereof), more than anyone. I spend all of my time with my daughter, and DH does the same when he isn't working. If you have people in your life you connect to, be it a parent, a friend, an aunt, or a sibling, that's what matters, though I still maintain that parents affect children most (and parents affect sibling relationships). You can have parents that ignore you or engage, same with siblings, and in my experience, my siblings were loyal to my parents (closer to them than to me). It wasn't like the movies where siblings had one another's backs. DH had a similar experience. Moving on from that- maybe ask yourself what having "a sibling" actually means or translates into, then weigh the pros and cons of that. Does it mean twice as much to do? Does it mean you get a break while they play? Does it mean a hopeful best friend? sapphire on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280912 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 20:19:31 +0000 sapphire 2280912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think a sibling is a very good reason. But if it was your only reason? Probably wouldn't be enough. mrsjyw on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280869 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:39:44 +0000 mrsjyw 2280869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I agree with others that it can't be the only reason, but being a factor is a very real reason for a lot of people's family plan decisions. Dh is an only child and always longed for a sibling even though he grew up with everything he could possibly want (trips, college paid for, etc), he said he always wished for a sibling even if they didn't end up being close, he said it would've been nice in younger years to have a playmate and now as his parents age another adult to share the burden of long term care, etc. I have a younger brother who I am very close to and have always wanted at least two kids. While I don't think it's a guarantee that siblings will be close, I don't think it's a guarantee that they won't be! In our family, extended family, and close circle of friends... Most everyone (except mil) is very close to their sibling(s) as well as a close knit relationship w friends (which I think can be family as well!) We are a two, maybe three family. Just had our second Ds last month and will take some time to decide on the maybe third! lawbee11 on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280843 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:21:33 +0000 lawbee11 2280843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't think a sibling alone is enough of a reason. Having a child rocked my world and has been so much more challenging than I anticipated. I would have to really want another child for me (not just to give my daughter a sibling) to go through it all again. I have a brother and while I love him we're not very close. We couldn't afford to travel growing up (I flew for the first time when I was 18). We've already taken our 2-year-old on so many trips and it's so fun being able to experience all of this with her :) erinpye on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280824 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:00:22 +0000 erinpye 2280824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't think it's a good enough reason to do it, but having said that, my heart is so full of joy from seeing my 2 girls laugh and play together. I'm so, SO very glad they have each other, and that I have them both. But, they are only 22 months apart and I suffered extreme PPD after the second one was born, and that's no joke. Having 2 was really hard for me at first. Don't do it, unless you're sure *you* want another baby. Mrs.Pinecone316 on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280822 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 18:55:47 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2280822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It sounds like you have very good reasons to have just one. Sometimes I think one and done is for me too but the sibling factor is a big deal to me also. I know there are no guarantees they are close but every only child I have met has always said they wish they had a sibling so that always sticks in my head. Torchwood on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280820 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 18:54:09 +0000 Torchwood 2280820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We decided to be one and done when I was pregnant with this LO. We have a lot of reasons, but it really comes down to that we don't have any strong desire for another. I actually love the newborn phase (though I have a great sleeper, so if that changes my opinion might too), but even though I'm sad that it's going so quickly, I still feel very certain of our choice. Wanting to give her a sibling was a big deal, and the main thing that held me back on sticking with one for a long time. But I wound up deciding that if that was the only reason, it wasn't enough. There are no guarantees that they'd even be close anyway. I wrote a rather long blog post going into all of my thoughts on all this, and can wall you the link if you're interested. Some aspects are specific to us (took 4 pregnancies to get one healthy, living child), but a lot is more general. dc yoga bee on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280815 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 18:51:20 +0000 dc yoga bee 2280815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Rainbow Sprinkles: this. @Aimed121: I moved to DC to be near my family, which was a huge hit to the pockets coming from ATL. But, luckily my mom provides childcare for us, so our lifestyle/free time dynamic is a bit more flexible. All of my family is here, and we made the sacrifice of a smaller housing, more costly cost of living to make that work. And I had DD at 27, so I have a few years to let her gain some independence (that sounds funny considering she is 14 weeks old ha!) You will decide what's right for you, and there is no right or wrong answer! Rainbow Sprinkles on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280745 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 16:36:33 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2280745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ So I am one of 5 children and am extremely close to all of my siblings, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. There is actually only one person close to me who is an only child. My very best friend growing up, from about age 11 through college, was an only child. Although she loved reaping the benefits like larger budget for clothes and shoes and lavish vacations, she always told me how sad it made her that she didn't have a sibling, and she would try and spend as much time as possible with my loud family with lots of kids. Since both of her parents worked, she absolutely LOATHED the lonely afternoons after school while she waited for her parents to come home. Now that she is an adult, she says being an only weighs especially hard on her, when she thinks of the task of caring for her parents when they are ill, or finding care for them when they are not able to live alone. She said the thought of dealing with funerals, or a parent getting diagnosed with cancer, etc, all by herself with no sibling help makes her sad. On top of that, whenever there are family issues, she has always said she wishes she had someone to talk through things with rather than being the only one and feeling caught in the middle. I am sure someone who actually is an older child can weigh in on this, but since she is someone who is so close to me, her experience has always been on my mind when it comes to determining how many kids we will have. Same goes for my own experience with a large family. Sure, our budget was tighter, but we were never alone, always had someone to laugh with, cry with, sneak out with, etc. Also, I totally get that the first 2 years are hard. Exhausting, chaotic, and full of so many emotions and trials and even stress on your marriage. However, I strongly believe that it is just 2 years. 2 years out of LIFETIME! I always think to myself -- will I even remember these hard times when I'm gathered around the table at Christmas with my 3 children, their spouses, and their children (my grandchildren)? No way. Another child means so much more love--another son or daughter in law, more grandchildren, more family to come and visit. The baby years are just a fart in the wind! Aimed121 on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280728 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 16:19:12 +0000 Aimed121 2280728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mediagirl: I wish you weren't feeling the same as it is the pits - but I'm glad that there is someone else that understands :grin: ! I think that I have decided that just for now that answer is 'no baby' because it's too close a call and I know that the sacrifices are likely even more than I imagine so I need to want to go into it with both feet. Perhaps that will change in time. I am worried about the old 'AMA' situation but if we wait too long and it doesn't work out, then I think I will feel that we really didn't want another badly enough or else we would have been eager to try sooner if that makes sense. mediagirl on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280690 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 15:51:07 +0000 mediagirl 2280690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Aimed121: to give a sibling is the only reason why we have considered having more than one. Sure then you have double the love but you have double the cost and stress and all that crud that happens in the first 2 years, too. It's so hard to make the decision, especially when you're going to be considered AMA if you have another (eh hem...I understand). There is no right answer other than the one you can answer. Every month that passes here I am both sad and happy. I don't ever want to be pregnant again but at the same time, I would love to duplicate my child. <-- I know that is not possible even with another kid. :) So, short answer - no idea. But I feel your pain because I'm in the same boat. Our lo is 3. Aimed121 on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280681 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 15:46:12 +0000 Aimed121 2280681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @dc yoga bee: I think that this is what is giving me pause - I too have a great relationship with my siblings and I would like that for my LO - but I also know I have to want to raise a child, not merely a sibling and it would change our lifestyle, pretty dramatically I imagine as we have no family even remotely nearby so the free time we have managed to eek out with LO #1 would disappear as well as travel opportunities etc. @JoyfulKiwi: When I look into the future, I do love the idea of two and think of all those special moments - like the Christmas mornings etc, but then I remember that there are another 364 mornings in the year :silly: I was listening to a podcast the other day about making big decisions and the advice was to 'choose the bigger life' which I thought was great advice. Now I can't decide if the bigger life is a second child or all of the opportunities that we could have with an only especially with travel and education. I'm confused. JoyfulKiwi on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280532 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 13:57:23 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2280532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Providing a sibling wasn't our only reason for having a 2nd, but it was a major factor in our Pros column. We really wanted our son to have a playmate, someone to share the burden of us getting older, and a person he can likely depend on as he grows older (and visa versa!). Having two seems daunting now (sleep! money! scheduling! ack!), but I talk myself down by remembering this is a *short* window of my life. My parents once had 3 young kids and they made it to the other side - so can I! Plus, when we considered our life/family in 10-15 years, it always included another child. If you can look beyond the madness of raising two littles, what do you envision for your family? dc yoga bee on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280522 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 13:46:50 +0000 dc yoga bee 2280522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'll give you the opposite view, and just as there is no guarantee they will be close, there's no guarantee they won't be close!! My brother and I are extremely close, and are the best of friends. He walked me down the aisle with my dad. I am perfectly content with one, and if we have another it is only because of the sibling relationship I have with my brother. There's no guarantee one way or the other, but I know I would want my child to at least have the opportunity to have that bond. All we can do as parents is try to foster that, and not let them curse each other out while growing up :) . We wouldn't have a lifestyle change by adding another, and would still plan to provide the same amount of time and money for extra-curricular activities, and college. And of course, I would love #2, I just don't have a deep longing, and the sibling factor is the factor that's influencing our decision. PurplePeony on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279288 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:46:01 +0000 PurplePeony 2279288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Aimed121: oh my gosh, I could have written your first few paragraphs word-for-word except that my DD is only 21 months. We're still on the fence about whether to have another -- me more so than DH, but neither of us have ruled it out. I think the thing keeping me from saying we're one and done is that when I think about our family way down the road, I always see us with two kids. I don't necessarily want another right now, I have no desire to relive the baby days and having a toddler is so much work, but I'm not sure that these couple years are enough to outweigh all the other years that will follow. I would never have another kid just to give DD a sibling, though, since my brother and I are not close and live entirely separate lives for the most part (we don't dislike each other, just have nothing in common). If my parents had had him just for my sake (they didn't), I'd say it was an epic fail...so I think it could be part of the calculus of whether to have another, but not a stand-alone reason. BandDmommy on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279280 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:43:57 +0000 BandDmommy 2279280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband is one of three and he's not close to either of his brothers. I think of you expect your kids to have an amazing sibling relationship you are setting up yourself for disappointment. They may be best friends, they may not be. You never know.: you need to do what is best for you and your family. MamaG on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279254 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:29:01 +0000 MamaG 2279254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Aimed121: We just trudge through is really the only answer. It's getting easier each month. Honestly, think long term. In ten years what do you want your holiday to feel like. Who is at the table? When you are an empty nester, what do you hope for your family? I'm not exactly close with my siblings (I have two). One doesn't speak to any of my family and the other I tolerate because she loves my kids. As we know we will be dealing with end of life decisions in my family near'ish, I'm thankful I have a sibling that I tolerate as I can't imagine going through that journey alone. We might fight and disagree, but I'm thankful she's there. I'm not trying to tell you that you need another child. I'm just sharing some of the thing that played into it for us. This parenting of two gig isn't easy but I'm glad I have the kids I do. Even when they make me crazy! Anya on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279249 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:23:00 +0000 Anya 2279249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Your child doesn't have to have a sibling in order to have wonderful and meaningful life long relationships! One of my best friends of nearly 30 years is an only child and we have a very sibling-like relationship. It is such a hard decision when you feel like you are giving something up either way and there's no clear right or wrong, so just think that your family and your LO will be gaining something too no matter what you decide. Aimed121 on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279247 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:20:37 +0000 Aimed121 2279247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @daniellemybelle: @Tanjowen: I agree that we just may not be ready yet or ever and that's ok. I think I just want to make a decision so I don't have to keep thinking about it! @MamaG: Respect ma'am! Our distance from family definitely gives me pause both ways as we miss family support but on the other hand LO has no close family around so a sibling would be nice. How do you manage 2 without family support? @Adira: Prior to having LO, we (especially me) wanted at least 2 and open to 3, but after having LO I realized that I probably liked the idea of a large family rather than the reality of it. Although I had siblings growing up, they are much older than me so we weren't close until adulthood. As a child I really wanted a sibling of a similar age so I am trying to be really sure that this 'sibling' thing s not just an unmet need of my own childhood being projected onto my son. skipra on "Is 'a sibling' - a good enough reason?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279240 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:11:13 +0000 skipra 2279240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ A sibling can be enough reason for some but if it would be a detriment to your marriage and family's happiness it is not reason enough. I think having a happy and loving family is way more important than having a sibling.