https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 13 May 2026 13:23:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485224 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 15:14:52 +0000 jh524 2485224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well I'm glad I just came across this thread. I'm so frustrated and I feel like I'm more easily angered because I'm pregnant. I've been choosing our battles carefully but things like taking his shoes off or not getting the goldfish snack in the Costco checkout have completely turned him into a wild monster, screaming, crying and kicking. I don't know what to do because I don't want to spank in public. Then I feel like I'm the worlds meanest mommy when I decide to leave and force him into his car seat while he's screaming and I spank his hand. :( I feel like dicipline is very needed at the time of the tantrum but most the time it can't be done. I was starting to think his behavior wasn't normal but the more I look, apparently it is and it makes me even more nervous because I have a new baby coming. Gosh terrible 2's and 3's may be the biggest challenge I've ever had to work though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485212 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 14:58:50 +0000 Kemma 2485212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Something that is starting to work with my 3.5yo is teaching her to take deep breaths while lifting her arms up and down. At the moment it mainly acts as a distraction from the tantrum and can stop it escalating.</p> <p>The other thing that seems to help us in a big picture kind of way is to spend lots of time outside. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485196 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 14:39:15 +0000 illumina 2485196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: Yeah, we do really similar things...like if I'm out I'll only take fruit, or maybe raisins or breadsticks as a snack so she doesn't have so much rubbish! Also she has this one red dress with hearts on (from Valentine's) and she gets pretty upset whenever that's in the wash!</p> <p>@Cherrybee: ugh, I know the feeling, so weird!</p> <p>@QueensBee: I've got No Bad Kids and read it and the part I struggle with most is the acting like her tantrums don't phase me at all...it's so hard!</p> <p>@.twist.: Can I turn this light on?! Haha, we have that a lot and also Can I open the curtains?! Because her stuffed toys also like to take turns opening the curtain! :crying: I don't know what happens at nursery...but I can guarantee that whilst she'll be all smiles whilst we're saying goodbye to her teachers, that the second I pull out of the car park she's screaming at me about something!</p> <p>@deerylou: I laughed at the Peppa Pig comment! DD likes to play cooking a lot and we definitely have some of the same issues! I try to talk to her about how her screaming at me makes me upset and you know what she says now? "Mummy, take your tablets, you'll be happy then?" :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485162 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 13:43:25 +0000 Pirouette 2485162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: this is good advice. I've been doing the first half of what you said without adding the second half, and I am going to try to incorporate the second half! She doesn't really tantrum, but she has emotional outbursts, and she seems to usually be looking for a way out of how she's feeling. I love the "do you want to color with mommy?" idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485150 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 13:21:16 +0000 Cherrybee 2485150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: Hahaha! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485138 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 13:00:38 +0000 deerylou 2485138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: That's pretty much my response when my pizza takes forever. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485131 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 12:54:50 +0000 Cherrybee 2485131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So.... E has just headbutted DH because her pizza wasn't ready yet. :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485119 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 12:22:27 +0000 deerylou 2485119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a strong-willed 2.5 year old. Her big "trigger" is control; even playtime can be an issue because she likes to feed us very particular roles, lines, and storylines. If Peppa Pig asks for a cherry pie instead of a chocolate cake at the bakery, she can erupt.</p> <p>I find the only thing that helps is acknowledging her anger and frustration, while still setting personal boundaries. "I know you wanted Peppa to ask for chocolate cake. You're frustrated. But mommy is trying her best. Can you be more flexible?" Usually, that erupts in more tears. Then it's, "you're upset with mommy. Would you like to play by yourself? If you want to play with mommy, you need to be kind." Recently, she's actually been weighing her options and will choose to cease the tantrum. This is new, but awesome.</p> <p>When it's over denied access or transitions, I do the same. Acknowledge, set boundaries. But I also distract. "No, you cannot have a cookie. I can see that you are sad about that. But we're having dinner soon." More tears. "You know what? Mommy is going to color for a little bit. Would YOU like to color with mommy?" She tends to want to do whatever I'm doing, so this will often extinguish the behavior. </p> <p>When we're in public and we cannot go out for froyo and I just need to get her into the car seat? Ignore, grit teeth, and hope you get out, alive. </p> <p>It's tough. It's really, really tough. Sometimes, it's like living in an asylum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485099 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 11:35:43 +0000 .twist. 2485099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We walk on eggshells a lot too. I think it's totally normal. Can I turn this light on? Should I got down the stairs before him? What if I try to give him his lunch in the blue bowl? </p> <p>It's total insanity. </p> <p>I can't say I have dealing with it figured out. At times it really depends on his mood as to how to deal with it. </p> <p>We have tried time outs and he flips his shit and just tries to crawl all over me all hysterical. We have tried putting him in his room and again he just freaks out and comes out and tries to crawl all over me. I have tried talking him through them and that's not usually successful. We have ignored them and he just tries to crawl all over me. </p> <p>Haha it's kinda weird! The daycare says he's so well behaved as well. He rarely has a bad day. Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485093 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 11:12:23 +0000 QueensBee 2485093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second the Janet Lansbury suggestion. I also find her to be very helpful. I'm currently reading a parenting book and they open a chapter with a Robert Frost quote, "The only way out is through" regarding tantrums. I've been trying to remember that message when we're in the middle of a meltdown. He usually just has to get out his feelings, no matter how I think about them, and eventually comes out on the other side. And it's nice to remember that it's totally normal!</p> <p>One strategy that worked for us, from the book, is offering to write down a message describing what they are mad or upset about. It's supposed to help them feel heard. My son was having the biggest tantrum yesterday because our dog walked down the steps before he did. I tried explaining that our dog didn't know the difference and that this shouldn't be a big deal. That strategy was definitely not working! I offered to write a note to daddy explaining why Peter was mad. He calmed down to sit with me to help dictate the note on a little PostIt. It went something like, "Dear Daddy, I was very mad when Louie walked down the steps before me already." (He added the "already.") We stuck the note on the door and he was very satisfied. Life moved on! I doubt this will work each time but I was pleasantly surprised by it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485090 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 11:03:14 +0000 Foodnerd81 2485090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: we were just talking this morning about how she can switch and be perfectly happy and pleasant in a second. Tears are still running down her face and she is smiling and cooperating, meanwhile I'm still huffing and trying to calm myself down. </p> <p>This mornings huge tantrum was brought on by DH wanting to change her poopy diaper. That's a surefire trigger, but the alternative is me changing every single one, and her waiting with a poopy diaper while I feed the baby (which is what happens during the week anyway). It's infuriating. </p> <p>Her smaller tantrum was over this cardboard box starting to break. She likes standing on it but on its side it isn't strong enough, so I said, be careful, that box is starting to break. Cue meltdown. "It's NOT starting to break!!!!!!" Sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485081 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 10:56:39 +0000 Cherrybee 2485081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sympathise. The worst is when they freak out about something they *did* want! Earlier today, E wanted to go kht in the garden to spray the plants with water. I gave her the spray bottle and she screamed "noooo, not my spray", threw herself on the floor and then started trashing the remains of our indoor picnic (just blanket and toys, fortunately). I ignored her, then she got up, took the spray off me, said "thank you" and happily went outside. The mind boggles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485046 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 09:05:43 +0000 catlady 2485046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our 2.5 year old has the same type of triggers. We have been choosing our battles and basically if it's not dangerous or disgusting, we just give in to her most of the time. There were a few things that were triggering tantrums every single day - she always wanted the same blue cup and the same pink socks and she'd freak if they were dirty, so I just went and bought more. She used to cry for snacks all the time, so DH and I decided to just let her have them whenever she asks, but now we only stock the house with healthy stuff (so she snacks on fruit and veggies all day).</p> <p>For some of the really nonsensical tantrums, we sort of let her get the frustration out for awhile, then we hug it out and try to distract her with something else. </p> <p>She doesn't tantrum nearly as much these days, which is great. I do worry sometimes that she is getting spoiled, but we definitely don't let her run wild (I put my foot down for anything that could be dangerous or for behavior that is rude or gross). I definitely end up just hand washing spoons that are in the dishwasher every so often, but so far it's been worth it for some extra peace. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2485029 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 08:44:12 +0000 illumina 2485029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: gosh, I know what you mean about the psychiatrist, I have thought the same things myself...like is she suffering from extreme anxiety or something?! I wonder when it ends? 3? But then I've heard horrible stories of the "threenager" so I don't hold out much hope! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2484982 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 06:30:35 +0000 Foodnerd81 2484982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: I saw you already commented on my recent similar post, so you know we are going through the same thing. It is so frustrating! And ours is couple with a massive mommy preference/ daddy rejection. I have no suggestions beyond what people have been telling me on the other thread, but I'm trying to listen to the Unruffled podcast from Janet Lansbury when I have time. C recently had tantrums because I ate a banana- I offered her one if she wanted but she just didn't want me to eat one (NOOOOOO MOMMY! You CAN'T eat the banana!) and because I didn't give her the bite of chicken that I had just swallowed (the same exact chicken she had four pieces of on her plate). I had been starting to think she needed a psychiatrist or something until I read all the similar posts. 2 is freaking hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/25yr-old-tantrums-please-help#post-2484974 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 05:40:06 +0000 illumina 2484974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'm losing the will to live! DD is 2.5yrs and the tantrums are getting worse each week. It's so tough because she's not a naughty child at all...never hit, kicked, bitten anyone, listens pretty well etc. BUT the tantrums are through the roof! Her trigger is whenever something happens that she's not happy about or something doesn't go exactly as she planned. I'm sure it's the same for most toddlers, though a lot of the time it's something really petty (to us!) like the spoon she wanted is in the dishwasher, or (as per last night) DH cleaned up a piece of food she dropped whilst she was eating instead of leaving it until she was finished. </p> <p>We've tried ignoring the tantrums, but they just escalate until she is practically coughing and throwing up, trying to talk her through them, same outcome, telling her she needs to calm down by herself and we will be there for her when she's done...so we put her in her room and she will shriek and bang the door, and then calm down...so I guess this is the most successful method we have...except I am literally putting her in her room 10 times a day! </p> <p>Is this normal behaviour? Is it supposed to be this bad for this long? I feel as though I am treading on eggshells all day and I've had to double my dose of celexa and even that doesn't seem to be cutting it anymore :crying:</p> <p>Oh, I almost forgot--she goes to nursery 2.5 days a week and she is an absolute angel there! They say she's quite sensitive but she never tantrums! </p>