https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 05:33:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2371215 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 15:57:44 +0000 gingerbebe 2371215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I haven't actually discussed the technicalities of how we will handle Santa since DS is only about 15 months. We are Christian and feel strongly about keeping the religious aspect the central thing. DH's mom is insane about everything Christmas - it's her Super Bowl and she goes bananas so I'm already creeped out by the super consumerist Christmas DS will be exposed to and she STILL gives gifts to all of us from Santa in addition to from Mom and Dad or whatever. So I guess we should figure out a plan and let MIL know before we go for Christmas next year and ask how my BIL are going to handle it for their son who is 2 months older than DS. My thought is I'd rather tell DS that I think the story of St. Nick is accurate but say some people/kids believe he's actually this guy who lives in the North Pole with elves and gives presents to everyone off a flying reindeer sleigh. I'd rather give him stories to choose from because there are so many ancillary things related to Santa you have to explain like Elf on a Shelf or Tres Reyes or whatever else people do around the world for Christmas. I also don't want to get caught up in cookies and reindeer food and explaining how Santa will know which house we will be at for Christmas that year or whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2371206 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 15:31:46 +0000 Umbreon 2371206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some of my best memories are waking up Christmas morning to see what Santa brought. I will absolutely be teaching the kids about Santa and telling them he's real. </p> <p>I do get a little nervous because BIL said once that he would not be teaching his kids about Santa because he doesn't believe in lying to them. I don't know how our family Christmas will go if MIL wants to have Santa gifts, but only our kids get them... or how our kids will explain to each other why Santa comes to one house and not the other... aaah I hope it will be a non issue and DH and I will have our kids well before! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2371183 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 14:52:21 +0000 daniellemybelle 2371183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am super Team Santa. I was Team Santa Lite before LO - more of the philosophy that we will do Santa, but won't go overboard trying to convince her he is totally real. Now, I definitely want her to think he's real and to enjoy that magic with her. It's just too fun to pass up. I think she will forgive me for lying to her.</p> <p>@Torchwood: My mom did the whole, "What do you think?" with me when I was 3 and I said, "I think Santa is mommies &amp; daddies." And that was it. I have no memories of really believing in Santa and that makes me a little sad. If LO asks me if Santa is real or anything along those lines, I will tell her yes until we feel she's old enough to be in on the big kid secret. </p> <p>It's interesting to me that those of you who do Santa have Santa bring one small gift. Santa is bringing the big shiny gifts this year and smaller gifts will be labeled from me &amp; DH (like Mr. Potato Head and books). I think it is so magical to see an big amazing gift from Santa under the tree! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2371087 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 12:15:58 +0000 Tanjowen 2371087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I agreed to compromise. I never grew up believing in Santa, and he grew up believing in Santa. Mine was because of a Christian upbringing and my parents didn't want to lie to us (which is weird because they did the Tooth Fairy thing...).</p> <p>We agreed LO will get one small present from Santa on Christmas morning - that's it. And I don't intend to push the idea hard either. I think the problem for me is going to great lengths to promote this idea of Santa Clause to my child. If/when we get to the age he asks me if Santa is real, I'll tell him the truth and explain the background of St. Nicholas. </p> <p>Then again, my kid is only 2 this year and I know I'll have to really think more on this next Christmas when he starts to get the idea of Christmas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2371070 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 12:06:05 +0000 mrsjazz 2371070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We weren't going to do Santa. We've never told LO about Santa but she started preschool this year and kids told her about Santa. She told me Santa was bringing her presents on Christmas Eve. And I was like, "Damn, we gotta be Santa now!" My husband doesn't want to participate in the balderdash--his words. </p> <p>She wrote a list and one of her gifts was the dollhouse we got her already. Santa is not getting credit for that. We will get a small item for her from Santa. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2371040 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 11:10:31 +0000 Greentea 2371040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is different if your kid knows you are playing pretend, that is different than saying, "This superhero is real and lives next state over in this city," or whatever. Or, "This fairy is real and lives in this woods." When kids play pretend everyone is aware/ in on it, you know and they know you are playing make believe/ pretend. So to me that's not the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2371010 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 10:14:37 +0000 Oxana 2371010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: I don't think there's any reason non-Santa families should feel obligated to teach their children to actively protect the illusion of Santa for other kids. If you told your child that a baby comes out of the mother's belly, would you then strongly emphasize to your kids that if one of their friends says that babies are delivered by a stork, they should pretend that's true just to keep the stork story going? I mean, of course we should teach our kids to be polite and not be know-it-alls, but sometimes I think families that do Santa put too much of an expectation on others to be complicit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370997 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 09:42:35 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2370997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: if you feel like getting your daughter to believe in Santa is lying to your child, then I'd say just tell her the gifts are from you/ your husband/family members, etc. Others have mentioned presenting this in the aspect of fairies, princesses, super heroes, etc. E.g. someone from a story we read about but not a real person. I was personally raised Jewish and knew Santa wasn't real by age 2 or 3, so my only other thought is to make sure to encourage your daughter not to spill the beans to friends if you go that route! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370995 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 09:32:04 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 2370995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am Christian and DH is Jewish but we celebrate both holidays with the full religious meaning. Our kids will understand why we celebrate Christmas and the meaning of everything we do. But we also will incorporate Santa. I just believe it is just such a fun and magical thing for kids and I believed in him growing up but still understood that Christmas was celebrating the birth of Jesus and always thought Santa believed that too and he was being generous by giving everyone gifts. Infact, my parents used that idea. Santa doesn't personally know me but he knows of me and wants to give to me anyway and we should do the same for others. Which is why adopting and angel was a big part of our traditions. Infact, Santa still comes to our/my parents house even for all the grown ups! (So long as they still "believe") Santa also doesn't bring ALL the gifts. There are Santa gifts which are small and usually not things we specifically asked for but would like and the bigger more " real" gifts are from my parents or whoever actually bought them. Santa even has his own wrapping paper and To/From stickers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370876 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 23:14:58 +0000 Applesandbananas 2370876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did Santa and I will continue with my LO. To me, it's one of those magical childhood things and I think the idea that it'll give my kid trust issues is silly. We were told, when we questioned his existence/authenticity, that he's real to those who believe in him and the magic of Christmas. My brother and I still wake up to a small present or two from Santa. It's all in good fun and I hope my LO embraces the spirit and magic, there's way too much time to be an adult later. Childhood is for magic! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370828 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 21:33:16 +0000 Mrs. D 2370828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've been doing Santa for 3 years now. She knows that Santa will do his best to bring her what she asks for, but he won't bring her everything she asks for. We're trying to make it more about the things we give other people and the holiday events we do. Her First Sunday School Concert, and the Christmas Eve pageant where she gets to be an angel this year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370823 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 21:26:02 +0000 Oxana 2370823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littleblessings: My DH is in total agreement with me about not doing Santa, etc. but his family is not. What we plan on telling our kids (when they're old enough to have more of a real idea of what's going on) is that Santa or whoever is not real, just like fairies and Greek gods and book characters are not real, but some people (grandparents) like to play a game where they pretend it's real, just for fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370763 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 20:16:06 +0000 Mrsk 2370763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We plan on doing Santa. I grew up an atheist and DH was Catholic. We are not both non-religious now. We will do Santa for sure. My parents up into my adult life did stockings and presents from Santa. I'm one of those kids who thought critically and figured out that Santa wasn't real, not sure at what age, but never spoke about it, I loved the magic of Santa as a kid and wanted to prolong it, even tho I knew it wasn't real. I want that magic for my kids. I was never mad at my parents for 'lying' to me, on the flip side, I appreciated them creating such a magical time for me and appreciated the gifts that 'Santa' left. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370729 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 19:20:17 +0000 littleblessings 2370729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't want to do the Santa thing. I'm all about honesty. My kids know the real names of all body parts. I didn't want to do Santa but SO is all about Santa and Easter Bunny and all that stuff. The rest of my family is too so even if I try not to do it my family will force it on my kids. /: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370715 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 18:25:04 +0000 looch 2370715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is 5, and interestingly, I never mentioned Santa to him before. We've never taken him to those take your photo with Santa things because I know he'd have a meltdown, it's his personality, so imagine my surprise this year when my son asked to write a letter to Santa for his request.</p> <p>We just kind of went along with it, I wasn't asked yet if he was real or not, I just kind of handled it matter of factly that we can try to write a letter to Santa, but it doesn't mean that you will get everything that you ask for. My son seems to understand this, so for now, I am just following his lead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-tell-your-kids-santa-is-real-whywhy-not/page/2#post-2370704 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 17:44:53 +0000 Torchwood 2370704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bumping this as it's old and there are lots of new bees now, and the originals have older lo's.</p> <p>I'm really torn on this. I was told Santa was real, and my mom says I was REALLY upset when I found out the truth. My dad and stepmom didn't tell my brother and sister he was real because they were concerned that if the kids found out Santa wasn't real when they had told them he was, they might question whether Jesus is real, like they told them he was. I've read that some atheist parents use it as an opportunity to reach critical thinking- leaving it up to the kid to figure out he's not real based on logic. Some very different perspectives there. </p> <p>I generally don't believe in lying to LO, and I don't agree with those who say it's not really lying if you say he's real. But I like the critical thinking aspect. The catch is that the presents will appear, and LO will ask who brought them. Am I okay with saying Santa? I almost wish someone else would tell her and I could let her assume it was Santa, then do the "what do you think" when she asks. </p> <p>Anyway, anyone have thoughts on this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1195299 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:58:01 +0000 Fronkinzankinsbride 1195299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm an atheist and my wife identifies as catholic (though her belief system is really more agnostic in nature) and I actually really enjoy going to mass. We attended a gay friendly catholic church regularly in Portland where I hope to baptize our future babies when we visit for Easter. For most holidays we just focus on spending time with loved one and creating non religious traditions, such as cookie baking parties. We don't do Christmas presents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1195237 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:38:40 +0000 futuremama 1195237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Digging up this old post to see if anyone else has input. This has been incredibly helpful. DH and it were both raised Catholic. My family does not actively participate and will likely not have much of an opinion on our LOs religious upbringing. However, IL's are very involved in their church. </p> <p>I love the ideas everyone has on celebrating secular versions of the holidays. We also hope to expose our children to many religions. As they get older and start asking questions, I plan on attending services with them. Also, if they want to attend Mass with IL's, I will support it. </p> <p>We've decided we will not be baptizing our daughter. The subject hasn't come up yet, but I want to be prepared when it does. That is going to be an interesting convo...probably one I'll leave to DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1015578 Wed, 14 Aug 2013 10:18:39 +0000 Torchwood 1015578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Slightly off topic, but I have to say how happy I am to see that there are other atheists and non-religious people on HB. I know I'll never be part of a majority unless it's an atheistic-specific site, but I'm really glad I'm not the only one either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014558 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 20:05:36 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1014558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't done anything to date really. Attended a few services, but that's it.</p> <p>I *think* we've decided to baptize the girls into the religion of both of our families, but there is a lot in that church that I struggle deeply with. This is an effort to impart some of our cultural and religious heritage... But we're not going to make them go to church when they are older and we'll surely expose them to lots of other faiths too. (and they'll get some of that exposure just by virtue of where we live because it's a rather one faith centric community).</p> <p>We'll see how it all shakes out. It feels weird to commit to a particular direction! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014553 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 20:01:53 +0000 hilsy85 1014553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our families are both Jewish. Dh is an atheist, I Identify as culturally Jewish but otherwise agnostic. We will do family dinners on holidays like Rosh hashana, and maybe have a menorah if LO shows interest. Other than that we don't plan to do anything...no plans to take LO to temple unless he explicitly asks to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014542 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 19:57:47 +0000 allison 1014542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is going to be a really hard thing for us, I think. Right now, we're dealing with it by living really far away from our families and not really doing anything for holidays. I'm a little afraid for Christmas this year, though, with a little one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014370 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 18:45:19 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1014370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have found our own ways to incorporate religion into we life. We have a book about first bible words and say a basic meal time and bed time prayer. We don't make it to church as often as my parents would like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014222 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 17:31:20 +0000 mrsjazz 1014222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both DH and I come from religious backgrounds, DH from Pentecostal and my mom &amp; dad were JW &amp; are now Baptist. DH is an atheist and I am non-religious, I usually just say spiritual. We do secular Christmas and Easter. We want to create our own traditions. I would love to have LO meditate with me :)</p> <p>My mom wants to take LO to church when she's older and we would allow it. I'm not sure I want her to go to DH's family church because it made me uncomfortable and I think can be frightening for children if you're not used to the manner in which that particular church does sermons.</p> <p>I would like to enroll LO in one of the UU classes on religion for children because they explore different religions. DH and I both volunteer and plan to have LO learn about the importance of community, volunteering, and being kind to her neighbors through our family volunteering activities. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014203 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 17:23:12 +0000 Mrs. Fox 1014203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to say how thoughtful you guys are. We're not religious although my in-laws are extremely Christian. I hadnt really thought about the details of raising our son in a non-religious way but your responses have got me thinking. Thanks! I love the HelloBee community for just this type of post. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014180 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 17:08:28 +0000 mrbee 1014180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We celebrate secular versions of Christmas, Halloween and (vaguely) Easter. We talk through a lot of questions around ethics with Charlie (Olive can't really talk too much yet) and what is good and bad. I talk about honor, obligation and other Japanese concepts with Charlie too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014168 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 17:03:12 +0000 mrsbookworm 1014168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I plan to celebrate the holidays we grew up with but in a more secular way. He was raised Jewish and I was raised Catholic, so we plan to do Hanukkah and Christmas and probably Easter as well. We'll explain the religious significance of the holidays as something people believe in (as Torchwood mentioned) but really focus on the time to celebrate life with family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014117 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 16:34:44 +0000 Torchwood 1014117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And holy wow could I use just a few more parentheticals? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1014106 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 16:30:22 +0000 Torchwood 1014106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No kids yet (trying), but I've given a lot of thought to this because we're atheists and my family are all fundamentalist Southern Baptists. (And I can't help but wonder if it's my thread that prompted this. ^_^) </p> <p>We do plan to celebrate religious holidays that are mainstream, like Christmas and Easter. I'd like to also consider incorporating other religions, like Hannukah but since I don't know a lot about those I'm not sure. </p> <p>Specifically with Christmas, I'm personally completely obsessed with it. It's my favorite time of year, I start listening to Christmas music by October, and decorate by Thanksgiving. So obviously my kids will be celebrating it. We'll teach them the story of the birth of Jesus and all (explaining it as a story that some believe is true), but also other history related to it. I think by including the the pagan roots of Christmas (and Easter) and including some of those OLD traditions in our celebrations, it keeps it from being so secular that it's just about gifts, or too religious. I have the Autobiography of Santa Clause (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Christmas-Chronicles-Jeff-Guinn/dp/1585428302/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1376429149&#038;sr=8-3&#038;keywords=jeff+guinn+santa" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/The-Christmas-Chronicles-Jeff-Guinn/dp/1585428302/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1376429149&#038;sr=8-3&#038;keywords=jeff+guinn+santa</a>, and which I absolutely ADORE, especially for kids). It has a Christian slant to it, since Santa was a bishop after all, and pretty sure the author is Christian, but only to a degree that I consider appropriate. And learning the history behind the myth is fascinating, but it's presented in a way that makes it a fun story, but also seems pretty fantastic (in the original use of the word) so it doesn't seem like fact. (Also, each of the three books in the version I linked to is 24 chapters, so perfect for reading a chapter a night to LO's in December.)</p> <p>Also, my kids will not attend any church services until they're older, minimum 5 (the age when they start to understand fact and fiction). After that it'll be based on their requests, and still at my/DH's discretion. </p> <p>Wow, I rambled a bit. All that to say that basically we're not going to pretend religion doesn't exist, but neither will we let it become a huge deal or motivator. Morals will be based on actual right and wrong, not what some holy books (with some very questionable morality) say, and holidays will be celebrated for their history, and the connection it gives us to our ancestors to celebrate the same things they did. My family will be allowed to teach them their beliefs, but ONLY if prefaced by some form of "I believe," which is also what we'll do regarding our beliefs (though some of ours will be more "studies show").</p> <p>(Did any of that actually make sense? I would love to have a "preview post" option on here.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/for-secular-or-semi-religious-bees-how-you-incorporate-tradition-and-culture-into-your-family#post-1013888 Tue, 13 Aug 2013 14:56:59 +0000 yoursilverlining 1013888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are both atheists. My parents are somewhere between agnostic and atheist and my husband's parents are: Catholic (mom - very nonreligious day-to-day though), and his step-mom says she isn't religious but insists on saying Grace before every meal. I don't believe any of them attend church services.</p> <p>We celebrate secular/traditional holidays: Christmas, Easter, etc. We never attend church and don't ever plan to do so. We don't say Grace. We volunteer, and our giving is based on our belief that we are all responsible members of our community and that because we are fortunate, we should give back. So, it's a feeling of social responsibility rather than a religious one. Plus, it's fun to give back and be involved! :)</p> <p>We just focus on living honest, ethical and moral lives. We don't believe in God, and don't believe we need to in order to know how to live as "good people" :) </p>