https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 20 Jun 2026 14:04:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1894026 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 15:06:21 +0000 Mae 1894026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: Yea I think I made a big mistake by handing her over to my brother yesterday. My thinking was that if she saw me happily interacting with him and handing her over with confidence then she'd be okay maybe.. but I think that was a huge mistake. I think next time I'll just hold her and sit next to him a bit and then maybe have him hand her some toys or something to get her to warm up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1894015 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 15:02:18 +0000 catomd00 1894015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I hear you. It's an awkward line to walk. You don't want to offend them by ripping her out of their hands and them thinking you're a total overprotective crazy person, but I personally feel it's mean to force her into a situation she clearly isn't comfortable with. I am all about respecting her the way I want to be respected (and my family thinks I'm kind of a nutter crunchy person for it but that's okay!) and if I am not comfortable in someone's presence, no one forces me to hang around, let alone be in direct contact with them, so why should this be any different?! She can get comfortable with someone without being in their arms!</p> <p>What we started doing, was having me hold her when we went into my in-laws house. We all say hello to each other in a non-overwhelming way. (It seems worse when everyone jumps in her face). Then, after a while of me holding her, we put her on the floor to play and everyone will get on the floor playing with her. Usually after that she is ready to be held by others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1894010 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 15:01:16 +0000 Mae 1894010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: hm.. maybe. but she's going to have to get over it bc the men in my family have beards, no changing that! lol</p> <p>@Danizaur: yea she's a little skittish too. sometimes if we accidentally startle her she freaks too.<br /> @Dandelion: man.. babies and guys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1894006 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 15:00:19 +0000 MapleMoose 1894006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO started this around 3 months and now she's a year and still freaks out if anyone aside from me, DH, or my parents tries to hold her. It doesn't matter how often we expose her to familiar or unfamiliar people. We've tried being present while someone else holds her or not being in the room. Doesn't matter, she still flips out. It's just the way she is I guess. Maybe she'll grow out of it one day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893997 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 14:55:54 +0000 Dandelion 1893997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>M doesn't like M. I think the ones he sees in my family are loud and boisterous. I think he prefers the "kindergarten teacher" approach the women and D use with him. He loves DH, but most other men get the sad face. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893993 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 14:54:24 +0000 artsyfartsy 1893993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>T does this when someone talks to him funny or makes a face. My dad tends to be too loud or aggressive (a little too excited to hold him/play with him) and he scares T often. He warms up pretty quickly though so it's not really a big deal. DH and I have scared him before too by doing the same thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893989 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 14:52:37 +0000 Adira 1893989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: It might still be the beard. Xander warmed up to my brother and his beard because he saw him a lot, but was still scared of FIL, who he didn't see as often, and he was okay with other men who didn't have beards who he didn't see very often. Your LO could be just used to your DH and his beard, but other men with beards freak her out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893984 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 14:50:35 +0000 Mae 1893984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I really struggle with this. Because my family seems to think she more needs to get used to the person by staying with them. and I'm all zomg she's crying give me my baby. :/ </p> <p>@illumina: I don't. With her crazy eating/sleeping schedule any sort of play group is basically impossible. But she is actually totally fine with strangers out in the world. We run errands 2-3 days/week and she's never had any issue with people talking to her or saying hi to her (and it happens a lot), but I always wear her when we're out, or occasionally have her in the carseat. Her issue really seems to be centered on strangers holding her or trying to touch her. (and thats sort of hard for grandpa and uncle bc they love her and want to hold her! also my brother really wants to babysit and man we could use a few hours out, so it'd be nice if she wasn't terrified of him! lol)</p> <p>@Adira: @Smurfette: Yep both my dad and brother have beards, but so does my DH. And she has 0 issue with DH and actually spends quite a bit of time feeling his face/beard and pulling on his chin hairs. So she doesn't really seem concerned about beards I don't think? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893867 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:46:23 +0000 Smurfette 1893867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: That was my thought. For the longest time LO didn't like my Dad, and all the kids in the family have been the same way. He is the only one with a beard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893851 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:38:48 +0000 Adira 1893851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Do either your dad or brother have facial hair. My FIL has a beard and Xander used to scream bloody murder and cling to me at that age whenever FIL came near! We think it might've been because of the beard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893841 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:31:03 +0000 illumina 1893841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you or can you take her to some baby groups? She might be so busy having fun there that she takes being around different people with a pinch of salt. My LO has always been pretty good with strangers but in a forced situation, like when someone she hasn't seen for a while tries to pick her up, even at 12 months she doesn't like it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893809 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:16:07 +0000 catomd00 1893809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter started this around that time, too (moreso with men). But, definitely not nearly as for lack of a better word - "dramatic" as that. She's 7.5 months and in day care and she still is strange with certain people (both familiar people and strangers). I always feel bad when it's someone we know, but I do take her back and let them visit with her from the comfort of my arms, because my priority is keeping her feeling secure, not other people's feelings! it's totally normal behavior and I'm not sure there's anything you can really do to get her to stop being uncomfortable around other people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893779 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:07:07 +0000 lamariniere 1893779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: We have the same thing going on with our 10 month old DD. She has been very stranger aware since she was about 4 months old. She seems to be ok with women after she warms up to them, but it's a different story with men. My dad just came to visit and stayed with us for 2 weeks and she NEVER got used to him. She would behave just as you described your DD. It even got to the point where she didn't want my husband holding her either while my dad was here, she only wanted me. However, she saw her female babysitter today that she hasn't seen in 2 weeks and, while she was shy and trying to hide in the beginning, she was totally fine after a few minutes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893776 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:04:19 +0000 Bao 1893776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO2 started doing this at 3 months!! I was shocked! We just kept bringing her around people and she got used to them, but she does cry at people who talk to her in high pitched voices lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893773 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:02:44 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1893773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter started this really young too... she was only 3-4 months old! Mostly with men too, lol. She was always extremely shy and sensitive, and it was really tough in the younger days because she would have meltdowns around other adults - she was just terrified. All I could do was expose her to regular social settings and get her comfortable around people, but just continued to accept that this was part of her natural temperament too. She was always great with other kids though... it was just adults! She's come out of her shell so much since then, but the turning point didn't hit until after she was around 2.5. She warms up much more easily now, but is still wary of men. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893768 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:00:43 +0000 mrswin 1893768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: My niece is/was like this with the men in our family. She will not go to/be held by my SO if I am around and will not let her grandpa hold her at all and he lives with them! She has a very strong preference for the women and doesn't really like men except for her dad and even then she will pick me before him sometimes too :shocked: She has been like this since she was very young and at almost 3 it hasn't really changed. I don't have any advice other than don't try and force it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1893756 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 12:55:49 +0000 Mae 1893756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>so update... i think it is just guys? I had a (female) friend who LO doesn't know stop by this morning and handed her right over and she had 0 issue. So apparently she's sexist lol. </p> <p>@anandam: @avivoca: I wonder if the faces thing is sort of it.. I don't know if my dad does that but I know my brother tends to do a great big hiiii baaaaby face. LO loved him (or rather, ignored him like she did everyone else) when she was a newborn and I feel he is generally really good with her/kids. But maybe that much attention from someone she considers new is too much :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1892968 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 08:48:41 +0000 avivoca 1892968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is still happening at one year old for us. It's really only with my parents or the people at church, and it's just like Anandam said, they use ridiculous exaggerated "I'm taking the baby" faces and are super loud and it scares her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1892952 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 08:45:18 +0000 anandam 1892952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've had some of this already, too! Sometimes he's fine, sometimes he's terrified like you describe. DH and I are also still his only caregivers but we go out with him a lot and have a wide community of regular contacts who've met him so I don't think it's an exposure thing. To me it seems worse when we hand him to people back first (like out of the Ergo) so he can't see them, or the opposite when he sees them but they make ridiculous exaggerated "I'm talking to a baby" faces and voices that seem to scare him. With the faces/greetings, he has wailed even when we were still holding him. But then some days he's fine!</p> <p>ETA: LO is 4.5mo/20wks, this started just before 4 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-mo-terrified-of-strangers#post-1892903 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 08:25:25 +0000 Mae 1892903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I knew that babies get to a point where they start getting wary of strangers, but I never thought it would start this early?! It actually started about 2 weeks ago when LO was not quite 4.5 mo. My parents visited and my brother stopped by to visit. They are not strangers, of course, but my dad and brother hadn't seen LO in a few weeks. My mom hadn't seen her in a few weeks either actually-- although she's seen her more overall because she sometimes visits alone and when they are here she spends a lot more time cuddled up to her than my dad does. </p> <p>Anyways, every time my dad or brother tried to hold or touch her, she flipped out. Like terrified scream, big elephant tears, panting to catch her breath sobbing. I was sort of hoping it was just an off weekend. But my brother stopped by last night (first time since 2 weeks ago) and same thing. Less than 20 seconds after he grabbed her she freaked. It took forever to get her calmed down and then I tried just sitting next to him holding her and she was sort of just sniffling/staring at him suspiciously and he smiled at her and touched her toe and she flipped again. </p> <p>She seems fine with strangers so long as they don't try to touch her or hold her, basically. But I SAH so the universe of "non-strangers" to her right now is me, DH, my mom, and my one friend who comes over regularly. </p> <p>Any tips? I mean I know she just needs repeated exposures to people and that I probably should not have let my brother try to hold her last night, I should've eased her in a bit better by just sitting next to him with her first. </p> <p>But beyond that... anything I can do? Did anyone else's baby start this so young? How long does it last? </p>