https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 19:50:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866316 Sun, 13 Jan 2019 18:36:32 +0000 Mrsbells 2866316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aria: DD was 4 when I pregnant with DS1. I had pelvic pain early on and was told not to carry DD. I explained to her that the baby in my tummy was really heavy for me and I couldnt pick her up. She really wanted to be carried and DH was away for work alot so I just had to firmly say no to carrying her at all and remind her about the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866228 Sat, 12 Jan 2019 07:35:39 +0000 caitcat 2866228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter just turned four, and she goes through spells of this. Especially when my one and a half year old is being especially needy too! My 4 year old is incredibly strong willed, and she's also very independent typically so it always throws me for a loop when she gets on one of these very intense "help me with everything" kicks. Your playdough story hit home - we had a remarkably similar meltdown this week. Ugh. </p> <p>I've found that playing up what I'm willing to help her with will smooth out some of the spells like this and get us through them more quickly - like making a big point of helping her hop out of the car, or spoon feeding her, or helping her with her coat or washing hands, and other things along those lines usually make the "extra help" lose its novelty. It drives me crazy, especially because it almost always flares up when my younger one is being particularly clingy. But I have found it comes and goes and if I play along (within limits), we usually move on more quickly than when I try to convince her out of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866219 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 23:31:07 +0000 tysonja 2866219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it would probably be hard to do this while 30 odd weeks pregnant, but when my friend's LO was going through a similar phase, they decided to nonchalantly let her be a 'baby'. the catch was, (and they explained it to her first) if she was going to act like a baby, they would also treat her like one. so... that meant: putting her into a crib for a nap, no big girl snacks and treats, baby-like food, no screen time, etc. they carried her around and let her suck her thumb, be spoon fed, etc, within reason. she got tired of it after a full day and it was over. not sure if this is feasible or something your LO would take to, but just thought i'd share! :) good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866183 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 15:36:11 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2866183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup, another 4yo who did similar when baby brother was on the way. It was short lived thankfully. Now he’s obsessed a little too much with doing everything himself even when it takes forever and we need to get out the door ha! When he was in the needy phase we just tried to play up his independence and refused to do ridiculous things (within reason) for him. Pregnant DW found it super hard to lift and carry him so that stopped early on and he would come to me. I would humour him and say he could have 10 seconds of baby time then he had to walk himself or whatever, which usually worked. Now with a 4 month old, he gets periods where we are paying attention to the baby and then he will mimic what the baby does to get our attention. Again we humour him for a short time but then say ‘big brothers get to walk and run, how awesome!’ And he is very proud. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866177 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 15:14:24 +0000 SweetiePie 2866177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others. My son was 3.5 when his baby brother was born 11 months ago. He suddenly started wanting to act like a baby - he wanted me to hold him like a baby all the time and became very cuddly (he’s not a cuddly kid).<br /> It didn’t last too long, but it was very out of character for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866170 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 14:59:37 +0000 pachamama 2866170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>^^ what she kinda said... I'm 39 weeks pregnant and my son is a little younger at 3 years old but we are definitely experiencing this. Their little brains are probably trying to hanging on to being your "baby". My son was never the dependent, snuggly type anyway but he's been much clingier lately.<br /> Also, when he's sick he gets like this too when normally he's pretty strong and independent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866169 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 14:58:17 +0000 bhbee 2866169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: I think that’s a good idea ... my son is turning 4 this week and said to me today “I wish I was the baby” (she’s 5m so been around a while). I told him a line from our big brother book which says something like “babies can’t do much. They can’t eat pizza or ice cream or run and play!” and it helped.<br /> I know it’s not that simple but I do think playing up how cool it is to be big and how proud you are could help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866166 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 14:40:34 +0000 Ajsmommy 2866166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've never experienced this and I am def no child psychologist or anything but the question that popped into my head as I read was "is there a new baby on the way"? and at the end you answered that question..</p> <p>My uneducated, inexperienced opinion would be that she is acting out bc maybe she's realizing a new baby is coming and she won't be the baby anymore so she's acting like a baby to cope.....</p> <p>I'd try to play up how proud of her you are and how great it is when she does stuff on her own and that she's going to be a great big sister to try to get her past this </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-old-wont-do-anything-for-herself#post-2866152 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 13:29:54 +0000 Aria 2866152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is four next month and in the last couple weeks has started to refuse to do anything for herself. She is normally very independent and opinionated, so I don't know what to do with this. </p> <p>For example, one of the most frustrating things lately is that she announces she has to pee but then won't even walk herself to the bathroom. She demands to be carried, and then won't pull down her pants/sit on the toilet/wipe, anything (even though she is fully capable). She had a screaming fit and refused to walk from school to the car yesterday, saying she was too tired. She won't get in the car unless someone puts her in. She climbed up into her chair for dinner last night, realized she had done it herself and then immediately climbed back out, laid on the floor and yelled that she needed someone to put her in the chair. And my favorite, yesterday she wanted to play with playdough, but instead of actually playing, she just wanted me to play with it, and her tell me what to do. When I declined, she lost it. It was literally 3 hours of crying and screaming yesterday over the stupid playdough. </p> <p>I am 33 weeks pregnant and just can't pick her up and carry her right now. I don't know if this is some reaction to the impending arrival of the baby, but it's very unusual for her and super frustrating for me. Every attempt to get her to do something herself or compromise is met with hysterics. Help me!! </p>