https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 10:09:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919665 Sat, 17 Oct 2020 07:41:48 +0000 karenbme 2919665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Congratulations on getting your current employer to match and give you new opportunities!! They clearly know your worth 😃 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919664 Sat, 17 Oct 2020 00:40:00 +0000 codeitall 2919664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, after much deliberation with family and soooo many wonderful anonymous helpers from Hellobee and FB, I'm pretty sure I'm going to decline the new offer. It has great flexibility (they've done teleworking as a geo-distributed company for a while), the culture seems great, and the job sounds interesting. I'm declining for two reasons: 2020 is already maxed out on change for my family so my mental coping capacity is shot, and the new job has room for growth in the long run, but I'd be doing some menial work I'm less fond of until we got the headcount to hire new employees. I was able to get my current company to nearly match their offer and they're reworking the org for the next projects I want to do.</p> <p>@agold: Totally agree! It is so hard to be happy with what you have when you know you could have more! Although I'd pass on the pool because I've heard they're a bit of work haha!</p> <p>@Bluemasonjar: Stress of the unknown is already the catchphrase for 2020, like, do I really want to sign up for more of that? I have growth opportunities, but they're nontraditional. I'm not ready to commit the time and mental effort to large-scale people management, so I've turned my technical architect skills to solving large-scale multi-team problems. There's probably a couple more projects like that in my department before I'll have to start reworking systems I've already built. Maybe that's my problem, I can think of more projects to do, so I'm not mentally done haha :silly: </p> <p>@PurplePumps: This is a major concern of mine that by bumping to the top (and a little over) my salary band that I won't be up for raises outside of annual merit increases. Buuuuut I have insane flexibility here, not just with work/life balance (I've breastfed on zoom calls :shocked: ) but I get to pick what work I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919566 Wed, 14 Oct 2020 19:06:35 +0000 PurplePumps 2919566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Based on personal experience of my husbands.... I think if you can get the flexibility you want with the new job, and the growth opportunity is there too, there is no reason to stay at your current job, esp not if they're only willing to match up to 75%, and not even if they match 100%. My husband changed jobs 2 years ago and just got a new job last week. The first job change, he was very hesitant and also torn when his current employer offered to match the new offer completely. It was a job he was at for 11 years, he had a great network, was in an amazing leadership pipeline, so he did talked to few higher ups for career advice... and the consensus was that he should take the new job with the two biggest points being if they're willing to match now cause you threaten to leave, it just shows how under paid you were to them in the first place! More importantly they also agreed that if you are willing to stay for a salary bump, it could possibly stunt future raises/growth cause they know you're comfortable there and you've shown you'll stay put. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919546 Wed, 14 Oct 2020 11:22:50 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2919546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am also in the middle of considering a job change and I think part of it is the stress of the unknown. Sounds like you are comfortable where you are but are limited in growth opportunities. Flexibility is a huge consideration for me as well and I try to weigh that against a salary increase. I think getting it in writing will be reassuring and if they commit then I think you should make the leap!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919528 Tue, 13 Oct 2020 13:55:35 +0000 agold 2919528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: So awesome that you think you can get your house you want faster. So, one of the things my husband and I want is the same house we have now with a bigger yard and a pool. Umph. We both need to make more. So, if we make more, we work more, and then will we be there to enjoy the pool? This is why I'm personally feeling stuck. I'm not yet ready to work more! I really hope you figure this out. Please keep us updated! FWIW, I know two people who left their jobs for a "better" job, and then went back to their old jobs really quickly. So, it happens! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919525 Tue, 13 Oct 2020 11:29:14 +0000 codeitall 2919525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so much for your feedback, I'm going to get a working schedule approved by the hiring manager with flexibility before I take this back to my current job to see if they can match. If they're able to match up to 75% of it and give me some new opportunities next year, I'll consider staying, but I don't think that's likely.</p> <p>@Corduroy: I did get a 14% raise last month. This new job is about 22% more in base salary with a great bonus structure. I don't believe my current company can come close to matching in today's economy.</p> <p>@Fawn: The irony is that this new company is remote and my current company is too! That's the tough thing to determine with all the reviews and interviews is the flexibility beyond that. Post covid, I want to pick my kids up from the bus stop, have time to manage my son's IEP specialists, etc. </p> <p>@karenbme: You hit it right on the nose, I feel like the big fish in a little pond. I've already had this level of impact at my current job and while there are new opportunities in house, I spend a lot of time doing 'maintenance' on the processes I've built.</p> <p>@agold: Thank you! Not the first time being headhunted, but the most interesting job description for sure :) DH pointed out that at this salary bump we could afford (faster) the house we want in my hometown and literally any childcare change we want. It opens up so many options I'm almost in analysis paralysis.</p> <p>@Anagram: Thank you for that, I've resisted outsourcing because my mother was/is SAHM and I want my kids to see me doing normal things, but it really doesn't matter does it? Only complicating factor is that I am the breadwinner and primary parent. DH is still doing school for his degree while working, so I literally need that flexibility.</p> <p>@nwm: When you put it that way it really does seem like a no brainer. I'm not really being asked to do anything hard except learn a new company's processes, I already know the technical half of the job. And I did give management a try before deciding to scale back, so I shouldn't say no to this opportunity too without a good reason.</p> <p>@Mama Bird: I'm fortunate that both positions are remote and we just had a baby, so I have time before the next, plus their maternity benefits are better, if that is a factor. Good for you to put family first, there's always time for career later and if you're content, that's a really good thing this year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919518 Tue, 13 Oct 2020 00:29:55 +0000 Mama Bird 2919518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've let go of a nice job offer that would have been a pay bump, a bigger responsibility, and a chance to move to a different town. I was really torn because I was so sad thinking of leaving everything that's familiar to me - I've been at my job longer than I've had my family. I finally managed to psych myself up into a positive mindset, that this is new and exciting and I'll make new connections, and then DH said very casually "yeah, this means no more kids for us anytime soon, you've got to prove yourself in this job first." To him this was no big deal, just an afterthought. To me, that was the sound of brakes screeching. After that I didn't want this job any more, it was just a question of how to back out relatively gracefully.</p> <p>Just as well, I guess. If I took the job I wouldn't have DD1. And I'm definitely stuck career wise in my old job, but the more I work here the more I respect this team, and I'm proud to be part of it. I like how they're responding to the events of this year. I like the decisions they make. I kind of regret not making that leap into something more high-powered, but it's not the level of regret that keeps one up at night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919515 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 20:51:51 +0000 nwm 2919515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>from your post i don't have a super clear sense of why you are hesitant to say yes. once in a job interview for a fairly junior position, i asked question that was something like "what do you think someone in my position should know?" and the person said, basically, "i can't believe how many people in your position say no to opportunities that i give them." it really stuck with me and even though i took a different job, i would try to always say "yes" to opportunities professionally, especially if it was something that scared or stretched me. it is always those opportunities where i feel like i might legitimately fail because they are new, big, scary opportunities where i have my best professional moments and feel best about my achievements.</p> <p>also, if someone _sought me out_ to offer me a _50%_ pay raise, i would be really excited!! congrats to you!! not knowing your exact situation, i think i would have to know for a fact that the new position meant working for a bunch of really terrible people or moving to the middle of nowhere or was otherwise extremely unattractive in order to say no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919513 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 19:47:56 +0000 Anagram 2919513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: the 35 hours a week and flexibility is big. I mean, it does seems like there’s a choice between (temporarily?) mommy-tracking yourself for more flexibility now vs taking a job with more pay/more responsibility/more hours. But it all depends on the overall situation—who is the breadwinner, who is the primary parent, who does the bulk of emotional labor and child care and remembering things and supermarket shopping etc etc etc. </p> <p>If you have a spouse that is willing and able to take on more home responsibilities if you suddenly get a job where you are working 50 hours a week, does that sound good to both of you? If so, could be a good move. If not, maybe figure out the pressure points, how you’ll farm those tasks out and how much that will cost vs the more stress on you. Make a whole pros/cons list. There’s nothing wrong with your husband being the primary parent or with you guys getting a nanny/cleaners/meal services. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919511 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 17:19:38 +0000 agold 2919511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been at a job for a long time and its the flexibility that I value the most here. So I can imagine your issue you are having with leaving. I would consider a couple things - do you have the ability to make more where you are at? How long can you stay at your current job? And then consider the same for your next possible job. Also, is the increase in salary enough to cover the childcare costs that might be required because you will lose flexibility, and then is there more money on top of that? Because you hate to just take a new job that pays for what will become necessary because you are now working more. </p> <p>Good luck either way! Good for you, lady! Getting head hunted is a really cool thing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919509 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:41:14 +0000 karenbme 2919509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Congratulations! Totally agree with @Fawn: that culture is worth a lot, but if it seems like the new place has a culture that will work for you 47% more is amazing. You could go back to your current employer and see what they can offer, but they’re probably not going to be able to match that in the current climate. </p> <p>It also seems like the new opportunity will give you the chance to push yourself and have an impact in the way that you don’t with your current employer, though, and for me that would be huge. I’ve also worked in an organization where people think I’m magic because I leverage code in ways that no one else there does. It’s a great feeling, but for me being the big fish in a small pond made it harder for me to keep growing. Moving on from a comfortable position gave me the opportunity build to doing exactly what I wanted long term (2 jobs in) and has come with similar raises to what you’re looking at in each of my last two job changes. It doesn’t always work out like it did for me, but saying yes to opportunities is powerful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919508 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:16:54 +0000 Fawn 2919508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: I understand how you feel. I think we can get so comfortable in our current jobs that anything new just seems daunting and like added unnecessary stress. At least that's how I feel about new jobs if I'm not desperate to leave my current one. </p> <p>Having a lot of flexibility is ideal. Do you know if the new job offers the same flexibility? As a parent I personally couldn't take a new job if I didn't know beforehand that I would be able to work from home whenever needed, etc. I'd take less money for flexibility.</p> <p>I'd just try to learn as much as you can about the atmosphere at the new place. Check Glassdoor and some other review sites, though I know those sites attract people looking to complain and not necessarily people that are happy in their jobs.</p> <p>I've seen friends leave a job they were content in to end up somewhere they hated at first, but ultimately they just needed to get comfortable with the new place and it led them down a better career path, so ended up being a good idea to take the offer.</p> <p>On the other hand, I had a friend who left a job she didn't mind for a higher title and more money somewhere else only to be let go less than a year later from the new job. It took her over a year to find another full time job which was a few levels lower than the job she was let go from. So in her case, not a good idea to leave for a new job. You really just never know! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919507 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:15:04 +0000 Corduroy 2919507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Congratulations on the offer!! You said it would be 47% more than what you were making 2 months ago, does that mean you got a raise recently? What is the difference between your current salary and the offer? </p> <p>This sounds like an opportunity for you to have a discussion with your current employer to see what they could counter with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919506 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 15:59:45 +0000 codeitall 2919506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Covid is making everything extra crazy. However, today I got a job offer that is a 47% increase over what I was making just two months ago. I was headhunted for this role, it is an opportunity to completely rebuild systems in software I'm familiar with. I have no complaints about my current job, management chain is great, I have tons of flexibility (I rarely work over 35 hours a week) and I'm lauded across the company for the work I do. I know all the systems, the issues, and I'm getting the opportunity next year to rearchitect one of the major systems as well.</p> <p>BUT this is 47% MORE $! My kids could go to a better daycare, I could hire a housecleaner, we could buy a house faster.</p> <p>Why am I reluctant? Has anyone else turned down a new job offer that looked better on paper? Why did you do it? </p>