https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 04:56:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2588902 Wed, 20 Jul 2016 09:01:22 +0000 MaryM 2588902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In case others find this board useful, I ended up downloading and reading this book last night. I think it could be a good reminder when I need it. </p> <p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Celebrating-Pregnancy-Again-Franchesca-Cox-ebook/dp/B00B4MPBPW?ie=UTF8&#038;ref_=pe_385040_200750360_TE_M1T1DP#navbar" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/Celebrating-Pregnancy-Again-Franchesca-Cox-ebook/dp/B00B4MPBPW?ie=UTF8&#038;ref_=pe_385040_200750360_TE_M1T1DP#navbar</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2588785 Wed, 20 Jul 2016 07:01:38 +0000 LulaBee 2588785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlecasita1122: I had my daughter the day after my son's anniversary- one year and one day. It was very difficult. Good luck with the twins! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2588621 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 18:01:54 +0000 littlecasita1122 2588621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant with twins. I lost my daughter at 23 weeks in January. I'm technically due 4 days after my daughters one year anniversary but with twins my doctor told me to expect them to come early. Pregnancy after loss has been a roller coaster. Some days I'm ok and then other days I'm beyond anxious. The past few nights I think I've gotten 3 hours of sleep each night. I see my therapist and doctor every two weeks but it only gives me a sense of relief for a few days. There is a group on Facebook called Pregnancy After Second Trimester Loss - I recommend joining that one. No drama, everyone is very supportive. There's also one for third trimester losses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2588610 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 17:25:21 +0000 MaryM 2588610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all. </p> <p>I have found a Facebook group for pregnancy after IF and loss that's been great, but only a couple have experienced later term loss. It's a smaller club, so I thought I'd reach out here too. ❤️</p> <p>Things have been easier since I last posted, but of course I'm still terrified before every follow up (and they're only two weeks apart!) </p> <p>At the next one, I think I'm going to ask for a referral to an MFM just for some more piece of mind </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2588440 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 12:47:32 +0000 winniebee 2588440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@noelani: Best wishes with your induction :heart: If you want the name of the Facebook group for TFMR, let me know and I'll wall you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2588140 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 00:08:26 +0000 noelani 2588140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lost a pregnancy last year at 23 weeks (TFMR, severe CPAM), and am currently 38 weeks pregnant, and 9 days away from an elective induction. I got pregnant exactly 6 months after our loss, making this pregnancy about one month ahead of the pregnancy last year, and can relate to the difficulty of hitting pregnancy milestones around the same time of year as loss anniversaries.</p> <p>I am incredibly grateful to have even gotten to this point, but I have had to force myself to give myself "permission" to feel hopeful about this pregnancy. We waited until just a week or so ago to start getting things ready for this baby, and we are still incredibly anxious. I continued seeing the same high-risk OB from our last pregnancy and am so grateful that she offered an induction as an option - I'll be 39w1d, and it can't come soon enough. </p> <p>It's been difficult to talk about with other people - they either don't know what happened and so expect me to be happy and carefree, or they *do* know what happened and either avoid acknowledging that I'm even pregnant or pretend like this is a "normal" pregnancy. </p> <p>I agree with others who have posted here that it has been comforting to seek out stories from people that have had similar experiences. I found the book "Pregnancy After a Loss" by Carol Lanham to be helpful. I don't often post on message boards or facebook, but I've really appreciated the stories that people here have shared.</p> <p>I am so sorry that you have had this experience, but I was so happy to see that you are pregnant again - I was briefly active in the TTC after a Loss board last year and was aware of what you have gone through. I know how hard it is to make sense of the roller coaster emotions of a subsequent pregnancy, but I hope you aren't too hard on yourself. Grief and gratitude can co-exist :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2588136 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 23:19:44 +0000 xInfinity 2588136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not currently pregnant (my 2nd daughter is 9 weeks old) but I've been there. We lost our first baby at 21 weeks and now have 2 girls.</p> <p> I always felt like I had to hide my stress and anxiety from most people because they just expect you to be completely happy again once there's a new pregnancy. I want so badly to relax and bond with my baby right away but always find myself holding back until I get past when my loss happened. I don't know that it would change even if I was on my 10th baby. I announced my pregnancies with both girls fairly early for the same reasons you mentioned. We waited until 13 weeks with our first and still had to tell everybody we lost the baby. And it made me realize I would have told people about it anyway so no point in hiding it until a certain date. Once you experience firsthand that there really is no magic safe point in a pregnancy you really don't care anymore about waiting 12 weeks to announce.</p> <p>Anyway, I'm sorry you had a tough weekend and hopefully your week gets better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2587702 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 10:14:53 +0000 winniebee 2587702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I wrote a long response to you the other day and it got eaten up. The situation surrounding my loss at 18 weeks is different than yours and I'm not pregnant right now. However, I've joined a Facebook group relating to TFMR. From what I can tell from what women post there, subsequent pregnancies following significant losses are riddled with anxiety, fear, and guilt. There is happiness and sadness at the same time. It seems that everything you are experiencing is very normal (and healthy in the grieving process). There are not many on HB who have suffered second trimester losses, stillbirths or who have TMFR in second trimester - Lulabee, Sandy, Delight, Aegie come to mind. I'm by no means saying leave HB, but perhaps a Facebook group specific to stillbirths might have more experiences that you can relate to? I know that for me, hearing and reading other's experiences helps me greatly. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584256 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 14:26:42 +0000 Mrs. Cereal 2584256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My loss was 1st tri, but my best friend lost her son at 17 weeks due to a cord accident. Her rainbow pregnancy was really hard for her. She was am emotional wreck and she had to experience all the "firsts" for her son while she was pregnant again. More than once she said she felt guilty when she felt happy about her rainbow, and even now, with her rainbow here and healthy and happy, she still feels guilt for being happy. It's a long road and you have to grieve in whatever way works for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your rainbow brings you joy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584228 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 13:53:44 +0000 MaryM 2584228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How long after your loss did you get pregnant?</p> <p>I think that's part of the hard part for me. I feel her "1st birthday" looming, and this pregnancy less than a month behind where I was this time last year (this baby is due Feb. 11, she was due Jan. 14). </p> <p>I often find myself asking her to look over her little brother or sister. That's probably the only way I ever get sleep. </p> <p>Thank you for sharing. I think for most people we'll share via social media. DH isn't as eager to share this time, so I think that's also making things weird. In the past he was always ready to tell people ASAP...but after two losses... </p> <p>But we're getting NIPT this time, so we'll know gender in just a couple weeks. I'm hoping then he'll be ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584211 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 13:44:53 +0000 LulaBee 2584211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Also- congratulations. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584201 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 13:37:02 +0000 LulaBee 2584201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a pregnancy after a 23 week loss. It was very hard, emotionally and physically. I was in therapy for the duration of my pregnancy due to anxiety (started therapy after I lost my son). I found it really helped me be present and mindful- to feel every feeling I had without judgment about it. It also helped me connect my son who I lost to the new baby- like he was watching over her...</p> <p>Honestly, now that my (double as I had a miscarriage prior to my stillbirth) rainbow baby is here, I still struggle. </p> <p>I would say share your pregnancy, and know that loving this new baby does not mean you don't love and miss your other baby. Hugs to you, it's just hard. </p> <p>Oh, I also found it incredibly hard when people got super excited I was pregnant. Like they expected it to take the pain away or something. But I really did feel better when I went public- and I did over social media, just so I wouldn't have to deal with reactions in person (except for close family and friends).</p> <p> :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584200 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 13:36:08 +0000 catlady 2584200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Big hugs and congrats. :heart: </p> <p>My losses have all been first tri so I haven't been through anything near what you have, but please don't feel guilty for mourning, or for feeling joyful at your new pregnancy. I can't imagine anyone not feeling conflicting emotions at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584177 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 13:14:12 +0000 Ajsmommy 2584177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584175 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 13:10:04 +0000 snowjewelz 2584175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: :heart: Congratulations on the new baby mama. Lots of hugs to you, even though I have no advice to give. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584157 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 12:45:21 +0000 BSB 2584157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but sending you lots and lots of :heart: and hugs. Thinking of you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584154 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 12:41:33 +0000 Alivoo01 2584154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to give you lots of big, tight, heartfelt hugs. &lt;3 Wishing you a smooth and healthy 9 months! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/2nd3rd-tri-loss-mamas-in-subsequent-pregnancies#post-2584147 Mon, 11 Jul 2016 12:33:14 +0000 MaryM 2584147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I looked back and the last pregnancy after loss board fizzled several months ago, so I didn't want to revive that one. </p> <p>And I'm finding that pregnancy after a 2nd tri loss is VERY different than pregnancy after an early MC. </p> <p>Anyone else want to commiserate (or offer advice if you've survived this!)?</p> <p>I had a *really* tough weekend. There was a Mass for our daughter yesterday, so I was already in a funk about missing her and grieving her. </p> <p>Then I told my brother's kids I'm pregnant. As soon as I told her, my 9 year old niece looked me in the eye and with a straight face said, "Do you promise?" (cue tears)</p> <p>I feel guilty when get too sad about Gigi because I know I need to cherish this time with the new baby. But I feel guilty if I get too happy about the new baby, because I still miss and grieve for Gigi. </p> <p>I'm hesitant to tell some people, because I know they'll expect me to be all excited and over the moon...but they can't possibly understand how incredibly scary and anxiety-inducing pregnancy is for me now. </p> <p>But I also want to tell everyone ASAP because I want them to know this baby exists no matter the outcome. I feel bad that most people only knew about Gigi for a couple weeks before she died. </p> <p>Anyone else in this situation need to commiserate? </p>