https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 00:20:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2811408 Fri, 23 Mar 2018 05:37:43 +0000 CC Mommy 2811408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all, we will be moving back home early next week--whivh gives us,time to stock the fridge and cabinets, etcetera and enjoy the extended family with the stress-relieving knowledge that we are going home soon :) we are makingvit a point to tak e advantage of the ability to sneak away on a quick coffee date or walk (things we will have to figure out how to juggle later. </p> <p>It also helped that we had some friends visit with an older baby, and he physically got to see what I have been telling him--this stage will not last...</p> <p>Prioritizing sleep has helped immensely, too and DH has started researching everything, too (from bottle sterilization to hiccups) we are coming along and i thank you all for your care and support. I am so encouraged! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2811054 Wed, 21 Mar 2018 11:44:17 +0000 ElbieKay 2811054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would move back home and also find him a therapist to help him get perspective on and work through his perfectly normal reaction. Babies are a huge and overwhelming adjustment. Mediating between your spouse and your parents is only going to further complicate things.</p> <p>Personally, I told my parents and MIL that there would be no visitors for a couple of weeks after we brought our son home from the hospital. I wanted time for us to adjust to being a new family without dealing with additional "advice" and opinions. (They were invited to meet him in the hospital once we were through L&amp;D and comfortably settled into our postpartum room.)</p> <p>I am so glad we did that because it let my husband and me fall into our own parenting rhythm more quickly. I am planning to do the same thing this summer when our twins are born even though I know it will make the grandparents unhappy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2810870 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 12:45:40 +0000 csross217 2810870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH suffered from PPD after our daughter was born. He has always struggled with anxiety, and he really wasn't prepared for the huge change that happens when you bring a new baby home. He obviously loved her, but he told me later that there were times that he almost walked out, went stay in a hotel, etc. because it was like a constant panic attack being at home. He couldn't eat, sleep, or enjoy our baby, and ended up going to walk-in care after about a week and started a low dose of antidepressants. It made a huge difference! He started feeling better just as I got hit hard with the baby blues, so we were able to be there for each other.</p> <p>We always talk about PPD and women, but having a child is just as big a change in our partner's lives too! And I think, at least with my DH, I spent WAY more time reading about life with baby, etc. and he kind of tuned it out thinking it wouldn't be too hard. No matter how you look at it, all the change is incredibly overwhelming, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with (either of you) reaching out for help when you need it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2810863 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 12:20:36 +0000 kiddosc 2810863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Truth Bombs: ... go home. It's easier to navigate the uncertainties of new parenthood when no one is there to see the mistakes you make and you don't have to defend your decisions. Your in-laws can come to you for a few hours a day to cook some food or watch baby while you take a nap. There is so much change when you first bring a new baby home and it can really come crashing down that your life is going to be so much different, but it's easier to navigate that in your own space with the people going through the same thing you are (your spouse and new child). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2810861 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 12:10:15 +0000 gingerbebe 2810861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its definitely a thing and its okay. He's probably just feeling really overwhelmed by the magnitude of everything. </p> <p>A living human being! That came from his own DNA! That's completely dependent on him and utterly helpless and could die from anything and everything at any given moment! So many feelings! So tired! I'm responsible for this person not growing up to be a monster! This is so complicated! </p> <p>DH and I definitely had a "what on earth have we done?" moment(s) after DS1 was born (and we had tried for 3 years to have him). DH had to keep it together more because I was the one who was a complete mess, but he did feel this sense of HOLY CRAP. He dropped the baby once, he accidentally put a swaddle blanket over the baby's face in the crib - he felt like the worst dad. But after a few weeks, he was able to channel that anxiety into work and started to kill it with his business and was just straight hustling all the time. </p> <p>Once he found some productive outlets to cope with his anxiety - taking stroller walks with our son, prioritizing getting enough sleep, dialing in at work, and having set, routine tasks at home to help me with the baby (he took specific feedings, bath time, bedtime, doing the bottle and pump parts wash, doing the dishes, and folding the laundry), he felt more in control of the situation. </p> <p>The first 3 months are a hot mess, but once we got into a groove, it was just our new normal. Fatherhood has made DH so focused, so much more efficient, and so consciously responsible - like he's always scanning for new data or info or news on financial planning, education, educational models, college, long-term estate planning strategies, etc. Its been a shift and it was hard at first, but he himself feels like its made him a much better and productive person. Its just that fatherhood is an "all in" type thing and in the beginning, its hard to accept that because its NONSTOP and you want to go back to your carefree childfree days and its a tough pill to swallow. </p> <p>Its all perfectly normal and if he needs some extra help through therapy or medicine, that's totally okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2810846 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 11:38:40 +0000 Truth Bombs 2810846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is there a reason you're staying with his parents? It seems like mediating between you and his parents is adding to his stress, and perhaps feeling like his parents are looking over his shoulder and judging how he parents may not help either. I know my husband felt much more comfortable after the birth of our children when it was just us and no one else there to share their "help" and opinions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2810841 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 11:25:14 +0000 irene 2810841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes of course PPD exists in men. On top of the lack of sleep, the adjustment to having a child, your life is changed upside down...etc. it dawns on them that they now need to provide for another little being for at least the next 18 years, and how it is really not ok to lose your job now because of that, and how you must bring xyz amount of $$ to make ends meet...etc. I know DH thinks like that. When our DS was born, there was a period (weeks) that he won't even get out of bed. Your old life is seemingly gone forever, replaced with stress, burden, sleep deprivation, worry, and responsibility. It is a lot of change that he may not be able to imagine until your DD was born.</p> <p>He said he missed the old life of just two of you, and you seem to have help from family in terms of child care. How about if you make it a point and schedule a date night once a week? You guys can just go eat dinner, hang out in bookstore, walk around the mall, or whatever you guys used to do, for just a few hours, without the baby (I was going to suggest watch a movie, but I know both of you would probably doze off with having a newborn lol). Honestly, this will help so much with your mental health as well as your marriage in the long run. Sometimes even just a walk in the park under the sun will help a lot because the sun takes away our problems for some strange reason. You can do that with your husband with baby in the stroller on top of the scheduled date night (sans baby). This is just one piece of the whole puzzle, but at least it is a start.</p> <p>I am sure you can see any psychiatrist about this issue, or your family physician, and they will refer you to someone specialized in the area. But I think it doesn't hurt to start getting the date night in asap. Hugs and sending good and healthy thoughts to you both xoxoxo. This will get easier, I promise :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2810836 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 10:59:06 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2810836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m not a man, but I am a non biological/non birth mom to our son. I had a very very tough time after our son was born. High anxiety, some tendencies that I now recognize as depression, etc. I let it go until I had a breaking point. I saw my doctor right away for a referral to a psychologist. We made some changes at home in our schedule to get more breaks and sleep, which helped a lot and I didn’t have to see someone after all. My physician was very kind and understanding and didn’t brush me off at all. I felt I had ‘no right’ to feel the way I did as my wife did all the work, but PPD for the non birth parent is a real thing. I would encourage your hubby to book an appointment just for peace of mind and a backup plan in case it gets worse. Keeping honest in communication between you both, self care, sleep, diet and exercise are things to keep an eye on as best you can. It’s normal and it’s common and he shouldn’t feel ashamed.</p> <p>ETA: it’s so normal as well to feel guilt about missing things you can’t do now. I feel that way even 3.5 years on! It will take time to adjust and your baby won’t always be this needy. You will get back some things eventually. He’s in the thick of it now but know that things do change so quickly and get better as your child gets older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daddy-blues#post-2810769 Tue, 20 Mar 2018 06:02:45 +0000 CC Mommy 2810769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I are staying at his parents' house-DD is 6 days old. I am so thankful that we made a trip home together while MIL watched the baby, so we could gather extra supplies. DH opened to me some things he's been feeling and it is without a doubt PPD. I looked up "daddy blues" and explained to him that men actually experience a lower testosterone level and a higher estrogen level after having a baby. This is enhanced by stress, which he just came out of a busy season as an auditor &amp; he is having to translate and mediate misunderstandings between me and his parents. (Dry umbilical cord, no extra blankets in the crib, don't walk off and leave the baby on the edge of the bed) ... as well as (my mom didn't mean it critically when she said it did "x,y,z" ...he feels horrible and says he doesn't feel like he has the right to be a dad, because he misses our life together pre-baby and wants to rewind, etcetera. I have never seen that man sob, but he was sobbing and wouldn't look me in the eye because he was so embarrassed. Please tell me there is support for post-partum dad's out there. Up until this point I didn't even know anything was wrong--he helps immensely with baby and mommy care, he takes tons of pictures and dote's on her and me both, and even though he is going through this, he still laughs at weird things she does and when we got back here, he said "I love her so much, I don't know how I could feel that way." Any help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2797705 Wed, 17 Jan 2018 15:00:54 +0000 codeitall 2797705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My SIL had the same issue with her daughter. After a couple weeks where my niece mostly drank pumped bottles, she literally would not breastfeed. Like she totally forgot how it worked and had no interest.</p> <p>So SIL hand-pumped when she felt like it and slowly transitioned her to formula. First she mixed the bottles 3/4 milk to 1/4 formula, than 50/50 and 25/75 and finally fully formula. She pumped when she was feeling too full (but just enough to take the edge off, not fully empty) and used the milk to supplement the formula or donated it to another mom till her supply was gone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2797697 Wed, 17 Jan 2018 14:51:13 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2797697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son was a preemie and I was so Dad not to be able to bf him, but I did pump. He was still having trouble eating and when we added formula he did so much better because it was a bit thicker. So for 12 months I pumped and gave formulA (mixed). I felt like he was getting my milk which made me happy but I also didn’t have to worry about my supply because I used so little of it. And anyone could feed him. So it really was free if even though it wasn’t what I had planned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2797603 Wed, 17 Jan 2018 07:35:13 +0000 SweetiePie 2797603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ssmom: Hi there, I wanted to check in and see how this is going for you. I’m due in about 7 weeks and still extremely conflicted, even after meeting my old LC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788405 Sat, 25 Nov 2017 08:29:27 +0000 Becky 2788405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Breastfeeding DD2 was really stressful for me, as was pumping (this also came after a very easy time breastfeeding and pumping for DD1 so I knew what it *could* be like). I struggled with supply, and not getting paid pump breaks at work meant I had to work longer and thus miss time with family. My daughter was incredibly fussy at the breast. We went on a trip when she was 5 months and didn’t have a big freezer stash, and when I gave her that first bottle of formula to see if she would take it, it was so freeing. Feeding and pumping were so stressful and taking up so much time and mental energy that is was negatively effecting me and taking time away from my family. I am a huge breastfeeding proponent but never think it should come with a risk to your mental health or quality of life. I remember reading this blog a while back about this Mom who was using donated milk while trying to build up her supply and working on her son’s feeding issues, and taping tubes to her nipple while he fed. Meanwhile she wasn’t spending time with her son and husband and it was effecting those relationships, and the baby wasn’t gaining weight. She talked about it like breastfeeding was more important than relationships and a healthy baby. I think we really need to take the heroism out of it and realize that it is HARD and there are other things we can do to have healthy happy babies and families. </p> <p>Also just keep in mind all the things you are doing right to make your kids lives happy and healthy that maybe some other mom who is extended breastfeeding isn’t doing—safe sleeping places, safe car seats, a smoke-free home, healthy food, etc. Breastfeeding is only one component to a huge puzzle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788388 Fri, 24 Nov 2017 18:11:57 +0000 SweetiePie 2788388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds a ton like me last time. I’m now conflicted on what to do with my 2nd due in March. I’m actually meeting with my old LC this week to preemptively discuss my feelings and my options. Like is it possible to only pump 2 times a day and that’s it. Formula for all others. Or BF twice a day and that’s it. I’m not worried about a freezer stash. Or should I just skip entirely and go all formula. Since BF/Pumping truly was a huge source of my ppd and ppa last time.<br /> Last time I quit both BF and Pumping by 5/6 weeks. What she had me do was stop Pumping and feeding to empty. Instead I used a hand pump and just pumped to comfort. I also had a ton of supply. Every time I pumped I got 12oz total (6oz per side). It took maybe 2 weeks to entirely dry up but after only a week or so I noticed that I was producing less and felt less pain/engorgement.<br /> Lecithin worked wonders for plugged ducts.<br /> I was also told altoids/peppermint helped dry milk up, so I popped those like crazy. Not sure if it actually helped.<br /> I have a friend right now who also had BAD ppd/ppa with her first and BF was a big part of that. She just had her 2nd and told me to bring a tight sports bra to the hospital, at home do cabbage leaves, and to keep breasts away from the shower stream (avoid nipple stimulation and the shower hitting your nipples is stimulation). </p> <p>Also, another close friend was seeing a therapist for extreme ppd/PPA and she had an EXTREMELY negative response to BF. She was told she had D-MER, which I hadn’t ever heard of. Here is some info on it.<br /> <a href="https://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/d-mer/" rel="nofollow">https://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/d-mer/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788366 Fri, 24 Nov 2017 10:01:55 +0000 Mamatimes3 2788366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I couldn’t handle waiting it out so I quit cold turkey with both my boys and didn’t even try with my 3rd. They are totally bonded to me - babies don’t care where the milk comes from. </p> <p>I wore super tight sports bras and tried to minimize any contact to my chest. Honestly, it hurt for a day or so and was uncomfortable for a couple of days. But it worked pretty quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788345 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 19:49:44 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2788345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m going to have to wean my 3 month old sometime in January for medical reasons. Your health is important too! Fed is best! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788343 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:21:21 +0000 ssmom 2788343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: thanks for your encouragement! Today was day 1 of the combo approach, nursed her in the AM and pumped all day...I’m hoping to eventually stop pumping at some point! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788342 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:20:10 +0000 ssmom 2788342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Charm54: thank you for sharing your experience! It really is comforting to know that everything turned out great for your girls, especially since I have 2 girls too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788341 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:19:11 +0000 ssmom 2788341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: thanks for sharing your experience. I’m still too scared to wean intentionally but knowing about Sudafed is useful if it comes to that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788340 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:18:25 +0000 ssmom 2788340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: thank you so much </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788339 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:18:08 +0000 ssmom 2788339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fuzzypeaches: you’re totally right. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788338 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:17:51 +0000 ssmom 2788338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: thank you so much for your advice and encouragement! The idea of people judging is in my mind but at this point I know I shouldn’t care! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788337 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:16:42 +0000 ssmom 2788337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: thank you, I agree! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788336 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:16:28 +0000 ssmom 2788336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@thepicklemonster: Hi, oh my gosh I literally teared up reading how it all worked out for you and what a relief it was. Thank you for sharing your experience!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788335 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:15:29 +0000 ssmom 2788335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jhd: thanks so much. That is so incredibly true! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788334 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 17:15:10 +0000 ssmom 2788334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ALV91711: thank you for your support! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788327 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 13:12:38 +0000 Littlebit7 2788327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do what's best for you! If you aren't quite sure what that is, maybe try a combo approach. Offer the breast..if she refuses or looks disinterested pull out a bottle of formula you already have prepped (but hidden)<br /> That way you are still "trying" to BF which might address your feelings of regret but also you're being kind to yourself and acknowledging that formula might be the solution (which is totally 100% ok!!). Baby will make her choice and take the burden off of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788322 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 11:21:59 +0000 Charm54 2788322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I EPed and Formula fed both of my girls and have zero regrets. It worked for my family and both my daughters are happy, healthy, intelligent kids who are perfectly bonded :happy: </p> <p> :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788311 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 09:59:16 +0000 ShootingStar 2788311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if BFing is causing this much anguish, it’s not good for either of you. I stopped nursing both of my kids around 6-7 months. With LO1 my supply tanked and I kinda blamed myself for quaint it and not doing more to try to increase it. But then with LO2 it tanked again right around the same time. And that time I was still pumping the same amount of times and nursing and it just did it anyways. I enjoyed nursing and occasionally had moments of sadness that it was over. But I hated pumping so it also was a big relief. </p> <p>I don’t have much experience intentionally weaning, but I was also hugely impacted by taking Sudafed (the real stuff). I would also decrease pumping, just enough for comfort. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/majorly-conflictedebfpumping-to-pumpingformula#post-2788308 Thu, 23 Nov 2017 09:44:34 +0000 MamaBear87 2788308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs! A fed baby and happy momma is best for everyone! </p>