https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 14:07:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874170 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:19:47 +0000 youboots 2874170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: I was also going to suggest Unruffled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874168 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:12:36 +0000 poppygirl15 2874168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My almost three year old will kick, hit, and throw items when he gets mad. I follow hand-in-hand parenting (similar to Janet Landsberry) calmly tell him, "you can be angry, but you cannot hurt people or things." I will repeat this over and over, often as I hold him so that he can't actually hurt people (me or himself) or things. I will tell him he can scream, and let him scream and cry. The only rule is not hurting people and things. I will sit with him until the tantrum passes. Usually, it doesn't take long before his brain turns back on and we're back to the races. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874166 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:10:19 +0000 SweetiePie 2874166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: @josina: someone also told me that and I actually googled it because it made me glad to know that there might be physiological reason! But it’s a myth. Womp womp. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874158 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:01:05 +0000 hitchhiker 2874158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Play doh would be awesome for this. I think I would like some play doh to pound when I am mad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874156 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 13:00:20 +0000 hitchhiker 2874156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: It gets better! It's a phase! (Although a really hard phase. Mine loved to throw these epic tantrums in public places, which was just really lovely...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874151 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:56:06 +0000 josina 2874151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: lol, well that would explain it at least!<br /> @hitchhiker: DS loves playdoh, so maybe that would be a good option for him... and he can destroy that as often as he'd like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874149 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:53:36 +0000 gotkimchi 2874149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: @josina: I heard or read somewhere that there is a testosterone surge at 4 that mimics puberty. So good luck and god bless 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874147 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:46:33 +0000 SweetiePie 2874147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hitchhiker: someone who has made it to the other side! Please tell us it does get better????? It’s a phase???? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874146 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:45:44 +0000 SweetiePie 2874146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I think it must be common with this age because last week his teacher decided to make a “calm down box” for the entire class filled with tools to help them cope with anger and frustration. And this week she’s been talking to them about emotions and how to deal with them.<br /> It helps in general to know it’s somewhat common, but it doesn’t help in the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874145 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:43:27 +0000 hitchhiker 2874145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through this at the same age with my now 6 year old DD. She really liked to draw, so I would use the Janet Lansbury line mentioned above (it's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to do whatever destructive behavior you are doing) and then ask if she wanted to draw her feelings. It worked most of the time. I feel like it could be modified for other interests - build your feelings with legos, etc. I also think it takes some repetition, because my DD couldn't really hear me in her moment of rage. But she started knowing that it was something I would offer and kind of helped her deal, so then she was open to it. Now that she is bigger she will often ask to draw her feelings when she is feeling overwhelmed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874143 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:37:03 +0000 josina 2874143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: REALLY glad to not be alone in this. I was trying to pinpoint a change that may have caused this for DS and there isn't anything I can think of.<br /> He makes a fist, grunts in anger, makes the snarling face.. time-outs have been when he's most destructive since I'm not there with him, so they're not working in this case. But when we do, we tell him to go calm down in his room and come out when he's ready to apologize. We acknowledge his anger and make him tell us what he did wrong. </p> <p>I did find on another post to watch some episodes of Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street (Belly Breathe) that deal with handling emotions, so I'm going to show him those tonight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874141 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:28:44 +0000 SweetiePie 2874141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: SOLIDARITY. I could have written your post word for word and thought about posting myself. He has always been on the calmer and happier side of toddlerhood and at 4yo (right when he started full day pre-K) shit has hit the fan. He’s a different child and it’s ANGER. He grits his teeth and makes a snarling face at us, pants and screams and grunts like a wild animal. Hits the couch, and occasionally us but he knows he shouldn’t so he’ll usually slow it down to more of a tap but the intent is still there.<br /> I’m at a loss mostly because we’ve never dealt with this before. For the “normal” stuff we’ve always done a time-out and that was effective. But this is NEXT LEVEL and it has brought me to tears many times over the last few weeks.<br /> The positive (if I can call it that) is that he does eventually calm down and he knows he was wrong. He’ll come and apologize for getting so upset and be very sweet and regretful. But man, the moment of anger (also in public 🤦🏻‍♀️) is BRUTAL.<br /> A friend recommended we watch some old episodes of Super Nanny so I’m going to do that this week.<br /> Overall he’s still a wonderful child most of the time so I’m praying this is just some crazy 4-5yo transition/phase. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874139 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:19:23 +0000 josina 2874139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: Thanks, I agree that he needs a new outlet for his anger, punching a pillow would be a good redirection. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874132 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 11:44:59 +0000 JennyPenny 2874132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't dealt with this personally but I've been listening to the Unruffled podcast a lot and I think Janet Lansbury would recommend saying "I see you're angry but you may not X" and instead telling them how they can show their anger. So maybe keeping a stack of junk paper he can rip, poof balls he can throw, a pillow he can punch, or going outside to yell. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/handling-an-angry-toddler#post-2874099 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 09:41:04 +0000 josina 2874099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 4 year old DS has recently started handling his anger very badly... He has ripped up a book, thrown things, tried to kick me or DH, and finally, last week he actually punched a wall(!) when DH wouldn't take him for an ATV ride. </p> <p>What are your tips for getting LO's to properly handle their anger? And what do you do when LO is angry?<br /> This is new to us because he actually has never been a big tantrum-er and would put himself in time-outs if he needed a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-and-big-emotions-in-toddlers#post-2833441 Wed, 11 Jul 2018 17:46:51 +0000 Mrsbells 2833441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LAZB: for tantrums i walk away from my son and ignore out completely. They realize quickly that no one is watching and stop it. If you can't walk out of the room there are other things thou can do. My son is 22 months and knows we will turn his high chair around so he can't see us if he has a tantrum during dinner and so when he starts i will ask him if he wants me to turn him around and he says no and fizzles down. We also keep reminding him to use his words to express his frustration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-and-big-emotions-in-toddlers#post-2833425 Wed, 11 Jul 2018 16:29:43 +0000 Boopers 2833425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How verbal is he? Could he be showing such big emotions through his tantrums because he has a difficult time expressing himself? I know 20 months is still young for verbal skills. Could you teach him single words or signs to express himself when he needs help? My son wasn’t very verbal at that age and daycare had to teach him how to ask for help when he was mad or frustrated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-and-big-emotions-in-toddlers#post-2833420 Wed, 11 Jul 2018 16:04:40 +0000 LAZB 2833420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@superkate: it’s tough, thanks for the commiseration! Hope you’re getting to an easier stage! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-and-big-emotions-in-toddlers#post-2833419 Wed, 11 Jul 2018 16:03:52 +0000 LAZB 2833419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: you are right, I just didn’t know what to call it aside from behavior issues. I’ll definitely look into the Daniel tiger songs, my daughter always loved those :) and as far as sensory issues, I don’t really think he has more sensory issues than than an average toddler, but I can further explore that </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-and-big-emotions-in-toddlers#post-2833338 Wed, 11 Jul 2018 11:10:01 +0000 superkate 2833338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds like my son. He's 25 months now and still acts like this when something doesn't go his way (the car he's playing with hits a wall, he can't open something, etc.). He has good and bad days. It's usually worse when he's out of his comfort zone or his routine is disrupted. I suspect sensory issues, as he also has trouble eating and sleeping. But I also think a factor is his speech, he was a bit behind and I believe frustration in not being able to communicate made his outbursts worse. He's gone through a speech explosion over the last few weeks (finally putting two words together) and I've noticed a decrease in the tantrums since he can express himself better now. </p> <p>We do a mixture of ignoring him when we can, and talking to him soothingly at other times. So no real ideas but commiseration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-and-big-emotions-in-toddlers#post-2833331 Wed, 11 Jul 2018 10:44:27 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2833331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you looked into sensory issues? As frustrating as it is, at this age I wouldn't tend to think of tantrums as behavioral problems. More that he's dysregulated and needs help regulating. Kids with sensory issues tend to get dysregulated easier.<br /> I've had good luck with the Daniel Tiger emotions songs. There's even an app where you can scroll through various big emotions. The mad song is a good one. He's a little young but might start catching on soon if his receptive language is strong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-and-big-emotions-in-toddlers#post-2833325 Wed, 11 Jul 2018 10:28:22 +0000 LAZB 2833325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 20 month old son has really been a challenge lately, and I’m looking for advice and also to see if I should look into professional help.<br /> 80% of the time he is happy and so sweet. He’s a total mamas boy, and is totally on track developmentally.<br /> 20% of the time he is out of control, HUGE tantrums, hitting/scratching/throwing, etc. if something doesn’t go his way, it’s the end of the world, he will scream and bang his head/kick his feet for a long time. I’ve been told to ignore the behavior, and I mostly do, but the head banging is not something I can ignore. If he’s doing that, I try to move him somewhere softer like his crib or grass or something.<br /> I know tantrums are normal, but his behavior is definitely worse than most. It’s also worth noting that his behavior is worse when he’s with me (most of the time), so I’m confident that a lot of it is for attention (which he gets a lot of).<br /> Any suggestions? I thought about looking into behavior therapy, but not sure if that’s even the right thing?<br /> He is seriously so happy and sweet most of the time, it’s hard to see him in his rages. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2591206 Sat, 23 Jul 2016 20:26:37 +0000 Astro Bee 2591206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Banana330: Poor you! I'd rather deal with any screaming, but the head banging freaks me out a little. Though I actually jokes to DH, "oh well, there goes Harvard!"</p> <p>@MenagerieMama: We did try talking him through the transition today, and it could have been a total fluke, but we didn't have a tantrum either time. Now when I didn't turn his garden chair in the right direction, that caused a tantrum!!! </p> <p>@catomd00: He only bangs it a few times then stops, but if he kept it up, I'd definitely move him to safer place. </p> <p>@Miss Ariel: The longest tantrum has only lasted a few minutes. I guess I'll have to brace myself for the 15 mins tantrums, I guess... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2590585 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 10:13:14 +0000 Banana330 2590585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have this problem too! same reaction too. I generally find a trade off works better... like you can't have that knife but you can have this spoon. Or I try and distract her with something else before taking the object and do it on the sly. other times I just brace myself and ignore the tantrum and start doing something else fun, she eventually stops and joins me. ugh 15 month olds </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2590584 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 10:08:45 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2590584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also wait it out. I would completely ignore him until he was calming. Once he started to calm down, I would calmly walk over to him and explain to him that I understand he's frustrated, but that's not the way we act when we're frustrated. It gets easier as they get older to explain, but ignoring him was always my go to until he's calmed down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2590565 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 09:41:22 +0000 MenagerieMama 2590565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One thing that helped us was talk through the transition (taking something away) before doing it, even if it didn't seem like she understood. Saying "bye bye" to it and explaining when she would see it again. And what she would do instead. Of course didnt always work but cut down on tantrums a lot. And then validating her frustration and helping her with a coping skill (she likes to lay somewhere with her cheek on a hard surface or bite her lovey). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2590563 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 09:38:18 +0000 Miss Ariel 2590563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I normally leave her alone while she screams on the floor. I've learned that if I try to comfort her or touch her that just makes her madder so I'll wait it out. Although I wish they only lasted a minute there's times where it will seem to last 10 or 15 minutes. But eventually she will get tired of screaming and will normally want a hug. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2590445 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 07:22:05 +0000 Jess1483 2590445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the head banging, although I don't really think it's a problem, I don't like it when LO does it, so I usually put my hand under his head and say "I won't let you hurt yourself," but otherwise don't stop the tantrum (empathizing, too). LO is only 13 months (so I don't really even consider them tantrums), so they only last 7 seconds. If it continued longer, I would probably move to the carpet or a bed or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2590419 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 06:32:17 +0000 catomd00 2590419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Astro Bee: I'd move him to a safe place - carpet/bed? Ultimately, if it hurts him he will figure it out and stop! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-you-do-when#post-2590414 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 06:13:10 +0000 Astro Bee 2590414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: @hilsy85: Ugh, yeah, half the time I say, "you're fine" or "you didn't want that," which I know I shouldn't say. He needs to learn to express how he's feeling, and being told he didn't want something that he clearly did can't be good.</p> <p>@catomd00: I'm less concerned about stopping the tantrum, and more with stopping him from banging his head on the hardwood floor. Any advice there? Or am I stuck with, that's how he tantrums? I will work harder to validate his feelings, in any case. I'm happy you've had success with your daughter. </p> <p>@Kemma: Thanks for the recommendation. I'll check her out. I'm really good about using a calm or neutral tone when he does this, and the tantrums are pretty short. I'll try offering him a choice and see if that helps. </p>