https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 05:02:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1834602 Mon, 25 Aug 2014 11:07:42 +0000 babycanuck 1834602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This site is like other sites. If you don't want to read a topic, don't want to have an adult debate about something or completely disagree, just skip it and move on.</p> <p>Fairy dust and unicorns are not real. That's reality. Sorry :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1829135 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 15:15:04 +0000 MapleMoose 1829135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad to see this post. I feel it's a good first step in a better direction for this community. I have backed away as of late due to the shift in tone around here. Unfortunately I attribute much of the change toward the negative to a few particular users and it's sad that they have affected so many of us here. I'm hopeful that things will improve. </p> <p>@Arden: Thank you for asking about who sees flagged posts. I sent an email weeks ago asking this but never got a reply. There have (unfortunately) been several times when I wanted to flag a post but didn't because I wasn't sure if one particular hostess would view it and discuss it with the flagged person or have the 'group' gang up on me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1829081 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 14:52:58 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1829081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I really agree that's it's natural and mostly impossible to control. I've seen enough waves of this to be mostly over it.</p> <p>I truly think some of the behavior is ridiculous, but I don't think it can truly be moderated either beyond the measures HB has already enacted to limit trolling. The larger a community gets, the more conflict you see because the population diversifies. </p> <p>I think the posting today shows the real community though...it's basically back to normal...which is a crowd-based response I think.</p> <p>Personally I avoid all posts that look like drama because that's not why I come here. I also avoid posts by certain users that bug me...although I've never muted anyone or hidden anything. And I know full well the consequences of posting something controversial, so I don't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1828205 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 11:16:13 +0000 plantains 1828205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: that makes me sad because I always admired their tenacity and the fact that they were armed with information that they felt supported their position! I never particularly agreed, but it was nice to hear differing opinions and the rationale behind it.</p> <p>I think it would be really sad if this community became unwelciming to people with different perspectives. Plus, usually it turns out that we aren't as far apart as we think we are on lots of things! I miss them too, I hope they can be persuaded to come back one day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1828164 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 11:05:37 +0000 Boheme 1828164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: I miss them. I feel like most of us on that side of the spectrum are long gone, and they all feel like they were bullied and/or not respected... When you talk to them (not just the two you mentioned, but others included) they all say the same thing :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1828159 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 11:05:02 +0000 snowjewelz 1828159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this is all a natural cycle for an online community. People come, people go, and the group dynamic is always different. Sometimes we get too comfortable when it is all sunshine and rainbows, so it's always good to have these discussions to keep ourselves in check. I am confident that a lot of us see the good in HB and will stick through it together! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1828141 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 11:01:52 +0000 plantains 1828141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been away a lot from the HB and am slowly catching up with bits and pieces so I must admit that I have missed many of the threads we are talking about. Thank you @wonderstruck: for naming and laying things out so that we can actually follow the discussion. I think talking so cryptically about things is making it worse.</p> <p>I hope we can get back to a place where we can be in the opposite side of things but still give our differing perspectives without people feeling attacked. I always think about my interactions with @runsyellowlites and @junebugmama and how in spite of how far apart we are in terms vaccines and other hot button issues we were still able to talk about it and other things and enjoy each other.</p> <p>Personally when people disagree with me harshly or otherwise, I don't feel attacked and I am perfectly happy to say exactly how I feel at all times. However, I don't want to be seen as mean or bullying so I would hope that people still feel comfortable enough to tell me if you think I have been mean to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1827917 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 10:08:12 +0000 erwoo 1827917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@edelweiss: Not lame at all! :) </p> <p>@mrbee: I haven't been aware of all of this stuff going on, but then again I haven't been as active b/c life has definitely gotten busier with two kids who are 2.5 and 5.5. I can just imagine how things are with you and Mrs. Bee! Thanks for being proactive on addressing those issues you mentioned. I have found myself pulling away from a lot of the topics on the boards b/c it was starting to become less personal. Hopefully with this and my life being a little less busy I can find more time to participate and contribute. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1827705 Thu, 21 Aug 2014 09:06:36 +0000 Anagram 1827705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: I think you might have a point about the pitfalls of self moderation when naturally, a lot of people on this site have become friends in real life and are going to instinctually back up their friends over a random person, which might escalate mundane disagreements. </p> <p>Two people disagreeing is just a disagreement. But two people disagreeing and then 5 friends coming along to support their friend on one side of the disagreement causes trouble. </p> <p>But as you said, it's natural for people to feel protective of their friends. I'm sure most people engage in it without even realizing what they are doing. And moderation is really difficult. In another lifetime I was a moderator on a travel website and a lot of political stuff was talked about since the members were very global, and things would get heated fast and any moderation would be met with a shitstorm of complaints that you either did too much or too little....acted too fast or too slow, had favorites or just weren't reading enough and seeing issues fast enough. Moderating is a thankless job where 60% of everyone is going to disagree with anything you do (or at least it feels that way).</p> <p>So that's a problem, too. And it doesn't have an easy solution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826995 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 22:49:37 +0000 Vegmama 1826995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: It was bullshit! There are MANY posts about hospital birth on here, and I would NEVER say anything about it. I'm a birth photographer ... I've been a part of the birth community for over 6 years, and I've seen so many beautiful hospital births. It just wasn't for us, and I was really sad that I was being called out for the educated choices we made. Thanks for the solidarity! It's very much appreciated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826985 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 22:41:39 +0000 wonderstruck 1826985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been away from my computer since saying my piece on the Duggar thread, and am just now checking in and seeing everything that has gone down since then. Frankly, I feel like this has gone on for too long, and I know that you are really against the idea of moderation, Mr. Bee. I know it can cause more drama. But we are clearly in need of SOMETHING here, because the turn the board has taken has just gotten to be ridiculous. From what I've seen, it can pretty much be broken down into two issues:</p> <p>1. This is the big one, and this is where the problems all started...bees feeling like they were being specifically targeted by other users. I know I've totally felt this way - there was a string of threads awhile back where I felt like no matter what I said, Lipgloss and Looch would be there slamming me and saying really uncalled for things. I pretty much said right in the threads that I felt that way and didn't get it. I also flagged some posts. No one ever bothered to get in touch with me about my flags about feeling attacked, but the issue pretty much went away on its own. I feel kind of weird just naming names like that, but there's been a lot of beating around the bush going on and I'm just going to call it a spade a spade and put it all out there. Despite the fact that this is not an ongoing issue for me, I have seen this happen with other members (on both ends) where someone expresses an opinion in a way that really isn't overly harsh, one of the more popular users attacks her for it, and then the bandwagon of +1s starts. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior was allowed to continue for quite some time with no action being taken, which eventually led to issue #2...</p> <p>2. People getting all butt-hurt about it every time someone +1s a post telling another user that they're out of line. If moderation is not going to be provided on this website, it's not surprising to see some users start to take it upon them self when they think someone is being offensive. So then we end up with two opposite issues - you have the +1s that are actually a legitimate problem and come across as a bunch of mean girls ganging up on someone. For me, this is stuff like Mrs. Lemon Lime being made to feel like crap for her thread/poll about keeping a special needs child. I don't keep up with everything going on with every single user on HB, and people just kept piling on making her feel bad even after she apologized and made it clear that she wasn't aware of the other situation and didn't mean any offense. It got totally out of control. And that is just one example - there have been MANY threads lately where the OP just ends up having it closed because the popular gang piles up on them for being accidentally offensive. And they're rarely kind about it, they always seem to assume that the OP had bad intentions.</p> <p>On the other hand, you have the times where someone legitimately +1s something and is automatically accused of bullying and ganging up on someone, which is what I felt like was happening today in the thread that started all of this. Clearly not everyone would agree with me about that, but it is how I feel. So then we're left with two choices when we see someone say something that we think is nasty or inappropriate, and someone else say so - we can say nothing, making it look like it's just the one person who has an issue, or we can agree and be accused of being a mean girl or bullying. (Although as far as I know that accusation has never been made towards me - there's really no pattern to who I agree with and who I don't, so perhaps that's why. And also because I typically stay out of drama threads, but today has just been ridiculous.) Either way, if some form of moderation was enacted people could voice that they felt a user was being mean or offensive without resorting to +1s that could potentially make others feel attacked - they could simply flag it and share their opinion with the moderator. </p> <p>I realize moderation is not a perfect system, but I think it would be a lot better than the mess created by groups of users, particularly when they're friends, basically attempting to moderate each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826966 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 22:21:22 +0000 Boheme 1826966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: The homebirth comments on your carseat thread were the ones that made me want to throw in the towel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826957 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 22:12:54 +0000 Vegmama 1826957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really do love HB. I gained so much valuable perspective and information while pregnant, and during the early days of very difficult breastfeeding. </p> <p>I will say, being on the more "natural" side of things, I don't find a lot of other people who I've really bonded with here. I love reading threads about things I don't know about (lately, it's been about sleep training ... we didn't think we'd need to do it, but we did, and it was a life saver). I think I try to approach threads in a kind, gentle manner, and I'd love to meet and form bonds with more bees like this. </p> <p>Recently, I posted a thread, and was basically accused of being an asshole. My post about asking a question turned into people questioning my choice of home birth, and co-sleeping. UGH. I felt pretty attacked and embarrassed. In the end, the answers did help me (with my original question), and I am grateful for that piece, but I wish it could have been done more kindly. That same day, at least 5 bees sent me private wall posts telling me they agreed with me, but were "too afraid" to post it to the thread.</p> <p>Not trying to rehash that ... I was happy to let it sink into the boards, but just pointing out that there's an odd way of helping others around here at times. If I don't have kind, constructive (even if it's not what they person wants to hear) feedback, I let a thread alone. I think it's a courtesy to others.</p> <p>With all of that said, I know that some information here, during my pregnancy, really helped me get through certain days. When I was worried about something, the bees were here to calm my fears, and I am truly appreciative. </p> <p>I look forward to the future of HB, and I'm excited to be a more active user again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826787 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:53:30 +0000 Anagram 1826787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: SHE'S EATING AWAKE!?! That's amazing, amazing news. I sure hope you call that doctor back and let him know....cause wow, was he egregiously wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826786 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:53:28 +0000 mediagirl 1826786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: thanks for posting this. I personally agree that the boards haven't been much fun recently and I've pulled away from them. As a hostess, I don't want that to be the case. I hope this brings things back to the Hellobee I've enjoyed since inception! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826771 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:47:48 +0000 Mae 1826771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I think that is a lesson that is sort of important for this whole site (and life?)... you get out of it what you put into it. You're going to get more out of the site if you participate, get to know people, and make connections. And FWIW you were one of the people I was going to give a snap to in the thread that got shut down for excessive positivity ;) It's been 36 hrs since I've had to feed Fiona while she was asleep and if it wasn't for this site/you I don't think we'd be on the path back towards normal eating! &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826744 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:40:16 +0000 Anagram 1826744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: @Danizaur: me too. But I think it's my (our) personality? Like...I'm somewhat persistent. If I don't get a response on one of my threads, I just repost it in a different way. Or if I'm having trouble with sleep, I post on someone ELSE's sleep thread where people are already talking about it, rather than creating my own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826722 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:33:18 +0000 daniellemybelle 1826722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks Mr. bee. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.</p> <p>I agree that you should not shoulder moderation alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826636 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:15:06 +0000 artsyfartsy 1826636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Same. I think I only survived motherhood thus far thanks to HB answering all of my FTM threads </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826614 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:09:11 +0000 Mae 1826614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Re: newborn stuff-- I feel like there is a lot? Or at least lots of ppl willing to help with newborn stuff. My lo is only 3mo and I've posted prob 20 threads since she was born asking for help or info and ppl have been great </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826548 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:56:16 +0000 artsyfartsy 1826548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: Yes. This is an excellent point </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826545 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:55:08 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1826545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: no, you are not who I am referring to. You were polite in your response when I made you uncomfortable. I walled you that night because I simply didn't want that exchange, as mild as it was, to grow into a larger awkward thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826527 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:49:09 +0000 Maysprout 1826527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Two things I've noticed is </p> <p>People are negatively alluding to others comments a lot more. Instead of asking a question of the user or just stating how they do things and why, there's often an indirect but definitely purposeful jab at someones comment. </p> <p>A lot of people seem to be waiting to comment until someone's 'on their side'. This is just a random example but if the question is do pink or blue lollipops taste better, the first few users might say blue, then one popular user will say pink and then everyone who was thinking pink but didn't want to rock the boat will jump in. So it creates these weird waves, which feels like ganging up but I think it's just people being afraid of rocking the boat till they see someone else agreeing with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826516 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:45:15 +0000 mrbee 1826516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: Definitely agree that I dropped the ball. We'll put a plan in place before we travel again... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826512 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:44:20 +0000 Boheme 1826512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: If I was the abrasive one you're referring to, I sincerely apologize. I've started and stopped a wall post to reach out to you like 10 times now, and I promise I will finish it here someday soon. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826509 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:42:05 +0000 Kemma 1826509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: just a thought but if growing and monetizing the site is what you're aiming for (ie Gold membership etc), then you need to have a contingency plan to deal with sort of stuff when you're not able too. You should be able to step away when you need to but members (particularly paying ones) deserve a better response and support, especially when you're gunning to be a successful commercial entity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826500 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:39:35 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1826500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Boogs: actually, I reached out to the hostess/ user directly as I have done with another user that I felt was a bit abrasive toward me. Users have reached out to me when things need to be taken "off line" so to speak. The reason why I am still here is because Mr.Bee reached out to me before fulfilling my request to deactivate my account. So what I am sharing is not news to him at least. I will wall you the thread and welcome your perspective if I am being too sensitive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826498 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:38:50 +0000 mrbee 1826498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: We will be building out a moderation team soon to help out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826485 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:34:11 +0000 looch 1826485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Dude, you need to be able to go on vacation and enjoy your family. This stuff, you should not be firing up a generator to deal with. I really feel strongly that you shouldn't have to do it all alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2014-state-of-the-bee/page/2#post-1826482 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:32:37 +0000 Boogs 1826482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Mr. Bee has mentioned that if you've felt like any members were part of what he is trying to avoid on the site, e-mail him. He's always more than happy to chat! I personally didn't see any of these other threads until the last hour or so and I'm trying to catch up, but I'm sorry if you've felt ganged up on by anyone, hostesses included. Hostesses are expected to be "...friendly and welcoming to other members," and "...patient and open-minded to other perspectives," but we aren't meant to take part in 'moderating' of anything. Just wanted to clear that up, in fact the moderating is supposed to be left to the bee family at this time. </p>