https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 05:07:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2765860 Tue, 08 Aug 2017 09:07:56 +0000 raintreebee 2765860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone, </p> <p>Thank you so, so much for your helpful replies. I would have replied sooner but last week was awful awful awful sleepwise, and I truly thought I was going to lose it. Luckily, we have had some success on the sleep front. He is now okay going to sleep along again if I come back and check again. And last night he slept through the night for the first time in I don't know how long! But boy is he ever clingy. </p> <p>@Chuckles: Thank you so much. We did meet with one therapist who suggested the interactive therapy. The closest center that can accommodate this kind of therapy is 50 minutes away, but maybe we should bite the bullet.</p> <p>@Kemma: @ShootingStar: He's definitely craving more time with us. I think that's exactly right. I am starting a new temporary job in three weeks, and it's essentially a three month long interview. If they like me, then I will get my dream job. I'll have to "bring it." So I am just terrified how he is going to react to my absence. I think my husband is just going to have to step up. I've also tried to increase the positive interactions since I read both of your replies, and I do think it is helping some! </p> <p>@Modern Daisy: Thank you so much for your reply, and I am so sorry you are going through behavioral problems too. And thank you thank you thank you for the benadryl suggestion. I talked to the pedi and used it one night. I honestly think it helped break up the bad pattern we were in.</p> <p>@Mama Bird: @looch: Thank you both. I have talked to his counselors and teachers several times who assure me they never have problems with him aside from crying at dropoff. My husband talked to them again last week and they said he was "always" good. So I do think he's saving his misbehavior for us when he feels safe. I know school and camp cause him a lot of anxiety. It's hard to know whether to dial back on those or whether we should just help him push through the anxiety. </p> <p>@hilsy85: Hi! I'm sorry you are going through something similar. He's never been particularly easy. He was always a good listener but very very sensitive. The behavioral problems really started when his little brother was born and have gotten worse in recent mothers. We are living upstate for the summer, he started a new camp, and so that might be exacerbating things. Whenever I am holding the little one, he says he wants me to pick him up. The other day he told me he wants two mommies--one for him and one for his brother!!! So I think jealousy is a great deal of this. He was very bonded to my husband last year, but that has changed and it's all about me now. I get so frustrated because I never get much uninterrupted time with the little one. I wish he'd play in his room by himself, but he just won't. Maybe when he's a bit older. I've also starting reading spirited child and it is amazing how spot on it is! I'll pm you re: school and therapists. </p> <p>@hummusgirl: Love these suggestions!! I'll channel my inner Mary Poppins! </p> <p>@Mamaof2: Oh wow. It does seem like we have the same child!! Thank you so much for the book suggestions. I will definitely take a look at them. I'm so glad you were able to get some help and things have eased up a bit. This gives me hope!!! I do take comfort in the fact that he does well at school, etc. </p> <p>Full disclaimer. I was also an extremely anxious, clingy child. I didn't have the tantrums or misbehavior, according to my mother, but some of this looks a lot like me. So I guess I shouldn't be too surprised!!</p> <p>Thank you everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2764771 Thu, 03 Aug 2017 09:27:22 +0000 Mamaof2 2764771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: My heart goes out to you! I have a DS just like this - hard since birth - worse when my DD was born - I also felt like he was an extreme case (aka not normal) and the tipping point was when he kicked the PED at his well visit at age 3 - we worked with a Behavioral Analyst for a year - she works with parents, not kids and we learned some good tools - some worked, some didn't.</p> <p>He was extremely clingy - cried at drop off almost every day from age 1 till age 6 - no joke!</p> <p>I too was embarrassed by his behavior</p> <p>Birthday parties were a disaster - he wouldn't participate - just clung to me and cried</p> <p>IT WAS EXHAUSTING!!</p> <p>At age 5 when he was getting ready to start K I knew we had to do something! I found a LCSW and cried my eyes to her and explained DS's issues - she felt he was dealing with anxiety.</p> <p>Side note: He was always well behaved at school - saved the bad behaviors for home - the LSCW said this was a HUGE plus - the fact that he could keep himself together during the day and that if he was having issues at school/DCP as well then its a whole other ballgame! She said he broke down with us because he felt safe with us</p> <p>He also woke at night and came in our room at 2am - I tried putting him back in his room and out he would come - just to save my sanity I let him sleep with us.</p> <p>We worked with the LCSW for 3 years and it was hard work for DS and me and DH - BUT we came around the corner and its been amazing!</p> <p>Books I liked:</p> <p>-Raising Resilient Children<br /> -The Challenging Child: Understanding, Raising, And<br /> Enjoying The Five ""Difficult"" Types Of Children<br /> - Setting Limits with your strong willed child</p> <p>Feel free to PM me - </p> <p> :heart: HUGS!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2764758 Thu, 03 Aug 2017 09:04:38 +0000 hummusgirl 2764758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're going through this. My 4.5 year old son is not this severe but getting him to do things has been difficult. What we've found is that yelling/cajoling/time outs/consequences/rewards don't work for him, and we basically have to make everything a FUN GAME for him to do anything. For example: Race to the bathroom. Fake a British accent, say I'm Mary Poppins and he needs to put on his shirt by the time I count to three and snap my fingers. Play Simon Says. I've gotten ideas from the book "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen." </p> <p>It's not a panacea but it's helped our house be more peaceful. We are still dealing with some issues and looking into play therapy too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2764216 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 05:59:23 +0000 looch 2764216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you observed him in his day program? Not that i am saying you're being untruthful, but when my son exhibits behavior issues at home, he also exhibits them at school.<br /> I wonder if there is something going on during the day that he deals with for an extended period of time and then just loses it at home because he can't control it any longer.</p> <p>Hugs, it's not easy, but there are solutions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2764214 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 05:53:53 +0000 hilsy85 2764214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is this all new behavior? You say he's always been difficult, but you've noticed it more lately? If so I would guess it is at least partially related to his younger sibling. My older one is very similar in a lot of ways, and even though you would think he'd be used to his sister since she's 21 months old, I feel like every few months we go through a readjustment. Also, 3.5-4.5 was just really really difficult for us (we had a lot of changes at that time though). I've just started reading Raising your Spirited Child, and it makes SO much sense to me and helps me understand my older LO. I would perhaps try to find what is triggering your older son. For mine, I know when he is hungry or tired, he is on a hair trigger, so anything at all, no matter how small, can set him off. Also, not sure what your room situation is, but while we don't do time outs, we do make his room a safe space he can go towhen he wants to be alone, needs a break from his sister, or wants to sulk and be angry. </p> <p>This sounds like such a tough situation...is he starting pre-k or a 3s program in the fall? I know some of the preschools in your area, and I feel like well trained teachers could be a really good resources. I also have a friend who did play therapy in your area (had him privately evaluated) and I"m happy to find out where she went. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2764191 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 23:18:21 +0000 Mama Bird 2764191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. If I could give you a hug and a break from this awfulness, I would. Most of this sounds very familiar. I have a very close relative with Asperger's and something else thrown in, and the earliest symptoms were kind of like this, the big difference being that this child was not capable of behaving anywhere including school/camp. Now this was back in the day when autism and Asperger's were not well known, so it was years before the parents were able to get a diagnosis, and a few more years before they were able to find a treatment that helped. </p> <p>I hear things are different today. If the treatment this therapist prescribed isn't working, I hope you can either ask for something more, or go to another specialist. Don't give up, unfortunately it takes time, but when you've hit bottom the only way to go is up. </p> <p>And I hope you can get some kind of respite care. This sounds like a medical problem, not bad parenting or wrong approach. Also, if it's possible, don't forget your younger child... siblings of difficult children also suffer in many ways and also need attention, even though they learn early on to not even bother asking for it. </p> <p>That said, three year olds with sibling jealousy are really hard to deal with in general, so hopefully he will grow out of this somewhat even without help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2764070 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 18:31:41 +0000 ShootingStar 2764070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my suggestions basically boil down to stop fighting your kid as much. If he doesn't want to eat, don't make him eat. Either let him be hungry or leave some kid friendly snacks where he can serve himself and a way to get himself a drink. My own 3.5 year old regularly gets water from the fridge dispenser on his own.</p> <p>I'd also start more positive techniques and less punitive, because it seems like they don't work in him. Your son is old enough to understand a reward system. A sticker chart, a food treat, toys, or whatever it is to encourage him when he makes good choices. </p> <p>I'd probably tackle the night screaming first. Sit him down and have a conversation. Have you asked him why he screams? Is he scared? Is it dark? Talk to him about what's going on. Maybe he needs a night light. Maybe he needs a snack. Or a hug. I'd start with small improvements like getting to stop screaming. So maybe you can get him to come to your room quietly instead of screaming. Talk to him about rewards ahead of time. </p> <p>He may also need more help with transitions. Or more time to say good bye. Timers can help, as can routines. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2764038 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 16:59:15 +0000 Modern Daisy 2764038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My almost 4 yo son also does everything you describe but on top of that he is sobad in school that he's been kicked out of one and goes to a special ed preschool because he's so violent towards other kids and no teacher seems to know how to handle him. Start seeing what services are available in your county as he might actually qualify for being behind behaviorally. There are also private behavioral health centers you can go to for therapy and possibly even meds. As far as the waking up, talk to your doctor about whether Benadryl is safe. Ours okay'd it in certain scenarios and it's been life changing.</p> <p>And most importantly do NOT be too hard on yourself. You are a good mom. His condition will likely never go away but it will change with your influence. And don't forget to be loving towards him. It's a surprisingly tough thing to remember when behavior is this bad. Demand hugs and kisses and ignore as much bad behavior as you possibly can. </p> <p>We are still mainly isolated from friends so I have little advice here but I will say that it's showed us who our true friends are. Which is good and bad, but I guess it's also his way of making sure we don't overload his schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2763944 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 14:48:09 +0000 Kemma 2763944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, I want to say that what you're describing sounds really tough and stressful, kudos to you for asking for help!</p> <p>Do you think it's possible that he's craving some more time with his Mum and Dad and more connection with you both? Some of it sounds like attention seeking behaviour and I just wonder if he too feels the effects of the "intense" jobs you both work. Could you maybe both try reducing your hours for a period of time and eliminating any unnecessary activities so he has a bit more time to just be with you?</p> <p>My other suggestion would be to try and increase the number of positive interactions between you and your son each day, I know it's tough but experience has also taught me how easy it is to get caught in the negative cycle and then nobody feels good! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2763932 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 14:22:18 +0000 Chuckles 2763932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you are going through this. I world look for a different child psychologist who specializes in parent training and behavioral issues. There is a specific thing called parent child interaction therapy that might be a good fit for you. You could look for a therapist trained in this.<br /> ETA: It's not just for kids with severe behavior. It can also just help you feel more in control of managing his behavior and help your relationship get back on track </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-behavioral-problems#post-2763926 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 14:10:26 +0000 raintreebee 2763926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't posted in more than a year, but we are desperate for help. We have a 3.5 year old son and an 18 month old son. The older one has always been difficult, but for the last year his behavior has just been getting worse and worse. It is gotten to the point where I am severely depressed and my husband is stressed beyond belief. We both have intense jobs, which adds to the burden. </p> <p>Specifically, he screams and tantrums all day long for not getting his way. He also is deeply upset by his younger brother, pushing him for no reason, taking his toys, etc. He is intensely jealous of him as well. If I pick the younger one up, the older one just starts screaming in rage. I'd say about 90% of our energies, however, are devoted to the older one.</p> <p>He also never listens or follows directions. Literally everything is a huge fight. I can't get him to camp without having to manhandle him, which I don't want to do. He won't eat anything without a lot of coaxing.</p> <p>He also is incredibly clingy to me. He will not leave my side and screams and screams whenever I leave the room to make a sandwich or go upstairs to work. I work out of the house a lot (he has a nanny), and so this has become a big problem. His behavior is so bad that I am embarrassed to have friends or family over (he is worse when my attention is divided) and so we've completely isolated ourselves. </p> <p>His sleeping used to be the one thing that we could count on. Unfortunately, he wakes up every night in the middle of the night, starts screaming in the hallway, waking everyone up. We are beyond exhausted. </p> <p>We have been to see a therapist. They thought he had anxiety with ancillary behavioral issues. He has always been sensitive. We tried implementing some of their discipling techniques (time outs for not listening or hitting) but they haven't worked at all. They also suggested doing 20 minutes of positive one on one time a day, but that didn't help at all either. I've talked to his teachers and camp counselors. They say he is well-behaved at camp and school. </p> <p>Please help. I thought some of this was the fact that he wasn't napping. A month ago, we reintroduced the nap, but it has not helped. Naptime has become a huge battle, his nighttime sleeping has worsened, and his behavior has also deteriorated. I dread every night, knowing I won't sleep due to his night wakings. I dread every day because his tantrums and fits are just nonstop. I'm feeling like a terrible mother, and I can't help but think that I've ruined my life. I also wonder if my expectations are just too high, and this is just how parenting is. </p> <p>I've tried positive parenting techniques. I've tried being stricter. Nothing seems to work. Feeling hopeless. </p>