https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Jul 2026 08:50:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2005459 Thu, 01 Jan 2015 16:29:53 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2005459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: DH does it a lot too, so I have to remind him! Now she loves to help cleanup though - she jumps at any chance to be our "super helper" - she wants to do it allll. The 3.5-4's have been really good to us... I'm calling it her "golden phase"! So much so that I want time to stand still right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2005458 Thu, 01 Jan 2015 16:23:24 +0000 autumnlove 2005458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great tips on this thread! @Mrs. High Heels: I need to stop asking open ended questions about cleanup! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2005452 Thu, 01 Jan 2015 16:12:29 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2005452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What helped us a lot was prepping for transitions. We always set a timer and give her a minute or two to finish up her current activity and move onto the next. The physical beep of a timer is a tangible way of letting her know her time is up.</p> <p>Also, I try never to ask open-ended questions like, "Can you pick up your toys?" because that gives them the freedom to say no. I try to either give closed statements, "Please pick up your toys" or a choice between two things so that she is forced to do one or the other, "You can either pick up your toys or go to sleep" (I always make one of the choices something I know she wouldn't want to do! Or between two choices I wouldn't mind her doing). </p> <p>Anyway, those are just two of the tools that helped us around the 2.5-3's when she got more opinionated and defiant. We still use them!</p> <p>Eta: 1, 2, 3 magic also worked like a charm for us! Have never had to count to 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2005445 Thu, 01 Jan 2015 15:57:19 +0000 mrsjazz 2005445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: @rachiecakes: Hallelujah! My child is not the only one that has turned into a little demon. Sorry, guys. But this kid has been acting out for the past couple of weeks, she'll be 3 in April. She's started hitting and yelling at us when she doesn't get her way. </p> <p>We're putting up her reward/chores/behavior chart and hoping that helps. It's the hitting that I really don't know how to fix. We remove her from the situation and then talk about good and bad touch but then five minutes later she'll hit me again. And she punches! Those little fists hurt.</p> <p>Time outs have stopped working. Prosecco helps (me) :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2005432 Thu, 01 Jan 2015 15:48:44 +0000 loveisstrange 2005432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: Yikes! Hope it blows over for both of us soon!</p> <p>@sandy: Im trying to be as consistent as possible. We've had to take away some toys, her crayons and her play-doh from time to time from, and we've done a couple time outs. Generally, the threat of one straightens her out. lol. Thanks for the tips though! She's 2years 8 months, so this is just the beginning, i think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2004660 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 18:30:48 +0000 sandy 2004660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>so my LO turned 3 in November. She has always been a super easy baby and toddler. She had never thrown a tantrum in her first 2.5 years of life. Like your LO she was just super verbal and really understood what we were saying when we asked her to not do x and to do y instead. She was just always a joy to be around...</p> <p>THEN just before her 3rd birthday a flip switched and my easy child was gone. I remember exactly that she was 2 years and 10 months when the crying meltdowns started and the deliberate defiance and oppositional behavior. I hated that I was constantly correcting her and giving her time outs and I felt like it was a constant battle all day every day. This was right after I was suddenly hospitalized for 5 days when they first found the problems with Ava. So I was hugely pregnant and dealing with the ARPKD diagnosis, relying on grandparents to care for LO and she was being a bear to deal with. It was not pretty for several weeks. So I think it was a combination of all the sudden changes and just a developmental change as well. </p> <p>So my pediatrician said it was all very normal and to ride it out. She said to try and have fun with her - like LO was so oppositional - I would say "please sit down" and she would say "sit UP" and so on - she just had to say the complete opposite. So she said to be silly and make a game about doing everything opposite during the day and help her get it out of her system. And she said keep up with the discipline and talking through what is acceptable and what is not but keep a level head and stay calm. Just bc it is a phase doesn't mean letting her behave however she wants. </p> <p> I have friends that stayed consistent with the discipline and their kids grew out of it within a few months. Others admit they slacked bc they didn't have the energy (new baby, work, etc) and their kids are now 4 and they are still kind of having a tough time with listening and being purposefully defiant. </p> <p>I know for us it was so tough to stay consistent with the consequences and discipline bc her emotions were so strong so she would sob when she got a consequence. </p> <p>For us she loves bedtime stories - she gets 3 books. We start out the day with 3 smiley faces on the white board - one smiley face for each book. If she doesn't listen to our warnings (to stop x behavior or to help clean up) then she gets a smiley face erased and a story taken away - only 2 books, etc. She would sob and cry at bedtime bc she realized we were not giving in. We comfort her and talk with her "remember when mama asked you to help clean up and you didn't help? So we only had 2 stories today. Next time when mama asks you to please help clean up will you listen?" And she gets it and you have to enforce it. My friend started this with her 4 year old and she says it is working great since November. But for her daughter it's her crayons that get taken away - so you might have to find what motivates your kid. </p> <p>LO is now almost 3 years 2 months and we mostly have our delightful easy child back. There are still some issues that we deal with and she's no where near perfect but she's not so defiant and the nonstop oppositonal behavior is gone. </p> <p>Sorry it's so long and rambling but we just went through this phase so I just have so many thoughts about it</p> <p>Good luck and I hope it's a short lived phase. I know for me weeks felt like forever but once you're out of it, it doesn't feel like it was that long </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2004650 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 18:19:09 +0000 rachiecakes 2004650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish I had some advice but I could've written this myself!</p> <p>J just turned 3 and has been so defiant. He throws his toys and will ask me to take them away! Uggghhhh<br /> Everything is "no way!". Not every day but we have had some tough ones recently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3-year-old-tantrumsdestructive-behavior#post-2004632 Wed, 31 Dec 2014 18:01:22 +0000 loveisstrange 2004632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD will be 3 in a couple months. We've really been pretty lucky during the 2s in regards to her behavior and the "terrible twos" (18-24 months was MUCH worse). Shes generally fairly laid back, although VERY independent and strong-willed (ie. stubborn as hell), and not super prone to tantruming. She is pretty logical and understands when we explain to her an action and it's consequence (like "If you hit the cat again, I will give you a time out. Do you want one? No? Then dont hit the cat.") and stops the behavior. I feel like it gives her a choice, I guess? I dunno. Works for us most of the time. Or when she is mad because we have to stop playing or leave a toy behind, she is pretty receptive to just explaining that the toy will be here and we can play with it later.</p> <p>Well... yeah, the last week or two has been a mess. Tantrums all day, every day. She has stopped listening to the point of being deliberately defiant. I will ask her to do something and she will stare me in the face and keep doing it until I punish her. She has started sneaking around and doing things she was told not to do. She has become very destructive with her toys and other things around our house. She rips things up, kicks them, throws them, steps on them, and draws all over them. </p> <p>Im not sure whats up. I dont know if it's just all the excitement from the holidays (the destructive thing has been going on for a while, the tantrum thing is recent) and getting less sleep. If she's mad at me because Im no longer a SAHM and I had a lot of school commitments and was not home a lot over the past couple months. Or if this is just the start of the torrential threes. </p> <p>What advice can you moms of older ones offer here? Books I should maybe check out? Is this just another phase we have to ride out? I feel a little lost here. </p>