https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 03:08:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quit-job-pregnant-feeling-worthless#post-2773813 Mon, 18 Sep 2017 10:08:25 +0000 catomd00 2773813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you're struggling. Highly recommend a good therapist and psychiatris if you don't have them already. Do you have any hobbies that you could turn into a little "job" or do volunteer work to give you something to do? I think it's probably easier at this point to wait to find employment until after you e had the baby, unless finances require a different plan. Next time, I'd encourage you to go to HR/Occupational health to get an ADA reasonable accommodation that will legally protect you. I just went through this process and my supervisor and HR only know I have a covered disability and the accommodation I need. They do not know any other details, only Occupational Health is aware of the exact diagnosis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quit-job-pregnant-feeling-worthless#post-2773766 Mon, 18 Sep 2017 00:32:14 +0000 birdofafeather 2773766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you went through that with work. I would encourage you to find a therapist to talk to. Pregnancy hormones are no joke and neither are post partum hormones and getting yourself help, whether by talking it out or medication if necessary will set you up to be a good place when your baby comes. Sounds like your partner is supportive so that's huge! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quit-job-pregnant-feeling-worthless#post-2773765 Sun, 17 Sep 2017 22:51:27 +0000 Gigglefits 2773765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello, this is my first time here.</p> <p>My name is Autumn, I am 34. I had to quit my job that i had for twelve years due to insensitivity from the newly transfered manager. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression by my doctor and immediately informed the manager of the diagnosis. To my surprise she treated it as if the condition doesn't exist and continued to push my mental state to the limit. April eighth was the day i was pushed overboard, resulting in my resignation.</p> <p>I am now six months pregnant. I am happy and scared at the same time. This is my first baby. I live with my fiance who's the daddy to be. Often times though i wonder if i did the right thing. I feel worthless and lazy. My depression and anxiety will not let go of me. I try to stay calm for my sake and more importantly the babies. It just seems like its getting too much to bare, i just don't know what to do. Finding work has been fruitless. My fiance though tells me not to worry about work just the baby. I love him so much, but i still feel terrible for not working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am/page/2#post-2160631 Wed, 29 Apr 2015 09:15:50 +0000 HourThyme 2160631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Actually your post really helped me step back and maybe consider things from his perspective! It was really useful bc right now I am sorta feeling a little Me Me ME and it's easy to forget he's dealing with a lot too and that there are some things he just doesnt get because it's not his body and he's never been there before. Sometimes he says things that to me are soooo annoying like "the doctor said you need to exercise" when I can barely keep my eyes open and sitting on the couch reading emails is taking all the energy I have to give. Out of context he would seem like an ass, but really I think he's trying but you know, just doesn't get it.... </p> <p>I definitely think we have to take time to find our groove and both learn a little more about give and take and balance! </p> <p>It's a tough time right now with him trying to find a job, me trying to get my professional license, trying to buy a house, and then throw in the baby into the mix! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am/page/2#post-2160622 Wed, 29 Apr 2015 09:09:54 +0000 HourThyme 2160622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity:<br /> Thanks for your kind response! I was definitely extra frustrated in my original response and sat down and typed it up in the moment. </p> <p>I was on weddingbee before and really looking for a similar community in this next step, especially before the 12 week mark when I can finally let people know! Even then though, I don't have a lot of friends who have had children so I think I'll be sticking around here for a while :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am/page/2#post-2157773 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 06:08:31 +0000 looch 2157773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aren't you sorry you asked? Kidding, kind of...this forum can get rather intense when someone writes a long post and details all the things that are bothering them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am/page/2#post-2157656 Sun, 26 Apr 2015 20:56:34 +0000 jedeve 2157656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HourThyme: I hope you didn't take it as me saying that you were the problem or anything! I just felt like I related to your DH on some things. And it's always easier to fix yourself that someone else, you know? </p> <p>And yeah, sometimes relationship advice on this forum can get a bit...intense. Sometimes you just need to vent! For whatever reason it seems easier to remember to take the whole picture into account when listening to a friend vent about her guy, but online when we know less we start diagnosing more. And it's not super helpful to spend your time defending someone when you just want a solution to your problem, or someone to understand and say yes, pregnsncy fatigue SUCKS! (And I really don't think some guys (or women who didnt have it) get it. Like, they understand that pregnancy makes you tired. But that is a whole different ball game than "I can barely keep my eyes open to drag myself to eat a cracker" first trimester fatigue!) I actually worried about you for a couple hours later! </p> <p>This too shall pass. And with every new change in the relationship, it takes a bit to find your :bfn: groove. And there is always give and take. Like, I wanted DH to give me foot rubs when I was pregnant and he refused because he thought it would send me into early labor. :silly: And I'm totally going to make DH call the insurance company tomorrow while he is at work because I can't deal with them any more. Which means he will have to stay a little late and I will have kids on my own a little longer. It's all just give and take. Just keep explaining where you are coming from and be open to hearing his side! You'll be fine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2157480 Sun, 26 Apr 2015 17:44:01 +0000 simplyfelicity 2157480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HourThyme: I am sorry you thought some responses were harsh. I am wondering if you were extra frustrated in your original post (which is totally warranted-- especially in pregnancy.) Hormones are for real! I got this impression of a controllin and unreasonable husband. I am glad to read your update as it added much more context and details. For example, you said he gets on your case if you eat something snacky is very different than him suggesting you eat something other than cookies for breakfast.<br /> So much gets lost "in translation." :happy:<br /> I will say that, out of most online communities, HB is less likely to recommend divorice. I didn't notice anyone suggest it, rather their concerns that you find some common ground with your husband before your baby arrives. I read "red flags" as in some relationship "housekeeping" may be in order before parenthood.<br /> Anyway, I see that you are pretty new to HB and I hope you don't feel put off. People frequently post about relationship struggles and, sometimes, we just need to vent.<br /> Welcome to HB. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2157450 Sun, 26 Apr 2015 16:52:34 +0000 HourThyme 2157450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: I loved your idea of how to set limits and have started to incorporate that, all in all loved your advice! </p> <p>@jedeve: Ohhh boy did your post make me think a few things over! Maybe straight when I come home is not the best time to demand my "alone" time... My hubs has some social anxiety and I have a lot of anxiety about talking on the phone. I basically avoid it at all costs... Even talking with friends is hard for me.. </p> <p>@catlady: you and several other ladies hit the nail on the head I think with some men not really realizing how pregnant we feel when we are not showing, and in fact Hubs admitted to that the other day! He was even like "I think this will be easier when you're showing because right now I KNOW that you are but sometimes I forget that you feel different. </p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: oh my goodness, your post made me laugh! that is just nuts! I don't think we're quite that bad but I certainly see that I have in the past been the one super on top of the email because I check it all day long. Work lately has been busier which clearly doesnt help in my situation and my opportunities for emailing have diminished... </p> <p>@gingerbebe: We are actually in the process of buying a home and are looking at a few fixer uppers, I was VERY CLEAR that I can do NONE of the physical labor, including scrubbing the new home clean. He was fine with that and said he would do it all, we can hire people to come in and clean before we start fixing it up and that my job can be ideas and decorating --which I can get down with. I also talked to his brother who is on board and helping us out! </p> <p>@Mama Bird: thanks for your post, I really felt like you "got it" ugh, being made to sit down to eat when I juuuust cannot handle anything sucks! but I know that it's because he cares. Still it makes me irrationally mad... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2157445 Sun, 26 Apr 2015 16:42:35 +0000 HourThyme 2157445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh and update, after following some of the advice of some of you wonderful ladies and listening to my own heart Hubs and I did have a talk and he has made a much greater effort to incorporate my rest times into his routine, telling me he'll take care of pesky to-dos while I rest. It is nice. I don't want to "abuse" it of course and still pitch in where I can but it's nice to get those rest breaks. I am feeling much better after several of those this weekend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2157442 Sun, 26 Apr 2015 16:40:47 +0000 HourThyme 2157442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whoa! </p> <p>Thank you so much for those of you who offered advice and support and also to those who helped me feel less crazy during this stressful and hormonal period. </p> <p>A few clarifications, not that it matters but I feel I owe it to him:<br /> He doesn't police what I eat. . . I can eat whatever I want but he does i guess "scold" me when I choose a handful of cookies for breakfast and pushes me to choose something with substance, bc the baby needs it. He's never been big into snacking and teases me about the junk food I buy but I tease him about his beer...</p> <p>He does do ALL the chores. . . I basically just do my own laundry on the weekend (he prefers to do his own, but when he does laundry also washes my stuff). I work and come home and usually do a little work from home on the computer while he fixes dinner. Lately, there's been no "work from home" bc I'm exhausted so maybe he's seen it as suddenly I have free time? I'm not sure. </p> <p>I have to say I was a little put off by some of the negativity and suggestions that perhaps I would be better off divorcing him... I'm in this in the good times and the bad and after 5 years together, 2 of which have seen one then the other unemployed but also seen us finish either a second degree or a doctorate there have been a fair amount of both. Someone asked what I would tell a patient that came in with these issues and to that I will say, I never tell my patients what to do or assume they will have my worldview and opinions. I help them explore their feelings and situations, to grow within themselves, and meet their personal goals. To someone who suggested counseling for me, yup, I have been in therapy for 8 years, I love it! </p> <p>I was a little surprised at some of the reactions and maybe should have added an extra "Im extra sensitive and hormonal and not happy with hubs at this moment but actually do love him and our relationship is more than just this one post." but I guess that not always liking what youre told or feeling you've been understood comes with the territory of online forums! </p> <p>In the words of one of my faves "Be Kind to One Another" :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2156171 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 14:26:09 +0000 youboots 2156171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As others have said your post is full of red flags. I understand he is trying to find a job but I doubt he he putting in as many hours as you are. He needs to step up to being a part time SAH and support you. Simple things like you asking for what you need and changing assigned responsibilities (like dog walking) should not be resisted when you are asking for help. Caring for a newborn is so much work once you add it on top of everything else in your life. Sleep deprivation is no joke. Whatever issues are already there will amplify once the baby comes. I think some counseling would be beneficial for both of you. I saw a therapist alone 1x a week while I was pregnant and am down to every other week- it was really beneficial for me to do some emotional housekeeping before the babe came. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2156121 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 13:56:49 +0000 Mama Bird 2156121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry, this is so hard!</p> <p>Some of this kind of sounds like my husband :bummed: He's a very compassionate guy, but he's also very set on doing things a certain way, and if he doesn't understand where I'm coming from on something, it doesn't matter how many times I try to tell him how I feel, or why. He. Just. Will. Not. Understand. And yes, you totally need to deal with this before the baby is born. I didn't, and it caused lots of problems with not understanding what support I needed - as in, "yes, you're nursing the kid every hour and working from home full time, and you need a nanny why? You're already home, what would she help you with?" And as for controlling tendencies in general... I don't know if this is the best solution, but I've started choosing my battles and sometimes will just tell DH that I'm going to do X, it's important to me, and if he doesn't like it, tough. It doesn't make the pressure to do things his way go away, but at least he has an idea what's coming and that I'm not backing down :happy: </p> <p>Plus men just don't get that you could feel like you're about to fall over and die even if you aren't throwing up. I've been made to sit down and eat my healthy two-course dinner too many times in first trimester, when all I really wanted was to go to bed :grin: Luckily even if men can't experience that, they sure can experience caring for a baby - once DH had a taste of that on paternity leave, he became very creative about finding ways to let me rest and destress! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2156031 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 13:18:54 +0000 gingerbebe 2156031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, you REALLY need to get this stuff hammered out before your baby arrives because literally ANGTFD when THAT exhaustion hits. Are you supposed to breastfeed around the clock, go to work, and ALSO handle home renovations "because you're more into design than I am" and call the plumber because "its your post-partum hair that clogged the drain"? NO. SLASH. </p> <p>I speak as someone with social anxiety. I HATE dealing with customer service people and people coming to our door, etc. We are buying a house now and DH has handled like 95% of all the loan/realtor mess. However, if he was physically tired and overwhelmed by his work and health and couldn't deal with it, I would definitely handle it. Especially if he asked me to help him juggle all his stuff. In fact, once we close I'm in charge of all the renovations, contractors, vendors, etc. I'm not looking forward to it, but that's what we need to do.</p> <p>If you lay out what your needs are and he's like "no way, you can't change the division of labor just because you are pregnant" then he needs intervention for sure. If he's against a therapist because they don't know him, I would get a male you both know who's had kids to spit some hot man knowledge on him. Maybe its his father, maybe its his best friend, whatever. There's gotta be SOME dude he knows who can tell him "yo, being unemployed doesn't mean you can't work hard and step up your game while your wife is being cannibalized from the inside out by a large parasite." </p> <p>In terms of me time, until this is dealt with I would learn to love tepid bubble baths or join a prenatal yoga class to do at night after work so you can relax at some point and possibly be more open to handling your husband's demands. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155930 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:41:12 +0000 MrsSCB 2155930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I, too, agree with others that I see issues here that are concerning beyond the scope of a lack of understanding about pregnancy. A lot of the things you mention seem demanding/controlling. Like why is he even following up so much with you about these tasks? If they need to get done so urgently, he could probably just do it himself in the time he spends hounding you about them. And the fact that he won't just walk the dog for you at 10 p.m. is kind of ridiculous. I get splitting up household chores. Like technically it's my "job" to take the trash out. But if I'm not feeling well or I'm tired, I can occasionally ask my H to do it and he will without complaint. Just like sometimes I'll empty the dishwasher for him, even though that's his regular task. Marriage is not always exactly equal, in the literal sense of being exactly the same on both sides. Sometimes one spouse or the other will have to pull a little extra weight, or offer to help. And at this point it sounds like you are always the one pulling the extra weight -- that's not fair. Has he always been like this or do you think the stress of not having a job is causing it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155896 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:25:51 +0000 deerylou 2155896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First off, congrats on your pregnancy, and kudos on you for what I know are tireless efforts with students who need you. </p> <p>Look, I'm a SAHM and still believe in splitting household tasks. My husband doesn't get fanned with palm leaves when he gets home - he pitches in. But, in most cases, the partner who is home during the day needs to take care of the to-do's they are technically capable of. You shouldn't be working your tail off, and then come home to a clipboard of projects your husband could have easily tackled, himself. I'd be willing to cut him some slack if he was a SAHD, but he's home, solo. No. Call the realtor, dude.</p> <p>I get that he could be self conscious or blue due to unemployment, and that is understandable. But his behavior is pretty uncalled for. Pregnancy and unemployment can be tough on a marriage, but communication and unconditional respect needs to remain intact. I'd definitely demand more of both. And yes to what others have suggested re: outlining parenting expectations. It only gets harder, from here on out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155894 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:25:39 +0000 yoursilverlining 2155894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I agree with @Truthbombs &amp; @blackbird and others who have said this doesn’t really seem at all to be about not understanding how tired you are when you’re pregnant.</p> <p>If a client came to you with a spouse who did/said the same things to them that your husband does with you, how would you respond? Would you think the behavior is totally normal and healthy?</p> <p>Marriage is equal-footed partnership. He doesn’t need to pre-practice parenting skills on his wife, like telling you what to eat or how to spend your time. </p> <p>Unemployment is emotionally rough, but that's no excuse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155891 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:21:09 +0000 MrsADS 2155891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Blackbird @Mrscobee I agree. This is not a "my husband doesn't understand how tired I am in pregnancy" problem. This is a major relationship problem that is much larger, in my opinion... </p> <p>I don't even know what to say, because if I was in that situation and my spouse would not consider counseling/couple's therapy... well, I am not sure what I would do. I think it sounds extremely unhealthy and not an environment I would want to be in. I hope it gets better for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155889 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:17:56 +0000 travellingbee 2155889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He tells what you can eat and not, and dictates how you spend your time. He doesn't respect your physical needs nor your career. This does not sound like a healthy relationship. I don't mean to be harsh but y'all really need to talk about this. It's all going to be much harder once baby arrives! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155888 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:17:38 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2155888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: My husband was kinda the same way and I think part of it was more he just never had to, so he never really learned how to work through those things. Follow up calls were the worst. I remember being at his parents house and he coordinated what type of pizza everyone wanted and then turned to his mom and made her call and actually order the pizza (even though she hadn't been paying attention to the order since he was coordinating). We have had to work on really having specific things he can handle on his own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155859 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:55:43 +0000 mrscobee 2155859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I have to agree here. </p> <p>Your DH definitely needs to step it up big time. You are growing a person and need your rest. You are also the primary bread winner. He needs to pick up any extra slack without making you feel bad about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155849 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:50:22 +0000 simplyfelicity 2155849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle: @Truth Bombs: I completely agree. To me, this is not about pregnancy but about unrealistic expectations, lack of understanding and controlling behavior. I think a "come to Jesus" talk is in order to be as close to being on the same page as possible before baby arrives.<br /> This behavior is really oppressive and I would tell my husband to back the F off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155828 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:40:36 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2155828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh yeah, and I second those who said to work out some of your parenting expectations before baby gets here... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155827 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:39:40 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2155827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why can't you talk to him about all this? It doesn't have to be about him not working. It can just be, hey, until about 12-14 weeks I'm exhausted and we need to schedule some time in your day for you to help out with x, y, and z. Bring him to your OB appointment and talk about the fatigue, your OB can passively confirm that it's a real "thing." Tell him you know those thirty minutes are going to be a non-option when the baby gets here, so you'd really appreciate them now. Maybe it's just my specific relationship (which is by no means perfect!) but if I ask DH for something helpful or something I feel I need, he generally just takes care of it, particularly when it's health related. I get why he would want you to call the people you know but aside from that (which isn't much but I get it) I don't think you're asking for much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155822 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:38:47 +0000 blackbird 2155822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Um...a lot of this sounds kind of crazy and unhealthy to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155799 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:26:58 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2155799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Truth Bombs:. It sounds like this is about more than your pregnancy. I think you need to have a serious discussion about expectations and hopefully get on the same page before your baby is born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155782 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:19:19 +0000 Keybee 2155782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry, that sounds really frustrating. I got my DH the book "Dude You're Going to be a Dad." And he seems to like it.<br /> I think it's really hard for dad's to understand that although it doesn't look like it, we are constantly working on growing these little babies. I hope it gets better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155681 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 10:28:40 +0000 Applesandbananas 2155681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will also add that my husband definitely didn't understand the pregnancy fatigue until he saw our LO after he was born. It hit him then that on top of working full time plus overtime plus doing household chores plus just living life in general, I also grew an entire human being. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155677 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 10:26:45 +0000 mrbee 2155677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HourThyme: So sorry you're dealing with this! I hope that you have more relaxation in your future!!</p> <p>Does your husband by any chance have social anxiety? Just wondering because you mentioned how he doesn't want to make those phone calls... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-understand-how-tired-i-am#post-2155676 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 10:26:08 +0000 alphagam84 2155676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That type of behavior by your husband definitely doesn't sound normal to me. He needs to get over himself and start pitching in more to help you out so you can rest. I haven't been hit with exhaustion during my pregnancy, but my husband has been great about picking up the slack when I'm feeling sick. </p>