https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 15:07:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703869 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 13:55:43 +0000 tlynne 2703869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsGeePerez: To some extent, all kids do these things. BUT children with sensory issues are very intense, and take it to the extreme. Both of my boys are very social, too...and because of this, autism was never a diagnosis that fit, though they certainly shared some characteristics (like being borderline obsessed with things that spin). Kids with sensory problems can be seekers, avoiders, or BOTH. DS2 is usually an avoider and went nearly a year refusing to touch anything voluntarily, unless it was with the back of his hand. He would scream relentlessly if something soft/furry touched him (including stuffed animals/blankets/most infant clothing). His favorite blanket in the world is a really scratchy woolen afghan. DS1 is a true seeker in every sense of the word...with a very few certain things he avoids at all costs (lines on socks, for example). The benefit of DS1's diagnosis is a 504 plan at school, so that he has guaranteed access to a calm place to settle when he's overstimulated, access to a weighted blanket/vest when he needs it, etc. Lunchtime especially has been a huge struggle for him because of all of the noise and movement around him - it overstimulates him, he becomes loud/hyper/impulsive and does not have the skills to calm back down. He works with an OT on identifying when he's feeling overstimulated and on how to calm himself. So far, deep pressure helps him calm, as do certain activites/exercises she's given him. At 7 months, DS2 started OT for delays (and then later, physical, speech, and feeding therapies when he was later diagnosed with CP). His OT actually noticed his issues first, and has been gently introducing him to new textures, and has provided a lot of support and tips on how to help him. OT is very individualized, depending on what kids need. Most areas have a Babies Can't Wait/early intervention program if you want him to be evaluated. That's where our pediatrician had us start. It's never a problem to ask questions :). We had a ROUGH time before DS1's problems were diagnosed and we had a way to help him. Things are getting much better....but slowly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703839 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 12:51:54 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tlynne: This is interesting. I have been doing some research and think he might be a sensory seeker. He's always stomping his feet, shaking bottles, shoving blankets and stuffed animals under him when he lays down, he's always banging on things and loves when things fall down, loves the sound of the coffee grinder, scratching surfaces, stomping his feet, spinning wheels, pressing buttons ALL the buttons. Is this normal toddler behavior or only seen in children with sensory processing disorders? I know this behavior is a red flag for autism but he's so social and happy and interactive that ASD doesn't fit at all. </p> <p>What is the benefit to getting something like this officially diagnosed? Where did you even start? What does the therapy with OT consist of? SORRY so many questions but I've known it was possibly something like this since he was an infant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703833 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 12:41:35 +0000 tlynne 2703833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsGeePerez: Some words of hope: both of my boys went through intense tantrums from about 16 months - 20 months...and then they slowed dramatically. BUT...both of my boys have sensory integration disorder, too...and ANY texture could set them off. Their brains really go haywire over certain types of stimulation. An OT could help IF you thought this might be a problem from your LO. DS2 has been in OT for CP and sensory issues since 7 months of age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703797 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 10:56:25 +0000 gingerbebe 2703797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsGeePerez: yeah we use the timer. Daddy sets the timer for 5 minutes and narrates that when it goes off bath time is over. And then he can sit there while the water drains. Eventually he gets cold and will get out. </p> <p>I have no problems yelling if it's to shake him out of his spiral. Sometimes I just bark like "HEY! WOAH!!" And then in that split second he freezes try a redirection. </p> <p>The panic thing I totally get. I had PTSD a from DS1's constant on fire screaming from when he was a baby and so when he hit a certain pitch I would just get anxiety (I had PPA/PPD). It's okay.</p> <p>DS1 is 30 months and he has his tantrums and he's willful but it's really not that bad. Things got a lot better around 20 months and it's gotten steadily better since though I'm not looking forward to the 3's.</p> <p>Really push manners - pleases and thank yous - I feel like that made me feel a measure of control. Like even if my kid is a jerk I can still make him learn to be polite by not giving him the fruit he asked for until he says please and requiring a thank you upon receipt. This is one of those things I didn't see pay off until later during the holidays when my son had delightful manners around the family and got lots of compliments, but it made me feel like our hard work had really paid off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703785 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 10:37:05 +0000 peaches1038 2703785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsGeePerez: it's so hard. I have the same feelings. Janet lansburys podcasts have really helped me stay calm and in control. You're doing a good job! Hang in there mama </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703776 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 10:24:31 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038: Thanks, I will check out Janet Lansbury. We do generally try to "narrate" what we are doing so he knows what to expect and what is coming, but we could do it even more. </p> <p>I notice when things get really bad I tend to shut down and start to go into panic mode. There's something about the way he screams that triggers an emergency reaction as a mom, do you know what I mean? It's hard to focus but I think I'll try and do a better job at explaining what he's feeling and why. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703773 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 10:19:42 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Hah, lots of wine is definitely necessary sometimes! </p> <p>I try my hardest to stay calm during these episodes but sometimes I fail and I don't understand how other moms keep their cool! This morning after he woke up his hands were ice cold and I got a sweater for him and gave a few "warnings" that I was going to put on a sweater. I put the sweater on nice and slowly and gently and he just couldn't handle it. Screaming, wildly thrashing, trying to rip it off, hitting his head on the floor. He wanted to be picked up and then didn't want to be held at the same time, so he was screaming bloodcurdling screams and would not stop. We had just woken up a few minutes before and I know he's always thirsty so I got a drink ready for him as quickly as possible, but I guess I should have given it to him before putting on the sweater. </p> <p>I feel really bad because I yelled STOP SCREAMING JUST STOP! </p> <p>It obviously didn't help... and I feel bad for snapping at him, but he reacts as if he's on fire. I think it's a matter of control because the sweater was a nice soft not-itchy one that he usually has no problem wearing, he already had long sleeves so it wasn't rubbing on his skin, no itchy tag... etc. </p> <p>It was too early in the morning to have a major mom fail! I eventually gave up and took the sweater off and let him be cold and he was fine :( </p> <p>But what would the correct action in this situation be? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around an explosive person and can't make a single wrong move. Or I just don't understand how to "mom". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703765 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 10:06:16 +0000 peaches1038 2703765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are dealing with tantrums and difficulty with transitions with our almost 16 month old as well. </p> <p>I have found the most helpful thing is to give him lots of warnings and talk him through the upcoming transition. So I'll say "after this book, we are going to change your diaper" then read the book. "Ok bud, we read the book and now it's time to change your diaper. Would you like to walk to your room or do you want me to carry you?" If he walks to the room, awesome! If he cries - "it looks like you're not ready to walk to your room. I'm going to pick you up now and help you." Then if he walked "great job walking! Im going to pick you up and put you on the changing table" if I Carried him "I'm going to put you on the changing table now" I usually try to wait for him to give me an indication that he's ready. He will sometimes point to the changing table or he looks at it and nods his head. Then I talk him through every single thing I'm doing "I'm taking off your pants, can you pull your leg through? I'm taking off your diaper, can you lift your bottom?" etc etc. It isn't 100% but it helps SO MUCH. We do this with everything. </p> <p>Then when if it doesn't work and he has a hard time, I usually say "oh, you really wanted that pen, but it's not safe. It's ok to cry and I'm going to lay you down so you don't hurt yourself. I will be right here with you/I will be over here when you're ready to join me" (whichever works better in the moment) usually he wants me to stay near him but not touching him and I say intermittently "you really wanted that. I hear you. That's so frustrating when you can't have the pen." And when he's done, we cuddle and move on. </p> <p>I found Janet Lansbury to be very helpful in reframing how I think about his behaviors. Some of it is a little much, but overall it really has helped us </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703761 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 10:00:17 +0000 MrsADS 2703761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're in a similar situation at 18 months and I think it's a combination of him not being able to communicate well yet and just starting to hit that toddler willful/limit-testing behavior (which I remind myself is normal!). </p> <p>What I try to do is talk to him, A LOT, narrate EVERYTHING and tell him in advance what is coming, and repeat, repeat, repeat. Like every night I repeat like 4x what we're going to do for bedtime. Like, "In 5 minutes we're going to say night night to downstairs, walk upstairs, take a bath, put on your diaper, put on your PJs and sleep sack, brush teeth, read a book and go to bed." Or whatever. Or, "I'm going to change your diaper in two minutes. I'm going to change your diaper in 1 minute. It's time to change your diaper now. Can you walk over to the changing pad for me? Would you like to hold this while I change you?" Etc. etc. </p> <p>I don't know if it HELPS but I feel like maybe? I also try to give voice to his emotions as much as possible (a la Janet Lansbury). A big meltdown trigger for us is coming inside after playing outside. I usually get down on his level, rub his back or his arm, and just repeat, "I hear you. You are mad, it makes you feel really mad to have to come inside when you want to play outside. You are upset. I hear you. I know it is hard to come inside. It's time to do x now. I hear that you are feeling angry right now." And then offer something as a distraction/transition to the next thing (which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't). And honestly, just ride it out! I'm not really a believer in trying to quiet down those emotions - they are so BIG and hard for these little people to manage.</p> <p>He's also really into throwing stuff when he's mad and I'm not sure what to do about that because I can't always get to him fast enough to stop it. I don't care if he's throwing stuffed animals but sometimes it's harder stuff. If I can get to him, I block his arm and say "I won't let you throw that, it could hurt somebody. I know you're feeling frustrated." But often I can't get there fast enough. </p> <p>I don't know how to respond to the throwing after he does it. I feel like saying "M, no throwing" or "we don't throw toys" is sort of pointless at this age, plus then he gets even more upset.</p> <p>Oh, the other way I deal with it is lots of wine. Lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703716 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 09:11:29 +0000 azjax 2703716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not alone! DS has been very strong-willed and fiery from birth, and it is more difficult to handle now that he is bigger and stronger. When he is tantruming, we put him in a safe space (usually his playpen) and check on him periodically. Ignoring him too much upsets him, as does trying to soothe him. What works best is giving him a minute or two to vent, and then we start an activity that he likes (I'll sing Itsy Bitsy Spider, blow bubbles, or read a story to one of his toys) and then ask him if he wants to join in. Eight out of ten times he says "yes!" and we're all good. The other times, he needs a few more minutes to scream or pout. We find that narrating what is going on in detail helps, as does offering choices (diaper change standing up or laying down? Etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703701 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 08:48:47 +0000 travellingbee 2703701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds like both of my boys. My oldest sounds almost exactly like yours. This age and phase was the hardest, but it sounds pretty normal. They can't really understand the consequences, and can't fully communicate what they want. My LO1 was so strong willed about everything and he had A LOT of tantrums. He still does have them at almost 4 but they aren't as frequent. There wasn't much that helped besides ignoring and distracting. Everything else escalated it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703692 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 07:30:39 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: thank you! So far neither being with him or ignoring help his tantrums. When we touch him or try to hold him he freaks out more. When we try to soothe him with words he freaks out more. If we walk away it's the same story. Nothing helps, it's like anything we do makes it worse. :( hopefully that will change eventually and we'll be able to comfort him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703691 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 07:07:47 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: that is good to hear! I might see canines starting to come up, that part of his gum is getting very swollen. </p> <p>I hope this only lasts a few weeks. I think I panic and am afraid that this is just his "terrible twos" and the intensity of these all-day tantrums will last for a year or so and I don't think we would come out of that intact haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703690 Tue, 28 Feb 2017 07:03:53 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Thank you for this advice. I just bought him his own little table and chairs and I think some Magnatiles and Color wonder markers would be a perfect addition to that. We also do tv time in the morning while I make breakfast and at night when I make dinner. I know we aren't supposed to but he really loves it and it helps sometimes.</p> <p>And funny, we do really long baths too. He loves them. they are a great tool to help get him ready for bed on the days where he's having trouble winding down. But the transition out of the bath and into a diaper/pjs we need to work on. </p> <p>Thank you again, really appreciate it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703462 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 14:23:40 +0000 ShootingStar 2703462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've gotten some good advice. I would add that whatever approach you're trying for tantrums, maybe try the opposite? So for example, my kid needed company for a tantrum at that age. It helped shorten it if I sat near him with my hand on him and when he was done I'd ask him if he needed a hug. Other kids do much better if you ignore them and let them scream it out for a few minutes and if you don't pay extra attention to them they stop quicker.</p> <p>Also, redirection was our friend. As was the pacifier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703420 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 13:29:23 +0000 Dahlia 2703420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsGeePerez: When DD was 16 months we also had a few weeks of major tantrums. Like other posters have said, it seemed like it was because she couldn't communicate and would got frustrated. She was also getting her eyeteeth, and while they didn't disrupt her sleep or anything, I think they put her on edge a little bit. </p> <p>Usually I could calm her down by asking if she wanted a hug and then holding her while she cried. We also made sure she got plenty of food and sleep, and avoided situations that would provoke meltdowns whenever possible (we changed her diaper standing up, for example). She's now 19 months and has way more words and way fewer tantrums. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703395 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 12:55:07 +0000 gingerbebe 2703395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't remember exactly how many but it was enough where my husband refers to the 16-20 month period as the "nonstop fit." We endured his hellacious reflux and colic as a baby so the tantrum phase really didn't seem that intolerable (he was at least sleeping) but it was definitely hard. Especially because our son had nonstop ear infections from 16-22 months until we got tubes (and he had a related hearing impairment and speech delay which made his communication issues worse). </p> <p>Just work on expression in any way. Our son got Magnatiles at this age and started learning to build things and that was expression. We taught him songs with motions like Itsy Bitsy, If You're Happy and You Know it, and Hokey Pokey and dancing became an outlet. Coloring with Crayola color wonder markers or bath crayons was a big hit. Sensory play. It helps get some outlets for sensations.</p> <p>Also a help was an electronic kitchen timer. We would set the timer for things and when it went off it would mean we had to transition. He would have a fit about it at first but after a few weeks he started to accept that the loud beeping was to signal some transition. We would ease the transition by cheering YAYYYYY and clapping and excitedly say "NOW ITS TIME FOR LUNCH!" Even if it's not anything exciting.</p> <p>We also tried to teach tasks at this point. So we would sing the clean up song and clean up all his toys together every night before bed. At first he would only put one or two things in the bins but then he started to understand as we taught and cheered. We would also not give him a new set of toys until the first set was cleaned up. </p> <p>We also asked him to help put his jammies in the laundry basket or or carry his dirty diaper to the diaper genie and say "bye diap diap" or ask him to put a few pieces of clothes in the washer with me. </p> <p>We also started using TV around this point. We basically picked a few shows for him and would turn them on. He really really really loves the Wiggles (on Hulu) because it's real people (he didn't really enjoy cartoons until recently) and they sing songs and dance and the episodes are super predictable and structured. The shows are only 12 minutes long so it was perfect for cleaning up after dinner or getting dinner on the table or just when we needed a break from his screaming. </p> <p>We also did (and still do) looooong baths. They relax him and he would color with bath crayons and play with a giant pot of toys and we would play him music in the bathroom and generally it was a pleasant transition to bed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703371 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 12:15:22 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle and @gingerbebe: Thank you ladies. It is definitely worse when he's tired or has his routine upset. Your littles both sound a bit like mine! </p> <p>Not being able to communicate what he wants to really seems to be the catalyst of what's setting him off. How many tantrums a day would you say is normal for this age? We are at about 10-15, but they are all starting to blend into a few hours-long meltdowns that we sometimes can't get him out of. </p> <p>He's a little slow to pick up on words, but he does sign for "more" and "all done". Maybe I need to be teaching him more signing so he feels like he can communicate better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703358 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 11:52:21 +0000 gingerbebe 2703358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its totally normal for there to be fits and tantrums at that age. My firstborn is similarly high energy and sorta high strung. He's very happy when he's well rested and on a strict schedule with lots of predictability and physical activity, but if he gets too overstimulated or too bored or is tired, he's a hot mess.</p> <p>Anyways, at that age, they go through separation anxiety and there's generally a big uptick in tantrums right before their language explosion around 18 months-2 years. This is also when the 18 month sleep regression occurs. Its all related. There's just a lot brewing in their brains right now, they're learning to think and process things and see how far they can push boundaries, but don't have the words to express what they want or how they feel. It also makes them periodically freak out because they realize they have these thinking abilities and the ability TO push buttons. Its this freedom they didn't know they have, so it scares them and they have separation anxiety. </p> <p>Basically, its a phase and it will pass. I would just keep on your routine, work a lot on words and signs and basically any means by which they can learn to communicate with you. My son didn't really care for signing, but he learned "all done" and "more" and we taught him how to say "thank you," "help," "please," "water," "milk," "more," "hug," "hi," and "bye." We also taught him how to cheer "yay!" and give high fives at this age (the hitting thing happens around now and high fives are a nice positive thing with the same sensation), and "gentle hands." We also did a lotttt of Priddy word books - he was super into them and even though he didn't say the words, I know he was really interested in them. And this is really when his love for music skyrocketed. He'd want to hear the same songs over and over and over again, especially as he learned words, and if he was upset or crying, we could put on some of his favorite tunes and redirect.</p> <p>As to the actual tantrums, my husband's solution was to move him to a safe place on the floor and leave him there. Usually it was an open carpeted part of our living room and then my husband would just walk away cuz he couldn't deal. He would come back a few minutes later and ask him if he was okay. I tried to be more present for it and sit a few feet away. Either way, after every tantrum, we'd soothe him by giving him a big hug, and in a gentle tone tell him we loved him very much, but (insert whatever we wouldn't allow him to do), okay? We have him make eye contact ("Look at Daddy. Look at Daddy.") Then repeat what he's not allowed to do and then make him acknowledge what we just said. Usually its "Okay? Okay." Then hugs and I love you's again, and then offer something fun as a transition point. "Do you want to color with Mommy?" At 30 months we still do this. </p> <p>Does it always work? No. Do we just not have the time/patience? Sure. We endured a LOOOOTTT of screaming and tantrums in the car at this age. But again, this is where the music in the car really helped and we started giving him a straw cup of water and dry snacks in the car - puffs, yogurt melts, raisins, Mum Mums, rice rollers - things that weren't a choke hazard and clean. It would generally keep him occupied and happier and it reduced the screaming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703339 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 11:21:46 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2703339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is also 16 months old. She's been very active since the womb too! She's a climber, she's very outgoing, and she's also going through an intense mama stage. When she gets mad she likes to get as close to me as possible to throw a fit and will try to pull my hair. Those moments are very hard and have definitely resulted in some meltdowns on my end too. You're not alone! </p> <p>I think a lot of the problem is that at this age they know what they want but can't clearly communicate it. My DD only has a handful of words and signs. Or when I tell her no about something the only way she can communicate her feelings is to throw a fit. I dont try to stop her tantrums because I want to build a foundation of trust where she can feel comfortable expressing how she feels to me. This is the age appropriate way for her to do that. I think it's important for me to model how to handle anger, frustration, disappointment, etc to her and as she matures she'll learn how to do it too. I think it seems a little extreme sometimes but I grew up in a household where I was never allowed to say how I felt because it was "disrespectful." As a result I struggled with communicating for a long time. </p> <p>I also take the path of least resistance when possible. Some things are on negotiable like diaper changes (omg those are the worst right now), and toothbrushing. My DD doesn't like to wear bibs so I don't put them on her. I just take off her shirt for meals instead. If we are dining out I don't worry about her getting her clothes dirty since I know I can get any stain out of them. </p> <p>I don't think I have any real advice or if any of that is helpful. I just wanted to acknowledge that it's hard and you're not alone!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/16-month-behavior-advice#post-2703271 Mon, 27 Feb 2017 09:35:44 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2703271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi Mamas, </p> <p>I don't know who else to ask because none of my friends or family seem to have a little one that is as intense as mine. He's always been very high-energy, starting with constant kicking and movement in the womb, then extended colic, sleep issues, etc. </p> <p>He's very curious and intelligent (but I guess we all see that in our little loves) and is now generally a good sleeper. Over the past couple of months he has become much more affectionate (he used to hate being held and would kick his way out immediately) and has started giving hugs and is very happy and bubbly. He's very social and loves people, also. He did start early with tantrums—like around 9/10 months. They didn't last long, but for example he would scream and bang his mouth on the crib rails or hit his head on the floor out of frustration. </p> <p>But fast-forward to 15/16 months and things have become completely unmanageable. He spends many hours of his day in ridiculous tantrums. He screams and thrashes over the littlest things: if he can't walk outside with no shoes on, if he needs his diaper changed, if he wants something else for breakfast, if god-forbid he has to wear a bib, and now more recently, if I leave the room he loses his mind. My husband and I together can barely handle him, and on the days when I am alone with him it's *so* bad. </p> <p>We try to be clear about boundaries, we do time-outs when he is doing something dangerous that he can't do (and this actually helps) but when he is told no he flings himself backward and bangs his head on the ground, and screams and stomps and throws things. If he is put in his crib to cool down he gets so upset that he tries to make himself throw up :( </p> <p>He doesn't seem to be sick, he MIGHT be teething but this behavior has been happening for a while. He seems to be getting enough sleep. </p> <p>What is going on? My husband and I are in over our heads. He gets so much attention and love and I try to get out with him every day (going out usually helps, but we are also struggling with lots of public freakouts that have everyone staring in horror!) My doctor thinks he's just a fighter, my mom thinks he is too intelligent for his own good, my dad thinks he needs a spanking, my MIL thinks he's possessed by spirits (lol). </p> <p>Help!!! </p>