https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 12:05:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549938 Mon, 16 May 2016 18:52:34 +0000 Charm54 2549938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we do time outs (mostly only if she deliberately hurts her sister or the dog) I bring her to the spot and tell her she can come out when she is ready to apologize. Then I leave. Sometimes it's 5 seconds, sometimes it's 5 minutes when she decides she's done, but miraculously she always apologizes and then gets on with her day. And then I don't have to worry about making sure she stays in one spot for x amount of time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549935 Mon, 16 May 2016 18:40:53 +0000 avivoca 2549935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: When we do time-outs, I do have to physically put her back in the chair. I also restart the timer. It's a very slow process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549933 Mon, 16 May 2016 18:20:55 +0000 Foodnerd81 2549933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I was actually surprised but c usually stays in her room for time out (we don't have a step or space and it seems to work having it be her room, where we don't really have any toys). If she comes out of her room before it's over the timer starts again. I thought it would be more of a battle. If she is really worked up and I'm calm sometimes I will stay with her, if what she really needs is to calm down. If she is just being a brat and testing limits or something I won't sit with her. Or, realistically, if *I* am too worked up and mad I use it as a time out for me to calm down too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549913 Mon, 16 May 2016 17:38:36 +0000 ShootingStar 2549913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: If we have to, we sit behind him and don't let him leave. Physically, but gently. It takes practice, she's not going to get it the first try. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549867 Mon, 16 May 2016 16:05:33 +0000 Cherrybee 2549867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: How do you keep your LO on the time out spot? DH tried this with E yesterday for the first time and she kept running away - then it became more about staying on the step and not about the original behaviour. E thought it was a brilliant game. It was ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549835 Mon, 16 May 2016 15:02:46 +0000 808love 2549835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I concur. Timeouts can be very effective with some children/parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549616 Mon, 16 May 2016 10:55:26 +0000 ShootingStar 2549616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I know this route is unpopular around here, but we do time outs, and we have a lot of success with them. If DS was pulling up flowers I'd tell him no and give him a warning. If he continued to do it, I'd tell him, "ok, time for a time out" and I'd put him in his timeout spot. After a minute or so I ask if him if he wants a hug, when he's ready he comes over and I hug him and explain that it's not nice to pull up flowers and that he needs to listen to mommy when I tell him to stop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549591 Mon, 16 May 2016 10:26:51 +0000 808love 2549591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: LOL! Maybe she laughs because you are so funny! :)<br /> Anyway, I had another idea. Can you/do you play the reward game with her? Keep M-Ms or stickers or something fun and let her see cause and effect with positive behaviors. You might get less laughing and more cooperation. It can be a temporary thing and not a lifelong philosophy. Just to keep the trials running in your favor... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549416 Mon, 16 May 2016 06:00:18 +0000 avivoca 2549416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: This sounds incredibly hard and exactly what I am headed for with my strong-willed girl. Things that work occasionally for us are counting and then taking the thing away, removing from the situation, and then just letting her have her tantrum. I ignore it and tell her that I can see that she's upset and I'll be here when she is ready to calm down. </p> <p>As for the pull-ups, duct tape that sucker on. Peeing in the house is unacceptable in my book. I have a little girl who can pee/poop on the potty but chooses not to and we are doing OCPT next weekend. But if she was peeing all over the place deliberately, I wouldn't hesitate to of them back on and tell her that big girls don't pee all over the house, so she has to wear a diaper until she can act like a big girl. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549406 Mon, 16 May 2016 03:54:38 +0000 mrbee 2549406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Ugh that sounds so hard. My son for a long time didn't know how to express his anger, and it was really hard. The only thing that seemed to work was increasing his exercise, but that didn't help in the moment when he was upset about something.</p> <p>I recent found an article really changed how we helped him manage his anger, and I think it's helped a lot!</p> <p><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/03/no-spanking-no-time-out-no-problems/475440/" rel="nofollow">http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/03/no-spanking-no-time-out-no-problems/475440/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549402 Mon, 16 May 2016 02:48:20 +0000 Cherrybee 2549402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: I suspect Lansbury's didn't, either!! :silly: Janet Lansbury was/is my method of choice. I bought the book, devoured the website but I don't think its working because she continues to misbehave constantly; she's not learning that deliberate misbehaviour comes with consequences. Removing her from the situation only means she will misbehave somewhere else, immediately, while cackling with laughter. </p> <p>@Foodnerd81: Dont worry, I didn't think you were! I was just lamenting that perhaps I've raised a monster because I've been too "calm and unruffled" as Lansbury would say. </p> <p>@808love: Yes, I think you're right. Least fun psychology experiment ever. </p> <p>@MoonMoon: I'm sorry you're dealing with this too - but glad its common for the age. </p> <p>@jaguar: Its enough to drive you over the edge, isn't it? </p> <p>@mrbee: I've been practicing ignoring bad behaviour for months but all it does is spurs her on to ever increasing levels of asshattery. If she gets ignored, she pisses somewhere - on the sofa, in her wardrobe, in the playhouse. I cant ignore that or my house will smell like a cattery. I put her back in pull ups at the weekends (shes dry all week at grandparents/nursery but wets 5-10 times a day at home, does tiny wees on the toilet then wets 5 mins later, says she needs the toilet then refuses to go when we get there) but she rips them off to make her piss protests. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549398 Mon, 16 May 2016 01:01:46 +0000 hummusgirl 2549398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, LO does this and after way too much yelling and frustration, we've mostly surrendered to the Janet Lansbury way - staying calm, not giving him the power to make us upset, removing objects/him from situations as needed, and being present/allowing him to get upset and "feel his feelings." It requires so much patience! We are not perfect but have continued on this positive path after realizing it's just easier and actually less exhausting than the yelling. </p> <p>So in your case, she's digging up flowers. I'd say calmly, "Oh no, please don't dig up the flowers ... Oh, I see you're continuing to do that. Well, I won't let you dig up the flowers. Let's go inside. Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you? (physically pick her up if needed and take her in)." The key is to be super calm and in control - like @808love said, she's experimenting to see what will happen if she does these things, so she needs to know that you won't let her get away with everything but also that you can handle it because you're the boss. Then if she has a meltdown, you can just hold her while she cries, let her know you know how she feels ("I know, you really wanted to play in the garden"). If she's kicking/hitting during the tantrum, I think you would hold her hands/feet so she can't do that, and if that doesn't work, maybe you leave the room - I'm not totally sure since my LO doesn't usually do that. </p> <p>Good luck - this age is aging me about 10 years and I have a relatively easygoing kid! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549287 Sun, 15 May 2016 18:52:12 +0000 Foodnerd81 2549287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: oh I didn't mean to imply you are too soft! I lose my temper and yell and c responds by digging in more and yelling back- I am not advocating my method! But I don't have the patience to only use positive parenting methods so calm time outs work better for us (as in me calmly saying "you are not allowed to xyz and if you do t again you have to go in time out", then when she does it I calmly put her in her room and say I will come back in two minutes and she can use the time to calm down. That's the ideal version. Real life version still has yelling. 😟</p> <p>@808love: agree wth your theory on attention seeking and figuring out which buttons she can push and how far (at least for my 2.75 year old). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549269 Sun, 15 May 2016 18:04:53 +0000 808love 2549269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here is a theory. She wants attention. She wants to learn something. She wants to see what consequences are and if it really bothers her when she experiences them. She is experimenting and making connections about ideas of discipline, misbehavior, cause and effect, the world and how it works. You are the Guinea pigs in her psychology experiment. She is just running her trials and it is all going in her little computer brain. Teach her something fun and messy in science, like mixing colors with water. Then tell her you will get invited to do science time (or something super fun and stimulating) when they are behaving. Otherwise correct quickly and firmly and move on- as much as possible. Counting 1-2-3 before giving a consequence really works too. They get trained to react and think when they hear the countdown. Helps you calm down and be patient too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549267 Sun, 15 May 2016 18:02:58 +0000 MoonMoon 2549267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I was going to start a thread just like this :sad:<br /> LO is 3 in June and has always been so mellow, I have to admit I didn't really understand why people talked of the terrible twos... But omg I understand the "threenager" warnings now! This next year will be the end of me! (Ok slight exaggeration, but still :silly: ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549261 Sun, 15 May 2016 17:39:01 +0000 jaguar 2549261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gosh, this sounds so much like G lately. Sometimes I just need to get out of eyeshot, because I am really struggling with the boundary pushing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549260 Sun, 15 May 2016 17:34:35 +0000 mrbee 2549260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes I think my kids like the power that comes from misbehaving! So if I have a strong reaction, that will empower them to keep acting up.</p> <p>When that happens, I start leaving the room when there's bad behavior... sometimes removing the attention/reaction is more effective than having a strong reaction!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549246 Sun, 15 May 2016 16:28:54 +0000 Cherrybee 2549246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I rarely shout (its not in my nature) and we haven't ever done time outs - we've coped up until now with distraction and incentives/natural consequences. I wonder if I've caused this by being too soft? I did shout twice last week (once for spitting when she has,been told not to over and over, and once for deliberately pissing in her wardrobe) and both times she was devastated (hysterical crying) and hasn't repeated either behaviour since. Do I have to shout for her to take me seriously? :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549239 Sun, 15 May 2016 16:13:19 +0000 travelgirl1 2549239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have had a lot of this over the last year - not all the time, mainly when overexcited and tired, usually at bedtime. She seemed to be really testing her boundaries and seeing what our reaction would be. She used to giggle right in DH's face when he was telling her off and he was soooo not used to that. I struggle when she does it because it is always in public and it is so hard! We had to really be strong with discipline to make her realize that we were serious. We warned her we would start taking toys out of her room and we did, one by one, making sure to take stuff she was bothered about (apart from her bear as he is her comfort). She wouldn't get them back until the morning. Walking out of the room for a few minutes helped too.<br /> Good luck, it's not easy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549238 Sun, 15 May 2016 16:13:08 +0000 Foodnerd81 2549238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have days like this too- though as usual, I think E takes it a little farther than C usually does. We do time for outs for this which helps sometimes. We also yell and scream a lot more than we should. </p> <p>The logical part of me knows that it's for attention. But the real part of me is like wtf just stop being a maniac, I'm dropping you off at the fire station. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-almost-misbehaving-and-being-defiant-because-she-thinks-its-hilarious#post-2549235 Sun, 15 May 2016 16:06:10 +0000 Cherrybee 2549235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does/did your LO do this? How do we handle it? </p> <p>E has been very challenging today, pushing boundaries and testing limits constantly...... but the really stressful part was that she seemed to be finding the whole thing very, very funny. She would do something she isn't allowed to do (trash plants in the garden for example, or drink her bathwater), I would ask her not to do it, she would do it again, I would warn of consequences (having to come in from the garden, loss of her beloved Peppa Pig foam soap), she would do it again while staring me straight in the eye and laughing, consequences would happen and then we would have a meltdown on our hands (crying, hitting, biting). Then, five minutes after she has calmed down and apologised, she is misbehaving again, deliberately (with that glint on her eye). Near the end of the day, DH lost his shit with her and she was loving every minute - he ended up throwing one of her toys in the bin and even that didn't seem to stop her finding the whole thing rather hilarious; he told her she could earn it back if she was good until the end of the day and, 5 mins later, she was digging up a flowerbed using her shoe as a trowel. </p> <p>Any ideas? I'm going to put her on Ebay! :silly: </p>