https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 19:39:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927849 Thu, 05 Jan 2023 14:33:51 +0000 togetherthroughlife 2927849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here’s one thing to consider — your line about the team being stretched thin even if you were to return half time at first.</p> <p>Consider that they’re currently down a WHOLE person. And you coming back half time for spring and summer would be them gaining your expertise and commitment back for 50% more than they have of you on your leave which is 0%. So I would reframe that as a big plus for them (if the other option would potentially be you not returning at all). As you prepare to pitch that half time ease-in to your boss I think that frame of mind could be helpful to consider! Moms are some of the most efficient, creative, and amazing employees in any work situation. We get stuff done. I’m sure your half-time presence would be more beneficial to them than someone brand new. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927845 Tue, 03 Jan 2023 22:07:42 +0000 Chuckles 2927845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I worked part time when DS was a baby until he was 2. I thought it was the best and worst of both worlds. The positive was that I could get out of the house a bit, do a job I liked, and interact with other adults. But the downside to being home much more than your spouse is that I ended up being responsible for *everything* at home. I went back to work primarily for financial/getting health care reasons, and I think I could have been happy working part-time for a long time. I made some good friends with kids the same age in our neighborhood. Working full-time with two kids is really hard. </p> <p>I would echo what some other people have said - I loved having a nanny when DD was a baby. She could be on her own schedule and I knew she was getting a ton of attention. I do think kids benefit from going to preschool/daycare once they are into the older toddler stage. I also agree with what others have said about staying home when the kids are older. Now that I could be a room parent or have more time to volunteer at my son's school, I am a little sad that I can't do that. With some jobs you could totally still do it, but I'm a teacher with a 40 minute commute, so I can't just pop out for a bit. It's also really hard to do any after school activities during the week since we get home close to dinnertime already.<br /> Whatever you decide, you always change your mind. And there's always pros and cons, so any decision can be the right decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927835 Thu, 29 Dec 2022 19:55:34 +0000 MACSUNSHINE 2927835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Congratulations! There is no one size fits all and I think the workforce is changing. I think gaps are going to become more common place, keeping up your skills would be a key depending on your profession.</p> <p>Lots of good opinions, I had my third in 2020 and had planned on trying a true stay at home experience during that leave but unfortunately COVID had other plans. Similar to you, I don’t need to work financially but question mentally if I need it. I have continued my 80% schedule which is nice but honestly I work 100% so I am starting to face that. Just be aware that part time is challenging and managing expectations. Summers can be hard as you have school aged children too.</p> <p>And to echo @shantuck, a former coworker had told me it gets harder when kids get older. I am choosing to continue to work as long as it makes sense but as my oldest is now 7, the commitments are even crazier. Daycare/nanny make life easier with babies and young kids in my experience. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927834 Thu, 29 Dec 2022 16:57:27 +0000 LemonJack 2927834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It definitely is a personal decision that only you can make. The one piece of advice I would suggest is if you aren’t totally sure, to go back to work for awhile and see how you feel once you’re back in that environment. </p> <p>With all three of my maternity leaves I felt like you do right now. However, I was never 100% sold on the idea of staying home, so I went back to work each time to test the waters. My youngest is now three and I’m still working because it’s what works best for me and our family. I have friends who have made different decisions though, and all are happy with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927832 Tue, 27 Dec 2022 23:09:20 +0000 Shantuck 2927832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My old law firm had a roundtable discussion right after I had newly returned to work with my second and one thing that struck me was some of the female senior partners telling us how lost some of the other moms who stopped working felt when their kids went to college (though I get everyone’s situation is unique). After having my third kid, I reduced my work hours to an 80% schedule (in the law firm world, it means my billable hours target is reduced) and this seems to be working for me. I like that I am keeping my career active even if I’m not able to throw my all into my career at the moment.</p> <p>ETA: I’ve actually found that bigger kids have been more of a wrench into my working mom life than littles. My 5th grader really needs a lot of help studying for tests, etc. I think you just need to roll with whatever life throws at you and hopefully find a job with flexibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927810 Thu, 22 Dec 2022 12:27:26 +0000 periwinklebee 2927810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First congrats! I haven't been around much and was so happy to see that you have a second child!</p> <p>One thing I'll say is that I think there can be a huge amount of variation in the quality of daycare and the quality of available nannies in an area. We did a nanny search but ultimately felt pretty confident that daycare was the more enriching, better place for our kids, even though it is a lot less convenient and more stressful for us as parents. But we could have easily reached a different decision with a different set of daycare teachers and nanny candidates. </p> <p>I think I would actually love staying home - and having a career with little kids is HARD. I'm aware that I'm giving up a lot not to be home with them and sometimes get frustrated about what I feel like I'm achieving with that. However, I will definitely continue to work. I like my job and in my industry it would be nearly impossible to come back after a gap. Also, even though we could get by on my husband's salary, his industry tends to have big booms and busts and I think we'd both find it stressful for him to be the sole breadwinner and provider of health insurance. I don't have a huge amount of money left after paying daycare, retirement contributions, and taxes, but given I'm an older mom who spent a long time in graduate school, being able to make retirement contributions makes sense. I wish more of daycare costs were tax deductible, I think it would change the financial calculations for a lot of parents. </p> <p>Good luck and congrats again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927809 Thu, 22 Dec 2022 09:27:29 +0000 MamaCate 2927809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@karenbme: hey this is such a tough decision to make and you have already gotten a lot of great advice. I just wanted to chime in to add that it is possible to go back to work and send your baby to daycare at 3 months because that is what ended up working for us.</p> <p>My first didn’t start daycare until 5 months because they didn’t have a spot before then, but with my second we sent him right at 12 weeks when I went back to work. At that point we had already been at our center for over three years with our older child and liked and trusted the staff and directors. I think for me my comfort level was really influenced by the care the teachers showed for my baby and the relationships we built. The baby room was very chill and loving and only had 8 babies for two staff max, and they were always being loved on and played with and taken care of. So having peace of mind about my kids getting what they needed was hugely helpful in being a working parent.</p> <p>the decision on my side also had a lot of factors—with my first I absolutely definitely had to go back for financial reasons so it wasn’t even a consideration. For my second, I had some more flexibility but ultimately we determined it would make sense financially for us if I worked. But I was working a job that was a good fit for me, with coworkers I really liked, and decent flexibility to allow for work life balance. I also really like talking to adults about more complex concepts so staying home felt like it would be hard.</p> <p>The last thing to think about is that it might help to make a decision for a shorter time period—this is the plan for the next 6 months/12 months/whatever. If working sounds best for now, try it out for a while and if something changes with your work or your kids or your daycare situation, then you can reevaluate.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927805 Tue, 20 Dec 2022 14:33:45 +0000 pachamama 2927805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@karenbme: ack this is SO hard. it is the essential modern mother's dilemma. I was in a similar position. I am a professional (teacher) in a job I love so much. The thought of sending my baby into a daycare made my stomach churn, so I stayed home for a year. MISTAKE!!<br /> I did not anticipate how depressing, tedious and damaging it was for me to be home with my 2 kids. You sound like an educated, motivated woman with a great career. For me anyway, my identity was basically stripped away when I was a stay-at-home mom. I fell into a profound funk that took me months and months to bounce back from. I should have gone back to work way earlier but I stuck it out until my son was one, then we got a nanny.<br /> Like someone said, I think the best route is getting a nanny. That's what we did and it was the best decision we have ever made. We had a great nanny, our son never got sick, his needs were met (when often at daycare they weren't), and I was happy and comfortable at my job. She gave me my career back! SO maybe this is an option? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927803 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 22:27:26 +0000 nwm 2927803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i love my job and knew that i wasn't really cut out to stay home just by how overwhelming i found 24/7 childcare responsibilities, but would echo @JJ2626: that given your financial flexibility you might consider a nanny. i had thought i would prefer daycare but once we found a nanny we trusted i think it really eased the transition to be leaving the kids at home rather than taking them and dropping them somewhere. especially if you find someone who really dotes on your kids as our nanny does. she's been with us close to 7 years now and we would be lost without her. also, if you are able to be remote, it means that you can have a lot of the benefits of working from home (seeing your kids randomly throughout the day, taking little breaks to feed or play with them) without the drawbacks (not being able to get any work done at all). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927802 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 21:36:44 +0000 LadyDi 2927802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I decided to stay home after I had my second because I was very miserable in my job and it made more sense to step away from a career that made me unhappy than to look for a new job while I was super pregnant. I then got pregnant very quickly with my third and decided to stay home for awhile. I do enjoy a lot of aspects of it but to be honest if I loved or even enjoyed or got a sense of fulfillment out of my job I probably wouldn't have left after my second. I enjoy working, particularly critical thinking, but I was so unhappy and unsupported in my role that it began to affect my mental health. I work part time now, it's not a lot of money but I like thinking about something that's not kid related. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927801 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:56:42 +0000 agold 2927801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Look into getting a nanny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927800 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:46:22 +0000 Lahela017 2927800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: yes, I love the flexibility we have as a family because I stay home. We also don't have to spend our weekends dealing with groceries, laundry, and housework either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927799 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:44:04 +0000 caitcat 2927799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I stopped teaching full-time when my oldest daughter was 1.5, just before I got pregnant with our second. I'd known for a while that I wanted get into curriculum design instead, so this felt like a natural transition point. My husband was traveling a lot for work at the time, and the logistics of both of us working full time were complicated. I needed more flexibility to take my daughter to speech and OT appointments through the week than teaching allowed. Being home simplified SO much for our family. </p> <p>I did freelance curriculum work for the first couple years I was home, mainly in early mornings and during naptime. Working in the margins of the day was exhausting (wouldn't recommend it!) but it helped make it financially feasible for me to be home at that point. Now my kids are 5 and 7 and both in school full time. I'm working part time from home and I feel like I'm finally striking the balance I'd hoped for. I definitely lucked out with a part-time position that isn't just spilling over into more work for less pay though. I know lots of women who have found themselves in that situation going part-time. </p> <p>Having me home was 100% worth it for our family through those early years, but I didn't love it in the baby/toddler stage. My kids weren't go-with-the-flow kind of kids who played nicely during moms groups or tagged along for outings without melting down. I had a lot of hope for things getting easier when they got to be 3-5ish, but covid hit, and that upended things. Most of my friends who stayed home with kids knew it was what they wanted and had planned on it. I went into it more reluctantly, but am still confident it was the right choice for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927798 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 13:17:20 +0000 catgirl 2927798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before DD was born I was a preschool teacher and then a nanny (we were moving frequently for DH's job at the time and it was easier to find short term nanny positions than a job at a preschool). DH has always had a complicated schedule - he works every weekend, does not have the same days off each week, and his hours are different day to day (at the time could be 8a-5p, 1p-9p, or occasionally 8a-9p). So at the time it was easy to decide to stay home. It seemed silly to take care of other kids while paying for someone to take care of mine. It also meant we had a lot more flexibility to do things as a family because we could make plans around DH's schedule. </p> <p>I enjoyed staying home with DD when she was little. It brought me joy. It has allowed DH to really excel at his job and we have all enjoyed the way this works for our family. </p> <p>The plan was for me to go back to work part time when she started elementary school. Of course she started kindergarten in fall of 2020 with a hybrid schedule - so that plan didn't work. She is now in 2nd grade and I am signing up to be a sub in our district. I won't need to figure out child care, can say yes to days that work for me, and can still maintain a lot of flexibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927796 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 12:33:08 +0000 Corduroy 2927796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went back to work after having my two. One thing to keep in mind is that if you decide to go back you're not committing to working forever. You can change between working and not working many times as your kids grow. </p> <p>I decided to keep working as long as it made sense for us. So far it's been manageable. My kids are now 9 and 7 and I don't regret the years I spent working. </p> <p>Think carefully about converting your full time role into part time. I've seen it work some places but I've also seen a lot of women take on a full workload for less pay and still have to deal with all the daycare colds. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927795 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 11:59:19 +0000 Lahela017 2927795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a civil engineer (very male dominated field, and a gap in my resume will be hard because of ever changing technology), but I wasn't happy with my job, so for me the decision was easy to stay home. I think I sort of always knew I would. My husband is a computer programmer with a good salary and when we brought our house pre-kids we purposely got something we couldn't afford with only his income. I still have my old job, but only work as a reviewer on an on-call basis. I haven't done any work for like 6 months, but at least I sort of have something to put on my resume.</p> <p>I love staying home and wouldn't change it for the world. Once the kids are both in school I might look into a part time job, but I'm not sure it will be in my old field to be honest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927794 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 11:58:02 +0000 JJ2626 2927794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So for me, I just know I’m not cut out to stay home. I wouldn’t enjoy it. I would love part time but I haven’t been able to make that work in my career. For you, do you really want to stay home and not work or are you just worried about sending a little baby to daycare? Staying home full time is a huge life change. If it’s really mostly the daycare, then 1) pushing to start part time makes sense or just taking more leave even if unpaid so baby isn’t so tiny; 2) can you get a nanny? We had a nanny from 3 months and it was perfect. Way less anxiety because I knew more about what was really happening each day and just trusted her so much. And now we still have her in our lives almost 5 years later! </p> <p>I’d give it a little time too. Your baby is so tiny; of course you are anxious! And congrats on the new one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927793 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 11:18:15 +0000 karenbme 2927793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to start off by saying I know I’m in a place of privilege to frame work as a choice. My husband and I are both in highly paid STEM jobs, and we could afford to live on either of our incomes with some belt tightening but no major inconveniences. I have 16 weeks of leave that I am 2 weeks into and already wondering how on earth I would go back to work and send my baby (and my 3 year old, who has been so much fun to spend time with) to daycare.</p> <p>On the other hand, though, I don’t want to completely drop out of the workforce. I work in a rapidly changing, male dominated field, and worry about how a gap in my resume would be perceived. Also the job I have now is exactly the job I’ve wanted for a long time. I work with great, smart people in a mission-driven organization, and there are few jobs I see as being a better fit for me.</p> <p>Right now my plan is to pitch a part-time transition back through spring and summer (our busy time is fall) to my boss when I get closer to my return date. She has been extremely flexible, but I know being even half a person down is going to be hard for the team. </p> <p>I’m wondering how others have made decisions about work-family balance with tiny babies. My first was born just before Covid and stayed home until she was 1, so I have no experience sending a tiny baby to daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919665 Sat, 17 Oct 2020 07:41:48 +0000 karenbme 2919665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Congratulations on getting your current employer to match and give you new opportunities!! They clearly know your worth 😃 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919664 Sat, 17 Oct 2020 00:40:00 +0000 codeitall 2919664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, after much deliberation with family and soooo many wonderful anonymous helpers from Hellobee and FB, I'm pretty sure I'm going to decline the new offer. It has great flexibility (they've done teleworking as a geo-distributed company for a while), the culture seems great, and the job sounds interesting. I'm declining for two reasons: 2020 is already maxed out on change for my family so my mental coping capacity is shot, and the new job has room for growth in the long run, but I'd be doing some menial work I'm less fond of until we got the headcount to hire new employees. I was able to get my current company to nearly match their offer and they're reworking the org for the next projects I want to do.</p> <p>@agold: Totally agree! It is so hard to be happy with what you have when you know you could have more! Although I'd pass on the pool because I've heard they're a bit of work haha!</p> <p>@Bluemasonjar: Stress of the unknown is already the catchphrase for 2020, like, do I really want to sign up for more of that? I have growth opportunities, but they're nontraditional. I'm not ready to commit the time and mental effort to large-scale people management, so I've turned my technical architect skills to solving large-scale multi-team problems. There's probably a couple more projects like that in my department before I'll have to start reworking systems I've already built. Maybe that's my problem, I can think of more projects to do, so I'm not mentally done haha :silly: </p> <p>@PurplePumps: This is a major concern of mine that by bumping to the top (and a little over) my salary band that I won't be up for raises outside of annual merit increases. Buuuuut I have insane flexibility here, not just with work/life balance (I've breastfed on zoom calls :shocked: ) but I get to pick what work I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919566 Wed, 14 Oct 2020 19:06:35 +0000 PurplePumps 2919566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Based on personal experience of my husbands.... I think if you can get the flexibility you want with the new job, and the growth opportunity is there too, there is no reason to stay at your current job, esp not if they're only willing to match up to 75%, and not even if they match 100%. My husband changed jobs 2 years ago and just got a new job last week. The first job change, he was very hesitant and also torn when his current employer offered to match the new offer completely. It was a job he was at for 11 years, he had a great network, was in an amazing leadership pipeline, so he did talked to few higher ups for career advice... and the consensus was that he should take the new job with the two biggest points being if they're willing to match now cause you threaten to leave, it just shows how under paid you were to them in the first place! More importantly they also agreed that if you are willing to stay for a salary bump, it could possibly stunt future raises/growth cause they know you're comfortable there and you've shown you'll stay put. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919546 Wed, 14 Oct 2020 11:22:50 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2919546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am also in the middle of considering a job change and I think part of it is the stress of the unknown. Sounds like you are comfortable where you are but are limited in growth opportunities. Flexibility is a huge consideration for me as well and I try to weigh that against a salary increase. I think getting it in writing will be reassuring and if they commit then I think you should make the leap!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919528 Tue, 13 Oct 2020 13:55:35 +0000 agold 2919528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: So awesome that you think you can get your house you want faster. So, one of the things my husband and I want is the same house we have now with a bigger yard and a pool. Umph. We both need to make more. So, if we make more, we work more, and then will we be there to enjoy the pool? This is why I'm personally feeling stuck. I'm not yet ready to work more! I really hope you figure this out. Please keep us updated! FWIW, I know two people who left their jobs for a "better" job, and then went back to their old jobs really quickly. So, it happens! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919525 Tue, 13 Oct 2020 11:29:14 +0000 codeitall 2919525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so much for your feedback, I'm going to get a working schedule approved by the hiring manager with flexibility before I take this back to my current job to see if they can match. If they're able to match up to 75% of it and give me some new opportunities next year, I'll consider staying, but I don't think that's likely.</p> <p>@Corduroy: I did get a 14% raise last month. This new job is about 22% more in base salary with a great bonus structure. I don't believe my current company can come close to matching in today's economy.</p> <p>@Fawn: The irony is that this new company is remote and my current company is too! That's the tough thing to determine with all the reviews and interviews is the flexibility beyond that. Post covid, I want to pick my kids up from the bus stop, have time to manage my son's IEP specialists, etc. </p> <p>@karenbme: You hit it right on the nose, I feel like the big fish in a little pond. I've already had this level of impact at my current job and while there are new opportunities in house, I spend a lot of time doing 'maintenance' on the processes I've built.</p> <p>@agold: Thank you! Not the first time being headhunted, but the most interesting job description for sure :) DH pointed out that at this salary bump we could afford (faster) the house we want in my hometown and literally any childcare change we want. It opens up so many options I'm almost in analysis paralysis.</p> <p>@Anagram: Thank you for that, I've resisted outsourcing because my mother was/is SAHM and I want my kids to see me doing normal things, but it really doesn't matter does it? Only complicating factor is that I am the breadwinner and primary parent. DH is still doing school for his degree while working, so I literally need that flexibility.</p> <p>@nwm: When you put it that way it really does seem like a no brainer. I'm not really being asked to do anything hard except learn a new company's processes, I already know the technical half of the job. And I did give management a try before deciding to scale back, so I shouldn't say no to this opportunity too without a good reason.</p> <p>@Mama Bird: I'm fortunate that both positions are remote and we just had a baby, so I have time before the next, plus their maternity benefits are better, if that is a factor. Good for you to put family first, there's always time for career later and if you're content, that's a really good thing this year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919518 Tue, 13 Oct 2020 00:29:55 +0000 Mama Bird 2919518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've let go of a nice job offer that would have been a pay bump, a bigger responsibility, and a chance to move to a different town. I was really torn because I was so sad thinking of leaving everything that's familiar to me - I've been at my job longer than I've had my family. I finally managed to psych myself up into a positive mindset, that this is new and exciting and I'll make new connections, and then DH said very casually "yeah, this means no more kids for us anytime soon, you've got to prove yourself in this job first." To him this was no big deal, just an afterthought. To me, that was the sound of brakes screeching. After that I didn't want this job any more, it was just a question of how to back out relatively gracefully.</p> <p>Just as well, I guess. If I took the job I wouldn't have DD1. And I'm definitely stuck career wise in my old job, but the more I work here the more I respect this team, and I'm proud to be part of it. I like how they're responding to the events of this year. I like the decisions they make. I kind of regret not making that leap into something more high-powered, but it's not the level of regret that keeps one up at night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919515 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 20:51:51 +0000 nwm 2919515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>from your post i don't have a super clear sense of why you are hesitant to say yes. once in a job interview for a fairly junior position, i asked question that was something like "what do you think someone in my position should know?" and the person said, basically, "i can't believe how many people in your position say no to opportunities that i give them." it really stuck with me and even though i took a different job, i would try to always say "yes" to opportunities professionally, especially if it was something that scared or stretched me. it is always those opportunities where i feel like i might legitimately fail because they are new, big, scary opportunities where i have my best professional moments and feel best about my achievements.</p> <p>also, if someone _sought me out_ to offer me a _50%_ pay raise, i would be really excited!! congrats to you!! not knowing your exact situation, i think i would have to know for a fact that the new position meant working for a bunch of really terrible people or moving to the middle of nowhere or was otherwise extremely unattractive in order to say no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919513 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 19:47:56 +0000 Anagram 2919513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: the 35 hours a week and flexibility is big. I mean, it does seems like there’s a choice between (temporarily?) mommy-tracking yourself for more flexibility now vs taking a job with more pay/more responsibility/more hours. But it all depends on the overall situation—who is the breadwinner, who is the primary parent, who does the bulk of emotional labor and child care and remembering things and supermarket shopping etc etc etc. </p> <p>If you have a spouse that is willing and able to take on more home responsibilities if you suddenly get a job where you are working 50 hours a week, does that sound good to both of you? If so, could be a good move. If not, maybe figure out the pressure points, how you’ll farm those tasks out and how much that will cost vs the more stress on you. Make a whole pros/cons list. There’s nothing wrong with your husband being the primary parent or with you guys getting a nanny/cleaners/meal services. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919511 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 17:19:38 +0000 agold 2919511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been at a job for a long time and its the flexibility that I value the most here. So I can imagine your issue you are having with leaving. I would consider a couple things - do you have the ability to make more where you are at? How long can you stay at your current job? And then consider the same for your next possible job. Also, is the increase in salary enough to cover the childcare costs that might be required because you will lose flexibility, and then is there more money on top of that? Because you hate to just take a new job that pays for what will become necessary because you are now working more. </p> <p>Good luck either way! Good for you, lady! Getting head hunted is a really cool thing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919509 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:41:14 +0000 karenbme 2919509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Congratulations! Totally agree with @Fawn: that culture is worth a lot, but if it seems like the new place has a culture that will work for you 47% more is amazing. You could go back to your current employer and see what they can offer, but they’re probably not going to be able to match that in the current climate. </p> <p>It also seems like the new opportunity will give you the chance to push yourself and have an impact in the way that you don’t with your current employer, though, and for me that would be huge. I’ve also worked in an organization where people think I’m magic because I leverage code in ways that no one else there does. It’s a great feeling, but for me being the big fish in a small pond made it harder for me to keep growing. Moving on from a comfortable position gave me the opportunity build to doing exactly what I wanted long term (2 jobs in) and has come with similar raises to what you’re looking at in each of my last two job changes. It doesn’t always work out like it did for me, but saying yes to opportunities is powerful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-holding-myself-back#post-2919508 Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:16:54 +0000 Fawn 2919508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: I understand how you feel. I think we can get so comfortable in our current jobs that anything new just seems daunting and like added unnecessary stress. At least that's how I feel about new jobs if I'm not desperate to leave my current one. </p> <p>Having a lot of flexibility is ideal. Do you know if the new job offers the same flexibility? As a parent I personally couldn't take a new job if I didn't know beforehand that I would be able to work from home whenever needed, etc. I'd take less money for flexibility.</p> <p>I'd just try to learn as much as you can about the atmosphere at the new place. Check Glassdoor and some other review sites, though I know those sites attract people looking to complain and not necessarily people that are happy in their jobs.</p> <p>I've seen friends leave a job they were content in to end up somewhere they hated at first, but ultimately they just needed to get comfortable with the new place and it led them down a better career path, so ended up being a good idea to take the offer.</p> <p>On the other hand, I had a friend who left a job she didn't mind for a higher title and more money somewhere else only to be let go less than a year later from the new job. It took her over a year to find another full time job which was a few levels lower than the job she was let go from. So in her case, not a good idea to leave for a new job. You really just never know! </p>