https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 26 Jun 2026 17:16:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2772058 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 06:52:25 +0000 Maysprout 2772058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Try not to take it personally or be heartbroken, kids go through ups and downs and are really learning to control their emotions.</p> <p>I try a bunch of diff stuff. Sometimes even breaking the anger by making a joke, fart noise, making a face (though sometimes they're past that). My oldest really needed a calm down spot. I wouldn't attempt to talk about behavior till she was calm as she was too upset to listen to anything. Sometimes we'd just sit in her room and say 'i love you, you need to calm down' and make sure she didn't hurt herself or anything while the storm passed. We'd talk with her afterwards and she was particularly reflective at night before bed. We'd talk about our own emotions and how they're normal, and talk about ways to deal that are more appropriate. </p> <p>I n the meantime i tried to catch their hand if I saw them gearing up to hit and say no. Also I took that as a cue to leave the activity or if we were home stop the activity. They get frustrated and tantrum but learn pretty quickly that hitting will not help their cause. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2772044 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 23:49:07 +0000 Mama Bird 2772044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What sets him off? Is he doing it to get his way? Or because he can't control his anger? </p> <p>DD hits a lot. I think it's just at home, because day care has not been complaining. Usually it's when she's ticked off that someone said no to her. I try to just stay firm and remind her over and over that no means no and eventually she gets tired of being angry. I'm impressed that if someone hurts her feelings she doesn't cry, and comes out swinging instead... but beating up her parents and big brother is still not acceptable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2772036 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 22:41:15 +0000 oskarsmommy 2772036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: I worry because sometimes he goes into lock down mode.. once something has set him off he will be as bad as he can be, almost to see what we will do - like in a self destructive vein. and he gets so mad he will come swinging at anything and everything.. the other day he was trying as hard as he could to break a mirror.. I also worry that he internalizing his behavior - one night after a break down, he was sobbing so hard and saying he use to be good and now he's not anymore and he hates it - like sobbing so hard he could barely breathe, saying that.. if this is typical I can weather the storm.. but I am so confused at the moment - I've been reading books about spirited kids, and explosive kids, and just not sure if he is typical or needs some more help from us.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2772035 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 22:33:26 +0000 oskarsmommy 2772035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsrain: Oh we have done that - we tried all the tricks.. he will stomp his foot and when I acknowledge his anger he will run over and hit me.. it is more in the escalated moment - thats where I am at a loss.. I guess I am also looking to see if we are in an area that is typical or not.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2772030 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 21:21:16 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2772030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 16 month old is a hitter and hair pulled. He does it at school and mostly with me. I like your suggestions. @Rocker2014: @mrsrain: I noticed one of his teachers sends him and other kids to a pillow nook area when they are upset. We should probably have something similar set up at home. For now he hits when happy and just tantrums when upset. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2772029 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 21:19:51 +0000 MamaCate 2772029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oskarsmommy: I think these ways of aggressively expressing his upset/anger/frustration can be age appropriate. How are you and DH reacting? You sound pretty worried based on saying you may need to seek help for him. Do you think he is picking up on how concerned you are and playing off that?</p> <p>I am in early childhood mental health and we try to talk with families about how behavior has meaning. If you can figure out what he is trying to tell you, validating the intent but not the approach can help defuse some of this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2772025 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 20:56:13 +0000 mrsrain 2772025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This made me think of an "aha" parenting moment I had. My daughter was throwing her food on the floor, and I would get soooo frustrated. A friend reminded me that it is not enough to tell a toddler what NOT to do-- you have to tell them their alternative. So we put a little bowl on her tray and told her, "if you don't want it you can put it in the bowl." That made all the difference and she stopped throwing it on the floor.</p> <p>Long-story short, maybe it would help to give clear alternatives. Something like, "when you are upset you can stomp your feet." or punch a pillow, or whatever the more desirable behavior is. You could also remove yourself from the equation (very effective with some children), such as "I don't like when you hit. If you hit me I will leave the room." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2771982 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:33:36 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2771982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not dealing with this with my 3.5yo (yet) but his anger/aggression is really ramping up - so following for what I'm sure is coming soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2771967 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 16:11:59 +0000 Meso 2771967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO went through this when she was about 2.5 years old... we would stop her and say no, you can't hit us, we tried time out, and i think what finally worked was that I fake cried. LO is pretty empathetic, and when she calmed down, she told me, i hit mommy and made you cry. i told her, it hurts when you hit people and it's not nice. she hit a couple more times, and i faked cried, and after about a week, she stopped. she still hits the air when she's upset though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2771966 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 16:09:24 +0000 Rocker2014 2771966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is almost 3 and started the same behavior around 2.5. (Interestingly she only does this with me and occasionally DH, never at school or with others). We're taking a two pronged approach that's working pretty well. First, hitting is immediately redirected verbally and if there's a second hit/kick then we go to a "time in" where she is held by DH or I until she calms down. Then we discuss what happened, apologize and go through a routine of using our hands gently. </p> <p>Along with that, we spend time practicing, modeling and talking about safe ways to express yourself when angry/upset/frustrated, specifically during times that she's not upset. We've watched all the Daniel Tiger shows we can about managing feelings safely and model the behavior at home too. For example, if I'm a little annoyed about something I make sure she notices and then stomp my foot on the ground and tell her what I'm feeling and what I'm going to do about it. "Mommy's upset that she dropped her snack! (stomps foot twice). I'm sad that I can't eat the rest! I'm going to look in the pantry to see if I can get another snack." We do this a lot, lol! And we go through the same process when she's just a little annoyed or not much at all, and then praise her up and down when she stomps her foot or identifies a feeling or gets an ice pack (something she loves that helps her relax) or does something else to manage her feelings well. The more she practices it on little things, the better she's getting at using those strategies to manage during the big incidents. </p> <p>(FYI, I'm a therapist, and the theory behind this is that the best way to change/modify a behavior is to master an alternate behavior first that can then be substituted.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2771944 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 14:58:02 +0000 Adira 2771944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you tried time-outs? My kids both went through a hitting phase, though it was younger (between 2 and 3 I think). Hitting is an immediate time-out for us. Now at 4.5, my son rarely hits or gets physically aggressive. We're still working on my 2.5 year old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-hitting-us-when-he-is-mad#post-2771943 Wed, 06 Sep 2017 14:55:56 +0000 oskarsmommy 2771943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can anyone relate? DH and I are heartbroken and at a loss - we have no idea how to stop this behavior. We hold his arms and say we won't let you hit us - but it has become his immediate go to lately. He has also discovered biting us and head butting while we are trying to restrain him is effective. We are worried we need to seek help for him. </p>