https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 09:52:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-2455147 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:09:06 +0000 josina 2455147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sugar snap bee: @dswx3me: @autumnlove: @Pipers Mommy: @StrawberryBee: @lawbee11:<br /> Found this thread while looking for other step moms on the bee! Looks like they're aren't many of us but just started this thread if any of you are still active, I'd love to chat!<br /> <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-step-moms-out-there#post-2455101" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-step-moms-out-there#post-2455101</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-357567 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 08:37:26 +0000 StrawberryBee 357567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dswx3me: Hmm...it's actually a good question! I keep on forgetting that HB works differently from WeddingBee. It looks like a true private messaging system isn't in place yet, but you can post to someone's wall (<a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/profile/strawberrybee/wall" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/profile/strawberrybee/wall</a>). Other people can still see it so it isn't private, but it's not like having a conversation on a thread.</p> <p>Okay, so if you want to *email* me, let me know lol. If you're on WB you can PM me there (same username) and we can exchange email addresses. If not then we'll figure something out ;). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-357546 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 08:12:38 +0000 dswx3me 357546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@strawberrybee @lawbee11 @pipers mommy, :) thank you all for you posts....I feel a little less a lone already. </p> <p>@lawbee11 , the baby wasn't entirely difficult. there were moments before we started TTC that he would kind of get pouty and there were some signs of negative attitudes towards the idea. sometimes some jokes with a smile on his face with underlying hidden resentment, like he would laugh and say "why can't I just be the only kid forever? I get all the attention and Christmas presents!" or he would write cards to his dad that said "your favorite and only son" ,etc......and there was some obvious anxiety and freaking out. But my husband sat him down one day and explained to him that most girls/ladies spend their whole lives dreaming about one day having thier own children, and that since we had gotten married and it was my first marriage and I had no kids of my own, it would be selfish of him not to let me have a baby and family of my own. and that like it or not, he would have to get over it, because he wasn't going to do that to his wife. or to himself. because he wanted to have more children too. Some people might not think that was a very sensitive approach, but it really worked with my step-son. he was perfectly cool with it after that. and once we did let him know that I was expecting, he was very excited. We never brought up the "you won't be left out or abandoned" card. We just proved it by our actions towards him. Actions speak louder than words....</p> <p>@pipers mommy....is she a story teller in a bad way? because my husband's ex wife is a major story teller. in a bad way. and unfortunately, she has taught her son to do the same. lying is a constant battle we deal with on a daily basis. he has no conscience about it....frusterates his dad and I more than anything else. and he lies about dumb insignificant stuff...that he wouldn't even get in trouble about if he told the truth! so weird....I don't understand it. I think its hereditary in some ways....</p> <p>@strawberrybee I'm new to hellobee, but I am going to try to figure out how to pm you. :) so thankful to have "friends" to talk to....:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-356316 Tue, 23 Oct 2012 13:18:55 +0000 StrawberryBee 356316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: I also worry about how the kids will react if we're successful in our TTC journey. I hope that they'll be excited/happy, but I worry that they'll feel they're being replaced, etc.</p> <p>@Pipers Mommy: Oh good, so it's a generational thing! We took the kids to the shore this summer and it was the biggest misery ever. Not ONCE did either say thank you, but we sure heard a lot about how we should have picked a bigger hotel, should buy them this and that, etc. etc.</p> <p>Side note: I implemented the idea of allowance because when I first started dating my SO he would constantly take them out to get littlest pet shop, hot wheels cars, etc. Well, that graduated to a new video game every weekend we had them. Just this past weekend my stepson wanted to get a video game and was asking his dad how long he'd have to save up allowance to buy it. Success!! I wish they DID something for the allowance, but I'll take what I can get.</p> <p>Does anyone plan out in their heads how differently they'll parent with their biological children? I think the roughest part is not having any consistency because we only have them four days out of the month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-356083 Tue, 23 Oct 2012 12:10:58 +0000 Pipers Mommy 356083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a step mom, too. My DH has a 19 yo from a previous marriage (he became a dad at 21). It can be very frustrating at times. I love her to death and have tried to make sure that she gets everything that I would give to my own child...but she is a typical teenager at this point and doesn't think about consequences to some irresponsible decisions she has made of late and can be pretty ungrateful (sadly I think this is the mindset of this generation's teens). Together DH and I have a 15 month old (and expecting #2 in January) and my step daughter likes to play the "I feel left out card" on occassion neither DH nor I fall for it at this point. DH's ex wife is a real gem - she's a first class story teller that might make Mother Goose jealous. Definitely agree with you ladies, hard to handle sometimes when you'd don't have anyone that can relate to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-355993 Tue, 23 Oct 2012 11:48:38 +0000 lawbee11 355993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dswx3me: I'm a stepmom, too! DH has three children from a previous marriage (ages 12, 8, and 6). Our situation is quite different from yours, though. DH's kids live out of state with their bio mom. DH visits them once a month for 5-6 days, and they come to stay with us when they have school breaks. We also Skype with them for about an hour every night--we do schoolwork, read books, talk about our day...so it's nice that we can do that. I am lucky in that I get along well with all three of them. And DH gets along pretty well with his ex-wife; I wouldn't say they're friends, but they are civil and mainly communicate over email about logistical issues/stuff going on with the kids. </p> <p>It must be hard when your stepson mentions his mom. My stepkids don't talk much about their mom when they're with us, so I can imagine that would be tough. I don't normally feel resentful of them, but again, I don't seem them near as much as you see your stepson. I think what you're feeling is completely normal. </p> <p>How did it go when you brought a baby into the mix? DH and I are going to start TTC in a few months (this will be my first biological child, and our first child together). I think his kids will be excited to have a little brother/sister, but I guess you never know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-355814 Tue, 23 Oct 2012 11:08:53 +0000 StrawberryBee 355814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I realize that the original post was quite a while back, but I'm also a step mom and it certainly brings its own set of challenges! I have two stepchildren who visit us every other weekend: an 11 year old boy and a 13 year old girl. Overall I have a really good relationship with them. Their mom is remarried as well and she barely talks to us. Her husband won't say a single word to us.</p> <p>It drives me bonkers that they refuse to acknowledge our presence unless they need money from my husband. Then all of a sudden it's hand outstretched and "you need to..." but we have no say in whatever the need is. Pay up and shut up, as it were.</p> <p>Our life certainly is more peaceful when it's just the two of us, and we've seen some behavioral issues that sometimes make the weekends stressful, but all around I love them both very much and want so badly to have a child of my own that I don't have to 'give back' Sunday night!</p> <p>@dswx3me: feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk or vent :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-355770 Tue, 23 Oct 2012 10:56:25 +0000 autumnlove 355770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not a step parent but my friend is a step parent to a 5 year old and a 10 year with different moms and she always tells me dealing with the moms is just so stressful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-355755 Tue, 23 Oct 2012 10:51:32 +0000 dswx3me 355755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>you're not alone....I know you posted this a long time ago, but I'm new to hellobee....and I was looking for some step parent support as well....</p> <p>I'm with you! its a challenge! </p> <p>I have an 11 year old step son, and he lives with us full time...except for occasional holidays and a month out of the summer he visits his mom. (its kind of complicated as his mother is not the best of moms, so the courts do not allow him to stay overnight at her house and has to stay at his grandmothers house and visit her in the day time....)</p> <p>he doesn't call me mom, but calls me by my first name. be thankful that your stepson is so young! it is hard to bond with an older child...he was 8 when his dad and I got engaged, and he is now 11...everything is fine normally....except when he starts missing his real mother, it drives me crazy. he mentions her every other second of the day and I'm like "for the love...I don't want to hear about her anymore" </p> <p>my husband is easily frusterated with him, because he is so much like his mother and her side of the family. so that makes me almost resent my stepson, because of how peaceful life is when he IS gone visiting his mom. </p> <p>do you ever feel that way? resentful of the step kid? </p> <p>I have my own baby now, he's 4 months old. and my step son is a huge help to me...I do love him a lot....we just obviously don't have the same bond that my son and I will have. </p> <p>I homeschool my stepson...he has a few learning disabilities and concentration issues due to some, I'm assuming, substance abuse from his mother while she was pregnant....</p> <p>ok...I'm sorry if this sounded like I was complaining the whole time....its been rough the past month....in more ways than one. and I needed to vent....</p> <p>feel free to message me or vent any time. :) I'm always needing new friends who understand....</p> <p>I don't know any step mom friends either.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-113723 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:03:20 +0000 MsMamaBear 113723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be weary of the biomom knowing your dad, essentially you one day, having that much money. I know others will say I'm nuts, but I've seen it happen between family members.</p> <p>I like the meal plan idea better, but it's up to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12612 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:30:45 +0000 Rescuemom10 12612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with what others are saying. Maybe set it up differnt and like Junbugmama said. I have a SD, and my parents too have taken her in as their own. My brother actually recently had a child and his wife made a comment to my mom about "how does it feel to be a grandma and have a grandbaby now?" My mom of course very excited, said she loved it, but that she was already a grandma because she had my SD too. I know my parents can do more and afford more than some of my other SD grandparents, and I think there is nothing wrong with that. There doesnt need to be "blood ties" between children and people to be family, and thats what familes do. Some can afford to do more than others and I think thats acceptable. I can see that some MAY feel hurt because they cant afford to do things like that, but on the same hand should be happy that your family has taken your SS in as their own and are looking out for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12008 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:21:29 +0000 sugar snap bee 12008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also bounced around the idea that maybe when the time comes my dad could pay for a certain "thing", ie books, or residence, or meal plan.... Maybe that would be an easier situation for everyone involved.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12006 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:19:45 +0000 sugar snap bee 12006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Really? She doesn't know? Hm. I never thought of that. I'll have to talk it over some more with DH. At the end of the day, I'll respect what he wants to do, but I completely agree that it's just incredible how much my parents love and accept my SS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12005 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:18:13 +0000 runsyellowlites 12005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DEFINITELY AWESOME!</p> <p>Your step-son is your son now and is your parents grandson... AND how great that he'll grow up knowing &amp; having that acceptance from them and your family!</p> <p>I LOVE seeing this!</p> <p>I wouldn't worry so much about what SS bio-mom "could" do.. I would just keep track of it all.. SS schooling costs, what your dad pays, etc, and IF something ever came up you'd be covered. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12003 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:16:29 +0000 junebugmama 12003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a bonus son and my parents have fully embraced him as their grandson. Typing this even makes me well up how accepting and how much they love him as their own. Therefore, I would be so honored and would accept my parents gift.</p> <p>Now with that said, I have actually setup a college fund for my bonus son. His bio-mom has no tie to the account at all. She has as much right to the account as you would. We set these rules firmly in place. She actually doesn't even know that it exists. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12000 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:09:24 +0000 sugar snap bee 12000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the responses! Just as an update, we haven't made a decision yet. We haven't had time to really talk about it much either. We're also slightly concerned that SS's other grandparents (mainly bio-mom's parents) might be offended somehow or feel like my parents were overstepping boundaries. It's a really weird situation and I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it. I feel bad saying that, but I also have a protective urge towards DH wondering if bio-mom would every be able to withdraw the money or use this against DH if the relationship between the three of us goes sour at some point (fingers crossed that doesn't happen). There's just so many politics at play, it's difficult to wrap my head around.</p> <p>Mr Bee- Thanks for the info! My dad's a CA by training, and we're in Canada, so I'm sure he's spent a lot of hours researching this stuff because it's fun for him, LOL! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-6359 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 14:29:06 +0000 mrbee 6359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would go for it too! I am a fan of treating all kids like one big family... just because that's what I would want if the shoe was on the other foot.</p> <p>One note: for tax purposes, it may be best if your dad pays your stepson's educational expenses directly (rather than giving the money as a gift and then having you or your son spend that gift money).</p> <p>Otherwise his gift might count towards his lifetime limit for gifts. I'm sure he knows all this already, but just in case here is a link:</p> <p><a href="http://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/tax-tips/Tax-Planning-and-Checklists/The-Gift-Tax/INF12036.html" rel="nofollow">http://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/tax-tips/Tax-Planning-and-Checklists/The-Gift-Tax/INF12036.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-6335 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:35:00 +0000 tequiero21 6335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i love how your dad embraced your SS as his own grandkid. if it were me, i'd say go for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-6324 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 12:38:55 +0000 sugar snap bee 6324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is possibly the most generous person on earth. Literally. I'm not sure I've ever met some one with a heart as big as his. His goal in life is to make sure we're all well taken care of, whether it's friends, family, or extended family. He's been successful and I think being able to take care of the rest of us is his own measure of true success. </p> <p>DH told me last night that my dad offered to pay for half of my stepson's education savings (RESP). I'm not sure if he meant half the amount for this year only, or total. My SS's family is not well off. They're comfortable, but I'd say lower middle class. His biomom is a single mom, she works hard and has a strict monthly budget. As far as I know, there is no RESP set up for my SS yet. </p> <p>DH didn't give my dad an answer as he wanted to talk it over with me. Honestly, I'm not sure. First, it's a VERY generous offer, one I'm sure he's made for my nephews (and likely been taken up on), and I'm sure he'll do the same for DH and I when we have our own kids. </p> <p>I love that my parents have embraced my SS as one of their grandchildren. It's wonderful to see in what is an unusual family set up for our little bubble (my family is very white picket fence). They've been so open minded and loving, and it's amazing to me that it would extend this far.</p> <p>But on the other hand, I feel a bit like this type of generousity could be an over extension. SS has four sets of grandparents essentially (bio-mom's parents, DH's dad &amp; stepmom, DH's mom, and my parents), I'm not sure it's MY parents place to do this for SS. </p> <p>And on another one of my many hands, I also feel like I don't want SS's bio-mom to know THAT much about my family. We've kept some very clear boundaries to protect both DH and myself. If my dad all of a sudden plops a pile of cash into an account for SS I'm sure she's going to take notice. I also don't want to make her uncomfortable thinking that she "owes" something to my parents. </p> <p>And on my last set of hands, I wonder about our kids down the road. Is it fair that my parents would contribute to their education but not their half sibling? </p> <p>DH and I haven't had a chance to talk about it, and I don't think I'm even supposed to know my dad has made this offer. Thoughts? What would you do if you were in my shoes? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-1268 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 11:12:20 +0000 tequiero21 1268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>=( sorry, not in the same boat, but i definitely have tons of respect for you in your efforts with your step son. and luckily, he's young enough so he won't hold any resentments toward you and you'll just be another "parent" to him since you'll have been there with him essentially from the beginning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-1199 Mon, 26 Sep 2011 23:17:36 +0000 sugar snap bee 1199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>*crickets* Ooookay then. I'm in this boat alone for the time being :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-step-parents-out-there#post-579 Wed, 21 Sep 2011 17:59:57 +0000 sugar snap bee 579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a step mom to a 5 year old. We have him every other weekend which works well for us. Being a step mom is constantly a challenge. Half the time I feel like he doesn't care all that much if I'm around or not, but then when he goes back to his mom all he talks about is me! It's totally bizarre! It's been a learning curve for sure, but he's a great kid and we have a lot of fun together (especially now that he's over his "I'm going to have a tantrum for everything" stage when he was 3). </p> <p>My relationship with his mom has improved a lot, and I think she finally understands that we're all on the same team. Things definitely improved since DH and I got married and I hope the trend continues! </p> <p>Any other step parents out there? None of my friends are in the same boat and it would be nice to have someone to chat with about this stuff! Especially as we draw closer to TTC! </p>