https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 20:34:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743755 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 10:29:58 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2743755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO sucks his fingers. My dad and aunt/ his sister compared it to their first cousin until my FIL said he did that too and that's where LO got it from. Sometimes pointing out a closer/ more meaningful relative can squash comparisons. I also like @LCTBQE: suggestion and simply repeat a mantra. </p> <p>My MIL finally admitted LO looks like me just when I have now realized he has both my husband's eyes and mouth/ expressions. Ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743671 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 08:22:08 +0000 ElbieKay 2743671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh while I am ranting, on Mother's Day, my MIL told my 3yo, "If it wasn't for me, you would not exist."</p> <p>I mean, I get that this is technically true, sort of, but wtf? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743662 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 07:54:59 +0000 LCTBQE 2743662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PikkuAiti: I didn't read every single response, but I'm going to go against the general grain here and say this isn't something you have to let go in order to make nice, and yes you're completely reasonable. It's not like to stop this (incredibly) annoying, incessant dialogue you have to explode the world--you can shut it down or at least temper it a little. Maybe in response to "I can't believe LO said mama first because my daughter/your SIL said dada first" you could kindly but firmly say, "LO is her own person, and I'm excited to see her develop in her own way". Or you could say, "I don't really see the comparison" in a cheerful voice, and then change the subject. And then repeat, over and over again. </p> <p>To me this seems like another instance of people who at the core of things want to use you (or in this case your child) as a vehicle to discuss themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743648 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 07:20:22 +0000 Ajsmommy 2743648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, this is super annoying. But I think you kinda just have to let it go. DH's family is similar in that they claim both kids look just like DH. Which I disagree with but whatever. I mean I look at him all day as well as the kids and they just don't look the same to me. I'll mention it to DH and he says "he used to look like them" when he was younger. Blah. Whatever. They look like themselves. SO annoying when families try to claim something about their looks, what does it matter anyway!??!?! Why is it like a trophy for them? I just don't get it.</p> <p>They also comment on how teeny my babies were. They all have 9lb+ babies... ours were 7lb1oz and 6lb8oz and ooooo they were sooooo small, never seen such a small baby before. @PawPrints: your "fatso chunkers" comment literally made me LOL as I pictured myself saying it to MIL!! LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743598 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 21:14:18 +0000 PawPrints 2743598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL, who is completely wonderful and I love spending time with her, had a fairly persistent habit of comparing DD to her own daughter for quite a while. SIL is almost 30 years old, so, super super weird. But I heard over and over how SIL was walking super early, measured in the highest percentile consistently, how DD is soooo tiny (even though she's in the 40-some percentile so as average as it gets). Eventually when she was going on about the size issue, I just burst out "the fact that your kids were fatso chunkers is not my problem." Fortunately we were all laughing and she took it well but I think it got the message across that I wasn't appreciating the comparing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743537 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 16:53:28 +0000 FancyGem 2743537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is annoying, but I wouldn't take it personal. Sometimes they are right. I usually say that my brother and son act alike because they both act like 5 year olds sometimes. lol </p> <p>I noticed that some relatives would say that my son looked nothing like me to make me feel some type of way. I think it made them look silly more than anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743536 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 16:36:34 +0000 avivoca 2743536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ITs super annoying. My kids look just like their dad, but they have my skin and hair. My inlaws always talk about it and it makes me feel like just the gestational carrier. Then my mom always talks about how they got whatever from her and it's like, "They are MY kids, they got the traits from their parents!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743519 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 14:47:05 +0000 littlejoy 2743519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there are two perspectives here ... people who don't care about comparisons and those who do. I've seen a few posts on here regarding people saying who LO looks like. Personally, it doesn't bother me. </p> <p>I think your MIL is probably just trying to relate to you. It's like the person who always has a story to tell about every single topic you bring up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743510 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 14:13:02 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2743510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah thats annoying. Not exactly the same as you but my MIL ALWAYS compared my daughter as a baby to my husband. Like in a ridiculous way. Things that probably every baby in history has done. Blink, poop, squeeze your finger, kick its legs, coo. Like completely normal things was " Oh XYZ did that exact same thing!" My daughter had my exact same nose, it was probably the only feature that was unquestionably mine, even in ultrasounds the tech would comment on how she had my nose but of coarse my MIL was the one and only person who would say her nose was just like my husbands. Thankfully after awhile she stopped, but after seeing that yours is 2 already and its still happening it doesn't seem like she will let up.. I don't think they mean any harm by doing this so it was just something I ignored completely and never commented when she said anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743509 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 14:04:10 +0000 ElbieKay 2743509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL complained to my husband that our son looks more like me than like him. WTH?</p> <p>Also, EVERYONE says he looks like a mini version of my husband. (I actually see both of us in him, and I don't really care if he looks like me.)</p> <p>My MIL is so self-absorbed. It is like dealing with a child. I can't stand it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743475 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 08:42:06 +0000 travellingbee 2743475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My side of the family talks about how much LOs look like me. DH's side talks about how much they look like him. My parents say DS1 got his thick curls from my dad. DH's mom says they are just like SIL. It seems normal to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743474 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 07:44:27 +0000 Shantuck 2743474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd probably let it go. While annoying, I'm guessing she doesn't have bad intentions and perhaps it is just a way for her to make conversation and find a common ground/interest (being a mother to a daughter). If it isn't a thing where she's taking digs at you or your daughter, I'd just grin and bear it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743409 Sat, 03 Jun 2017 15:39:27 +0000 skipra 2743409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just got back from an annoying visit with my MIL and it sounds like she is very similar to yours! I'm super annoyed because it's so fresh but basically I get ZERO credit for anything and even DH is not in her best Grace's now because we stood up to his sister's bullying behavior. Just an example today - all 3 of our kids have blue eyes because of course he got them from DH. Our second had darker blue eyes exactly like mine and our youngest's still can change. And she was pressuring us to do one joint birthday party for 2 of our kids in September and we need to tell her the details asap because SIL is having a baby over the summer so she needs lots of notice. She lives 10 minutes from SIL so it's not even like she is traveling or anything. So sorry no advice, just venting and lots and lots of commiseration! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mil-constantly-compares-my-daughter-to-her-daughter#post-2743407 Sat, 03 Jun 2017 15:14:44 +0000 PikkuAiti 2743407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone! This is my first post but I've been a lurker for awhile. I need to ask if I'm being unreasonable. My mil is constantly comparing my 2 year old daughter to my sil, her only daughter. SIL is 13 years younger than me and the baby of the family. Understandably my mil likes talking about her only daughter and is proud of her. What bothers me, though, is that we literally can't discuss things my own daughter does or how she looks without mil drawing a comparison to SIL. According to MIL they look alike, act alike, etc. I understand that maybe my daughter reminds me of her daughter but it would be nice if she made some comparisons to me, the mother, once in awhile or just cut out the constant comparisons all together. My DD is her own person! Am I being unreasonable? Any advice for dealing with this? Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2140206 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 19:03:54 +0000 wrkbrk 2140206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.LaFountain: When I RSVP no to showers that are out of town I send a shower gift off the registry. Then when the baby is born I send some additional small thing that I choose like a onesie :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2140193 Fri, 10 Apr 2015 18:52:47 +0000 Mrs.LaFountain 2140193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the input everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2138774 Thu, 09 Apr 2015 16:52:28 +0000 lady baltimore 2138774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If they're already finished (I salute you - my knitted gifts are never ready until after the baby is born), then go ahead and send them now. I like the idea of wrapping them for her to open at the shower. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2138767 Thu, 09 Apr 2015 16:44:20 +0000 snowjewelz 2138767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would send it sooner than later too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2138763 Thu, 09 Apr 2015 16:42:51 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2138763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since you are planning on sending her something anyways I would send it now so that she can open it at the shower. My SIL did that for me and it was nice feeling like even though she couldn't make it to the shower that she was thinking of us that day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2138746 Thu, 09 Apr 2015 16:32:40 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2138746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would send it in time for her shower so she can open your gift along with the others. If it isn't too much trouble I would wrap your gift inside the mailing box with a card or small book in the gift box. The package box would have a slip of paper telling her to wait until the shower to open the wrapped box. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2138723 Thu, 09 Apr 2015 16:19:47 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2138723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think anytime you want to send it will be fine, but I personally would send it before the baby is due because it can be pretty overwhelming to keep up with things like who sent a present after the baby is born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-timing#post-2138705 Thu, 09 Apr 2015 16:12:03 +0000 Mrs.LaFountain 2138705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So SIL is having a baby girl at the end of May. She lives in Florida and we live in NY. So we have RSVPed no because of this, co-ed shower. I have several hand-knit items for her that I had planned to send down when the baby was born. But after receiving the invite I feel like I should send a little something down for the shower as well. I know I'm not required to send a gift for the shower. DH also suggested we send the knit items down in between the shower and her due date. I'm not sure what to do and would love your ladies insight on this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1190261 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 10:40:39 +0000 jessibear 1190261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: This is a great point! Fingers crossed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1189877 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 09:02:44 +0000 skipra 1189877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jessibear: Sorry you are dealing with this. I also have a very difficult relationship with my SIL but it sounds like for different reasons. She is our only close sibling so we were really hoping DS would have a great relationship with her but it looks like that will probably not happen. It stinks but there is not much you can do when it is the other person that has the problem. Not all families are close and sometimes family friends or neighbors or whatever can stand in to make up for those missing relationships. Wishing you the best and hoping she gets some help so that things will turn around for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1189619 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 07:55:52 +0000 theonewhere 1189619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seconding @sleepymonkey. Your SIL didn't suddenly start acting like this because you became pregnant when she couldn't—she's always been like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1189556 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 07:26:50 +0000 Mae 1189556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Keep in mind too that once C is older and is more of an autonomous person rather than an extension of YOU, their relationship might be better (even if yours isn't). My mom has had issues with one of my dad's sisters their entire lives and they still don't really get along that great almost 40 years later... but both my brother and I have a great relationship with my aunt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1189519 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 07:05:40 +0000 SleepyMonkey 1189519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>if your relationship has a history of being awkward and you've tried your best to be supportive, then unfortunately there isn't much you can do to fix the situation. the ball is in her court. i'd just continue to be supportive and act as normal. the only thing you can do is try not to let it upset you so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1189467 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 06:15:31 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1189467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Give her space and ignore her. She's an adult and she can choose to interact or not, and although it may make things less than ideal at gatherings, it doesn't mean you have to tip-toe around her. Doing that just makes things more uncomfortable around everyone else. </p> <p>It's OK to have other family members play with your LO. She's a baby - she' supposed to get attention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1189452 Fri, 01 Nov 2013 05:46:06 +0000 mrbee 1189452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it's hard not to want that great relationship between your kid and their aunts/uncles! But in some cases, it can help not to focus on that... and to let the struggling aunt/uncle get their own space to work things out.</p> <p>At the end of the day, all you can do is be warm, welcoming and considerate... it's her choice how to respond to that! I usually try to focus more on what I can control during times of stress... so I would focus on my own actions and start to tune out her's! Good luck!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-re-sil#post-1189249 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 20:43:15 +0000 jessibear 1189249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks so much, everyone! I'm still hopeful one of these days we can have a better relationship. My MIL has tried to encourage her to talk to a counselor and consider meds for depression or anxiety, as both run in the family. So far, no luck. I just hope we can find some middle ground before C is old enough to understand the dynamic. It helps to hear everybody's thoughts. </p>