https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 17:41:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2439493 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 08:12:41 +0000 MamaCate 2439493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a 3.5 year gap and I was initially wishing they were a little closer in age. But bow that the baby is 6 months, I cannot tell you the number of times i have thought how thankful I am that the big sister is as old as she is. This is for a lot of the other reasons mentioned, but also because I do a fair share of solo parenting. I can trust her to play quietly in her room while I feed the baby and put him down for the night, or dress herself while I do something else, and I think we would have more challenges if she were younger.</p> <p>In general I think most people find the positives in whatever gap they end up with because it is what you know and will become your "normal". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2439380 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 01:13:28 +0000 erinpye 2439380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stargal: I am so glad you said that too-- I've noticed the same, where a lot of people say it was easier than expected, but for me, it was one of the hardest times of my life. Hugs :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2439369 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 00:25:20 +0000 PawPrints 2439369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I asked my MIL this question, because DH and his sister are 4 years apart. MIL said it was awesome and totally perfect. They have a really great relationship and are quite close. It seems like a long time to wait, especially given that it would mean an AMA pregnancy for me, but I'm strongly considering it. Definitely at least 3 years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2439366 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 00:15:33 +0000 stargal 2439366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: ahh thank you for saying this &lt;3 i have felt like everyone i talk to tells me that the two year age difference has been so much easier then expected and i feel like i must be doing something wrong because it is super hard for me! My boys are now 3.5 and 17 months and it JUST started getting easier. the 2 year age gap has personally been harder then i imagined. </p> <p>With my 3 year old, i could def see how a larger age gap would be easier. He is able to be reasoned with and very independent. Plus my 17 month old is still such a baby in my eyes. I mean yes, i know he is a toddler but he just seems still so little. &lt;3 I like the age gap and i wouldn't change it but i feel like an larger age gap can be very appealing also! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2439354 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 23:10:47 +0000 autumnlove 2439354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO 1 and 2 are 16 months apart and that was like having two babies! Everything was manageable but we wanted a bigger gap for our next kid. LO 1 is 3.5 years older and LO 2 is 2 years and 3 months older than the baby. They love doting on her and there have been no big jealousy issues.., maybe that comes later when she can get into their stuff?! :-p </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2439297 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 20:51:13 +0000 catomd00 2439297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have heard a4 year gap is easier than 2-3 years. My sisters and I are 4 years apart. Growing up we could play together but there were also times when we just weren't on the same "level" so to speak. We are close as can be as adults though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2439296 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 20:49:20 +0000 lovehoneybee 2439296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine are 3.5 years apart, and so far I love it (granted DD is only 6 weeks old...) DS is basically potty-trained (not at night, yet), he was old enough to be able to talk about the new baby coming and understand and get excited, he's independent, and is old enough to help me with DD and around the house (he helps with diaper changes, dinner, loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, etc). And I don't know if it's the age or his personality but he's shown very little jealousy and has been very patient when she needs my attention.</p> <p>3.5 has it's own challenges...threenagers are real! But that's pretty unrelated to the new baby...it would be easier to deal with if I wasn't in a perpetual newborn-induced sleep fog 😋 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438971 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 14:15:33 +0000 Mrs. Pickles 2438971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have an almost 4 year age gap in between DS1 and DS2, and honestly it's perfect for our family. DS1 can play by himself, use the restroom etc. etc. and he understood what was happening. He did have a lot of change, baby was born in June, he started school in August so I think that was part of our challenges we faced. As DS2 starts playing more, I think DS1 is really enjoying it.<br /> Only con for me was that we had gotten used to sleeping through the night and more "me" time, but we'll get back to it :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438969 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 14:14:42 +0000 lamariniere 2438969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a 3 year gap. I think everyone has covered all the positives, but I just want to reiterate how nice it was to have a mostly-autonomous, communicative child who could be reasoned with and understand things when also dealing with a newborn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438968 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 14:14:03 +0000 erinpye 2438968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine are under 2 years apart and it was so SO hard for me. I basically had 2 babies, in diapers, and the bigger one was so insanely jealous for months- like hurling herself screaming at me and the baby while I nursed the newborn. I cried a lot.</p> <p>I look at how helpful and independent my 3.5 year old is now, and I also look at my almost 2 year old, and remember that when her sister was her age, I also had a newborn, and it makes me sad for my oldest that she had to give up being the baby so soon. I LOVE their gap now, and they're very close and love each other so much, but I think 3-4 years would also be a really great gap- a bit more manageable and still close. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438925 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 13:41:43 +0000 Raindrop 2438925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a little under a 3 year gap. At first I thought I wanted it to be more! Since yes three-anger is tough. Very tough to manage a three-anger and an infant. I thought what the heck did I get myself into!!</p> <p>Now that they are 1 and 4, it's actually has calm down a lot! They are playing together and it's great. Now I think it's a great gap! :)</p> <p>Just power through the first year, and you will be fine. Haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438888 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 13:14:56 +0000 ktdid23 2438888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we have a 4.5 year age gap (older daughter, younger son) and we love it. Each child has their own thing going on (in terms of activities, etc) but my daughter is very much into playing with my son and my son just lights up when he sees his big sis. We didn't have a second child with the intention that the second child would be "a playmate for our first", so our expectations were different than someone who perhaps wanted their children close together. The 4.5 year age gap was intentional and we do spend a lot of time cultivating the relationship that our children have together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438820 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 12:38:37 +0000 littlejoy 2438820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seeing my two neighbors have their babies with their own 3 &amp; 4 year gaps has given me a lot of perspective ... the 3 year gap mama seemed to have a harder time with the 3 year old when the baby was born (because he was still very much figuring himself out &amp; needing a lot of mom time). The mama with the 4 year gap seemed to have an easier time, as the 4 year old could entertain herself a lot. </p> <p>Not that they're both 6+ months in, it's easy breezy for both of them. It might even be easier for the 3 year gap, because the 3 year old is still interested in some "baby" activities, and not demanding his own routine &amp; time. </p> <p>I saw your text this morning ... IF we have another, it'll be a 4-5 year gap. There are perks to a 5 year gap (not having to pay for 2 babes in daycare), so who knows. We're very much in the "maybe we're done, and we'll enjoy A forever??" zone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438815 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 12:35:29 +0000 sarac 2438815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a 4 year gap, and the benefits have been huge. My older daughter adjusted almost seamlessly, and she really loves and enjoys her little sister. She's old enough to be genuinely helpful in terms of fetching things and such. She's old enough that I don't worry about leaving them alone together for a moment, and I don't generally have to worry about her hurting or playing too rough with the baby, because I know that she understands about safety, to a certain extent. She'll also be in pre-K next year, so my life as a stay at home mother is going to be even easier then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438738 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 11:46:29 +0000 mrsjyw 2438738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS1 and DS2 are 2y8m apart and it's been a really smooth transition for the most part for us.</p> <p>DS1 is indepedent. He potty trained/night trained, moved to a twin bed, and started part time school this last year. He plays by himself, follows instruction (most of the time), etc. All of those things have been essential to making the transition to two as smooth as possible for us.</p> <p>It's very easy to reason with DS1 (most of the time) and I don't think we could do that if he was any younger. He dropped his nap six months ago so no dream double naps over here, but he loves playing by himself so we're not missing the "break" time.</p> <p>He's been super sweet to the baby. Any issues w jealousy or attention have been directed towards us and never at the baby which has been the biggest blessing. As DS2 gets older, they're getting more and more interactive with each other. And DS1 loves being able to "teach" his lil bro how to play with toys, feed him, etc.</p> <p>If we have #3, it'll likely be a smaller gap but mostly because I want to be done with being pregnant/L&amp;D rather than child spacing. The gap we have now has been a breeze! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438657 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:55:59 +0000 snowjewelz 2438657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm aiming for a 2.5-3 yr gap too so this is really great! I feel like in my "circle" people tend to have them so close together and sometimes I feel peer pressure that I should too (I know, totally nonsensical). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438644 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:51:55 +0000 Greentea 2438644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are expecting a 3 year gap. I wanted feel REALLY ready before we had another, and I didn't feel this way until LO turned 2. Different strokes for different folks, but I probably wouldn't choose 2 under 2.</p> <p>DD is 2.5 and the age is just adorable. She communicates well and is fairly independent. She understands all about the baby coming, she is self sufficient and can follow directions. Maybe she'll even be potty trained... I feel good giving her 3 years as an only. I think she has loved it and now looks forward to the baby.</p> <p>Another reason I hoped for 3yg is that kindergarten starts here at 4, so I wanted #2 to be a year before DD brings home illnesses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438642 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:51:35 +0000 youboots 2438642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for chiming in! I feel good about a 3 year. I had GD and Pre E. So I had 2x weekly appointments and had a traumatic l&amp;d at the hospital in town (they only have 8 beds and no NICU). I will be seen at a hospital a little more than a 1 hr round trip drive- odds are I may have one of those two problems again. I feel like I will be ready to think about TTC in a year or so.</p> <p>My sister and I are 4.5 years apart, and for me I think that is a little too much of a gap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438627 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:42:56 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2438627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Exactly agree on our 3 year gap with our two. </p> <p>My siblings and I are closer to 4 years apart and it was harder to "play" together and have similar interests. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438606 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:33:33 +0000 mamabolt 2438606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following. We will have close to a 4 year age gap. I'm glad DD is potty trained and we will only have one year of double daycare payments. She really gets the idea of a new baby and is excited about it. It's been hard dealing with her threenager stage while pregnant though! And she's given up naps which is hard, no hope of a double nap break in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438574 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:19:54 +0000 BandDmommy 2438574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are going to have 3.75 year age gap between DS1 and DS2. We had 2.5 year age gap between DS1 and DD. Honestly, I don't think the gap matters that much. I would just be emotionally ready to add another child and what that means to you personally. Two kids are MUCH more work than one and when you have a newborn there are pros and cons versus an older child with established routine. I guess my point is be ready for chaos whenever you decide to add another child. Chaos is good and bad. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438571 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:18:58 +0000 hilsy85 2438571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: OMG yes. The biggest negative has been that LO1 dropped his nap a few months before LO2. If I could get a double nap once a day it would be amazeballs!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438564 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:15:47 +0000 ChelseaRose 2438564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I agree with ALL of this. We are one month shy of three years (October 2012, September 2015) and this is spot on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438559 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 10:11:04 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2438559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a two year gap between DD1 and DD2 and three years between DD1 and DD3.<br /> The differences in one year are remarkable. DD1 is so so devoted to the baby... Bordering on abusive. Hugs only last for three second in our house now. She's really helpful. Brings diapers and stuff when I need them. I can trust her by herself for a while.<br /> What's harder is her threenager outbursts. She is used to very busy active days and it's tough dragging everyone else to her activities. Staying in only works for a few days before she's got cabin fever. When she was two she didn't miss the outings as much and was happy just hanging with me and the baby at home. She's also dropping her nap. It was nice to get the double nap when she was two. Now a double (triple) nap is a unicorn.<br /> I don't think there's any perfect gap. Pros and cons to all age gaps. I think having a baby when you are ready to add to your family is the best plan. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438540 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 09:55:01 +0000 hilsy85 2438540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have an exact 3 year age gap. </p> <p>Things I like:<br /> -LO1 was potty trained, paci weaned, and in a big boy bed before the baby came. We had a few behavior regressions, but nothing related to any of those things, which had been in place long enough before the baby came.<br /> -LO1 is pretty independent (when he wants to be). He can use the potty by himself, get himself things off the table/counter, go find toys or books, pick out clothes, go fetch items, put on his shoes and jacket...all of this is very helpful (when he wants to do these things of course).<br /> - this won't matter if your kids are in daycare, but LO1 was able to be in preschool part time. This has been huge--it gives him a fun place to go, and gives me some time with just the baby.<br /> - At 3, LO1 is still young enough to want to play "baby games"--he loves entertaining her during tummy time and likes her toys too (although this is also a negative!)<br /> - This is prob the biggest one--I feel like i really got to enjoy LO1 as a baby/only child for a long time. I personally would have been sad about missing out on any of his babyhood because I Was expecting another child. At 3, he seems like more of a big boy, and I don't feel so emotional about him no longer being my "baby", if that makes sense. </p> <p>Things that are hard:<br /> - 3 is a hard age! Threenager-ness is real, and having a newborn in the house has not helped.<br /> - I think a lot of the willingness to be helpful would improve even more with an older kid. </p> <p>Mostly, I'm really really happy with a 3 year age gap, and could even doing 4 years. I personally would not want anything closer together! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438528 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 09:49:26 +0000 tinyperson 2438528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We'll have a 3.5 year gap when baby is born in May. It'll be mean only one in daycare at a time (we have JK here, so LO1 will start school in September), and I think she'll be helpful and more independent. The timing works for us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438521 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 09:44:53 +0000 avivoca 2438521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will have a 3-year gap. I originally wanted a shorter gap but we weren't ready to have another baby when H turned one. It's going to be nice to have less time paying double daycare and they will be three years apart in school. I also like that H is older and will be able to help a bit more and be more independent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438497 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 09:36:37 +0000 cascademom 2438497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the 3 year age gap a lot. LO #1 turned 3 when LO #2 was born. He understood what was going on with pregnancy and the baby being born. He's a good big brother to LO #2. For us, it works well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-or-4-year-age-gap-benefits#post-2438484 Wed, 27 Jan 2016 09:25:01 +0000 youboots 2438484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Originally I thought we were going to shoot for a 2 or less year age gap. After a not fun pregnancy/induction I could not bring myself to think about it that soon. I really liked having a spring baby. Well I'm on depo and need to be off for a year before TTC so I need to think about a tentative decision before my next shot is due. DH is on board for whatever I want. We will have a 2nd but a 3rd is not out of the question.</p> <p>What do you like about a 3 year age gap? Anyone with a 4 year gap that wants to chime in? </p>