https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 10:17:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2504467 Wed, 23 Mar 2016 13:43:28 +0000 hellobeeboston 2504467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>UPDATE: so we just had our recap meeting on the evaluation, it went well.... Overall, he's really pretty typical, no red flags or anything too concerning, so that's good - but has a few areas he needs to work on: attention &amp; focus, aggression and initiative.... Basically, he's not great about imaginative play or deciding what to do. So at school a lot of his aggressive behavior happens during "Free time" - since he isn't directed and doesn't know what to do, he sometimes acts out.... This explains his not playing alone at home, so we really need to work on that, and it should make things better at school. It's funny, he's basically not good at "playing".... he doesn't know what to do, so it's not that he's being bad, but if another kid is building something, he will knock it over because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do, he's not trying to be mean, but it obviously upsets others.</p> <p> There's A LOT more, we just spoke with the evaluation people for an hour and a half, they do think he has some slight sensory things happening, but not a full SPD, but I think we'll visit with an OT to get some support for him to learn how to cope with some of his sensory stuff... they said that they think ALL small children could benefit from some OT for sensory.</p> <p>They gave us some good advice, ideas for behavior charts, and his school is also going to make some changes (not jsut for my LO, but for the whole class since the teachers were struggling with a very spirited classroom of 3 year olds)... he's gotten A LOT better than when I first wrote this post. Baby brother is almost 6 months old so he's gotten used to him. He's still not great at listening, but it comes in waves. I think he's sometimes just bored so he's BAD just to stir the pot. </p> <p>Lots of good tips to put into action and see if they work, wish us luck!</p> <p>@knittylady: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2470547 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 20:52:43 +0000 hellobeeboston 2470547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@knittylady: hello there :) Are you going through something similar? we had the "intake" for the evaluation on Friday. She thought he seemed pretty typical for his age, but she's going to evaluate him at school on 3 different occasions and consolidate all of her observations and let us know. </p> <p>Besides all of that, he is actually starting to do a lot better. I think he is managing his emotions a bit better, and we've been TALKING so much (instead of reacting) that it seems to be good. Like, when he's mad, he will still kick the air or stomp, but he will go off for a minute, then come back and say "I'm happy now"... Often, not always. And we sayits ok to be mad/sad, Use words, talk about it, take a second to regroup, and we (try to) move on. </p> <p>At school we hear he's not hitting as much, so that's good. But he's still not doing a great job listening. </p> <p> I took advice from people here and in a FB group and have been listening to Janet Lansbury who I like SOME of, but it's good to help re-set me when I feel like I'm expecting too much, and I'm really trying to put myself in his shoes more as this new baby really rocked his world.... But, he's getting used to the baby, we are falling into more of a routine now that I'm back to work, DH isn't traveling anymore which helps, his teacher is back to school, so all good things. </p> <p>Anyway, really looking forward to hearing about the evaluation and what they have to say. I will update when we hear, still a few weeks away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2470323 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 16:03:33 +0000 knittylady 2470323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: meant to tag you above :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2470322 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 16:03:13 +0000 knittylady 2470322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Any update? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430299 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 05:16:29 +0000 hellobeeboston 2430299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: thanks for sharing. Some of that sounds very similar. Definitely no sense of personal space is something to be addressed, but I sort of feel like that's mostly at home, not sure. He is super into touching faces right now - mostly the baby which I tell him 10x a day to not touch his face since the baby was born and he's been doing it to me a lot. But maybe that's just affection? I don't know. It jumped out that you said that. I'll be curious to hear how it goes for you... I will update too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430297 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 04:37:39 +0000 Kimberlybee 2430297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know this will sound bizzare but it worked for our nephew who had major anger management issues. At around 4 years old, his parents enrolled him in karate classes and it helped him control his temper. He was taught breathing exercises and meditation from the instructor too. He took classes every Sat for a couple of years and now at 12 years old, he's a happy new calm kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430288 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 01:48:31 +0000 Kemma 2430288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: I had read somewhere that sometimes the aim of speaking quietly and calmly is not so much to get them to follow your instructions but more to provide the child with reassurance that you are calm and not ramping up the energy (kind of like being their rock in the storm) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430266 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 23:40:04 +0000 loveisstrange 2430266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just got C on an IEP at her preschool (which is part of our public school district), and one of the issues we are addressing is her impulsivity and lack of physical boundaries. It's not her main issue or her biggest one, but it's one that we discussed and is mentioned in her evaluation. She pushes, grabs, gets easily frustrated with her peers, and has no sense of personal space. She's always touching other people, or putting her hands in your face. She flings her arms and legs around and may hit or kick you without meaning to. It's not something I would say is necessarily aggressive or mean or even really angry most of the time, but it's definitely impulsive behavior. We also had issues with her biting kids at the beginning of the year. She has issues with transitions and it's a trigger for her frustration also, like you mentioned.</p> <p>In our state, they don't do any kind of diagnosis on kids who are not yet in kindergarten. Her "official" statement on her IEP is "young child with a developmental delay in social/emotional behavior with a weakness in sensory motor processing". </p> <p>For me... her issues are mainly ones I would consider normal for her age. Her teachers also said so. But she was recommended for eval because she needs ways to try and calm herself when she gets frustrated and to cope with her emotions. I figure that anything that can help, right? She now gets services from a special education teacher as well as an occupation therapist. It's recent, so I can't speak to how much I think it's helping, but I'm optimistic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430147 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 20:59:34 +0000 hellobeeboston 2430147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: At home we are right on top of it. I need to ask the teachers what they are doing. I know there are timeouts.... I also know his class is quite rambunctious and they are having similar issues with a few children in their small group so I feel like the bad behaviors are just feedings into each other. They teacher thAt is there now is sweet but not sure she has a good handle on the group, will be happy when the other teacher is back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430143 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 20:55:23 +0000 Mrsbells 2430143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What i find helps is to immediately address is when it happens and have an "instant" consequence such as separating him from the others or having him sit in a time out chair and then when he is calm have the dialogue of why he was pulled out of the group </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430141 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 20:53:39 +0000 hellobeeboston 2430141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: oh no!!! Yeah, I think a lot of it is (hopefully) normal 3yo behavior but I want to nip it in the bud. I would be so furious if he bit his baby bro!!!! :( already most of the yelling is to leave the baby alone. </p> <p>@regberadaisy: thx! Yeah we really praise good behavior, but he still acts out. Maybe we give too much attn to neg things and he's responding to that. We are trying for more words. He was later in his speaking and doing so so much better but still working on stringing longer thoughts/sentences together. </p> <p>@Kemma: A deep breath or a foot stomp is a good idea. No, keeping calm and talking is not working. He zones out about 2 words in and doesn't listen. I may as well be saying blah blah blah. I've been reading about that and trying to keep responses super simple and strsightforward. The advice is why use 8 words when 2 will do.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430055 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 19:27:06 +0000 NovBaby1112 2430055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, but curious how the evaluation goes...let me know! M can also be super aggressive with us - biting, kicking, hiting, screaming, when she gets mad or doesn't get her way, but I just always assumed it was normal crazy 3 year old behavior! She legit bit her brother tonight, omg I was so mad! :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430034 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 19:18:20 +0000 regberadaisy 2430034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have been going through something similar at daycare with DD1. She had started pushing friends when she got frustrated. Not listening etc. I do think these are normal 3 yo behavior. We have been working a lot with her on using her words. What is Ok behavior and what isn't. We model it at home and encourage the correct behavior. I.e. When her sister takes a toy away she does not push her. We immediately say "great job sharing". Or if she comes to us and tells us we say "great job telling us instead of using your hands". Or if her sister is rough with her and she doesn't like it we remind her that's how her friends feel when she isn't nice and uses her hands.<br /> We have been taking with her teachers lot and letting them we are OK with them being right on top of her with that kind of behavior. She does not act like that at home and it is definitely not acceptable behavior to us. We have some off days stills but there have been a lot of really good days. Yesterday, a friend wouldn't move out of her way after she repeatedly asked. Instead of pushing she went and got a teacher. Her teacher immediately praised her for using her words and getting an adult for help. And her teacher made sure to tell us when we picked up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430032 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 19:16:16 +0000 Kemma 2430032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you talk to him about his big feelings so he has some words for them? Teach him some coping strategies like taking deep breaths or stomping his feet? Does it make a difference if you can stay calm and speak quietly with him?</p> <p>We had similar trouble with Miss A and it was tough figuring out a way to acknowledge her feelings without condoning the behaviour! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-aggressive-behavior#post-2430004 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 18:40:49 +0000 hellobeeboston 2430004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Looking for some advice/stories, etc..... My 3yo son has become more aggressive lately, maybe past 4 months (note: we have a 3.5 month old and I do think some of this behavior is related to the new baby) and it's really bothering us obviously. At school he will push other kids when he's mad, (and smaller kids for no reason) and he will swat or kick his leg out towards adults when mad. He does this to us at home too. He has a hard time with transitions as well, but that seems pretty normal. </p> <p>We are going to do an evaluation because we really don't know how best to handle this. He gets super mad and if hes not being physical he is starting to yell, saying No in a nasty tone or saying Stop It. Unfortunately I feel like I'm mostly yelling at him when we are home, especially when it's just me with both kids. </p> <p>He also is not listening at all. At all. Cue: yelling.</p> <p>Any advice? Anyone else do some early intervention, etc to tackle this behavior. </p> <p>Oh at daycare too one of his normal teachers has been out due to a knee surgery, this def hasn't helped as he likes his routine, and there's been one constant teacher but a bunch of others. Not justifying his NOT OK behavior, just trying to figure it out. </p>