https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 00:22:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2350250 Tue, 10 Nov 2015 08:34:53 +0000 winniebee 2350250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: it was really hard for me to find the time to read with a baby that woke a million times a night and a 3 year old who didn't nap....so I did the audible version and listened in the car and while doing stuff around the house. it was honestly life changing for me. i don't ascribe to all of her advice, but the general theme really resonated with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2350110 Tue, 10 Nov 2015 00:12:51 +0000 irene 2350110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all again for the insight and advice - again I apologize I couldn't reply to each of you individually and I want to let you know I read every one of your comments word by word - thank you --!!</p> <p>And FYI: DS has been an angel today. Angel. He just naturally stuck around at the dining table and slowly finished all his food. I promised he would get chocolate ice-cream afterwards if he finished his food, and he did. He was very polite, said please and thank you on almost everything. Most importantly, he did not cry or whine one bit! How is that possible? He was so good he scored all stars on the everyday behavior rating chart and earned himself a quarter (which so far only happened once since we introduced the calendar weeks ago)! What's up with 3 year olds??</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: @mediagirl: I think you guys are right, I should see my therapist again.</p> <p>@Cherrybee: Hugsss and I totally hear what you are saying. xoxoxo</p> <p>@winniebee: Thanks....! I really should be reading - I told myself I need to read up parental books again half a year ago and I still haven't done that... argh!</p> <p>@Rockies11: I wish we had groups like that here! Where /how did you seek it out? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349526 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 15:54:13 +0000 Rockies11 2349526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I take a parenting class/discussion group that provides a playgroup for childcare to deal with my emotions around parenting. Behaviour is just behaviour and our emotional response to it is about us. It sounds like you need to explore what the anger means. We tend to ascribe meaning to behaviour that has to do with us - he's ungrateful for the food you made. Really he's hungry and misjudged the amount he needs to eat at dinner. I have found it really helpful to realize that my emotions are mine, not the kids. And from there I can problem solve whatever the behaviour is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349342 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 14:31:49 +0000 winniebee 2349342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a hot temper and can lose my patience easily, especially when I'm really tired. I have found that Janet Lansbury's "No Bad Kids" really helped me to regain some control over my own feelings. You can listen to the book on audio while you're doing chores around the house. She has a website, too. It's really logical parenting advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349335 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 14:28:16 +0000 PrincessBaby 2349335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have horrible anxiety, it doesn't take much to stress me out, make me worry, or upset me. My dr rx'd Zoloft for my anxiety and it has helped immensely. When my toddler is a lunatic or the baby has a fussy period, it doesn't really bother me at all. And it will still get to my husband, who is a super calm and patient person.</p> <p>Sorry that drugs is my answer. But I :heart: me some Zoloft!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349328 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 14:25:01 +0000 Kemma 2349328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I once read somewhere that the only things a toddler / preschooler has control over are eating, sleeping and eliminating, so hence why that's what 90% of parenting battles are about!</p> <p>@irene: have you tried the old counting to ten trick? Or just walking away? I'm sure you probably have but sometimes I find them to be two classics to rely back on when I feel my buttons being pushed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349186 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 13:21:53 +0000 Cherrybee 2349186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Sending you so much :heart: . I'm not a shouter by nature - I'm a crier! - but E pushes.my.buttons. A few weeks ago I totally lost it when she would not lie still for a nappy change. I SCREAMED lie down and she hit the deck like a veteran with PTSD when a car backfires. She looked up and said "what happened mummy?". I felt awful. For me, the key has been to really explore what the trigger is.... and, for me, it is usually when I feel overwhelmed and like I'm doing a task DH should be doing. My anger is usually my anger at DH, not E. Do you know what your trigger is? Digging deep? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349162 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 13:13:58 +0000 mediagirl 2349162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: before I got married, I saw a therapist for my anger issues. She showed me that anger is just a secondary emotion to so many other emotions. Most of the primary emotions I was feeling that were exhibited as anger were fear and sadness. She really helped me figure out where the anger was coming from and why I was experiencing it. </p> <p>I think going to a therapist to work on your anger and then bringing your family in with you to work on family issues could be a BIG help here. If you don't have good insurance, it can be expensive. That being said, it can help resolve problems before they begin. I was afraid of going to see a therapist before I did thinking there was just something horribly wrong with me. But once I went, I realized therapy is a great release and a safe place to get help. </p> <p>Anger is a tough thing to deal with and can turn scary. Being a parent of a 3.5 year old and someone with anger issues, I totally get it. The therapy I received has helped me work through it at the most stressful times of parenting, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349097 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 12:44:27 +0000 Greentea 2349097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I agree. I let DD have unlimited snacks and food, tbh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349085 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 12:38:57 +0000 Truth Bombs 2349085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Maybe finding a couselor/therapist who can give you some advice on best ways to calm your anger would be a good route. It sounds like you know your reactions are extreme, especially in response to normal preschooler behavior, but you don't know how to change the way you respond. No shame in asking for help. I don't think anyone here is really qualified to help without knowing all the dynamics of your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349047 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 12:02:50 +0000 pinkcupcake 2349047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Fwiw - I think this is pretty typical 3 year old behavior. My 3.5 year old is NEVER hungry at dinner time and will do anything but sit and eat her dinner. We usually have to remind her every couple minutes to come back to the table and eat another bite. It's annoying, but she's generally a well behaved kid and she listens most of the time so I have kinda accepted that mealtimes will be a struggle. My husband and I have the view that she's a person and not perfect. If she behaved perfectly 100% of the time, in all situations, we joke that she would be baby Jesus ;) we have just accepted that it's hard to get her to sit for a meal. Hopefully it's a phase, and that's another thing - a lot of these annoying behaviors are just phases. I find that they tend to pass (at least for us) - but then of course another issue pops up! </p> <p>If she says she's not hungry, we tell her fine - but your dinner is the only real food you're getting. I'll put it away and when she inevitably proclaims she is starving an hour or so later, I'll bring it back out and she will eat a few more bites. One thing I struggle with is the hypocrisy of telling her "no more snacks" when my husband and I both like to raid the pantry in the evening. So, our rule is that if you finish the majority of your dinner, you can have a small snack (usually fruit or apple sauce or crackers) if you're still hungry before bedtime. Usually this works. </p> <p>I think it helps to think that they're just little people, with faults and imperfections like the rest of us. God only knows I have millions of faults and poor habits and I'm 35. I can't expect a 3 year old to behave better than me ;) </p> <p>It also helps me to remind myself that she's only 3, and this too shall pass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349033 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 11:52:37 +0000 irene 2349033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Yes I agree. I have been saying this is my problem, I have a temper, and I need to tame it. I need to figure out how, regardless of the situation. I have tried stepping out for a few minutes, but I wouldn't calm down unless if I step out for 2 hours, and there are usually no 2 hours for me to go away because I am usually on my own. For husband coming to play and joke around with him, I see that as him not being on the same boat with me. DS would probably ignore me even more because daddy is OK. That is not acceptable in my books. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2349024 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 11:48:21 +0000 irene 2349024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you so much all! Thank you for the support and tips and advice. I apologize I couldn't reply to everyone of you individually, but I want to say I read every single comment and I thank you so much from my heart.</p> <p>@Oxana: Wow, thank you! Are you a psychologist / child psychologist by trade? I know that you are basically telling me that I need to be consistent. If the rule was no food whatsoever after dinner then I need to stick with it. Yes. I should. Thank you for the reminder. I know sometimes DH would try to enforce that (no snack in the afternoon unless he finishes or eats a good portion of his lunch), and I often feel very very very bad! Mother's guilt of not sure if I am preventing him to grow. And I promise you, we've been enforcing the no-food-after-dinner rule 85-90% of the time.....it was just the occasional "ok well since I haven't packed everything up you can have some".</p> <p>The other thing that is hard is, we usually don't eat together as a family - husband usually comes home after DS finishes his dinner on the weekdays, and we usually only eat our meals together on weekends. So when he announces he's done, it is kinda hard to keep him on the table when there is no one at the table. </p> <p>It is not just about food. It is about MY temper. I do get upset at him on different things (that was provoked by him, of course), and I really lose it. I would scream and one time I tear a drawing he brought home and he melt down. I felt really really bad afterwards. I just need to stop this melt down of my own (!!) but when I am at the moment it is very very hard to do :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348904 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:51:30 +0000 looch 2348904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I disagree with the go to bed hungry approach, I always let my son have a snack after dinner if I feel that he has not eaten enough during the day (especially if he hasn't eaten a good enough lunch). I choose the snack and if he doesn't want that, well, he's not really hungry. If he's hungry, he will eat what I offer.</p> <p>As for calming down, I've found that my son responds when I tell him exactly how his behavior makes me feel. He really has taken to heart that what he does causes reactions that he might not always like, which is normal. I don't want him to think he always has to make the "right" choice based on what other people think. He has to make his choice and own the consequences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348878 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:38:31 +0000 Littlebit 2348878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Oxana: holy answer. I'm bookmarking this page (and your response) for the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348823 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:18:13 +0000 Cherrybee 2348823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Oxana: That is the most incredible advice I have ever read - I think it may have changed my life (even though it was written for Irene). I am the queen of "pick your battles" and I pick none because then I cant lose any. The result is I'm a slave to a (beautiful, delightful) little tyrant who rules the house and issues demands like a machine gun! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348796 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 10:07:19 +0000 Truth Bombs 2348796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most of this sounds like pretty typical 3 year old behavior. I totally understand how frustrating it is. I have the rule with my daughter that if she says she's not hungry any more, then she's not getting anything else to eat later on except to have her leftovers offered to her. We also have no issues letting her have a treat after dinner if she eats a good amount of healthy foods and that usually works pretty well.</p> <p>But, while I understand it's frustrating (believe me!) it does sound like your reaction is a little over the top. You used the word "furious" a couple times and said you were giving your son the silent treatment. I think that's a pretty intense reaction to what is really pretty typical behavior for a child your son's age. I would try to figure out why this is SO upsetting to you and work on ways to react more calmly. When I get to a point where I'm really frustrated I take a break and let my husband step in. I don't see the problem with your husband playing with your son, just because you are really mad about the food situation, that doesn't mean both parents should essentially ignore your son to punish him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348781 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 09:58:14 +0000 mrsrain 2348781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I nannied I would occasionally have to tell the children, "right now I am feeling angry (frustrated, upset, tired, whatever) and I need to have a quiet time for a few minutes." They really seemed to "get" that, and it helped me get back to a place of calmness to deal with whatever was going on.</p> <p>Three is really too young to try to rationalize or explain-- their brains just aren't there yet. So with regards to the dinner thing, I would be very straight forward: we only eat at dinner time, there will be no snacks later. Maybe even insist he stay at the table until everyone is done, to give him a chance to eat some more. When I was growing up we had to eat at least 3 bites of everything on our plate-- could you do something like that so at least you know he ate something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348765 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 09:51:27 +0000 aegie 2348765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>bleh. My 3 year old actually just started doing this too. "i'm all done" at the table during dinner and then right before bath, "i'm hungry", or after bath, "I'm thirsty", "I have to pee", and on and on it goes. I'm convinced that she's just delaying bedtime so I I tell her, "uhoh, it's not dinner time anymore. We put away all the food. You can eat lots and lots tomorrow morning. What do you want to eat in the morning?" and I let her fantasize her breakfast. Then I tell her it all sounds delicious and then that's that. For thirsty and pee, unfortunately, I let her have some water and go to the bathroom, because 1) she can never have too much water and 2) except when it's at bedtime and I'd rather she pee now than at 2 in the morning and really drive me crazy.</p> <p>Think about whether you think this is really his way of delaying bedtime? If so, would that help manage your anger towards the crazy demands from your little man? Then you can adjust knowing, he's not really trying to drive you crazy? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348747 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 09:37:34 +0000 JoJoGirl 2348747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348734 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 09:32:28 +0000 MrsSRS 2348734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is so frustrating when they start to play you! I do a lot of verbalizing my anger. I think it's really good for kids to see that and learn how to manage their feelings. So, "I'm frustrated. I'm going to go do some deep breaths in the other room. You need to let mommy have a break so she can make a good choice and not yell."<br /> So let him see your anger sometimes. But, sometimes that emotional response from an adult is a powerful reward. We do a lot of pretending to be totally calm while saying things like,<br /> "I hear that you think you are tired. You might just be feeling like that because your body needs energy from lunch. You will feel better after you eat."<br /> "It is naptime. You said you were tired earlier, and I can see that your body is tired. It is time to be calm and rest."<br /> At the table we have a stay until everyone is done policy. Need to go potty? No prob, mommy will escort you there and then right back to your seat. "You don't have to eat any more, but you do need to sit and keep us company until everyone is done." Kids almost always eat more while they sit there. Then, at bedtime, "Sorry, bud. Dinner time was the time for eating. Now it's time for sleep. It's ok if you feel a little hungry. You can have a good breakfast in the morning."</p> <p>It really helps my temper to have sort of canned responses ready. I don't have to figure out what to say, I just say the above. Then I can put more of my attention on deep breaths and trying to go zen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348581 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 05:31:09 +0000 Oxana 2348581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Armchair psychology here. The reason it makes you mad is that you suspect that he is playing you. And he is. He doesn't have the world's most mercurial hunger pains. He doesn't truly swing wildly from being super sleepy to wide awake. This a pattern of behavior, a routine, and you've seen that it's repeated not just with food but other areas of life as well.</p> <p>I think it's all about pushing your buttons so he knows where the boundaries are. He has discovered that he can make you dance like a puppet on a string with just a few words ("I'm hungry!" "I'm tired!") and then make you jerk the other way with what amounts to just one word (the equivalent of "no"). What does this behavior accomplish? It puts him in a position of power over you. It's a game he always wins. So, it's pretty unlikely that the game is going to stop on its own.</p> <p>I want to be clear that I'm not saying he is intentionally manipulating you. He isn't planning it out while he lays in bed at night, obviously. But while it is not intentional, it is still a form of manipulation. It is still an unhealthy power dynamic. It is essentially disrespectful to you and your DH and sets a poor standard of behavior.</p> <p>We have a motto in our house that both adults and children must live by. Mean what you say and say what you mean. A child who says something they don't actually mean like, "I'm full," when they are clearly not, is technically lying. A parent who says, "I better not hear you say you're hungry later," but has absolutely no intention of backing that up with real consequences is technically lying. You're making empty threats out of frustration, and your child knows that you are (currently) powerless against his will.</p> <p>You have two choices. The first option is to decide that this is not a hill you don't want to die on. Lots of people shrug and say, "They'll grow out of it." That's fine, but you need to adjust your expectations accordingly. You need to tell yourself, "This is the new normal, I don't want to fight him for it, and I shouldn't put false expectations on it to stop in a month or even a year. It will stop when it stops." Let it go. Pretend it doesn't bother you until (hopefully) it doesn't, and it might lose some of its appeal to your kid at that point (maybe?).</p> <p>I'm obviously biased, but I wouldn't go that route. I've seen it in other families, and it seems like a lot of times, the kid will take that pattern and find new ways to jerk their parents around as time goes on. Your only other choice is to say to yourself that this IS a hill to die on, not because of the particulars of how it inconveniences you, but because there is a greater war to be won. This is a battle of wills. This is about your child investigating who is really in charge, who is really the leader of your little family, and it's up to you to assert yourself. You are not the slave of a little tyrant who can get what he wants with a whine or tantrum. YOU are in charge because you are more rational and experienced than a three year old. So you need to show him that he can't take advantage of you. He cannot win. Once he realizes that no matter what he tries to do, you will no longer dance on a string, he will give up and the manipulation will stop.</p> <p>The first option where you let it go is easier than the second option--at least at first. It will get harder over time as he ups the ante. The second option is much, much harder in the short term, but will reap long term benefits. So you have to weigh that when you decide what to do.</p> <p>If you decide to nip this behavior in the bud, you don't need to make a big production about it. Stay calm and assertive. Explain simply over dinner, as if this is just a natural change in your household, "From now on, we only eat together at the table as a family. You may only leave the table when the last person is finished with their food and we tell you that you are excused." From now on, there is no food on the counter he's able to grab for a snack, and he isn't allowed to go into the pantry or fridge without permission. All eating (snacks, etc.) when not on the go is done at your table. You and your DH will no longer ask him if he is full. EVER. Because that is no longer a benchmark you're trying to meet. It doesn't matter. If he volunteers he's full while at the table, give a non-response. "We all sit together at the table until everyone is finished."</p> <p>A 3.5 year old can easily hold their urine for an hour at the table (and if you're really concerned, take him to the potty right before dinner so you know he isn't bursting). Don't rush to finish in the hopes of curbing a meltdown. Don't take his plate away if he says he's full, just have him sit in front of his plate without pressuring him--he may eat extra just because it's there in front of him and he's bored. Clear plates only after everyone is done. If he begins whining or crying at the table, give him immediate consequences (a time out, spanking or whatever you do) and then bring him directly back to the table. Wash and repeat.</p> <p>When dinner is done (and you're thinking this is more trouble than it's worth and it's not even 6 PM yet), go about your routine as normal, not mentioning food at all. Wait for him to strike. Which he will. He will give a Shakespearian performance of someone dying of hunger. You will calmly, dispassionately remind him that we only eat together as a family at the table. He will whine or tantrum, you will give consequences for said behavior. You will not give in. He may go to bed a little hungry that night--but you are NOT starving him. Put away the mom guilt. His health is not in peril. Going to bed a little hungry is a natural consequence to his behavior, and it will quickly put an end to this unhealthy pattern he's trapped himself in.</p> <p>This is not about food or sleep or whatever. If he skips meal or misses a nap, it isn't the end of the world. It's about the bigger picture. That's why you find yourself losing your temper--because you can feel yourself losing control and being at the mercy of an irrational three year old, but you can't see a way around it. If I were you, I'd take this opportunity to assert you and your DH (your husband MUST be on board) as the leaders of your little family and re-establish the natural order. I think you'll find that your child will actually be happier for it. /soapbox </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348578 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 04:46:20 +0000 Tidybee 2348578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this is typical of every 3 yr old. I'm no child expert but here are my thoughts and how I deal with it with my daughter who at 3 is just starting the same stuff. It might seem a little harsh to some people, but it works for our family and I'm okay with it.<br /> I think she uses dinner and bedtime as a way to test me and my boundaries and to see what she can get away with. When she says she is finished with dinner, I clearly tell her that she's not going to get any more food tonight and she has to clear her spot. A few times she has asked for snacks after dinner bc she's hungry and I've said no. I'm sure she's gone to bed hungry but I need to teach her that I am being consistent and mean what I say. I hate thinking of her being in bed hungry but in most cases she has eaten about half of her dinner so I reassure myself that she's not going to starve to death. Since doing this, I've found that she eats a little more at dinner these days. Janet Lansbury has a good podcast on toddlers and mealtimes which helped me put it into perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348573 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 03:56:54 +0000 OhCaptain 2348573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: ugh, the "pee" thing is so hard! You can't say no!<br /> I feel like the food struggles in our house are worse in the last 6 months. actually all parenting has been harder at three! I lose my temper so much more easily. Sometimes I feel my self getting impatient and I know I'm on the track to mad, but I just don't have the tools always to calm myself before I get angry. It's hard! I was glad when you posted because I'm interested to see what others say... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348547 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 23:41:59 +0000 MrsRcCar 2348547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: we struggle with N's weight because he is pretty small, so I feel you there. I lost my temper the other day and poor N cried and asked why I was mad. I took a deep breath and told him that I was sad he didn't eat the food I worked so hard on for him. I am not sure how much he really understood but he gave me a hug and said sorry. I felt terrible. We have been in contact with a registered dietician about his diet and she suggested the two more bites policy. It seems to work well for us. When N has only taken 5 bites and declares that he is finished we discuss how this is all he is having tonight (he usually tries to barter for fresh fruit or candy). If he really wants something else he has to eat two more bites of dinner "because if there is room for an orange there is room for dinner first then maybe an orange" We have found it to be less of a fight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348543 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 23:28:29 +0000 irene 2348543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: Thanks for the tip of the wording of what I should say.... and true about the psycology - the thing is if I did give him the orange, he'd probably eat one bite and said he's done, or saying he's done after I peel the orange. Which is highly likely. Story of my life.</p> <p>@MrsRcCar: What you said is true.... The other thing that drives me mad is, he often complains he is VERY TIRED before lunch / around lunch. But naptime comes and we all hurry home to put him down, and he would refuse to go down and say he is no longer tired. Same with bed time. And same with meal times (how he is VERY HUNGRY, but no longer hungry after eating 10 bites, and how he is so hungry he can not go to sleep). And yes, usually I don't give him any food when he already brushed his teeth and ready for bed, but tonight it was still possible so I offered.... He is the smallest in his class, so sometimes I feel guilty as if I were starving him, even though it is his fault for not eating...! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348540 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 23:20:47 +0000 MrsRcCar 2348540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My three year old is doing this right now. Lately what we have taken to doing is explaining that his option is to finish the dinner that he didn't finish or nothing. He picked up bad snacking habits with my parents so we are working to fix that. Generally he will finish his meal, assuming he is hungry. I also find for us that he isn't really hungry just thirsty and not great at communicating that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348535 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 23:15:57 +0000 irene 2348535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OhCaptain: It is usually very hard to not let him get up and leave the table.... especially he said he needed to pee (which he did when he said he was done with his food). And yes usually I leave his food out as long as possible / put it in a container and offer it back to him if he was hungry. For tonight I literally just packed his dinner as part of his lunch for tomorrow, so it was easier for me to just give him the fresh leftovers from a big pot. </p> <p>At that point I did walk out for a few moments, but I wasn't calmed down and in fact I don't think I was calm until after an hour.... I was so angry that I sat there for 30 minutes and wasn't able to do anything after he went to bed.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348534 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 23:12:45 +0000 Greentea 2348534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes talking through it- like, "I am feeling very frustrating you told me you want spaghetti and now say you do not. This is a waste of food and time. If you don't want it, that's fine, but don't tell me you do and then not eat it." "I am seriously about to yell." </p> <p>Sometimes voicing it in the moment can help. Do you think he wanted to please you in a way, by saying he would eat more spaghetti, but he really only wanted the orange? That might be part of the psychology behind it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tips-on-calming-down-not-losing-temper#post-2348532 Sun, 08 Nov 2015 23:09:31 +0000 irene 2348532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: Thank you so much for reassuring that I am not crazy to be mad. My husband was like, I have no idea what happened and why you were that mad. When I was giving DS the silence treatment after bath, my husband had the nerve to come into the room and play with DS. That was adding fuel to the fire.</p> <p>I was wayyyyy more tolerable when LO was very young, like under 2. But now at 3.5, almost 4 in 3 months, it is hard to convince myself that he didn't know what he did...! </p>