https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 12:49:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772463 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 18:28:49 +0000 gingerbebe 2772463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LulaBee: I think part of this is that your "normal" in terms of feeling your son's loss the last three years may have been while in an "abnormal" mental state - meaning what you experienced as your grief journey was possibly more intense because of your depression and mental health issues amplifying those feelings, so now that what you're feeling (or not feeling) seems weird. Seeing a therapist might be helpful in deciphering what is more "normal," although from experience I know SSI numbness is definitely a thing. However it might just take a while for the meds to balance everything out. Perhaps tweaking the dosage down could also help. </p> <p>I had two losses. It's been 5 and 5.5 years respectively, and I don't think TOO much about them. Maybe a few times a year and usually it's with fondness or like crying when I realize they're with a newly departed relative or something (we lost DH's grandma last year and it was a big way we mourned and grieved - knowing she was with our girls). But for the most part they're just my girls and I acknowledge them but I don't sit around and actively miss them all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772396 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 13:10:49 +0000 MaryM 2772396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Maybe I'm at a place where I just don't want to talk about it (which usually means I do need to)."</p> <p>This was SO me before I finally got therapy. I had a huge blowout with DH because we weren't talking about any of it before I finally decided to get help. I didn't "want" to talk about it...but I knew I needed to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772386 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 12:14:21 +0000 LulaBee 2772386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LAZB: :heart: </p> <p>@MaryM: I agree that learning to talk about it helps. I just feel like I've talked so much already. Maybe I'm at a place where I just don't want to talk about it (which usually means I do need to).</p> <p>@Ajsmommy: that makes total sense. It just feels WRONG to not grieve every second of every day. But I guess when it's not so fresh you're not SUPPOSED to?</p> <p>@catlady: I'm sorry about your mom and your miscarriages. I understand- I wouldn't have my youngest if I hadn't had my losses either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772379 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 11:56:10 +0000 catlady 2772379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get the feeling of wanting to feel the loss. I lost my mom 7 years ago and had 3 miscarriages over the past 4 years as well, and I recently realized that I don't feel those losses anymore. In my case, I think it's just time and the fact that I really did let myself fully grieve, and I think I'm just healed. Which is a good thing! But sometimes I feel guilt about it. There are times when I still miss my mom so much but I've accepted it, if that makes sense. I just miss her presence as opposed to grieving. My feelings about my miscarriages are more complicated because my two children wouldn't have been born if I had not miscarried before them.</p> <p>I agree with others that it's probably worth talking with a therapist before making a decision about the medication. I definitely feel like it would be worth seeing a therapist about wanting to feel more. Having experienced both, I personally found grief to be quite different from depression, and honestly I think it is important for us to feel grief and not hide from it, so I get where you are coming from. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772369 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 11:42:06 +0000 Ajsmommy 2772369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This totally makes sense to me, although not child loss related. I lost my longtime highschool sweetheart/college bf/future fiancé and now that I am married with kids it's hard to "miss" him bc I don't want to disrespect my husband. And no, my husband hasn't said or done anything to make me feel this way. It's hard. The sister of my bf actually reached out to me recently to ask if I missed him and I do but its like I can't express it or feel it. It feels wrong to not actively miss him and mourn him daily....... does that make any sense.</p> <p>I kind of feel like that's how you feel... you feel wrong for not missing your son and want to feel it. I totally get it. I'm sorry I dont' have advice about meds but I do think therapy is very helpful and talking about it also helps a ton. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772361 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 11:11:31 +0000 LAZB 2772361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I never went on meds after losing Q, but I can totally understand you being upset that you can't "feel" your son anymore. It's been 3.5 years for me, and I am having fewer moments of sadness, and more moments of fondness of his memory. That isn't to say that I don't get sad, I frequently still cry or at least tear up, it's just getting to be less and less.<br /> I think it's definitely worth evaluating getting off of the med if they are making you not feel what you want to feel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772331 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:51:04 +0000 MaryM 2772331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LulaBee: It totally makes sense to me. </p> <p>I think the biggest thing I've gotten out of therapy has been learning how to feel things instead of avoiding them. I tend to ignore the messy stuff and hope that it just goes away (of course it doesn't). </p> <p>I don't like talking about it. But she's helped me realize that if I DO talk about it (and not just with her but with DH too), then I have SO MUCH more control over how I feel it and when I feel it and it becomes a lot less messy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772330 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:48:18 +0000 LulaBee 2772330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: That makes total sense. I feel like I had hit bottom when I went to see her a few months ago (and subsequently started the Zoloft). I just want to miss my son, if that makes sense. Can you go to therapy to try and feel sadness? Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772324 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:38:13 +0000 MaryM 2772324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LulaBee: If you're considering going off the meds, I'd maybe think about seeing the therapist short-term just to help you work through that. I think it's easier to have them onboard through the process (I went to therapy starting before my dad died...that was a lot easier than trying to "catch up" my current therapist after our third loss) than to try to catch them up once you finally realize you've hit bottom (if it ends up being really hard once you're off the meds). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772321 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:32:11 +0000 LulaBee 2772321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I was in therapy for a year after he died... and I've gone back to see my therapist recently but not sure I want to necessarily "go back" to therapy- mostly it's a time and finance issue. But really I hadn't actually thought about doing that (duh). I guess it's worth trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772316 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:22:25 +0000 MaryM 2772316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not related to my child losses...but I was on celexa when my father died. I started to realize that sure, I wasn't depressed anymore, but I also wasn't really ever happy. I sort of wasn't feeling anything. That's when I went off the medication. </p> <p>Child loss wise, I've only taken anxiety meds as needed. </p> <p>Are you doing any sort of counseling or therapy? I feel like that's made the biggest difference in coming to terms with feelings and emotions and being able to feel them and talk about them in a healthy way. I'm not going to lie, it was HARD at first, but I think it's really made a world of difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-momsmedicated-moms-need-advice#post-2772312 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:13:49 +0000 LulaBee 2772312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started Zoloft a few months ago to help with depressive thoughts and it's been really good as far as that goes- I'm much more relaxed and happy, able to be present with my kids and engage, don't think about death all the time or have days where I feel nothing at all.</p> <p>However I really don't think about my son who was stillborn almost 3 years ago anymore. It's definitely changed since I started the meds. I keep pictures of him around and try to think about him but it just feels very... detached. I'm sure part of it is more time has gone by since he died, but still. </p> <p>Should I consider going off the meds so I can FEEL him again? I know I need to be present for my living children, but I don't want to feel like he's being erased. Has anyone else ever experienced this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-times-series-on-stillbirth#post-2248117 Tue, 28 Jul 2015 14:19:52 +0000 mrbee 2248117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, so powerful - a wonderful series:</p> <p><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/health/stillbirth-reader-stories.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/health/stillbirth-reader-stories.html</a> </p>