https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 04:36:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856362 Tue, 13 Nov 2018 12:03:59 +0000 snowjewelz 2856362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely put photos of anything that has to do with her in the album because she is part of your family and you should be able to talk about her if friends/family are flipping through the album. Do what is good for you and your family :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856267 Mon, 12 Nov 2018 15:37:13 +0000 pachamama 2856267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: I think it's a lovely idea to permanently and publicly memorialize your daughter. :heart: You loved her so so so much and it will keep things more present for you and your family (and neighbors!). It was such a hard decision for you and I know you want her to know you will never forget her. I'm not sure why our society has made this very common pain and sadness we feel as women so taboo. Let's bring it to the surface.<br /> Sort of in the same vein, I wear my children's birthstone in rings between my wedding bands- when people asks about the ring set I tell them the aquamarine was from a baby I lost. It makes me sad/happy and creates a conversation where more often than not they will share their history of loss.<br /> @Pollywog: girl. crying. UGH :-( </p> [attach=5254/18/pi3la1.337x600.1112181531.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856105 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:53:05 +0000 DesertDreams88 2856105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the idea of a dedicated page or two. Another alternative is to make a separate book. Each of my children has a small 8x8 book with ultrasound photos, diary-type entries, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856104 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:50:23 +0000 yellowbeach 2856104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LabradorLover: Still fighting the good fight, thanks for thinking of me. We are ok. Today was a good day as DH saved a life of a man who suffered a cardiac arrest while running a local marathon (he was the race doc). DD and I went to see Peppa Pig Live and it was the happiest I've ever seen her. So today was a good day. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856102 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:41:38 +0000 Pollywog 2856102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally not the same, but I had a miscarriage after I had announced to everyone. Looking at photos from those three months is so clear I'm pregnant. I'm beaming and clearly nauseous. The photos afterwards I look much older and that I'd gone through hell. I'd include the photos that capture that you lost a daughter because it's an event that changed your life. If people ask, my reply has been "we lost a baby" or "J wasn't our first pregnancy". No one has asked questions. </p> <p>We have a teddy bear that was a gift for our first baby in our room. My almost 3 year old asks if it's his and I reply "that was the first baby in mommy's belly. She was too sick and was never born, like you were. You can play with the bear,but please put it back when you're done. " He's never asked follow ups </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856101 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:09:30 +0000 LabradorLover 2856101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just adding my :heart: :heart: :heart: to this. Always thinking of you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856097 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 21:25:18 +0000 yellowbeach 2856097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: Thanks so much for your reply. I feel so consumed by all of this even still, so it's really helpful to have some rational outsider perspective. I think you bring up a good point about listing Feb-May 2018 because that will say everything and set the tone in case anyone wants to ask questions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856094 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 21:00:29 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2856094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you are ok to talk about it, I would reserve a page in the book to put a scan of the ultrasound photos with the dates of February to May (ie: Baby E forever in our hearts, February 2018-May 2018 or whatever you prefer with specific dates/phrases) I think that allows you to honor her and make her an important part of your year while also making it pretty clear what happened for future. I think if I scanned through a friends book and saw that, I would understand what it meant and ask no further if I was a casual aquaintance who didn’t know what happened. If your other child sees that, I think it could be a good conversation starter as well and helps them to know they had a sibling and this is the photo we have of them.</p> <p>I think it’s ok to put whatever you like in the book, even if that’s a blank page if you aren’t sure and want to come back to it later. I’m sorry for your loss :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856093 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:46:10 +0000 gotkimchi 2856093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: then I think that’s a really beautiful way to honor her </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856092 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:45:04 +0000 yellowbeach 2856092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: That's a great question that I hadn't really considered. I would actually welcome the idea of talking about her because I feel like everyone except me has forgotten. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856090 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:30:04 +0000 gotkimchi 2856090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What makes you feel good? Would you be happy to talk about her if someone asks or would that make you miserable? Do what you can handle and are ready for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856089 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:24:51 +0000 yellowbeach 2856089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every year I make a Shutterfly photo book for DH. It's our family album of the events of that year. It's his favorite present every year and our moms love it so much I give them a copy as well. I'm struggling with how I should handle Baby E (our TFMR for T21 in May) in the book. She was a part of our lives from Feb to May, and the emotional aftermath defined the remainder of the year for me. I still have her US photos and am sure down the road I will want to have them somewhere more permanent. I just struggle with the awkward questions that might come up in the next 2-5 years, especially as our 21 mo DD grows older and starts asking questions. Maybe this would be a way to start the conversation? Perhaps it will just create very awkward moments if new friends &amp; neighbors casually peruse the book lying on the coffee table... Any advice/thoughts/experiences appreciated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2835019 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 20:10:16 +0000 LabradorLover 2835019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmaNZ: I am happy to hear you are pregnant so soon again, too! I have to say it is so shocking to me how many people have to go through this and so unfair as well. I do have fears that the same thing will happen to this baby but I also think we wouldn’t have gotten pregnant so quickly if it wasn’t meant to be! Once these blood test results come back, all negative hopefully, I’ll be able to relax and we will be able to celebrate this baby. </p> <p>Good luck with your ultrasound next week, keep us updated! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2835015 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 18:19:04 +0000 EmmaNZ 2835015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Katrocap: thinking of you. The waiting truly is the worst. Once we made a decision, I felt a huge sense of relief. We are here for you.</p> <p>@Elysia: other things I did in the aftermath of our loss - drank a lot of wine! Did a lot of shopping- retail therapy! I also bought things for our next baby. I wasn't pregnant at that point, but I needed something tangible to look at and say yes we will.have another baby and he /she will wear/use this. Some people might think that is tempting fate but it helped me. I also journalled about my feelings and the experience. And watched a lot of light hearted tv.</p> <p>I agree with @LabradorLover: that this current pregnancy has brought me a lot of joy again but also a lot of anxiety. With subsequent pregnancies, there is a very strong pull to spiral into a negative cycle of worry and anxiety. I have to constantly remind myself that that is not helpful. I say to myself- these thoughts are unhelpful- today I am pregnant and I love my baby. A bit cheesy but it helps me to focus on the present moment. I also like the analogy of 'crossing to the sunny side of the street' like when you are walking and choose to cross the road so you walk in the sun. It's like that with your attitude during your next pregnancy. I don't want worry to be my predominant memory of this pregnancy. Because I know most pregnancies end in a healthy baby. So I allow myself to walk in joy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2835014 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 18:10:14 +0000 Katrocap 2835014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@elysia: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 17 weeks and agonizingly awaiting the results of my CVS test because the NT and NIPT showed highest risk possible for T21. We will TFMR if the results come back positive. Before all of this came up for us a month ago I had no idea there were so many women who go through this. Just want to send hugs and support that you'll get to hold your rainbow baby one day soon! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2835010 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 17:51:41 +0000 EmmaNZ 2835010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Forgot to say that my daughter had trisomy 18 ... </p> <p>@LabradorLover: I am very happy to see your news and have followed your journey :-) it's nice to know we are not alone on this journey. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2835009 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 17:49:30 +0000 EmmaNZ 2835009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elysia: good morning :-) I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry you are going through this. We, too, TFMR this year in April. I was 18 weeks pregnant with a much loved baby girl. I was induced and delivered her. Like you, in the weeks that followed, I was consumed with the thought of conceiving again and holding another baby. My period took an agonising 8 weeks to return. I focused on eating as well as I could, really spoiling myself in preparation of being pregnant again. We decided not to wait, and with doctors approval tried to conceive after that first period! I'm happy to say it worked. I'm now six weeks pregnant and anxiously waiting for my first ultrasound next week.</p> <p>Good luck to you. Take very gentle care of yourself and your partner. You will hold a healthy baby . Hold that image close to your heart. Xx </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2834994 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 16:00:00 +0000 LabradorLover 2834994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elysia: I had a D&amp;E and bled for the first day and then basically spotted for roughly 7 days or so. No extra monitoring this time but I did have my blood drawn for the MaterniT21 test (like last time) to rule out any issues sooner rather than later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2834974 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 14:01:15 +0000 Elysia 2834974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LabradorLover: I’m sorry that you have been through this also, I’m so happy your having your rainbow baby ! Did you deliver or did you have a d &amp;c I delivered I stopped bleeding after 10 days can you Remember how long you bled for ? That’s how I feel I’m so down I know being pregnant will make me so happy. Are they monitoring you more this time ? X </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2834969 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 13:54:33 +0000 Elysia 2834969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@delight: sorry to hear that you also have been through this awful situation too ! It’s lovely to hear that you went on to have your rainbow baby it gives me so much hope for the future! X </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2834928 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 10:22:58 +0000 LabradorLover 2834928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elysia: I'm so sorry that you are going through this. We TFMR at 18.5 weeks in March, 2018 for T21 and it was devastating. It took us 1.5 years to make that baby so I was completely heartbroken. My period took exactly 5 weeks to return and I ended up getting pregnant that cycle after AF arrived (currently 10+ weeks pregnant now). My doctor said we did not need to wait, AF normally takes 4-6 weeks to return and that I would be fertile 10-14 days after the procedure. </p> <p>Like you, and since this is our first baby, I desparetly needed to be pregnant again. Nobody would ever think you were trying to replace your baby so try not to worry about that (although I know it is hard). I noticed that I was starting to spiral into a mild depression and when I found out that I was pregnant again, I was the happiest person on the planet.</p> <p>I hope AF arrives soon for you and you get pregnant as soon as you can. I'm here for you if you need to chat. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2834887 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 07:57:56 +0000 delight 2834887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elysia: I am so sorry for your lost. We TFMR at 21 weeks in 2014. I have never stopped thinking about that little girl. We were told to wait 3 months to TTC but I had my period back within about 7-8 weeks. After starting to TTC it took 6 months to get pregnant and we had a MC at 11 weeks. At that point we started to have some fertility testing done to see what was going on. Shortly after I became pregnant with our DS. All In all, it was 14 months from our TFMR to conceiving our son. I will say, that while the road was rocky and the TFMR was the worst emotional pain I have ever encountered, I am so grateful for our little boy. I often think about how if we hadn’t lost that little girl, that he wouldn’t be here. I miss her every day but don’t regret any decisions. Best wishes to you. :heart: There are a number of us here who have TFMR. It is a great community. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ttc-after-tfmr#post-2834882 Thu, 19 Jul 2018 07:31:54 +0000 Elysia 2834882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lost my baby at 19 weeks , 3 weeks ago tfmr due to my son not having any kidneys (bilateral renal agenisis) how long did your period take to return ? And if you got pregnant how long after did it take you ? I would never replace my son Noah I just desperately need to have a baby in my arms </p>