https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 03:19:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2576505 Tue, 28 Jun 2016 07:07:10 +0000 LulaBee 2576505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I spanked DD once, and never again. It's just not okay to hit another person, and I did it out of anger and that's about me, not her.</p> <p>None of my friends spank their kids. My in-laws, who just got custody of my niece, threatened to spank her at dinner the other night and it kind of shocked me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2576499 Tue, 28 Jun 2016 06:46:14 +0000 ValentineMommy 2576499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't spanked (though I remember being threatened a few times). DH was....definitely was.</p> <p>We do not spank, and honestly, have not seen any reason to need to either. I have no idea if anyone I know spanks, but I'm guessing not....I don't really know though.</p> <p>The only "hitting" I've ever done is to swat away DS's hand when he was little and about to touch something dangerous (stove, heater, etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2576270 Mon, 27 Jun 2016 15:33:41 +0000 Maysprout 2576270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't think of anyone who does as part of their parenting. I'm sure there's been people who have swatted or spanked their kid before but I can't think of anyone IRL who does as a part of parenting or has admitted to it. </p> <p>When I did the big brother/sister organization in grad school, my 'little sister' had a brother who was about 10, he was close to his moms size and she was a single mom. She had utilized spankng pretty heavily and really had no clue how to deal with him now that she couldn't use it anymore (though she still tried). It was horrible to watch and listen to. That pretty much cemented iny head that kids need to learn self control, self responsibility and thinking for themselves from an early age bc once they're big, they're not all of a sudden going to have magically matured and i can't see what lesson is learned from spanking except negative ones. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2576244 Mon, 27 Jun 2016 15:09:50 +0000 magnoliamama42 2576244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was spanked a lot as a kid. Sometimes I had to go choose which belt would be used. My parents were and are amazing parents, I have no idea what they were thinking. I remember those times vividly and I still feel hurt (I'm in my early 30s now). For years, into young adulthood, I couldn't have anyone even act like they were going to hit me between my lower back to knees without flinching. My parents were not abusive! They were loving, attentive, and compassionate. They were also educated, had well-paying jobs, etc. This was just how everyone around them parented.</p> <p>I do not want that for my child. It makes me ill to think about. At the same time, I know I have my mother's temper in me and I'm terrified that one day I will feel the need to swat my daughter's leg. I'm praying that I have the ability to stop myself. I don't want to turn into that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575678 Mon, 27 Jun 2016 04:58:49 +0000 periwinklebee 2575678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I won't do it. I was spanked as a child and it never made sense to me, why it was ok for my parents to hit me but not for anyone else to hit each other. When my parents spanked me, it was done in a controlled way and never left a mark, yet some of my most vivid memories from childhood are of the anticipation of being spanked, the combination of dread and rejection... That's not what I want my kids to look back and remember.</p> <p>I do think it can be an effective method in the SR to elicit obedience, but to me that does not outweigh the potential longer-run costs. There are huge cultural differences, though. I remember in college talking to a friend who also came from a conservative part of the U.S. about punishments as a kid - spanking, getting your mouth washed out with soap for talking back, etc. Our friend from a more liberal part of the U.S. was convinced we were abused, and we were like - "nope everyone does it". Then our friend from China started telling us how she was discipline as a kid, and WHOA. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575665 Mon, 27 Jun 2016 00:42:51 +0000 erinpye 2575665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: exactly. It's a game of semantics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575659 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 23:47:18 +0000 sarac 2575659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just love the moral gymnastics people go through to distinguish 'spanking' from 'hitting'. No. You are choosing to cause your child physical pain. Would you choose to do that to your husband? How about your dog? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575609 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 21:01:13 +0000 catomd00 2575609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: totally agree re: the whole in the moment thing. Discipline is supposed to be done close to the action, so how are you supposed to calm down and administer the discipline within a short period of time?! I can actually understand how an occasional spanking in the heat of the moment might happen than spanking that is planned out in advance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575523 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 18:03:58 +0000 turquoisemama 2575523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Yes! I mean sometimes you gotta change the diaper in public, but I always hide as much as possible. You never know who is watching. Or when people post embarrassing stuff about poop and potty training on Facebook-I hate it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575522 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 17:53:33 +0000 Bibliolove 2575522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoonMoon: maybe that's why I am anti-spanking. I remember it clearly from childhood as well, and my brother getting the belt. I don't like it and won't do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575521 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 17:45:06 +0000 Foodnerd81 2575521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think there is a big difference between making a joke about a stinky baby diaper or changing an infant in public and hitting a kid on the butt. You could maybe make that argument for shaming a toddler about a dirty diaper. However I do agree with you that I can't believe t is usually done in a very calm manner like they say. </p> <p>We don't. I sure as hell have wanted to but I know it wouldn't be good for us. Dh would do it in an extreme case (pushing her sister into the street type). But not as a regular punishment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575507 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 16:45:19 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2575507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@turquoisemama: kind of related in terms of degrading things we say/ do to children...teasing babies for stinky poops and diaper changes in public or allowing an audience.</p> <p>I don't think we have a concensus on what spanking is. I recall only a few punishments growing up that were not in the moment. The proponents of spanking say it's controlled and they are no longer upset when doing it. I haven't experienced that or witnessed that, but I would say the same thing for just about any discipline. Parents yell in the moment, place kids in timeout in the moment, takeaway privileges in the moment, redirect in the moment etc. I just don't believe that a swat on the hand or butt is the one exception. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575491 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 15:52:47 +0000 BananaPancakes 2575491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know lots of people who do. I was spanked like 3 times growing up and slapped by my mother a couple of times as a teenager. Pretty sure I deserved them all. It was a last resort act from my mother (who is seriously a saint) when she had reached the end of her rope. My husband was spanked for everything. I'm definetly more in the "no to spanking" group, and my husband was all about it until he actually had a child. Now he still feels it's an option, but in extreme situations, like dangerous situations or blatant disrespect. DS is 4 and it hasn't happened yet, but it's still on the table if need be </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575481 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 14:50:43 +0000 Corduroy 2575481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't spanked but I know some friends IRL that have tried it. I know it was seriously contemplated and I do not know if they continued after they tried it. </p> <p>I could see myself spanking my child that ran into a street or parking lot immediately after pulling them to safety . Something about that seems almost instinctual - related to how animals train their kids. Is that the same as "spanking your kids" as discipline? I feel differently about the idea of the two even though the action is the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575365 Sun, 26 Jun 2016 00:09:01 +0000 turquoisemama 2575365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The more I think about it, the more I don't like the idea...and I didn't like it before. Slapping someone on the ass for misbehaving...it's so degrading. I wish people would respect their children more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575347 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 21:05:19 +0000 caterw 2575347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: my daughter can definitely tell the difference between a spanking and being hit by her friends. We will just have to disagree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575318 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 19:58:02 +0000 catomd00 2575318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coopsmama: ugh, the only thing I think of when I witness someone spanking in public is what happens behind closed doors when no one is watching?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575280 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 16:59:41 +0000 erinpye 2575280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: I don't really get the difference-- striking a person's body with something, even your hand, even if it's not out of anger, doesn't feel different to the body receiving the blow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575254 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 15:23:03 +0000 caterw 2575254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@turquoisemama: To clarify, I don't consider hitting and spanking to be the same thing. Hitting is being mean or done out of anger. Spanking is a controlled method of discipline that works very well for my child, when used sparingly and in an age appropriate way. I think that whacking my kid on the leg when she is hitting me teaches her nothing, but a calm spanking followed by a talking to of why she got the spanking does a ton of good. If I am super mad at DD, I give both of us a time out and walk away until I am in control of my emotions. I also think that if I spanked frequently or for any little reason, it would lose a lot of it's meaning- DD gets a spanking probably 2-3 times a month. She gets loss of privileges like dessert or TV and a time-out or two before a spanking unless she does something extremely dangerous that requires immediate discipline (running away in a parking lot for instance). It's effective for my kid- she gets that it's a consequence for doing something really bad and we always hug it out afterwards. She apologizes for doing whatever it was that warranted the spanking and I tell her that I'm sorry it had to come to a spanking and I would prefer for her to just listen to me the first time so I didn't have to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575225 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 13:18:51 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2575225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: I agree with so much of what you said. We have spanked and I will pop a hand if needed but I try really really hard not to. I'm surrounded by those who spank and I was spanked (though very rarely, only with hands and there was always open dialogue, and hugs following ANY discipline situation, not just spanking) so it's hard for it not to be my initial reaction. That being said, I see the difference, in spanking versus a time out or a "cool down" for my toddler and the latter works better everytime and neither of us leaves the situation feelig icky. Thankfully, my in laws and my parents would never ever ever spank my children thiugh they spanked theirs and for that I'm thankful. My best friend spanks for pretty much everything and it bothers me a bit, just because of frequency. I agree that natural consequences are harder and maybe occasionally take longer to sink in but I'm learning they make more sense overall and strive to do better at every disobedience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575176 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 11:11:13 +0000 MoonMoon 2575176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No spanking here. Besides its obvious lack of effectiveness, its endorsement of violence and a law/order mentality, and its clashing with our ethos, I also just don't want to spank, because once it's done I could never go back to how it was before. My son and I would always know, and I couldn't live with that.</p> <p>My parents spanked us, and I still remember it, and I haven't forgiven them for it.</p> <p>Most of our friends, from what I can gather, are anti-spanking too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575168 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 10:47:26 +0000 maddyz 2575168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Spanking make no sense to me, is never been something that I've been around and can't see how it actually helps the situation. The idea of hurting a child to correct behavior might "work" but feels so backwards to me. Intending to hurt someone is never ok in my moral veiw.</p> <p>I reached for the stove as a child and my mom's has where full with my baby sister and the kettle, she slapped me to keep me from burning myself and the shock of her hitting me took days to get over. I might have been 4. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575089 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 06:13:45 +0000 ElbieKay 2575089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am pretty judgemental of spanking. It is culturally foreign to me.</p> <p>At one point I was making some Zero Tolerance comments about spanking in front of my MIL and she got really defensive. I forgot that my in-laws did that with my husband somewhat regularly. She didn't mention her own behavior; she just kept telling me things like, "You don't know what it's like to deal with a small child who is misbehaving."</p> <p>Well now I have a strong-willed 2yo and I still have never seen a need to spank him. I am glad I had a chance to me clear about my feelings because she would not like my reaction if she ever pulled that with my son. At least she was warned in advance.</p> <p>As far as I know, none of my friends spank their children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575070 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 02:12:56 +0000 turquoisemama 2575070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: Totally, that would make me feel super uncomfortable if I found out about it. I have a mom friend who is pretty aggressive toward her dog when he is barking and it is really awkward, but the kids get along so well and she's really nice otherwise. If she ever spanked her son, I would be done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575069 Sat, 25 Jun 2016 02:10:47 +0000 turquoisemama 2575069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: Just curious, if you were trying to teach a child not to hit, why would you hit(spank) them? Doesn't that seem kind of hypocritical. I just want to understand. I just can't think of a situation where that would be the most effective form of punishment, but I only know my child and how she behaves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575056 Fri, 24 Jun 2016 23:54:00 +0000 lamariniere 2575056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@keepcalmcarrie: @erinpye: totally agree. And I totally admit that I have swatted each LO exactly once out of desperation and immediately regretted it. </p> <p>I also do not ask other parents what they do as it is none of my business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575055 Fri, 24 Jun 2016 23:43:42 +0000 littlecasita1122 2575055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The issue I have with spanking is setting an example for my son - we have had issues with him hitting kids at school and sometimes during temper tantrums at home he flails his arms and hits us. We have to continue to remind him hands aren't for hitting, it's not okay, etc. If we spanked him, what kind of message would that send? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575048 Fri, 24 Jun 2016 23:10:34 +0000 sarac 2575048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't hit my husband, I don't hit my dog, and I certainly do not hit my children. I would not associate with someone who would choose to hit a child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575023 Fri, 24 Jun 2016 21:38:13 +0000 QBbride 2575023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will never spank. Ever. </p> <p>Honestly, I don't know anyone who does. Maybe it's just not a thing among my group of friends. I don't feel like it "teaches" the children anything other than being scared of discipline/consequences. I believe there is a difference between being consistent/having boundaries and being scared of the discipline your parents might use on you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spanking/page/2#post-2575007 Fri, 24 Jun 2016 21:00:33 +0000 sapphire 2575007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No; how does hitting a child for hitting teach them not to hit? </p>