https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 00:40:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1156010 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 15:35:05 +0000 Sammyfab 1156010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FarmWifeGina: feel free to wall me if you need more info! Is it an anxiety thing or does he almost do it subconsciously when he's bored? I would just try to redirect him or tell him to stop. If you feel like he really needs that sensory input, you can try some of the ideas I listed above. I'm glad he's not chewing toy wheels anymore! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155934 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 15:13:58 +0000 FarmWifeGina 1155934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sammyfab! Not to hijack the thread, but you are the perfect person to ask if my 4 year, 10 month-old son is normal or close enough to normal for me not to worry too much anymore! At least now he's no longer chewing all the rubber tires off his toy cars and tractors... Although I sometimes catch him chewing on the sleeve of his hoodie or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155901 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 15:06:15 +0000 Sammyfab 1155901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others, I don't buy the teeth alignment thing. A blankie is much softer than a thumb or paci, so unless he is really chewing on it and grinding his teeth, I can't see how it can possibly damage his teeth. I'm not a dentist though so take my opinion with a grain of salt!</p> <p>In regards to the oral motor fixation and the sensory input that's been discussed in this thread, I really don't see that as the issue. Unless your son puts everything in his mouth and wants to suck on something all. day. long, then it really just sounds like a self soothing technique to go to sleep. I find that perfectly normal and healthy and I wouldn't ever take a blankie away...I would just limit it to sleep situations which you are already doing. :)</p> <p>I am an OT that works with preschool (3-5 y.o.) and school-aged kids. I see kids that suck their thumbs and blankies constantly at school and it drives me bonkers! For the kiddos that seem to have a strong oral sensory fixation, we give them an Arc Grabber or a P tube and set boundaries on how and when they use them at school. We also incorporate oral sensory activities (drinking with a straw, chewing crunch foods, blowing bubbles, etc.) into their day to meet their sensory needs. Anyway, I've gone off on a huge tangent, but I just wanted to say that I don't think your son has sensory issues either. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155848 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 14:50:22 +0000 Honeybee 1155848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmmm, maybe you'll want to ask your doctor about this, but what about using a spray on your LO's blanket that will make it taste unpleasant so he won't want to suck on it? I first thought of the sprays made for dogs (citrus sprays and bitter apple sprays) that discourage them from licking/chewing on furniture. I bet, though, with a little research you might be able to find something specifically for human consumption (maybe vinegar or lemon/lime juice?). If your son is turned off of the taste of his blankie, he might stop sucking on it, even if he still needs it as a comfort object. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155663 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 13:55:28 +0000 irene 1155663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: I know! DH is a jerk sometimes (wait. A lot of times). Just like the time when he was angry at me getting up to breastfeed LO when he was 7 months old (because of pediatrician's comments about how they no longer has a medical need to eat over the night... i refused to listen to him because my son cried and cried until he drank milk!). Yes I know. Any pediatrician references? LOL. I am sticking with the current pediatrician because he provides us with email support and he is OK when it is not with these issues. I like another doc in the same practice but she doesn't have an email for us.</p> <p>ETA: Please note though, our pediatrician did say we are OK with the continued use of the blankie. If it bothers us so much, then replace it with a "transitional object". He said that. The only thing that stood out was he did say "it will affect his teeth but braces will correct that".</p> <p>About DH, it is his son too so I need to work around it, respect what he wants for his son, and somehow work with our differences. Anyhoo. That's another topic. But for now, I will figure out a way to create a transitional object (yes, transition him off of blankie) that he can attach to, without stuffing it in his mouth, by age 2. Again, both of us are all OK with him to keep the blankie as long as he wants, IF he doesn't put it in his mouth. (which it isn't happening so far) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155608 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 13:44:33 +0000 MsLipGloss 1155608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Right now, your LO's transitional object is his blankie. He may eventually have other objects that provide the same reassurance, but right now, he has his blankie. </p> <p>Also, your Ped is not a Dentist/Orthodontist/Ped Dentist/Ortho . . . so regard his advice regarding formation of teeth (which is affected by a variety of factors!) accordingly. If your Ped thinks it's "weird" for your LO to suck on a blanket to self-soothe, I would seriously consider finding another Pediatrician. Stat! </p> <p>And I would normally not say this, but . . . your DH needs to be more flexible with regard to your LO and his blankie. And that's all I will say about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155578 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 13:37:58 +0000 irene 1155578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: hmm I don't think it is that silly.... or there wouldn't be recommendation that people should remove the the pacifier by a certain age to avoid teeth alignment issues. And there wouldn't be pacifiers designed to avoid orthodontics problems. Besides, braces is not cheap and it may not be covered by insurance (that I have to look into, if we do need it). </p> <p>And yes, my mom did tell me not to read in dim light...etc. in order to avoid getting glasses.... unfortunately I ended up needing them anyway..... but that's a whole different story :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155561 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 13:34:06 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1155561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I think it is silly he wants to take away the blankie because of the cost of braces. </p> <p>That's like not letting him watch 3D movies because he doesn't want to pay for glasses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155404 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 12:56:56 +0000 irene 1155404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also asked my friend who's husband is a psychiatrist who works in a mental institution. This was his reply:</p> <p>"A baby, toddler is naturally dependent on the care givers to satisfy their needs, whether it's physical or psychological/emotional needs. As they grow up, the object of identification can gravitate towards non-parental objects or persons, which take place of the parents as a comforter, reassureer. This is called the transitional object until they learn to satisfy this need in themselves. (some adults never satisfy this need by the way). Would it be an overindulgence to feel safe and secure? Not sure if there is such a thing. This sense of security would allow toddlers to explore, and feel more confident in themselves eventually, but it will be a slow process (as I mentioned, some adults never get this). The transitional object can be more than one object that allows them to self sooth. So to make everyone feel better, whether a few objects can be built into the night time routine, to become associated with the blanket so that eventually when the blanket is taken away, there is another object to rely on."</p> <p>So basically, I still don't know what to do. It sounds like he thinks I should not cut off the blankie for LO until he's ready (regardless of teething issues), or until I am able to replace it with a "transitional object". (He has a ton of stuffed animals on his crib and other blankets that he likes, but he only wants his blankie). I guess I may use the blankie to sew a pillow for him, so in a way he can't put it in his mouth but I am OK with him keeping it. Not sure if it would work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1155391 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 12:55:07 +0000 irene 1155391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone - so basically most of you thinks I should take the Freudian Oral Stage with a grain of salt....</p> <p>Just that I'd hate the fact that one day, LO became a smoker and alcoholic and ended up in therapy. Then after thousands and thousands of dollars they concluded it was because his mom removed his blankie too early and took away his sense of security and what not (or didn't remove it soon enough) LOL. (Well, I do feel fearful of that)</p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: @shopaholic:<br /> @Kimberlybee: Thanks - unfortunately our pediatrician said yes it affects his teeth alignment "but braces will correct that". And of course DH listens to that. Grrr. I'll have to have a talk with him next time he snaps at me again (unfortunately so far it ends up in yelling that he does not agree with my parenting and vice versa)</p> <p>@TurtleDoves: Freudians would argue you didn't satisfied your oral stage .... Just kidding!! ;) </p> <p>@bunnymommy: Thank you for your expert opinion! I did try to talk to him about it, but the more I talk the worse he cried. Anything about "bo bo" (blankie) not returning he'd get really upset. </p> <p>@looch: No... not yet. Maybe we would if his language continues to delay pass 2 years....</p> <p>@Silva: @MsLipGloss: @bunnymommy: Thanks for the expert advice !</p> <p>@FarmWifeGina: Good to know that we are not alone! When we told our pediatrician (via email) about this and ask for his opinion, he wrote back and say "umm, that's weird he would do that" (shove the blankie in his mouth). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154337 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 08:17:31 +0000 FarmWifeGina 1154337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not a therapist, but we had blanket sucker/chewer too. I'm a little embarrassed to say how long we left him have it, especially because he didn't need it to fall asleep, he just liked it and it was a comfort thing for him. Anyways. I was worried about his teeth too and started reminding him to take it out of his mouth around 3 and when that didn't work completely, took it away at 4. It's a nice, soft blanket, even I would love to cuddle with it. He had his first dentist appointment a few months after he turned 4 and I asked the dentist about it and he said there hadn't been any damage caused that he could, but an oral fixation should be curbed by age 5, to prevent dental problems. Here's the thing though- he was a chewer of a LOT of things until just a few months ago. Constantly sticking things in his mouth, I think it's a sensory thing. He just had to feel how it felt to bite down or gum on certain objects. I kind of get it because I vaguely remember the same urge from when I was young. Anyways, sorry, rabbit trail. Not sure if biting AAALLLLLL TEH THINGS was related to his blankie habit or not. But another thing is that, even though we took the blankie away almost a year ago, he will still occasionally chew on a corner of a blanket or towel that reminds him of his blankie. Not when he's sleeping, but I find him doing it when he's watching TV or reading books or just staring off into nothingness (SO my kid). I remind him about what the dentist said and have explained what braces are and how much they hurt, but I still catch him at it every few weeks or so.<br /> Now that I've written all this, I honestly don't know how much help it is to you, lol. I think my point is, I don't think letting him have it is *that* big of deal, but if you do take it, he may decide that something else feels good to chew on instead. Oooooor, maybe that's just my kid BECAUSE I didn't take it away soon enough. It was dumb not to take it away sooner, I know, but there were multiple reasons (excuses) I just didn't do it until I did. :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154286 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 08:01:45 +0000 imbali 1154286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: I know what you mean - I don't buy into CBT at all really but if using it as a sense-making tool works for an individual client, I'm all for it. The joys of being integrative I suppose :happy: I guess you'll always gravitate to the theories that make the most sense for you and then just need to be mindful of the fact that they may not work for others. </p> <p>Btw, I just went back and read your comment - I loved this: 'loving, attentive parents who engage actively with your son' -- +1000. That is what is most important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154268 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 07:50:25 +0000 Silva 1154268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bunnymommy: I'll through him a bone- I think that any theory can be useful if it makes sense for the situation. Kind of like dream interpretation- it has meaning if it has meaning for the individual. So I might use a Freudian theory to help a client make sense of her own experience, but I wouldn't go looking to Freud for causal relationships.<br /> I honestly used Freud more in literature analysis in college than as a therapist...but I did see a therapist who occasionally brought his theories into our work, and they were useful for the reason I explained above :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154239 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 07:28:40 +0000 MsLipGloss 1154239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: YES! I give your post two thumbs up, waaaaaay up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154193 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:58:42 +0000 looch 1154193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you spoken to an oral motor therapist? I have been talking to a few lately and they are a wealth of knowledge, really. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154182 Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:31:58 +0000 imbali 1154182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>haha I'll chime in at the risk of being lynched by all the non-dynamic psychologists. I wouldn't say I was Freudian necessarily but I am psychodynamic and think that a lot of Freud's work is useful. Unfortunately it often has been misinterpreted and oversimplified so that it comes across as quite bizarre. </p> <p>So, having said that - I wouldn't worry about long term psychological damage from taking away his blankie. Psychology is rarely (if ever) a cause and effect science and often direct links from one event cant (and shouldnt) be made. My thoughts on it would be to talk to him about it - even if it may seem that he doesnt understand. Name his feelings around it (you miss your blankie, it's hard when mommy and daddy take it away, you wish you still had your blankie to cuddle, you're feeling anxious/scared/sad without it - whatever you think about where he is at). And then just try to be consistent around whatever decision you make (to take it away or to leave it with him - SO much easier said than done, I know!). </p> <p>I really think that there is little you can do with one act that'll scar your baby for life or make a HUGE long lasting impact on his development - you obviously love him very much and you're thinking about him a lot and that's the most important thing. Hugs mama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154075 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 22:49:23 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1154075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just my 2 cents:<br /> Freud's theories have been in most part denounced by the psychology world.<br /> That being said:</p> <p>1- I am the sarcastic, pessimist who is not trusting and eats her feelings. I really am all those to the 10th degree. I never had a pacifier and never had a lovey and never had a thumb sucking phase either.</p> <p>2- FWIW, I'm not buying that sucking on a blankie will lead to teeth alignment issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154066 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 22:40:55 +0000 Kimberlybee 1154066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Coming from a big family with 18 nieces and nephews and counting...only 2 of the 18 were thumb suckers, 2 were blanket biters but they ALL needed braces. The strange thing is most of their parents have good teeth (straight enough for pictures at least) so I don't want to say it's genetics either. None of the siblings or cousins during my generation wore braces, quite a few of us needed it though. So I am not a believer that the blanket will have that effect, thumb sucking yes but a blanket is questionable to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1154000 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 21:12:15 +0000 shopaholic 1154000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am no expert in any way, but I really don't see how sucking on a blanket could really cause dental issues (besides maybe pools of drool)? It seems better than a binky or some oddly shaped stuffed animal. I think many kids have a security blanket/toy they keep at home for many years without problem. Hope your DH will lighten up a little bit till he's older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153983 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:55:34 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1153983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a psych major as an undergrad but don't feel qualified on that part of things, but I'm a little skeptical on the seriousness of the teeth misalignment from sucking on a blankie. That seems like a little bit of scare mongering...</p> <p>Course you should take this with a grain of salt from the pediatrician whose 19 month old still has a binkie for nighttime only. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153979 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:55:01 +0000 irene 1153979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@QueensBee: @Silva: @78h2o: Thanks everyone! To be honest, personally I think Freud is a load of crap too, but then there is always this "what-if he's right" thought. The human brain is so mysterious it is hard to study everything based on evidence and facts. Like how people link Autism to vaccines, and how dreams interprets reality, the oral stage is another myth.... which I am afraid of screwing it up for LO if I did it wrong.... </p> <p>I am leaning toward cutting it closer to age 2, but I am sick of DH snapping at me every day now since the day I caved in and reoffer the blankie. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153966 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:47:48 +0000 irene 1153966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@78h2o: Thanks!!! So glad to hear from an expert!<br /> He has SO MANY THINGS on his bed: at least 6 stuffed animals, 2 other blankies that he didn't care for, and a blue blanket that he snuggles with. He always makes sure all the stuffed animals are "on-board" on his crib when it is bedtime. However he still wants his blankie! His sippies leaks so that's a no-no, and we successfully cut white noise by 1 year old.. don't want to introduce that nightmare again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153959 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:43:12 +0000 QueensBee 1153959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am definitely not a psychologist or expert mom. DS is only 6 months old so he's still too little to have developed a strong attachment to a particular object. But, after reading the paragraph from Freud, I feel like he offers no positive outcome. So frustrating. He makes it seem like very 0-1 year old "has two possible outcomes" and they are both crummy! It was kind of a depressing paragraph. There must be a happy middle ground.</p> <p>Personally, I think it's okay to wait a few more months, but that's my very non expert opinion. It would be hard for me to take it away too! Hugs! Hope you get some good advice and decide on a resolution with your DH! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153957 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:41:53 +0000 78h2o 1153957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, if you think he could comprehend it, you might offer him a treat (favorite toy, etc.) if he naps without the blankie - then try it again at night. He may be a little too young though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153956 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:41:53 +0000 Silva 1153956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, freud's work tells you a whole lot more about Freud than anyone else. His theories of development aren't evidenced based at all, and are rooted in his own misogyny and addiction. If you are worried about your sons teeth, that is a reason to try to stop the blankie...but who knows if he will / won't need braces anyway.<br /> It sounds like you are loving, attentive parents who engage actively with your son. I'm sure he will be fine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153948 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:37:26 +0000 78h2o 1153948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I haven't finished my Ph.D and I'm not a Freudian (I subscribe to a more cognitive-behavioral school of thought, though i do think a few of Frued's theories are useful), but I think your LO will be fine! I don't think anything with the blanket will affect his long-term psychological adjustment. I would try to introduce another security object that he can have in his bed. Maybe a sippy of water? Maybe also use white noise? Then stop using the blankie. I think cold turkey is probably the way to go, but maybe other moms have other suggestions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-there-a-psychologist-in-the-house-binky-freudian-oral-stage-question#post-1153928 Wed, 16 Oct 2013 20:22:14 +0000 irene 1153928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is there a psychologist / psychiatrist in the house? I need advice! I apologize that this is a long post.</p> <p>LO is 20 months going on 21. He has a blankie that he attaches to. However, he sucks on it in order to go to sleep. He uses it at night sleep and weekend nap only.</p> <p>Worried about his teeth alignment, we started taking the blankie away last week. It was DH's idea. Long story short, I caved.</p> <p>After the first two nights without the blankie, he started crying like crazy during bedtime when we left without giving him a blankie. He would still fall asleep, but he cries. So at one point, I gave it back to him saying blankie doesn't like him to bite or it will go away. That actually got worse because I gave him blankie, he bite, and the next day I said blankie wasn't happy so he is not returning. He cried much worse than before so I had to give him one. So the cutting blankie mission is on hold.</p> <p>I also tried cutting blankie during his nap time. It was worse than bedtime. He won't go down to sleep for an hour. He would cry when he's about to go to sleep. I caved again and gave him one and he fell asleep within seconds. The thing I don't understand is, he didn't need a blankie when he naps at school at all..!</p> <p>So DH and I fight about this because he kept saying it is going to affect his teeth (pediatrician confirmed) and he didn't want to pay for braces. He also accuse me for being too soft, and I am spoiling LO because I gave him everything he wants. For me, I worry about long-term psychological effects that we remove the blankie in such a tragic way. For some reason I was OK with CIO sleep train when he was an infant, but I am not ok with cutting his blankie. Maybe if we didn't CIO back then I would have gone crazy myself first. I don't know.</p> <p>I was thinking about the Freudian's oral development stage and wanted to find out what would be the psychological effect if the oral stage wasn't satisfied. It worries me when I read this:</p> <p>"This stage occurs from birth to around one year. As the name suggests, in this stage, a child tries to gratify his libidinal energy through his mouth by sucking, biting, chewing, etc. You would observe children putting everything in their mouth at this age, be it objects, toys, or chocolates. Oral fixation has two possible outcomes. If the person is dissatisfied at this stage, he is characterized by pessimism, suspicion, and sarcasm and grows into an adult who reduces tension or anxiety through eating, drinking, and smoking etc. Such personality is known as oral receptive personality. On the other hand overindulged person is known as oral aggressive personality which is characterized by optimism, gullibility, and hostility etc."</p> <p>So if he is still sucking on his blankie at 20 months, is he considered to be overindulged? Is he going to develop an oral aggressive personality characterized by optimism, gullibility and hostility? And if I cut it now, would that mean he will become pessimistic, suspicious and sarcastic and become a smoker? Now thinking about it, my mom said she cut me from thumb sucking at this age. And I did become a pessimistic and suspicious person.</p> <p>Regardless, I think I will cut it by age 2. I also read that if you cut a pacifier by age 2 it will not affect his teeth alignment because there will be a 6-month adjustment that will take place. I hope it will be easier to cut by then...</p> <p>Any psychologists/doctors/dentists/expert moms in the house??? Any thoughts?? </p>