https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 00:40:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-462866 Sun, 23 Dec 2012 11:04:23 +0000 mrbee 462866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Are things any better now?? I sure hope so!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-174043 Wed, 30 May 2012 20:33:45 +0000 Meridian 174043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Wow, your post really struck me because that is exactly what I am afraid will happen! I'm not a mom yet, but we're about to TTC so this is something that is on my mind.</p> <p>I have my own business as a wedding planner with demanding clients... and I have no idea what will happen when we do have a baby. I'm scared and sad to think that my business will suffer greatly... my business IS my baby, at least for now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173841 Wed, 30 May 2012 16:23:27 +0000 mrbee 173841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: One thing I've noticed about new moms is that piecework is often a great way to ease back into things! In other words, smaller discrete projects rather than larger projects that are hard to break into little pieces.</p> <p>So for bloggers, rather than run a blog themselves... a lot of new mom bloggers will focus on writing one-off DIY (paid) blog posts for other sites. Then once there's more time available, the focus will often shift to larger projects.</p> <p>Is it possible to do work like that for a while? Not sure how graphic design gigs work, but thought I'd throw that thought out there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173839 Wed, 30 May 2012 16:22:05 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 173839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It really will get better as your baby matures and can do more independent play. This doesn't have to be a permanent change to your lifestyle! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173827 Wed, 30 May 2012 16:18:10 +0000 irene 173827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blushink: Thanks - that's a really great tip - I will try to be honest with my clients. I have been honest with some of the closer clients but I am afraid I will chase the others away once they know I can not work 70 hours a week anymore.... but you are right I should be honest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173823 Wed, 30 May 2012 16:15:31 +0000 irene 173823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone ...</p> <p>@mrs. wagon: How funny, I also thought I'd live happily ever after if I ever become a SAHM and not need to work anymore. But the reality is sooo far away from what I thought I would feel. And no - going back to a 9-5 job at a corporate wouldn't really be an option - my husband disapproves it pre-baby (that's because I brought in so much more income going solo, while saving all those gas and mileage going to work every day!). But with the baby we haven't really talked about it again yet.</p> <p>@artbee: That is so sweet of your DH. Mine wouldn't say such a thing. But what you said is EXACTLY how I feel... I've been working so hard all these years and work has become part of me. If I don't work as much anymore I do not know who I am. I am proud to say that I am work hard - but what am I if I am not hardworking anymore? </p> <p>@Boogs: I am sure my husband knows or guessed how I feel, but I try not to talk about it as everytime if I bring up something negative about the baby, he will resent the baby even more (whereas if things look all rosey then he would love the baby a lot more). Then to answer your question, it is very hard to find the "right" part-time project that fits my current situation without having to stress myself out...</p> <p>@Rubies: @highwire: @MsMamaBear: Thanks... I do hope this is going to go easier too. But other people also told me it is gonna get harder once they start walking and talking... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173310 Wed, 30 May 2012 10:46:51 +0000 MsMamaBear 173310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure how old your baby is, but it will get better when he gets older. I work too, a teacher with 22 kids for 8hrs a day, so it's no picnic in the park! People REALLY don't realize how hard it is working with a baby. yes, baby goes to daycare/nanny, but when you get home, you still have to do all you didn't get to do that day AND try to spend time with your baby before they go to sleep and your SO/DH. It's not easy.</p> <p>I hope things get better honey. (((hugs))) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173262 Wed, 30 May 2012 10:28:31 +0000 DillonLion 173262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure if anyone has already said this, but I know things will get better for you. Babies are extremely demanding of your time, but once that baby gets a little older, you should have a little bit more flexibility in your schedule. This is just temporary. I think you are dong the right thing by seeking therapy so you have an outlet (and please feel free to vent to us anytime!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173250 Wed, 30 May 2012 10:24:30 +0000 Boogs 173250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>((hugs)) I'm a SAHM and even I have moments of unhappiness just because I feel like society and DH don't understand the depends of the "job." Taking care of a baby and the home is a crazy amount of work, so adding another job on that is in redouble without help and support.</p> <p>Have you talked to DH about your feelings? Is there a way he can help you, or is he just not interested since he didn't want a baby? As a compromise so you can still have a bit of you time, are there more part time projects you can take on? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173088 Wed, 30 May 2012 09:07:32 +0000 heffalump 173088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like when we put so much time and effort into our work, we start to only know ourselves through work, and start to think we are nothing without it. I know I felt that way when I quit my job due to health reasons. I didn't know who I was without it, and I felt like dh wouldn't like me anymore. But he told me that I'm so much more than just a job and have so much to offer. </p> <p>Hope you start feeling better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173085 Wed, 30 May 2012 09:05:16 +0000 Rubies 173085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can definitely empathize with you and your situation - it's tough to face a new reality completely different from your old and not entirely enjoying it. Between you and your husband, a definite compromise has to be made. I do think it's great that you are seeing someone about these concerns.</p> <p>For me, I just try and rest assured knowing that with time, things will get better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173061 Wed, 30 May 2012 08:51:17 +0000 mrs. wagon 173061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you are in a very tough situation and you shouldn't be hard on yourself. Being self employed and in such a demanding industry, answering directly to clients on really tight deadlines, is a difficult enough job to keep going on your own, let alone when there is a 4 month old baby in your care! I agree that either a nanny or daycare doesn't really solve your problems in your situation unless you have a live-in nanny who would still work if your child is sick, and has set vacation times that you could plan your client work around. But obviously that would be way more expensive. </p> <p>If you don't have anyone nearby who can act as backup support (take care of your baby when he's sick, etc. like grandparents or aunts who are SAHMs) I would say your current situation is pretty darn near impossible!</p> <p>Is there any kind of 9-5 corporate job that you could look into switching to? The work would obviously be different and probably not as lucrative, but working for an established company will at least give you the flexibility you would need if you need to take off when your kid is sick, and predictable hours (as well as no night or morning hours). That way you could structure your childcare around your work schedule and vice versa.</p> <p>They're only babies for a little while, then once they're in school, you only really have to worry about when they're sick. Even if you had to stay home with them while they're sick, when they're older they need much less attention so you could probably still get work done even if you had to be at home with them. </p> <p>I know my suggestions are probably way off base since I have no idea how you feel in your situation :T but trust me when I say a baby changes EVERYTHING for EVERYONE when they arrive!! I can't really relate to your situation directly, but when my baby came along I thought for sure I'd be a SAHM and if/when I went back to work, I'd never go back to the job function that I was in before. I did it for 18 months and hated it, and now I'm back in my old job function and I LOVE IT and I love being a working mom! Things have changed and we definitely suffered financially for it, and there has been so much change and shift in our lives, but that's what life is all about, it seems... adjusting and adapting to your current situation!</p> <p>Good luck!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173057 Wed, 30 May 2012 08:48:09 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 173057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel the same with my design contract work. I would take on so much work before I had kids, would go to bed late and LOVED it. Now that I have kids, I thought I could keep going the way I was going, but unfortunately reality is that it's not possible. </p> <p>What helps me out is really planning out my day. And turn off all cell phones/emails when I'm with my LO to spend time with him and her. </p> <p>It's not easy, because I miss how things were in the past, but not as much as I love my children. It's a good sacrifice. </p> <p>Plus, if you are honest with clients to begin with... about your family and your availability... people will pay to work with you if they really want you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/life-change-resentment-and-guilt#post-173054 Wed, 30 May 2012 08:40:37 +0000 irene 173054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel horrible to write this but I need somewhere to vent, and I need words of encouragement and advice.</p> <p>I am a broadcast /graphic designer, have my own LLC, and I pitch and took in work from clients. My clients are mostly TV networks. My type of work is very hectic and once I take on a project, I have to work 40-70 hours a week in order to get something delivered. I am a 1-woman shop so I don't have anyone helping me out.</p> <p>I always thought that after the baby (he's now 4 months old), I could put him to a daycare or have a nanny, and I can work as much as I used to and contribute the same amount of $ to the family. However, the reality is it is not true. I can only afford a nanny 4 days a week, and really between 9-6. LO wakes up at 6:30-7am or so, so I can not get up early and work because I have to entertain him before the nanny gets here. I also can't stay up late and work anymore because he wakes up in the night and I have to take care of him and his needs. Not to mention I can not have the same level of stress as I used to because my body has to make enough milk for him. On top of that, I have to be prepared in case the nanny takes sick / vacation days, and if my son's sick I'll have to cancel all plans and take care of him (we are planning to put him to daycare when he turns 1, and daycares don't take care of sick kids).</p> <p>It is all these things that made me reluctant to contact clients, and I even had to turn down jobs which I normally would have taken in. Some days while I didn't have work I'd be so bummed and feel resentful to my baby. I am just thinking how am I going to do this? Working less and making less money makes me feel that I am sacrificing a portion of who I am. I also think it is unfair to my husband because he now becomes the major person who brings food to the table, literally, when he didn't really want a baby to begin with. We used to travel a lot because we have 2 pretty good incomes, but now eventually we will have to compromise on our lifestyle because of the baby and how I have to work less.</p> <p>I am even seeing a shrink about this. She said it is OK and how society underestimates how hard it is for women to have a baby and have to work at the same time. However I just couldn't be convinced and I am still dwelled in a bit of sadness. </p> <p>Do you guys feel the same or is it just me? What should I do to make myself feel better? </p>