https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 21:20:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing/page/2#post-1863150 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 13:12:17 +0000 chopsuey 1863150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my bil/sil's girls are 4 years 9 months apart and they LOVE the age gap.<br /> their first born is so great with her little sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1863113 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 12:48:09 +0000 fairy 1863113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was always thinking 4 years apart, but my husband wants #2 sooner, if at all, so we compromised on 3yrs apart. Still not sure about a second though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1863099 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 12:42:07 +0000 BananaPancakes 1863099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're still debating if we'll have another, but if we do, they'll likely be 4+ years apart. I just can't imagine adding anyone to our family at this point, and I think I'd prefer my son to be a little more self-sufficient than he is at 2.5. Also, If we have another, I've already said that I won't be going back to work, and we can't comfortably swing that quite yet. I'll be 32 next year, and I don't want to wait too much longer than that, so we'll see what happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1863075 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 12:20:56 +0000 LuLu Mom 1863075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BFF always aid she wanted 4, but her first will be 4 in February and they are just now talking about TTC. She was (is) a handful, so they for awhile thought they would switch to be one and done, but now are saying two if it happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1863066 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 12:15:03 +0000 loki 1863066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i used to always think i wanted kids really close together. i am pregnant with my first now and can't imagine going through this with a toddler at home. a 4 year age gap is seeming really appealing to me these days, especially because i think i need a lottt of time to get over this first trimester haha. i love the idea of enjoying the oldest and waiting until they're going to be in school full time to have a second. my brother was two years older and we weren't/aren't close AT ALL so that doesn't play into it for me in the slightest. i think closeness is more determined by personality so there's no way to predict how it'll all play out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1863032 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 11:59:49 +0000 plantains 1863032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will TTC in Spring 2015 which means that even if we get pregnant on the first try, the gap will be at least 3.5 years. This is ideal for us as I just cannot spend 60K per year on daycare. I am hoping that LO gets a free pre-K spot or we are kind of screwed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1862932 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 11:04:18 +0000 lizzywiz 1862932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>damn it, we are 99.9999% one and done but this thread has me thinking of the possibilities.... :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1862706 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 09:29:31 +0000 .twist. 1862706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: Same. We waver between one and done and maybe in a couple years. We need a few things to change. </p> <p>@mediagirl: We're in the same boat. We need a few things to change and one or both of us needs a major career change and we need to buy a new house that will fit us AND my husbands business (unless he got a different job that wasn't run out of our house ;) )</p> <p>Currently, my son &amp; DH's two boys are 7+ years apart. My 2 step sons are 3 years apart. We are really enjoying the 7+ year gap! It makes things SO much easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1862679 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 09:16:35 +0000 loveisstrange 1862679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@californiadreams: Honestly, I think thats the biggest thing for me. Ive read studies that say that a larger age gap (I think it's 2+ years) is a lot more beneficial to both children purely because of the time and attention you are able to devote to the younger child. It makes it a more equal playing field for both kids in terms of starting out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861999 Sun, 14 Sep 2014 12:16:48 +0000 californiadreams 1861999@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>reading the responses out of curiosity because this is something i struggle with. We might be close to 4 years apart as it would be better for my career to wait as long as possible since i just started an amazing new job and i feel brand new to the field still so i really want more working experience. I also want to work at this particular job long enough that they will agree to keep me part time after my second baby (rather than returning full time).</p> <p>But then i struggle with the siblings being so far apart in age AND I struggle with my own age since I am pushing mid-30s and i never imagined i would still be having kids at this age.</p> <p>So it is helpful to read all the good reasons and benefits of a larger sibling age gap :)</p> <p>@loveisstrange: "so you're able to dedicate lots of your time to the new baby just like you did with the older one."<br /> I really like that you said this! A fantastic reason to wait because I also struggle with the idea of having them close together as i feel bad that I won't get the same "first baby" experience with my second as i did with my first....but this is a nice way of looking at it if we decide to put a larger gap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861997 Sun, 14 Sep 2014 12:13:07 +0000 Mama Bird 1861997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know quite a few people for whom this worked out great. My mom and uncle are about 10 years apart, and they're very close even though they now live in different countries. Two of my uncles have kids that are 7 to 10 years apart, and they're very close and the oldest sibs have always been very protective of the youngest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861955 Sun, 14 Sep 2014 10:40:07 +0000 bunnylovesbear 1861955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I are 4 years apart, but 5 grades (in school) apart. We are friends now, but we were never super close growing up. There was just too big of a gap... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861888 Sun, 14 Sep 2014 08:04:55 +0000 mrs.cookie 1861888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for posting this, I loved reading the responses!<br /> We have a 4.5 DS and a just turned 2 DD and if we go for a third, which is a big if, it'll have to be a few more years as I'm currently having cancer treatments. DD has been such a hard baby/toddler I'm definitely keen on a big gap if we go again!!!<br /> I personally am 5 years older than my sister and we are incredibly close. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861817 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 23:18:49 +0000 Purpledaisy 1861817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have an 18 month old right now and are planning on a 4-5 year gap. We are just really happy enjoying her right now and do not feel ready for a newborn. Also we are both back in school to further our careers so it really isn't the best time. I always thought that I wanted my kids super close together but now I'm happy with a larger gap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861811 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 23:08:17 +0000 yoursilverlining 1861811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are 99% 1 and done, but last night actually had a really long conversation about maybe (very, very maybe) having another; and my husband said today that all day he's been thinking about that conversation.</p> <p>If (huge IF) we have another, there would be at least 3-4 years difference between the 2. I'll be 33 in a few weeks and my husband will be 49 this year, so we don't have forever to decide. </p> <p>I still can't imagine / have no desire to add another kid to the mix; but who knows how we'll feel in another year or so!</p> <p>Most of the siblings I know who are close in age fight like cats and dogs; so I don't see that being a reason to have kids close in age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861773 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 22:01:27 +0000 ALV91711 1861773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we do decide for another (we go back and forth) we'll have around a 4 year age gap. First off two in full time day care is so expensive and also I just can't imagine being pregnant and chasing our busy toddler right now. Once he is a bit more independent I think it would be ok. </p> <p>There is a big age gap between myself and my sisters and as adults we are close. They are 7 &amp; 10 years younger than me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861723 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 21:07:07 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1861723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our original plan was 4.5-5 years apart, all due to finances surround daycare (like @Smurfette: said). Our very good friends have two sons 4 years apart and I love their dynamic. They are 7 and 11 right now and it's still working for them. But, I worry about this plan because 5 years sounds so long to start over again and our son is a late Sept. birthday and I didn't want baby #2 to factor into when he began Kindergarten.<br /> Now I'm teaching at the preschool/daycare our son attends so, if we can get the right discount, I would love to have a second baby sooner, with a gap of 3-4 years. I'm talking with my boss about numbers right now and it's possible we'll start trying spring of 2015. (Although when I type that out it seems *too soon*!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861698 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 20:50:06 +0000 NavyRN2012 1861698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our kids are 7 years apart. We did it on purpose. We're now pregnant with #3, so there will be a 25 month gap between LO2 &amp; LO3.<br /> I've LOVED the large gap, as our oldest is very independent and super protective of his sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861650 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 19:52:57 +0000 Applesandbananas 1861650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we had a second (huge if), our age gap would be 4+ years. As it stands, LO is going to private school so unless we move to a better school district, there's no way we can swing 2 kids, one in daycare and one in private school (and later 2 in private school). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861635 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 19:40:03 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1861635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>4 years would be great! But given my age and the fact that it took a little while before conceiving the first time around, I have to agree with DH -- IF we want another, we should start now O_O. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1861628 Sat, 13 Sep 2014 19:34:23 +0000 Greentea 1861628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: we are actually thinking 4 year difference as well! I would prefer 3, but we just worked out our plans and if we have them 3 years apart- I have to solo parent for the second child's first year (dh would work 6-5 and then have dental school at night). If we have them 4 years apart, I wouldn't have to solo all morning day and night but our first would start school (4K) when the second is 3 months (if all went to plan, that is). I think 4 years isn't too far apart... </p> <p>@loveisstrange: I like a lot of your points; 4 years means first is in school and more independent, second gets all day attention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1845014 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 10:18:43 +0000 loveisstrange 1845014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We waver between one and done and "maybe one more". I think we'll end up having another baby eventually. Our DD is 2.5 and it'll be at least another 2 years, if not longer. Ours will honestly probably end up more like 6-7 years apart. I'm okay with that. My brothers are 7 and 9 years older than me. 4 years honestly seems like the ideal age gap to me. Not too far apart but the older one is in preschool and doesn't need undivided attention anymore, so you're able to dedicate lots of your time to the new baby just like you did with the older one.</p> <p>I really love the idea of the older being in school, out of diapers, more independent, and better able to help before having another. I guess it's because of how my family was.</p> <p>On a side note, I've actually read several studies saying that a minimum of 2 years is an ideal age gap for the developmental benefit of both children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1845010 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 10:18:22 +0000 cascademom 1845010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ktdid23: My brother and I are 18 months apart. My mom had some fertility issues, so it doesn't bother me. My brother and SIL have a three year age gap between their twins and daughter. It seems that they felt the same way too. I'm glad that we've been able to embrace LO's toddlerhood to the fullest and work out some of the discipline stuff with just him before adding another one. Three years feels like a good gap for us. I did want it sooner at first, but am now happy with the future gap. I'm hoping that we'll have a summer or fall baby #2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1845000 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 10:15:11 +0000 ktdid23 1845000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: exactly how we felt. There was a lot of outside pressure to have kids closer together but we just weren't ready. My siblings and I are all exactly 2 years apart and I know that's more the norm these days than a larger age gap, but I'm glad we did what was right for us. We cannot wait to welcome our second next spring! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1844992 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 10:10:50 +0000 cascademom 1844992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ktdid23: We felt the same way with LO. Once he reached one, then two, we finally felt ready to add another one to the mix. We're trying for our second right now. 1-2 was a lot of fun and our marriage returned to a version of normal, so adding someone else just didn't feel right at the time. Now, we're both ready for the newborn rodeo again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1844988 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 10:07:47 +0000 Honeydew 1844988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom and @mediagirl: fellow "old" mom here too :)</p> <p>My siblings and I are are 4 years/8 years apart and it seemed to work really well for my parents in raising us. I'd love to have the same spacing for my kids, but do not think that would be possible. I had my LO at age 38 (I'm going to be 29 in Oct). My DH would like to have 3 kids (myself I only want 2), I don't think spacing 4+ years are in the cards for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1844972 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 09:54:23 +0000 Dandelion 1844972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine are almost 7 years apart and I really love it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1844944 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 09:42:02 +0000 Mae 1844944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not but my brother and I are 7.5 years apart (on purpose). My mom said they thought they were one and done but then life calmed down (finally) and they decided to NTNP and see what happened (me! lol). There were pros and cons. My brother and I didn't fight much because he was too old to be concerned with me, and he was able to babysit me by the time I was in elementary school. He was also around to drive me around to stuff when my parents weren't. But we weren't close at all, my mom always says it was like having two only children. (Now as adults we go through phases of trying to be closer, but we've never really maintained a very close relationship... probably because we don't have a lot of foundation for one). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1844870 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 09:08:16 +0000 ktdid23 1844870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We waited :-) We knew we always wanted 2, but after my daughter turned one (and then 2) I just couldn't imagine adding another baby to the mix - it didn't feel "right" at the time. This past spring my husband and I decided we were "ready" and our second will be here in April. That will put our kids 4.5 years apart, and we are thrilled! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/4-year-spacing#post-1844826 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 08:43:25 +0000 mediagirl 1844826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: hey fellow "old" mama! :wink: </p>