https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 01:08:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2027044 Fri, 16 Jan 2015 09:50:10 +0000 avivoca 2027044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do the majority of the housework at home and it does bother me, especially when I get no recognition for what I do, just nitpicking over the one thing I didn't do. I realize that this stems from my MIL doing everything (cooking, laundry, cleaning), but it really bothers me and I have asked him to do specific things with decent results (it's just never on my timeline). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2026979 Fri, 16 Jan 2015 08:56:08 +0000 looch 2026979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I feel the same way...a small recognition that the clothes don't wash themselves and get into the drawers nicely folded goes a long way for me!</p> <p>I am also in the camp where I have to give my husband specific directions. Even if the laundry bin is overflowing, he will not do anything about it UNLESS I specifically ask him to put the dark clothes in the laundry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2026156 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 17:32:29 +0000 Freckles 2026156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find that when DH recognizes that I do a lot around the house, I don't mind that I do more than he does. There is one thing where I said straight up I no longer want responsibility over - taking out the garbage and recycling. That actually improved things between us! :silly: </p> <p>We also work on communicating - if DH needs a break before doing dishes he tells me so I don't assume he is just leaving them for me. Or sometimes I'm so tired that I'll ask if he can just finish up the pots. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025998 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 16:10:59 +0000 psw27 2025998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do more, but DH works more so I try not to be a complete b--- about it... but there are days that I can't help but "keep score" (especially when I'm exhausted.) I know he appreciates it but I definitely would like a day off sometimes! </p> <p>We do have a cleaning person come in one time per month to do a deep clean and that makes me happy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025995 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 16:08:00 +0000 MaryM 2025995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Yeah. I think DH also realizes that we have different sleep needs. He'll get up hours before he has to work and be able to get stuff done. I'm pretty much a goner once dinner is over. </p> <p>the funny thing is, he asked about a year ago if we could get a cleaning person. I said sure, he could look into it. but he hasn't done it! </p> <p>I do try to remember to notice and acknowledge what he's done. As long as he knows I know what he does, he doesn't seem to mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025981 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 16:04:28 +0000 .twist. 2025981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: My excuse is "but I'm tiiiiiired". Which is terrible. haha</p> <p>@LuLu Mom: I think my husband would understand your view. I think I relate to your husband and I kinda wish my husband would just ask if something is bothering him and wants it done immediately.</p> <p>@edelweiss: I really like your 3 points! I have wanted a cleaning lady, but DH says no because they're too expensive (which I get!). I totally relate to 2 &amp; 3 though. :D </p> <p>@Mamaof2: He's picky too! I usually tell him that I leave it for him because he does it best :P ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025964 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 15:57:27 +0000 Mamaof2 2025964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: ha you sound like my husband and I sound like your husband!</p> <p>Honestly as much as I hate having the majority of the responsibility I do it anyway because I am picky about how things get done - so I do it myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025961 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 15:56:53 +0000 edelweiss 2025961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm the one in the relationship who does more. and i think my husband would probably agree with your view that i sometimes create more stress for myself! there was a period where the imbalance created a real strain. three things really helped: (1) hiring a cleaning person; (2) more importantly, just accepting that our priorities/abilities/perceptions are different; and (3) this is a biggie also--he acknowledges/appreciates that i do more, and doesn't raise a fuss when i ask him to do something.</p> <p>keeping the house in a somewhat orderly state is more important to me and i'm better at it, so i've accepted that i'll do more. however, he better be sure to appreciate me because otherwise i'll hit the roof. and sometimes i still break down, but overall it's been much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025957 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 15:56:17 +0000 LuLu Mom 2025957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've learned that "hinting" to my husband does not work, so I have to spell it out. "Honey please empty the dishwasher" while I'm cooking or "can you please fold those clothes in the dryer and put away?" and he will normally do it but never does it on his own without me asking. This is very hard for me, I just want him to do it without me "nagging" him. </p> <p>He knows I'm someone who like stuff done right away but I feel like he purposely says "in a minute" or "just as second" as he stares at his phone or watches ESPN and this boils my blood. I've worked on calming down and realize it will get done even if not on my timeline, but it does annoy me and I get a little frustrated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025954 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 15:55:38 +0000 MaryM 2025954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I often feel the same way, but I don't think it strains our relationship. I got spoiled because DH took a year off work the first year we got married, so he did way more than his fair share. Now that we both work full time, I still feel like he does more though. </p> <p>What I did this winter was buy a bobsweep (robot vacuum). It was something DH always did because I hate doing it. So at least that's one chore he doesn't have to do anymore. </p> <p>I'm the kind of person that saves things up until they have to be done (or on the weekend). DH works restaurant hours so he's home during the day a lot and will go ahead and do things. there's not a ton left by the weekend, but I try to do what I can (dishes, laundry, etc) so at least there's less for him to do when I'm home. </p> <p>there are certain things that either of us has said "I will do that all the time"</p> <p>like taking out the garbage for him, or ironing or dusting for me. </p> <p>I used to have grad school as an "excuse", but soon I need to start doing more since I'll finish in may. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-household-balance-is-uneven#post-2025934 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 15:50:50 +0000 .twist. 2025934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What do you do to alleviate your partner? Does it put a strain on your relationship? </p> <p>I know this is one thing we struggle with a bit. My husband does a LOT around the house and a lot of times seems like way more than I do. Part of me feels really bad about this. I don't want him to feel like I'm slacking or not pulling my weight. On the other hand, part of me feels like he doesn't prioritize and some things that could be left until later, he does anyway and creates more stress for himself. On the other, other hand, maybe I just need to try to accomplish more even though I'm not quite as productive as him (and I'm normally ok with that :P ) </p> <p>This is something we are actively working on because it does put a bit of a strain on our relationship. </p>