https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 20:14:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2435079 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 11:51:40 +0000 catomd00 2435079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: yes to your last line: And while kids don't rule the roost, helping children make thoughtful decisions seems like a fairly important life skill.</p> <p>How does teaching a kid to do what I say when I say it help them grow into an adult capable of making their own decisions? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2435020 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 09:51:50 +0000 Maysprout 2435020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The tone was very my way is right so everything else is wrong. I've found a one size fits all to rarely be the case in parenting. </p> <p>I have made it clear to my older LO that eating healthy is not doing me a favor but what her body needs to grow big and strong. I never phrased it as 'do me a favor' but one time I asked her to pick up toys and she told me 'I already ate a lot for you'. So we've had several talks since then to emphasize how eating well benefits her. </p> <p>The baby carrier rant of his was very silly, some people like info and to figure out pros and cons, I'm not sure why people shouldn't have opinions on something they're using everyday. </p> <p>And while kids don't rule the roost, helping children make thoughtful decisions seems like a fairly important life skill. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2435013 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 09:38:14 +0000 Rockies11 2435013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: I thought RIE parenting was extreme too, but now that I have read her stuff and listened to her podcasts, it's largely practical and in line with the research on effective parenting styles. </p> <p>I think that Sax article was ridiculous and curmudgeonly like the Slate article said. I am on the board of an organization that teaches parenting classes so I am up to date on the research and theories of parenting, and Sax's method is totally outdated, but I am sure will appeal to people who think the world is falling apart. Generally though, parenting research all agrees that authoritative (setting boundaries but being warm and flexible) is the best, and there are many many ways to do that - gentle parenting, RIE, time-outs, 1,2,3 magic, etc. The stuff that is substantiated to cause distress and problems with later life functioning is the authoritarian style (firm, rigid) which is essentially what Sax is advocating for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434986 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 09:02:45 +0000 catomd00 2434986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: exactly! You can be a gentle parent while still setting firm boundaries! It's not permissive. So many people don't Realize this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434968 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 08:45:28 +0000 jhd 2434968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw an article on Facebook about this book and the title was "Parents, you're doing it all wrong" or something like that. I just don't think you get anywhere by telling people they are doing everything wrong! </p> <p>I give my toddler choices, but they are age-appropriate choices. And just because he has choices in some areas, doesn't mean there aren't rules and boundaries in other areas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434959 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 08:35:15 +0000 winniebee 2434959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: RIE parenting is actually all about providing calm, confident, certain leadership. there are a lot of misconceptions about it since it's more of a hippy dippy philosophy but letting the child be in control with limitless choices is not part of the philosophy. It relies pretty heavily on parents setting boundaries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434946 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 08:02:04 +0000 catomd00 2434946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I completely disagree and can't stand articles that generalize an entire generation of parents or children. I've seen more than one article like this lately that vouches for authoritative parenting, which I don't disagree with, but the "old school" parenting approaches they talk about and support in their articles aren't authoritative! </p> <p>His focus on food is ridiculous, too. Clearly this old school approach didn't work in American since half of Americans are overweight and obese. </p> <p>I'm just over older generations pointing the finger and talking negatively about current parents when quite frankly they didn't do all that great a job of raising a decent generation of humans either. How about we build each other up and offer help instead of judgement? Doesn't it take a village? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434916 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 06:59:04 +0000 Applesandbananas 2434916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read both and think there are some valid points in each, but one thing that wasn't really addressed. </p> <p>Our generation is really the first to deal with nonstop judgment. I know in earlier generations, there was judgment, but I feel like nowadays it's more prevalent and more pervasive. Maybe my perception is skewed because I'm on HB and read others' stories in additional to what I've experienced personally, but it seems like these days everyone feels entitled to pass judgment on our parenting choices. </p> <p>In the rebuttal, the author refers to an airport tantrum. How many of us would handle a tantrum differently in an airport than elsewhere, due to fear of judgment?</p> <p>I'm so bad at discipline in public. I always worry I'm coming off too harshly or not firm enough, and like everyone is watching me and judging. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434831 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 22:49:02 +0000 artsyfartsy 2434831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with previous points made that you do what works for you as a parent. </p> <p>I'm not a fan of this theory honestly. I give my child choices because I treat him as a person with likes, dislikes, and preferences. Maybe they're irrational at age 2, but they're still valid in my opinion. </p> <p>I lay down the law when I have to, but I grew up in a household where my feelings were belittled and weren't important and my voice didn't matter. T will always be important and his voice will matter, even if it's just to say No when I offer him some chicken even though he just ate it yesterday. </p> <p>I don't think that will make him a disrespectful, overweight, over medicated kid. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434829 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 22:47:04 +0000 Mae 2434829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jmarionsmith: totally agree. </p> <p>Also re food-- we take neither approach. We put food in front of her and she eats or not. We don't bribe or threaten. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434824 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 22:41:16 +0000 jmarionsmith 2434824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. I saw that article floating around the other day and it really just stirred something in me (which was obviously the point, given the title of it.) I really don't care how you choose to parent your children, as long as you're not negligent or abusive, so stop telling me how to parent mine! (Obviously not you, OP, just the general "you") It just feels like these days, no matter what "style" you choose to go with someone is going to have a problem with it. You do you, I'll do me.</p> <p>I do like that there was a counter argument and that it showed how this physician is not really the parenting expert he thinks he is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434816 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 22:33:29 +0000 Mae 2434816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sort of just skimmed but I think his theory is making a bigger problem than there is. I'm sure there are SOME parents that are held hostage to their kids and unable to put a firm foot down, but I haven't actually observed that. </p> <p>My philosophy, which is evolving day by day, is basically that my kid gets endless love and affection but also has firm rules. I think I'm a little more "soft" than some people in that I never ignore my daughter when she wants me (for more than 30 seconds that it takes for me to set down heavy things or whatever). I think some people think I'm a little crazy because my daughter still wants to be held a LOT at 20 months and it is really hard for me to get things done around the house sometimes because of that. But I feel like if she is feeling the need for closeness or affection with me then that is just always going to be a yes. On the other hand, I'm not a pushover. We have definite rules about what she can and cannot do. I don't let her do something just because she throws a tantrum about it (although I do hold her while she tantrums if she wants to be held, or sit next to her and rub her back if she doesn't want to be held). To me it feels like the right balance between teaching her limits but also letting her know that even though she has rules, my affection is something she can always have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/the-collapse-of-parenting#post-2434803 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 22:18:22 +0000 macintosh 2434803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom posted this article about Leonard Sax's new book on Facebook today: <a href="http://www.macleans.ca/society/the-collapse-of-parenting-why-its-time-for-parents-to-grow-up/" rel="nofollow">http://www.macleans.ca/society/the-collapse-of-parenting-why-its-time-for-parents-to-grow-up/</a></p> <p>The book the article refers to is critical of parents offering their children too many choices instead of providing leadership and rules that children must follow. </p> <p>I agree in some ways that this approach is needed in certain situations, but I certainly would pick my battles and give my child some choices. I am somewhat like a parent to DH due to his cognitive deficits and I find myself being pretty authoritative out of necessity. He's a bit like a teenager in some ways. This has me thinking about what my parenting style will be when my baby is older.</p> <p>This Slate article offered an interesting counterpoint: <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_kids/2016/01/leonard_sax_is_wrong_about_the_collapse_of_parenting_authoritarian_parenting.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_kids/2016/01/leonard_sax_is_wrong_about_the_collapse_of_parenting_authoritarian_parenting.html</a></p> <p>I've seen a few posts around here about RIE parenting, which is pretty extreme to me. I think I'm more in the middle with my parenting philosophy. </p> <p>Have you seen these topics floating around Facebook? What are your thoughts? </p>