https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 28 Oct 2026 08:46:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-859292 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:12:41 +0000 lemondrop 859292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What everyone else said above! Breastfeeding is the hardest thing many of us have ever done. You will make your own path of what works best for you and your family. Just remember it doesn't have to be all or nothing. </p> <p>What kept me sane with a sleepy, jaundiced baby:<br /> I supplemented with formula for at least the first month while we focused on teamwork, and continued to give pumped bottles daily thereafter along with breastfeeding. My husband got to be very involved with feedings this way and I got some time to pump or take a shower... or sleep! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-859287 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:05:14 +0000 mrsmate 859287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know someone who had her first two DC 13mo apart. She said it wasn't twice as hard, it was five times as hard. So I already think you're doing some superhuman stuff.</p> <p>Like some of the others I didn't want to vote bc I think the only person who can answer this question is you. I won't even tell you my personal story of how I fed my DD, bc it's really irrelevant. I just wanted to tell you whatever you decide to do is the right decision and I hope you'll do what makes YOU happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-859283 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:03:02 +0000 Cherrybee 859283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted a few hours ago but had to think long and hard before coming back to comment.... I'm scared of giving you bad advice or really any advice at all because you need to make the decision that's right for you. </p> <p>But what I will say is this - if you decide that you want to introduce some formula (be that supplementing or EFF) then that is 100% okay. Nobody is going to think badly of you. Even the most staunch breastfeeding propagandist will understand (and if they don't, they're an a-hole). If breastfeeding is stressing you out, making you miserable, coming between you and your baby at this precious time (that you will never get back) then it's time to give yourself a break and let it go. It's milk for crying out loud - and your baby doesn't care where it comes from!! </p> <p>If breastfeeding is important to you - not to the people around you (who are not looking, honestly!) - but to *YOU* then, from what I understand, it will get better. It's pretty normal for it to be difficult to begin with and by the sounds of it, you are doing wonderfully. If you want to make breastfeeding work, then carry on....</p> <p>FWIW - My baby is due in less than 7 weeks and I have a stock of formula ready to go. If breastfeeding is easy peasy then great. If it's not easy for me, I WILL NOT be unhappy - not when I have perfectly good options available to me. Happy mum = happy baby as far as I'm concerned! No guilt here!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-859265 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:49:31 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 859265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The title of this post makes me sad - you are NOT a failure!! A lot of people have given great advice already, and I agree that you should think about what YOU want and what YOU think is best. It sounds like your baby is transferring milk as she should. Jaundice is such a tricky monster because it makes babies sleepy, and when they're sleepy they don't want to nurse... but they have to nurse in order to flush out the bilirubin and get rid of the jaundice! Stressful indeed. :(</p> <p>From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you're having supply issues. Would you be open to pumping and giving her breastmilk that way? That way you can still keep track of her intake and give you piece of mind about how much she's drinking.</p> <p>11 days is a hard time... the first 6 weeks of breastfeeding were definitely the toughest and then it got so much better. Hang in there mama... you're doing the best you can, and that's more than good enough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-859216 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:21:31 +0000 sarac 859216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm kind of confused by your numbers. They seem to show that everything is just fine. Plenty of wet diapers. And an ounce or so every two hours is just fine. Did your doctor tell you that those numbers needed to change? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858936 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:37:13 +0000 blackbird 858936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would totally supplement. It'll alleviate some stress and perhaps make you less miserable. I wouldn't push breastfeeeing if you are that unhappy! Some breast milk is just as good, and better, if it takes the weight off your shoulders. And if you wanna go full formula, do it. You should enjoy these first short, precious weeks with your baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858882 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:14:02 +0000 MrsF 858882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: That's so great that your LC told you to stop if it was interfering with bonding with / caring for your child. I was seeing an LC every week at a small support group and I really wish that I had heard something similar. I know that she could see how much I was suffering and not bonding with M because of her colic and my bf-ing difficulties. The support that I really needed was to hear that a happy mom who could lovingly interact with her child could be more important than breastmilk. I still have some guilt and any time I read something like what you wrote I feel a little better :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858859 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:06:14 +0000 oliviaoblivia 858859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do whatever you have to do to be the best mom for your daughter. If that means 100% formula, go for it. If that means BFing, do that. We are here for support, not judgment. BFing is a relationship and if it's not working for one or both of you it's totally fine to stop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858855 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:05:17 +0000 MrsF 858855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love what @Mrs. Twine said about making decisions for yourself and your baby. I stopped bf-ing at 12 weeks when I realized that I was only continuing because I felt like other people would judge me for "quitting". It had become something that I dreaded and I was actually envious of people who weren't able to BF. </p> <p>I also like what @aprk said about not stopping on your worst day. It's so hard to make these decisions with pp hormones and so much pressure. What do you think about supplementing with some formula after nursing sessions and then trying to pump? We had trouble with bili levels and the possibility of M having to be hospitalized. We got over the hump with some formula and then went back to only BFing. While we only made it to 12 weeks, I'm glad that I was able to take the time to make the decision when things were a little more calm. I'm still proud of those 12 weeks even though she got some formula.</p> <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this! No matter what you decide you are being the absolute best mama that you can for your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858829 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:57:50 +0000 T.H.O.U. 858829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: I agree, I think breastmilk is best, but breastfeeding is not for everyone. It should not come between your relationship with your children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858828 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:57:43 +0000 LuLu Mom 858828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DpeachLu: You aren't a failure if you use formula, I know sometimes that is the feeling we get but coming from a mom who choose formula to be able to enjoy her daughter, it's okay! My LO didnt' latch so I pumped exclusively, by 8 weeks I was burned out, switched to formula &amp; am so happy I decided to do that and wished I would have sooner! I was able to enjoy my time with her so much more! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858823 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:56:51 +0000 T.H.O.U. 858823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: This is a good point, if you are feeding frequently (which is sounds like you are) then the ounces per feeding may be less.</p> <p>The best bet would be to look at total number of ounces per 24 hours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858815 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:55:07 +0000 edelweiss 858815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i agree with @regberadaisy: what do you want to do? because if breastfeeding is stressful and making you unhappy, i fully support switching to formula, and you shouldn't feel badly at all. </p> <p>or, if you would like to continue breastfeeding (obviously you don't have to), maybe you could supplement with formula (or pumped milk) in a bottle, which will be easier for LO to take. i did that with my LO for several weeks (at first with formula and then with pumped milk) until things evened out a bit.</p> <p>i think around that time, my LC said the baby should be taking in around 1.5 oz per feeding, but that was on a 3 hour schedule, and you're feeding every 2 hours, so you might not be as far off as you think (and honestly that's just what my LC said so who knows). and if it's up and down, in total your LO might be getting enough.</p> <p>oh my goodness, my LO was a totally sleepy nurser. i've said many times that i practically had to terrorize the shit outta him every single time we nursed. i did not look forward to each nursing session, where i was constantly tickling his feet, moving his arm, poking (gently) his collarbone, running my fingers along his cheek and head, even using a wet paper towel sometimes, and putting my hands on a bag of frozen peas and then touching LO with my cold hands. and it's not like all of this actually made him wake up and stay awake--i was doing it constantly throughout the entire session and he was STILL sleepy.</p> <p>it is tough, and sometimes i almost tear up thinking about it. so i hear you, it's hard. things gradually, painstakingly got better so by 6 weeks, nursing wasn't the massive pain in the ass it had been, but i know when i heard that things would be better by 6 weeks, that often felt way, WAY too far away. the nursing/pumping routine eventually worked for us, but i did not already have another child to take care of, and my sister was with me giving me support. without her, i don't know if i would have stuck with it.</p> <p>after all that, i guess what i'm trying to say is that if you want to continue, i think you can--what you're describing is hard, but it doesn't mean that you are failing or that it's not working. however, if you choose to use formula instead, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. you don't have to justify it. things could be going peachy keen with bf'ing and if you wanted to switch to formula, that would be fine. you are empowered to make that choice regardless of how breastfeeding is going. don't let the pressure of breastfeeding bring you down or make you feel badly about yourself!</p> <p>also, ditto on what zippylef said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858797 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:49:03 +0000 loveisstrange 858797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've said this on the boards before but I had an extremely hard time breastfeeding and packed in it early on. My LC gave me the best advice ever.</p> <p>If breastfeeding is starting to come between you and your child, is starting to interfere with bonding and it making you dread spending that time with them... it's time to stop.</p> <p>You're going to get the "NOOOOO! KEEP GOING!" way too much on these boards. I'm going to tell you flat out that no one will think less of you if you decide breastfeeding isn't for you. It's okay to quit if you want to. Formula is a legitimate, healthy option. Your baby will not suffer because of it. You are not a failure. </p> <p>I'm going to put this in all caps because it's very important. BREAST IS NOT BEST FOR EVERYONE. Period. End of story.</p> <p>If you want to keep going, do what you need to do to keep going. If you want to quit, then stop. It's a decision that you need to make for the good of yourself and your baby. Whatever way you go, no one is judging you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858780 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:43:28 +0000 regberadaisy 858780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DpeachLu: I also wanted to add that my daughter was a classic cluster feeder. I constantly worried if she ate enough. Considered getting a scale but did not base on HB advice. And she also had elevated bilirubin levels which eventually evened out. Have you been exposing her to sun via a window or glass door, naked? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858772 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:40:11 +0000 DillonLion 858772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If breastfeeding is important to you then I would keep at it. The beginning is SO HARD for SO MANY of us. You are not alone. Post here any time you need advice even on the smallest of breastfeeding related issues. We will be here to help every step of the way.</p> <p>ETA: At 5 days in I was so ready to quit. But the ladies here helped convince me to keep going. We supplement, but she's almost 6.5 months now and I am still breastfeeding my daughter. I'm so incredibly thankful that we are still at it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858763 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:37:46 +0000 Adira 858763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't want to vote because I think you should do whatever you feel is best for you and your family! You are NOT a bad mom if you decide to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula!! You are NOT a failure! Breastfeeding really isn't for everyone and if it's not working for you, please don't feel like you HAVE to continue just because of what you think other people will think! Ultimately, the most important thing is that you love your child and are providing for her!</p> <p>I think you should ignore the scale since it's stressing you out. It sounds like your baby is drinking enough, based on her output, so that's a good indication. If she was dehydrated, I don't think you'd see nearly as many wet and poopy diapers as you've been seeing! And even though she's not gaining as much weight as you'd like, she's not losing weight either, which would really be a bad sign.</p> <p>I had the same problem with Xander for the first few weeks, keeping him awake. It was soooooo hard to get him to eat every 2 hours - he just refused to wake up sometimes! And it was impossible at night - I eventually gave up and fed him every 3 hours at night.</p> <p>I know that the bilirubin levels and her weight are worrisome to you, but if you want to keep breastfeeding, I think you should do that and just keep monitoring things with your pediatrician, like you have been doing. It sounds like her bilirubin levels are going down, if slowly, so that's a very good sign! AND as she gets older, she'll be awake more and be easier to feed. Try to hang in there (if that's what you really want to do)! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858756 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:36:09 +0000 Mrs. Twine 858756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to add that if you nurse at all, even only once a day, your body should adapt to that and produce enough milk for that. So don't feel like you have to make it all/nothing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858754 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:36:01 +0000 T.H.O.U. 858754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/newborn-concerns/sleepy-babies/" rel="nofollow">http://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/newborn-concerns/sleepy-babies/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858745 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:33:14 +0000 Mrs. Twine 858745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, what do you *want* to do? I am a staunch breastfeeding advocate, but guess what? Babies can (and will) do fine either way. Having a loving and caring caregiver is way more important. I'm glad you rented the scale, but it seems like it's turned into more of a worry for you. You can try supplementing at breast if you want (with your own pumped milk, or with formula). How is baby doing? She sounds sleepy (Lorelei was, too. That can be really normal), but when she is awake how does she seem? Alert? Does she seem to have good skin tone? It sounds to me like you are maybe most concerned about others' rection about choosing to stop bf. If this is the case, I would urge you to consider what you would do if there was no one else around who would comment, or if everyone you met was going to be supportive. Please don't let the small minority (well, I hope a small minority) of people who might be close-minded about your choice make the decision for you and baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858734 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:31:34 +0000 regberadaisy 858734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DpeachLu: Stop using the word "quitting". It makes it sound like you are failing if you do not breastfeed. Which is NOT the case!!!</p> <p>I think IF it is stressing you out way too much and you are genuinely concerned (and affirmed by a doctor) LO is not getting enough via BF then stop. That is not quitting. That is doing what you think is the best thing for you and your baby.</p> <p>That being said. I had always had a supply issue. Colostrum was not enough for my baby. LO cried in the hospital for SO long and SO loud that the head nurse and LC came into our room twice to see what was up. Under their recommendation we started supplementing with formula in the hospital. After a 3am ER visit at 4 days old we kept on supplementing and have never looked back. I refuse to feel guilty about our choice to supplement. Not ALL females produce what their child needs. That is a MYTH.</p> <p>Supplementing allowed me to BF my daughter until she was 12.5 months at a 75% (bm) / 25% (formula) ratio before we started introducing whole milk. Now she is on all whole milk and I nurse at wake up and bedtime and she is 13.5 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858729 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:30:26 +0000 T.H.O.U. 858729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DpeachLu: There is no such thing as an idiot in breastfeeding!!! </p> <p>A few more questions: </p> <p>1) have you started pumping? Not to add one more thing but maybe try to pump one time a day (mornings are best). </p> <p>2) how long is the baby nursing? I think you said sleep was an issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858727 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:28:49 +0000 T.H.O.U. 858727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DpeachLu: I'm sure you read all this but just in case: </p> <p>WET DIAPERS: 5 – 6+ sopping wet diapers per day (after 1st week).<br /> Expect one wet diaper on day one, increasing to 5-6 by one week. To feel what a sufficiently wet diaper is like, pour 3 tablespoons (45 mL) of water into a clean diaper (if baby wets more often, then the amount of urine per diaper may be less). Urine should be pale and mild smelling.<br /> DIRTY DIAPERS: 3 – 4+ dirty diapers per day (after day 4).<br /> Stools should be yellow (no meconium) by day 5 and the size of a US quarter (2.5 cm) or larger. The normal stool of a breastfed baby is usually yellow and is loose (soft to watery, may be seedy or curdy). More on infant stooling.<br /> OTHER POSITIVE SIGNS: After a feeding, mom’s breast feels softer and baby seems reasonably content. Baby is alert, active and meeting developmental milestones. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858725 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:28:32 +0000 DpeachLu 858725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I've been to several breastfeeding support groups which help but sometimes just make me feel more like an idiot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858722 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:28:13 +0000 rachiecakes 858722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>first - you are not a failure, don't mommy-guilt yourself :) look at all you're doing to make sure your LO is growing! </p> <p>I totally understand being worried and overwhelmed, especially going back to work so soon - I did the same thing.<br /> My pediatrician suggested a bottle of formula after nursing until we really got into the swing of things, my DS wasn't gaining weight at almost 6 weeks. I cried for 24 hours straight because I was so disappointed in myself. But really, it was okay. We continued to nurse until 11 months.<br /> you're doing a great job, mama, don't beat yourself up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858720 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:27:42 +0000 immabeetoo 858720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I re-read, and I am so sorry you're stressed and unhappy, but I'm missing what's going wrong? Is it that you think she's not eating enough because of the weights (since you say diapers are fine)? Or is it bilirubin levels?? </p> <p>I can't imagine having a 14 month old with a newborn, hang in there!! No matter what you do, you're not a failure. Baby needs to eat, and doesn't care where it comes from! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858717 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:27:13 +0000 Meltini 858717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nothing says breastfeeding has to be all or nothing. You can breastfeed and supplement with formula. It will be okay. Not breastfeeding doesn't make you a failure. You have to do whatever is best for you and your LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858715 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:27:06 +0000 DpeachLu 858715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: baby #1 was never able to latch well and we supplemented for the first three weeks of her life and then just switched over to all formula by the fourth week. </p> <p>I really just want to enjoy my time off and enjoy both of my girls and go out to the park with them. Take them for a stroll. Not have any feeding stress :-(. I wish breastfeeding was easier. </p> <p>I'm not so sure how to supplement and I know eventually my milk would run out. Which I guess it's better than quitting. . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858714 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:26:48 +0000 aprk 858714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry it's stressful! This is hard for sure, especially the first month or so. The diaper output is pretty good I think which is an excellent sign. The bili levels are going down which is great! </p> <p>The advice that was given to me is don't quit on your worst day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/11-days-amp-im-getting-ready-to-become-a-breastfeeding-failure-1#post-858712 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:26:15 +0000 T.H.O.U. 858712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A few thoughts: </p> <p>1. Can you set a short term goal. Don't stress until you see the Dr. again. </p> <p>2. Can you give a bottle of formula for just one feeding and see how it goes? </p> <p>3. Have you seen a LC? </p>