https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 00:27:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908972 Fri, 24 Jan 2020 14:38:40 +0000 crazydoglady 2908972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Is it basically the equivalence of sending them to their room? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908929 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 23:53:53 +0000 LCTBQE 2908929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: we just went to a behavioral specialist (who was AMAZING) and hitting was one of the things we went for. like you, our kid (3y4m) only hits us, never others. ours does it out of spite and for attention, and refuses to stay in time out, and anyway time outs have been utterly ineffective for us. also, acting like it hurt seemed to egg him on because, I suppose, he's a sociopath toddler. What the therapist recommended to us was a "reverse timeout", where I remove him from the situation and isolate him from the rest of us. (Moving him to another area but coming with him did nothing for us.) So if we're in the kitchen and he snatches his baby sister's toy from her and I take it back and say, this is baby's toy, and he hits me, I calmly (this is an effort) take him out of the kitchen and put him in the next room and lock the baby gate so we're in one place and he's in another, and I say, "because you chose to hit, we will be back when you can keep your hands to yourself". Then I ignore while he screams and shakes the baby gate. Then when he calms down I say only once, remember you need to keep your hands to yourself, and then move on completely onto something cheerful.<br /> When the therapist told me about this, I didn't really have high hopes, but since I started doing it the hitting has diminished a lot, and the tantrums on being corrected last seriously less than a minute, whereas when I was trying to do timeouts they'd drag on 20 minutes. I think the key is that he was feeding off of our reactions/attention and cutting him off just ends the whole negative cycle of bullshit then and there. It has been GREAT. Also FWIW concur with @MrsSRS: good idea to bring eye contact up with the ped but as you describe it I wouldn't be worried, of course he avoids eye contact when he knows he's doing something not allowed, right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908873 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 15:18:38 +0000 skiierchck99 2908873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: would also generally recommend reading “No Bad Kids” (for you, not the kiddo) by Janet Lansbury. Some good ideas in there about boundary setting generally (and also hitting specifically) and similar to what @charleysmom said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908872 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 15:02:28 +0000 Tionn3 2908872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: Good to know. I typically gesture to my eyes and say something along those lines, and then he will make eye contact. I only use it in the thank you scenario, and the no hitting scenario, because I feel like these are scenarios where he actively avoids it. His eye contact in other situations ( play time, bath time, meal time, music time), and even between other people is normal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908871 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 14:49:58 +0000 MrsSRS 2908871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: I teach twos, and the amount of eye contact varies wildly between children. I find it often works well to say "find my eyes" and then wait. But good idea to check with your ped! Send the posts to your DH! I remember reading these years ago and loving the common sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908870 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 14:47:22 +0000 Tionn3 2908870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: I like these posts. Lately, I feel like my son has been hitting my DH more, and me less. I am the more firm of the two of us. I don't give in to stall tactics at bedtime, I don't give extra snacks before or after dinner...I just tend to hold my ground a lot better than my DH. </p> <p>I have found it difficult to get eye contact from my son when we tell him " no hitting". I feel like this is part of where the disconnect is. This is an issue I'm concerned about and will mention to the pediatrician. I have for a long time now, felt like his eye contact is just ok. I have to prompt him to give me eye contact when I give him an item that he has requested...otherwise he just says thank you while looking at the requested object. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908869 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 14:44:17 +0000 MaryM 2908869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've just started doing timeouts for our son (also 2 in February) and I didn't think he'd "get it"...but he totally has! </p> <p>We mostly use it for when he's not listening and doing something that could be dangerous (trying to play with cords/outlets. they're covered, but we want him to listen when we say stay away!). But he's also bit DH and I a couple times and we've done it. </p> <p>We pick him up so he knows he's being removed from a situation, and sit him on the love seat. I usually try to sit next to him or across from him. I usually ask google to set a timer so we know we're sticking to a minute (we'll go to two when he's 2). </p> <p>I'm not sure how much he understands, but I try to explain why he's in time out, and if possible have him repeat me (sometimes just a word or two - "no bite" or "listening") so I know he hears me. I ask for him to say sorry (though he doesn't know that word yet, but I hope one day he'll get it) and give him a hug when it's over. </p> <p>Often time out is for me to calm down too if I'm frustrated with him not listening or biting me (I didn't have to pretend that one hurt!) </p> <p>I also realized the biting usually happened on weekend days when he didn't get outside at all, so he was probably stir crazy. So now I'm more mindful of making sure he has the chance to get out and do something (anything!) if we're home all day. But it's harder when it's cold out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908866 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 14:35:07 +0000 MrsSRS 2908866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh there's an old blog post about this that I love. I'm going to dig it up.</p> <p><a href="https://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/2005/05/19/a-matter-of-respect/" rel="nofollow">https://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/2005/05/19/a-matter-of-respect/</a></p> <p>And this one</p> <p><a href="https://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/2005/04/14/on-being-angry/" rel="nofollow">https://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/2005/04/14/on-being-angry/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908861 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 14:10:28 +0000 Tionn3 2908861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: I like that idea about showing concern for the stuffy. I think that is what you're supposed to do when they hit another child. Focus on the victim. </p> <p>We had tried pretending like the hit hurt but he wasn't showing any concern =/ He is just starting to develop empathy and concern for others but I feel like it's very very early. The other day he noticed a cut on my lip ( from dry weather) and said " oh no! mama lip! oh no!", and I feel like that was the first time I had seen him show concern over someone else's pain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908860 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 14:06:00 +0000 jennlin821 2908860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What worked for us was acting like the hit really hurt. My DD would usually do it when I was washing her up after dinner. She would hit, then I would say something like "Ow, that hurt." and close my eyes and rub the spot (not over-acting, just acting as though it hurt like a stubbed toe) She would usually get very concerned about my booboo. Then I would have a calm converstaion:<br /> Yes, that hurt mama - because you hit her. Hitting hurts, it is not nice. Can you please say I'm sorry mama?</p> <p>When DD was hitting her stuffies, I would either pretend I didn't see (I don't want to police her play time) or I would be very concerned about the stuffy - Oh Mr. Bear, did DD hit you? Are you ok? Do you need an icepack? Would you like a hug from DD?" </p> <p>We switched to this tactic, because just telling her no or being forceful wasn't working - she would then do it more for the reaction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908855 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 12:41:48 +0000 charleysmom 2908855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through this when our daughter was two. She only hit us, never other kids. When she attempted to hit us we would grab her hands and say sternly, “I cannot let you hit me. It hurts me and makes me sad.” Then we would walk away. It took some time but the hitting eventually faded. We also read the book, Hands Are Not For Hitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908854 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 12:31:28 +0000 skiierchck99 2908854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn’t go through hitting but we did have an intense biting phase. Even once she knew it hurt she still would. I would recommend the book “hands are not for hitting”. We read the biting one a lot and I think it finally sank in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2-year-old-hitting#post-2908853 Thu, 23 Jan 2020 12:05:18 +0000 Tionn3 2908853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey everyone. It's been a while since I've posted on here. My son is going to turn 2 on Feb 4th and over the last couple of months his toddler aggression has been peaking. I know it is somewhat normal, but I'm concerned. He has started hitting us seemingly out of nowhere. I mostly notice it happening in the afternoon/evening. Yesterday he smacked my husband is the face twice, the day before that he threw a train at his head and then a couple of books. It was about 2 hours before bedtime. We tell him firmly "no, no hitting". I try to give him alternative actions that are acceptable, like high fives, hugs, gentle pats. I feel like he's not getting it. He doesn't seem to understand that hitting hurts. Additionally, after he has hit us , and we tell him not to, he will hit himself and say "ow", or he will hit his stuffies (like he's look for a reaction from the stuffie). </p> <p>The preschool hasn't said anything to us about hitting, and I trust them so I assume it is not a problem there. I actually think he does really well with other children. Even when another child is playing with his toys, He is pretty good with sharing and controlling his actions when prompted. I will say that there is a girl at school that hits a lot, and when I pick him up he will frequently tell me " E hit me", or "E was hitting", and I've even see her hitting. </p> <p>I'm going to mention this to the pediatrician at his 24 month appointment, but what else should I be doing? Will it get better? Should I start doing timeouts? I feel like he doesn't really connect that the timeout is for the hitting. </p> <p>Thanks! </p>