https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 01:42:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627704 Tue, 27 Sep 2016 09:56:03 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2627704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CherryBee: Are you always consistent with the meals? Like, do you tell her she can't have something different? Or do you sometimes make something different if she complains enough? </p> <p>We didn't have this problem with food, but with just about everything else in general. It felt like she was purposely trying to get a rise out of us for EVERYTHING. We went to a child psychologist because we were just tired of losing yelling at her all the time our shit on her all the time without it doing anything good. </p> <p>You know what he told us? Essentially, the problem isn't her, it's us. We are inconsistent in what we tell her the boundaries are. If we weren't consistent every single time, she would know that if she pushed hard enough, she could get a different reaction. So, whatever it is that you want to put your foot down about, make sure you and your husband decide how you will handle it and stick with it. </p> <p>For this situation, if she doesn't want to eat, fine. Tell her (as calmly, and sternly as you can), "You have a choice to eat this, but this is all you will be served. If you do not want it, you can get down from the table." There will be lots of whining and tears and tantruming, but just stick to it and stay calm. If she gets really wild, tell her "you are out of control" and sit her in the timeout spot and tell her (calmly!) "when you can get in control, you can be part of the family". Do NOT offer any additional food until she eats what you have given her. OR, you can give her two options and let her choose one. If she doesn't choose any and throws a fit, then do the "in control" thing above and when she comes back, she can choose. </p> <p>Yes, it's a lot of effort, and yes it really sucks to turn it around, but I promise the results are worth it. It really is just about consistency. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627594 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 22:42:10 +0000 irene 2627594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry to hear that..... I didn't have it as bad as you did but I also went through that stage, that was so hard! At 3 my son wouldnt eat much, but at least he wouldn't smear it on the wall or facepaint. He did facepaint and threw food on the floor like a science experiment when he was around 1 years old? I really hated my life between 0.5-3.5 when it comes to meal time. It was only until recently (4 years old) that he eats better. So I hope things will turn around for you too!</p> <p>It is very easy to say and hard to do but I am with everyone who suggested a reset. Give her the food and firmly tells her that this is lunch (or dinner, or whatever). This is the only time we will eat, and if you do not eat your food, there will be no snacks, or any kind of food until dinner. If she starts smearing it on the wall / face, saying yuck, won't eat it, then take it away after 30 minutes of meal time, throw it in the trash (and let her see it), and that's it. No snack / fruit / whatsoever until dinner time. She can cry and throw tantrum and whatever but just remind her that that was the rule. Try it for 4 days and see what happens? I know it is sooooo hard especially you said she becomes a beast when she doesn't eat, but she gotta learn. Human beings are smart. She will learn that she better eat whatever is in front of her. They said a person will break a habit in 4 days, so give it 4 days and stand your ground! Good luck and let us know how it goes regardless what you decide to do at the end!</p> <p>And by the way, we really skipped all snacks UNLESS DS eats really well during mealtime. He was never bothered by not having snacks, and I'd rather him eat a better meal during mealtime. And he often eats better at mealtime if there were no snacks. Maybe give that a try?</p> <p>ETA: Is she on the smaller side? My DS is very skinny and short compare to other kids. Some 3 year old kids are bigger than him (he's 4.5 now). This made our mealtime especially stressful as I really wanted to make sure I got some nutrients into his body! I bet our mealtimes wouldn't have been so stressful if he were of a bigger size. Just curious if it were the same case with you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627461 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 16:41:11 +0000 AnnabelleG 2627461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so hard! It's hard for me not to feel so angry/sad when I know my kid is doing something for a reaction he knows will be negative. </p> <p>This book: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Your-Childs-Weight-Helping-Without/dp/0967118913" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/Your-Childs-Weight-Helping-Without/dp/0967118913</a> is super helpful. Ellyn Satter is amazing, I can't recommend her work enough. A major takeaway from this book is not to confuse our jobs. </p> <p>Our job as parents is to feed, our kids job is to eat.</p> <p>That means we get to decide what, where and when and they get decide how much and if at all. I have to remind myself of this all the time with my 2-year old, who will sometimes just outright skip dinner. I get stressed and frustrated and worried, but ultimately, I have to trust his little body to eat enough. It even helps me to repeat to myself "My job is to feed him, his job is to eat" so I don't get into it with him and try to control what I have no control over. Food battles reinforce themselves and the more stressful meals are, the more she's going to refuse. </p> <p>Good luck with all this, I hope these responses have been helpful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627393 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 14:20:14 +0000 SweetiePie 2627393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: No drama is a good start, Id say. And it sounds like she did have an OK amount to eat. I think if you keep it up she'll realize that you're done giving her a reaction and just eat when she's hungry and give no drama when she's not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627373 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 13:46:01 +0000 Cherrybee 2627373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: YES!! We have had exactly the same problems with potty training. She is dry all day with her grandparents, all day at nursery but has multiple accidents whenever she is with me. She refuses to use the toilet when prompted, holds her wee and claims she "can't find one", then wets herself (sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose). </p> <p>@SweetiePie: Well..... she refused to eat her porridge this morning unless I spoon fed it to her (I was feeding the baby porridge at the time). I played along (one spoon for baby, one for you) until she realised I didn't mind, then she started refusing to swallow and letting the porridge dribble out of her mouth. Ugh. So I told her she could eat the rest herself or leave it. She chose to leave it. On the way to school, she declared she was hungry. I told her she would have to wait until snack. When I picked her up, she told me she had eaten a whole banana for snack. We went out for pizza for lunch and she ate a few bites, but mostly wanted to get off her chair, run about, be silly (and get told off). So no food until snack again. Again, she ate her snack - but it was a mini muffin (cake) today so I can't claim that as a victory! Then I served her dinner, pasta with hidden veggie sauce, and walked away. She ate half, then said she didn't want any more. Rather than negotiating, I said "okay", tipped it into the bin, gave her an apple, and walked away. She took a few bites then left it. And I didn't mention it. So she hasn't eaten much today at all, but we had no drama (from me or her!) .... so we will see how the next few days pan out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627369 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 13:43:02 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2627369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I'm glad it helped. Whenever I get frustrated with my kids and find myself in a loop of being upset/raising my voice/feeling impossibly guilty, I try to read some articles like those. They don't always solve the problems directly, but they give me perspective and something to focus on. You're doing great!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627317 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 12:14:54 +0000 Modern Daisy 2627317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3 yo sounds exactly like yours! It drives me insane. i feel like some parents got lucky and I drew the short straw. Anyway DS does this but more with the potty than anything else. The little jerk does not mind messing himself at all and he will happily sit in it all day too, so he's got a real weapon to use against me. After weeks of him making messes just to rile me up I finally put him back in pull -ups. I was doing my best not to make it a power struggle but clearly I'm not an expert here so I just removed his ammunition. It sucks because he's basically not potty trained anymore and only "needs to use the potty" when he is trying to get out of a restraint - like his high chair or his room at bedtime - I swear he is cunning as a fox. </p> <p>Sadly I just don't think he will be potty trained for a very long time, at least until the toddler stage passes. I've been ignoring his mistakes and really praising him when he uses the potty but he doesn't give a damn about any of that. </p> <p>Maybe you can kind of do the same with food? Remove the ammunition - like she only gets what you serve and if she refuses then she goes hungry. I know you said she's a monster if she doesn't eat but I feel like us parents of strong willed kids are just going to have to put up with the hunger strikes and messes until they finally mature. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627286 Mon, 26 Sep 2016 11:01:11 +0000 SweetiePie 2627286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: how has today gone? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627117 Sun, 25 Sep 2016 14:40:12 +0000 Cherrybee 2627117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: I really, really needed to read that article. Thank you. I know in my heart that a lot of her poor behaviour is attention seeking but I'm baffled as to why she does it when she is, at that moment, getting lovely positive attention (like when we are doing a jigsaw together or are at the library and she can pick any book she likes, book after book, and I will read them to her - but she would rather throw books about). She is still really struggling with being a big sister, maybe in those safe times she is testing me (and probably doesn't even know why herself). </p> <p>As for her eating - more routine and less fcks given, I think! I'm going to serve a small but more varied range of meals to her and she can eat or not.... but she's not getting anything else until the next meal/snack time. And she has to try it..... although I can't see that going down well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627112 Sun, 25 Sep 2016 13:49:09 +0000 littlejoy 2627112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would echo everyone who says to take a "You don't have to eat it." ... "You can eat again next time." approach. Kids totally feed off of our reactions. My best advice is to show a calm exterior, even when you're like, "WHY WON'T YOU EAT YOUR F&amp;UCKING FOOD?!?!?!" on the inside. She is testing you. </p> <p>I've also received advice about having a routine with food, eating family style (together at least), and being sure to include children in food choice/prep. This helps to empower them. </p> <p>*Hand in Hand Parenting was recommended to me by our doctor, and it's a great resource! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627015 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 23:16:10 +0000 Ginabean3 2627015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OldpuebloJenn: this! This is exactly what we do..you don't finish your breakfast...have it for lunch...then dinner....and so on....it works for us and makes me feel good because food isn't wasted! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2627014 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 23:06:50 +0000 Mama Bird 2627014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: it's interesting that you say you haven't had a routine for mealtimes (and other stuff) before. We had a similar situation a few months ago when we pulled DS out of day care while I was on maternity leave. His baby sister was six months by then (long story), so he'd adjusted some to her, but it was still rough. I don't think he was used to me being an authority figure like the day care teachers, and it took at least a month of fights over the dumbest things imaginable before he fell into a new routine. So yeah, still glad we did it, but it wasn't easy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626984 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 19:45:49 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2626984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think previous posters gave great advice about routine and setting out new expectations and stuff. I wanted to say, in regards to your comment about why does she *want* to be yelled at, that kids who do things they know for sure will get them in trouble are mostly doing it for attention. They truly do not care if the adult's attention is negative/angry. With the natural boundary pushing of her age and the adjustment to the baby, it sounds to me like a call for attention. I read an article the other day that touched on this a little<br /> ( <a href="http://www.handinhandparenting.org/2016/08/five-types-of-bad-behavior-and-why-they-happen/" rel="nofollow">http://www.handinhandparenting.org/2016/08/five-types-of-bad-behavior-and-why-they-happen/</a> ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626983 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 19:44:01 +0000 travellingbee 2626983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So L was kind of being stubborn about eating (he's stubborn about everything) and one day DH put his food down in front of him and said, " this is your dinner but I don't want you to eat it." L was confused. "Why?" Do my DH said " well because eating makes you grow and I like you small." this made L get upset, saying Yes! Yes I DO want to eat it. And he did. To spite us 😂 But it has since become a game where he smiles and puts the food near his mouth and says, should I eat it? And we say No! That's growing food!!! And the. He takes a huge bite. Stinker. He knows at this point that it is a game but he likes it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626934 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 14:35:11 +0000 808love 2626934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just an idea. If she doesn't eat, offer an apple (or super easy healthy alternative-berries, cereal bar that she likes.) Then every time she doesn't want to eat a meal, she can go to her fave alternative. After a few days of eating it, she will probably crave other foods.<br /> We just keep making the same 12 favorite foods over and over again. We throw in a new food at least once a week that she is required to taste. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626933 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 14:26:23 +0000 Foodnerd81 2626933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I do think getting into a regular routine will help somewhat. C has started to calm down now that we are moved into our house and starting to get into a new normal, with regular days for preschool and classes and daddy leaves at a certain time. For us, as much as I like when DH is home, that seems to through C off even more. She's been a little better the last few days (we've been in the house less than 2 weeks). </p> <p>As much as she drives me crazy, I do try to remember that in the last 10 months we've had a new baby and moved house and she started preschool, pretty much uprooting every single thing she has known in her life. I know you guys have a lot of the same changes. I just keep hoping that as things become normal again, she will keep calming down. Really really hoping. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626929 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 14:11:49 +0000 Kemma 2626929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: do you guys all eat together? And if you don't, do you think she might eat better if you're sitting down together? I just wonder if she'd perhaps go better if you explain that she doesn't need to eat her good but she does need to sit at the table while the rest of the family eats (make it more about the act of sharing a meal rather than about the food).</p> <p>Hang in there, three year olds are tricky wee beasts! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626898 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 12:05:22 +0000 Cherrybee 2626898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: the two options thing never works for E. Her stock answer is "nothing". "Do you want to wear x or Y?" "nothing". </p> <p>@catomd00: I like that idea. Our daily routine thus far has been non-existent because I was at work - she even ate breakfast at nursery - and weekends are always super hectic. We don't have meal times and snack times, we just eat when she is hungry and/or when it occurs to me. But it's all change when she starts school nursery (mornings) on Monday, so I have a chance to create an actual routine, with times and rituals - and a timer! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626890 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 11:32:18 +0000 gingerbebe 2626890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Take 2 things and set them in front of her on 2 plates. Say "you may have this or that for lunch, you choose." Having something to choose but that you control might distract her enough to where she will think she is in control and eat. If she doesn't eat anything and has a fit at least you can feel good knowing you offered 2 options and tried. Then you move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626885 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 11:23:00 +0000 catomd00 2626885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a control thing. I would set firm, consistent boundaries and stick with them. After a few days she will get it. I would probably put the meal down and even set a timer and say she has x amount of time to eat or meal time is over until snack. Do this for every snack and meal. It will suck for a few days but I think eventually she will understand you mean it. If she throws the food or acts up I would give 1 warning and then end the meal. I feel like having a clear plan for how you will respond is key to the consistency and managing your own emotions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626853 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 08:38:37 +0000 OldpuebloJenn 2626853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well you know she is playing off of you. She's getting a reaction, i.e. attention, positive or negative, that's all she wants. So give her no reaction, none, about food. This is what we did:</p> <p> Whatever she doesn't eat at breakfast will be available for lunch, what she doesn't eat at lunch is now for dinner and so forth. My daughter had to finish a very soggy bowl of cereal for dinner once, that was the last time. No snacks, only food you've offered for meals is allowed when she's hungry. After three days of her holding her ground, we've had no issues with food since. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626851 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 08:33:34 +0000 Cherrybee 2626851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I'm glad it's not just me. I feel like her whole life is dedicated to making me cross. She refuses to do things she LOVES - go swimming, eat ice cream - if she thinks I might *want* her to do it. It's very sad..... and bizarre, because she is the one who ends up sad every single time. </p> <p>@LomaLinda: yes, I think you're right about the control thing. It makes me rage though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626850 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 08:28:13 +0000 Cherrybee 2626850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone. :heart: </p> <p>I have no idea what she is going to make of the new regimen...... I predict drama.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626847 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 08:25:46 +0000 LomaLinda 2626847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3.5 year old son has always been a picky eater, but lately it's gotten really, really bad. He says "I don't like it" to pretty much everything I give him --- including foods he has requested or foods that he used to love.<br /> I finally just decided that I refuse to drive myself crazy by trying to figure out what he wants at any given meal. I decide what it is being served, and the rule is he has to take 3 bites before he can get up from the table, even if he doesn't like it. Then no more food until the next meal, and if he complains about being hungry I remind him that he chose not to eat.<br /> I think maybe he is just enjoying the control/ independence of being able to say he doesn't like something or won't eat something. No matter why he's doing it, I'm done catering to him. I've found, usually, at least one meal a day he will actually eat a good amount. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626846 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 08:25:22 +0000 Foodnerd81 2626846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I don't really have any advice, but I'm just commiserating with the "why do you WANT me to yell at you?!?" Feeling. So frustrating! In theory I agree with the "eat or don't eat I don't care" attitude but I also understand the hungry beast behavior that follows... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626839 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 07:56:18 +0000 Periwinkle 2626839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our stance of late has been "This is what's for (meal). If you choose not to eat, that's ok but there will not be any snacks afterwards." I try to take a very passive attitude toward this and try not to get too worked up- Iit helps on the days when LO is being pickier than usual. Of course I don't want him to be hungry but he also needs to learn to make he decision about eating what's in front of him, especially if he's been given the original choice about what we're eating! </p> <p>Most of the time it's a game and a manipulative practice, and it can be hard to stand one's ground like this. In the end, though, they need to eat but also need to learn to distinguish whatever the rules are for mealtimes in the home. I've struggled with this and it can be hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626835 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 07:33:35 +0000 SweetiePie 2626835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PP. I think if you can just say "I actually don't care if you eat it or not. Suit yourself" she might be like "huh?" She is looking for a reaction and you're giving her one. It's hard not to!<br /> How much longer are you on leave for? That would help me control the anger and not care as much - knowing that's it's temporary.<br /> Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626822 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 06:43:42 +0000 avivoca 2626822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I'm alone with H (because dh does not approve), I tell her that there will be no more food after this and she will just have to wait until her next meal. Then i don't give in. I will give her a glass of milk if she wants it, but I also cut off drinks at a certain time. I also find that she eats better with her food cut up small (so, tiny sandwiches for example) and if she does not eat a good dinner, no way does she get a treat. </p> <p>Good luck! The food battles are no fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626814 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 05:55:50 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2626814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: also. Only give her a few bites of the meal. Don't waste a full serving. For example a quarte of a sandwich is plebty. See if she eats it first. It also will help with the throwing etc if that happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/3yo-refusing-to-eat-everything-and-its-making-me-rage#post-2626813 Sat, 24 Sep 2016 05:53:42 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2626813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Time for a reset because she's playing you three days of firm new rules. Here is your food or don't eat it. Don't pressure any further than that. </p>