https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 04:04:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go/page/2#post-768449 Wed, 08 May 2013 17:17:31 +0000 .twist. 768449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did write her a response. I kept it pretty short, apologizing for being really bad at getting in touch and then let her know that I feel like I've drifted out of the friendship and that my priorities are focusing on my family and our newest addition. </p> <p>I didn't bring up any of the ol' shit because I just didn't see the point in it. *shrugs* Now I wait I guess. I feel like garbage and my stomach is totally doing flips. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go/page/2#post-768434 Wed, 08 May 2013 17:08:49 +0000 DigAPony 768434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've already gotten lots of good responses, but I just wanted to chime in and say that I think writing her back is the right thing to do. Freshmen year of college my roommate and I got along really well and were good friends, and then in the second semester she just totally froze me out. Like a PP said, it was honestly one of the most hurtful things I've ever experienced. I know it's not the same, because I didn't, say, steal from my friend, but it took me literally years to get over and I still wonder about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go/page/2#post-768233 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:27:55 +0000 .twist. 768233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: Oh I fully understand! This friend would make plans to doing certain fun classes with me. Then, halfway through the course she would start to bail and I'd be going to class by myself because she was hungover. I'd never know until the morning of the class either. She also left my wedding early to go party with her friends, she left my bachelorette half way through because some of her friends showed up and they didn't want to hang out there. So she went with them.... I paid for her make up, secretly because she was broke, for my wedding (even though my other two friends paid for their own and they were far worse off financially than her) and she changed ALL of it after the fact. Just little things like this. All. The. Time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768180 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:11:55 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 768180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: I think what you decided on is a good compromise! I hope she responds well and doesn't react in a catty way. Good luck and hope everything goes well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768178 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:11:09 +0000 Raindrop 768178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Edit: Took out my long story. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768163 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:02:52 +0000 ninja 768163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is tough. Probably best to just be honest that your priorities are different than hers are, and that you're not into partying it up anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768150 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:56:43 +0000 anbanan15 768150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: well I didn't think you would actually say it :) Just trying to suggest a phrase or idea that might spark a cord and ease your note writing. It is tough to find the right phrases to say what you are trying to express in a tactful way. You've got this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768141 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:54:34 +0000 .twist. 768141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I appreciate the difference of opinion! Seriously! My gut feelings just tell me to ignore it! However, my guilt is totally winning out because so many people in my life are telling me to be honest with her. Since, it's very clear, she has no idea she's done anything wrong (which is not uncommon behaviour from her, I've seen it happen with other friends in the past). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768131 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:52:52 +0000 .twist. 768131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anbanan15: I fully agree! I definitely don't want to say plain out that I don't want to be her friend. haha. I was being mostly facetious in that comment! I truly am trying to be tactful. I mean, as tactful as you can be when you're dumping a friend. :/</p> <p>@pui: haha no, you didn't. I think I just misunderstood which part you thought I should be honest about! haha. I understand now. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768129 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:52:17 +0000 Raindrop 768129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow this is tough! This might not be right but I would just ingore her. I sort of feel life is too short to be in bad relationships. You should only make time for things that are important to you like your family and friends. :) Anyways that's my thoughts. I'm probably a terrible person because of what other people here would do but I thought I would at least give my different opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768120 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:48:55 +0000 pui 768120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Well I didn't mean call her a bitch or even bring up those things she did. I meant more the part about how you feel you've drifted apart and are in different stages in life and that you do not think you can be friends anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768119 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:48:38 +0000 anbanan15 768119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: personally I would keep it short and to the point...Your married now, at a different life phase than her and just feel that you have grown apart. Maybe saying something like down the road your paths may cross again but at this point in your lives you feel that it is best to part ways. I think something like that sounds nicer than "I don't want to be friends with you". You could even say something like you valued the time you have spent together in the past but have since moved on in your life. Help soften the blow with still being honest and to the point without hashing out all the "nasty" details your discovered after your wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768118 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:48:25 +0000 IRunForFun 768118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Nope! There would be no point in debating it with her. You've already made your decision and she'll just have to deal with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768110 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:47:12 +0000 .twist. 768110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Ya? I definitely don't want to go back and forth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768103 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:45:46 +0000 IRunForFun 768103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: If she does respond to your message, no matter what she says, I think it is safe to ignore the response. You will already have said your piece and you won't need to go back-and-forth about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768098 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:43:58 +0000 .twist. 768098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: I'm writing a response to her now. However, I truly don't think owning up to my feelings about what she's done to me over 2 years ago is going to do anything for anyone. So, playing the blame game and practically calling her a bitch for everything she did to me is petty at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768096 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:43:19 +0000 pui 768096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: It's kind of like boyfriend breakups. They always suck, for both sides. :\ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768089 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:41:51 +0000 .twist. 768089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ash: Ugh. I hear you. As horrible as it sounds, I just don't want to be friends with this girl either. Which is why I'm struggling so much as to how to tell her this. I mean, I know if someone ever said to me "sorry, I just don't want to be your friend" I would probably be very hurt. I know she's done things to wrong me (many things, even more than I've written about), but I still feel like I'm a big bitch! </p> <p>I hope you figure out what to do about your friend. Honestly, I don't think either situation will make us feel any better about the situation. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768088 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:41:33 +0000 pui 768088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be honest with her. Apologize for ignoring her, own up that it wasn't right, and tell her how you feel.</p> <p>Or ignore this too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768081 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:38:40 +0000 Ash 768081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: right, I agree. Mine comes down to not wanting to be friends anymore so I don't think that can be said nicely in any way... I have a strange feeling you wrote this post for me to see so I can realize I need to tell my friend what's going on between us. Eek! Good luck! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768070 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:33:39 +0000 .twist. 768070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ash: hahaha. Well, I do appreciate that I am not alone in this! I totally think that if I told her all the things she's done over the years that she'd feel like a jerk too, but at this point, what IS the point of that? Just to hurt her more? </p> <p>@illumina: Honestly, trying to write a response to her is making me feel ill.... as guilty as I felt while ignoring her, I feel like this is worse. Who knows what she'll respond with! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768059 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:31:10 +0000 Ash 768059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: I feel like a big jerk too buuuuuuut I think if she knew the reason I gave up on us, she'd feel like a jerk too. And the same probably goes for your situation. I'm okay with just ignoring it but I do feel bad.... I'm no help cuz I'd tell ya to keep ignoring it lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768037 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:25:25 +0000 illumina 768037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was in a slightly similar situation a few years ago with a girl I was good friends with throughout my uni years. In the years that followed, I felt like I was changing and growing up and she stayed the same, really negative, jaded and angry with the World. Whenever I saw her it didn't make me happy or feel good about myself the way friendships should do. I probably did the wrong thing and cut off all contact, removing her from facebook etc. but I can't deal with confrontation and didn't think there was anything worth salvaging. Sometimes I do wish we could have stayed in touch and maybe hung out once a year or so to catch up, but I didn't know how to deal with making that transition from seeing her weekly to less. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768019 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:20:26 +0000 .twist. 768019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ash: You are not alone. I totally feel awful too. I have ignored it because I thought maybe she'd just think we grew apart and that I've become a "wife/homebody/different person" and move on, but apparently not. Which makes me feel like a big jerk! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-768011 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:19:11 +0000 .twist. 768011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so much for your replies. </p> <p>This is a very hard decision because I didn't become aware of a lot of the things she did until after my wedding, and a lot of her behaviour didn't become clear to me until I looked at the whole picture after things were being brought to my attention. </p> <p>I personally, at this point, don't feel comfortable meeting her for a lunch or anything. I just cannot see it ending well. I also feel and agree with a couple PP's that I will get my thoughts out better if I write them down. As hard as it will be, I do want to try and stay tactful in my approach to this situation. </p> <p>I definitely don't want to leave her in the dark because when I put myself in her shoes I know I would be confused and/or hurt that I never heard from someone I thought was a friend. So I don't want to be that person... </p> <p>I also agree with a previous poster, that I don't think this is the time to start blaming her for the wrongs she's done (I guess unless she asks for further explanation!!!), but to point out, rather, that we are in very different life phases. Or something along those lines. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-767974 Wed, 08 May 2013 14:07:14 +0000 Ash 767974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in a similar situation.... I just stopped talking to her because of the comments she made on my wedding day. She's wanted to get together and I did once but I quit contacting her. Not too long ago she made a post on facebook about how friends can just throw you away like it's nothing... when really I should have been up front and honest about everything but I'd rather ignore the situation and forget about it all... including our friendship. I'm awful. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-767942 Wed, 08 May 2013 13:56:49 +0000 pl0508 767942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been in this EXACT position except I unasked her to be in my wedding. I never regretted it even though that was a hard decision. To make matters even more awkward.... We work together. I ended up just having to be very very honest with her and I think she respected me for that as time passed. We are able to interact now and it's not weird but we will never ever be like we were before. I say just be honest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-767910 Wed, 08 May 2013 13:45:45 +0000 IRunForFun 767910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man. I can definitely understand why you are not eager to rekindle the friendship, and a face-to-face conversation about it would probably be very awkward, even if it's the right thing to do. </p> <p>I'm not saying this is right, but if I were in your shoes, I might just write her a reply, rather than meeting up. First, it would be less awkward, and second, it can be easier to put your thoughts into writing than to say them out loud. </p> <p>You could respond politely, without attacking her, while still letting her know the reasons you don't feel you want to be close friends with her anymore. (Since she is asking.)</p> <p>Maybe something along the lines of...</p> <p>"I'm sorry I have neglected to be in touch for so long, but I feel that we have drifted apart, as we are leading very different lifestyles now, and don't have much in common. It was also very hard for me to come to terms with the way you behaved during my wedding planning, especially being so cold toward my husband and other friends, and taking items that belonged to other people. I feel it is in both of our best interests to just remain acquaintances now, and move on with our lives. I am sorry if this is hurtful, but I wanted to be honest. I wish you all the best."</p> <p>Maybe? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-767890 Wed, 08 May 2013 13:36:39 +0000 Rubies 767890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is really hard but because she's asking if she's done something wrong and you ARE tryng to distance yourself from her, she probably does deserve an explanation. My gut would want me to just reply back but the right thing to do is to meet in person. </p> <p>After some small talk and lunch or something, I would start by saying, "Our friendship seems to have drifted, hasn't it?" and then let the conversation steer how much you want to reveal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/letting-a-friend-go#post-767846 Wed, 08 May 2013 13:22:08 +0000 daniellemybelle 767846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In this case, I probably wouldn't go to lunch with her. I would write her a very kind note that basically explains that you've grown apart and have different priorities and interests now, but you wish her the best. Personally, I would not get into the ways that she "wronged" you because she seems catty and you don't want to get into a back-and-forth. </p>