https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 08:00:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263393 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 15:20:14 +0000 jedeve 263393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that if you got pregnant and had your baby, you wouldn't think "gee, I really wish I was at a wedding instead!" I don't think that agreeing to be a MOH is an agreement to put your life on hold. </p> <p>You can support her through her marriage, not just here wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263261 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 10:14:49 +0000 SleepyMonkey 263261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In that situation, I'd put it on hold for a couple months for a really good friend. If I did get pregnant this cycle and missed her wedding, I might feel bad about it if I were lucky enough to get pregnant after the two months wait - the difference in having a baby is only two months, meaning the baby is born in July instead of May, which in the grand scheme of life, does not seem that long. I'd have my entire life to enjoy spending time with my child, but I missed my best friend's wedding, which was just one day, but one of the most important days of her life. </p> <p>HOWEVER, if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't expect my friend to put her life on hold either and I'd tell you to go do your thing. Sure I'd be bummed, but I don't expect people to plan their life around mine. </p> <p>That's just my humble opinion. Anyway, its a tough one. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263216 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 09:07:40 +0000 erwoo 263216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think ALI and MRSTILLY said it well. In my world, a true friend will understand. One of my friends turned me down to be my bridesmaid for other reasons and I never resented her for it. I turned down 3 weddings b/c either we were TTC or were pregnant and unable to fly. And I'm still really close to all of them. My only way of making it up to them was a nice monetary wedding gift, not that money can buy anything, you know? But I'm sure they appreciated it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263188 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 08:35:50 +0000 mrstilly 263188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was in this boat two years ago. DH and I were TTC and my sister announced a May wedding in FL. Because we were just starting to TTC I was going to put it on hold, but then we wound up pregnant. DS was 5 weeks old when we flew down for her wedding. </p> <p>This is her wedding and her big day, not yours. I know you want to be there for her but you also can't put your life on hold for it. What if this is the month you get your BFP? I would make every effort to go. Even if that means driving instead of flying. Your dr can check you before the trip to make sure you aren't dilated yet. A wedding is the most important thing to the bride and groom, but not to everyone else. Of course you love her and want to be there for her, but you can't put your life on hold. I would never ask a friend to stop TTC for my wedding. Ultimately you have to weigh whether being there is more important than waiting to TTC. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263180 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 08:10:37 +0000 blackbird 263180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd take a break for two months. Not a big deal and you agreed to be the MOH, it's not like you are just attending the wedding as a guest. I think it'd be a bad friend move to bump your friends wedding for this. Sure you could not get pregnant within the two months, but you likely made this commitment a year ago to her, too. I know I took a break for TTC for two cycles because suddenly, it was a bad time to get pregnant. Because I wanted to walk at my masters graduation and knew I couldn't fly after 30 weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263157 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 07:04:46 +0000 Cherrybee 263157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, you need to be near your doctor when you're about to pop! You don't want to be a plane ride away!! </p> <p>I can offer a different perspective, here (that leads to, ultimately, the same answer). I was That Bride! My best friend had agreed to be my MOH and then decided, a few months later (and 1 yr before the wedding) that it was time to start trying. I couldn't believe it! I sobbed to DH .... I just couldn't believe she would do this to me - it was MY special day, MY turn for some happiness, why couldn't she wait another year? (I was an only child - can you tell?!!) </p> <p>But you know what I didn't do? Tell her! When she told me she was going to start trying, I flung my arms around her and congratulated her. I listened while she told me about her periods, I held her while she sobbed post-miscarriage number 1 and 2, and, when she had to leave my wedding early because she was throwing her guts up (2 months pregnant), I hugged her and told her I was fine with that. And I was..... </p> <p>... because, you know what? Weddings are just one day - a child is for a lifetime. I'm so, so excited, now, to meet her little one (due in November) and my wedding is just a distant memory....</p> <p>I got over it pretty quickly once she told me she was TTC and I never once let on that I thought that, maybe, she should put her plans on hold. I think if you're friend is truly a good friend, she'll understand and be excited for you and if not, well....</p> <p>It's your choice (of course) but I certainly wouldn't stop trying - not for anything! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263144 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 05:27:58 +0000 Mrs Bicycle 263144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the advice everyone! It's so nice to have a sounding board about this. Still not sure what we'll end up doing. I just don't want to be selfish, but I also don't want to put the baby train on hold. Like everyone I'm nervous this might take longer the expected. Seems crazy stressing over something that doesn't exist or may not exist for months!</p> <p>Just a side note: I'm not nervous about what I'll look like in a BM dress. I'd walk down the aisle whale-esque in a bag. I'm nervous about not being there at all because of taking a flight 8-9 months pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263142 Sat, 18 Aug 2012 04:11:08 +0000 DigAPony 263142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I also wouldn't put my life on hold for her. If it were me and my best friend, she would be sad, but ultimately understand. Not halting TTC for a few months doesn't mean you don't love your friend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263101 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 22:41:56 +0000 Grace 263101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with everyone else. I wouldn't put my life on hold for her. And I'm assuming that since you are asking, you don't want to either. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263081 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 22:18:41 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 263081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>....maybe I'm being mean but honestly I'm pissed she even said that. She should be more understand and ttc is a huge deal-she should understand the difficulties that can or may come with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263071 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 21:23:17 +0000 PrincessBaby 263071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know I always preach this - but it took us 9 months to get a sticky BFP (we're perfectly healthy! Even had tests done!) and had 2 chemical pregnancies prior to that. TTC can be a lot harder than anyone can anticipate sometimes, so I think you should stick with the plan that's best for you and your husband. Not for your friend. I would have been so mad if on top of the 9 months, I had blown 2 to accomodate a friend's wedding.</p> <p>I am in a wedding in Sept 2013 for my BFF and she told me when she asked me to be a BM that I'd "better not be on #2 for the wedding...." with a dose of Stink-Eye for dramatic effect. But you know what? We tried so hard to TTC that I'm not preventing after our daughter is born. And if I'm KU for her wedding, life will go on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263050 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 20:43:51 +0000 heffalump 263050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I feel like that's not a very nice response from your friend! I understand that she would be sad, but its unfair to ask you to put your life on hold. My brother and sil just missed my sister's wedding because she had a high risk pregnancy. Of course my sister would have liked them to be there, they were supposed to be in the wedding, they had their plane tickets, etc, but life happens. We skyped them in and made the best of it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263045 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 20:31:38 +0000 regberadaisy 263045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi and welcome!<br /> I don't think you should put your TTC on hold because of this. A true friend would not ask you to! If you ended up taking a long time to get a BFP would you resent her for making you wait an additional 2 months?<br /> And besides there's no guarantee you will get a BFP this cycle. Of course for your sake I wish you do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263043 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 20:28:59 +0000 Ocean girl 263043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi there! I am in a similar situation! Am standing in my SIL's wedding at the end of next July... It's going to be a 2hr plane ride or 11 hour drive away from where we live... DH and I decided to start TTC about a month before she got engaged and we haven't told anyone in our families... So far no luck with a BFP, though. It's a little crazy how similar our stories are - we are also just starting cycle 3!</p> <p>When she asked me to stand I told DH that we would likely have to take a TTC hiatus for a month or two, because I really do not want to miss this wedding, especially after saying yes to being a bridesmaid. It's a big commitment to stand in a wedding, and I know she's going to need help planning and especially during the last week before the wedding. She stood for me and was a huge help and I am excited to do the same for her.</p> <p>Have you talked with her about dresses yet?? We haven't seriously started looking for BM dresses, but I'm thinking it's going to be a struggle. If I wasn't going to pose a problem with a growing/shrinking/BFing body, she could pretty much pick anything that would work for all 3 girls standing. Oy</p> <p>Hopefully we will both be super lucky and be traveling with LO's for these weddings!!!! Good luck :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263009 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 19:49:31 +0000 oliviaoblivia 263009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was in the same situation a few months ago. We avoided for the two months that would have conflicted with the wedding. I'm due two months after the wedding.<br /> It REALLY sucks to put off TTC when you are ready, but for me it was really important to be there and I knew I'd regret missing my best friends wedding.<br /> Good luck TTC! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263007 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 19:47:28 +0000 Mrs. Stroller 263007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When is her wedding? I have a couple friends who were in weddings in their 8th months and they looked beautiful in their dresses. </p> <p>Personally, I wouldn't stop TTC because of this. I would make an effort to still be in the wedding though. There is never a perfect time to have a baby, if you wait until everything is "perfect" it will never happen! However, don't forget to put yourself in your friend's shoes and remember how sad you would have been had your best friend not been able to attend/be in your wedding. GL! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-vs-baby#post-263001 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 19:40:26 +0000 Mrs Bicycle 263001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone!<br /> I've been reading the boards for a few months now, but this is my first post! I have a TTC problem! Basically my best friend who lives in Az is getting married and I'm her MOH. I live in Pa and obviously a 4 hour plane ride is required to attend the wedding. Well my husband and I are starting our 3rd cycle TTC and if we are successful this month or next month the likelihood of attending the wedding are slim. I'm torn between putting a hiatus on TTC to be a loyal friend and continuing this TTC adventure. When I did bring up my problem with the bride, she was less then sympathetic and basically said "wrap it up" for two months. What would you do? </p>