https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 03:29:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-307220 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 02:05:58 +0000 808love 307220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for posting this resource. The March of Dimes website is very helpful and you can write to them for a mail packet of information. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-307214 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 01:40:34 +0000 Mrs Checkers 307214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ali: Like others have shared, it is definitely normal and okay to be angry. I certainly felt like the world was pregnant when I miscarried. Everyone was so ecstatic, and I felt so alone and broken...this is not the way it's supposed to happen. I remember vividly someone on FB had posted a celebratory picture of her ultrasound just days after my heartbreaking ultrasound. I actually ended up unsubscribing to all of my pregnant friends' status updates at the time so I wouldn't be inundated with all kinds of pregnancy news! It wasn't their fault of course, but I was grieving.</p> <p>One book that really helped me during this time was "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist. I won't say too much about it, but in it she chronicles her journey through miscarriage and loss...it helps when someone else can put into words exactly how you are feeling.</p> <p>Hang in there. Some days will be better, and some day will be worse, but it will get better. Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-307167 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 22:46:18 +0000 MrsCastro 307167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: I got the book on Friday and just finished reading it this morning. It eased my heart, stirred some new emotions I want to read it again, DH is also going to start reading it tonight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-307104 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:19:37 +0000 singingbee 307104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCastro: I need to check out that book. I'm Catholic, too! We lost our baby right before Easter and it was so hard. </p> <p>@Ali: It's really hard. I had 3 friends and we were are all pregnant at the same time. She had her baby at 30 wks and the other ones were fine and delivered on their due dates. I had a lot of issues with the fact that I was the one having to go through a loss. Why me? It wasn't fair. It's not fair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-305691 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 16:28:12 +0000 MrsCastro 305691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ali: it will take time...and it is ok to be angry...i am catholic and i clamed a lot on God. I found out a week after my D/C that my SIL was pregnant. it broke my heart, and yelled at God for not allowing me to have my baby and why he was allowing her to have her baby when she wasnt even trying or with her boyfriend. </p> <p>i just picked up a book that i will start to read tonight, called "after miscarriage, a catholic woman's companion to Healing &amp; Hop" i dont want to get all religious on everyone, but if it can help someone i am glad i mentioned it... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-304834 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 09:48:29 +0000 Alivoo01 304834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can relate to this post also. My depression and denial were huge. Denial especially when I first started seeing the onflow of blood. I kept shaking my head and kept telling myself "this can't be happening"... I locked myself up in my house for almost a week and only ate because the hubby begged and fed me. I couldn't believe this was happening... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-304421 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 06:20:07 +0000 singingbee 304421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ali: hang in there. It is hard and you will feel every emotion in the book. It's all ok to feel those things. If you need to talk, let me know. Hugs!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-304395 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 05:38:53 +0000 Cherrybee 304395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCastro: Thanks for your post. I really needed it yesterday, when I read it. I was having an angry day and was raging at God and the world and everyone in it. Why was it ME this happened to? Why, on the May baby thread, was I the "miscarriage one"? I thought of every woman I know who has never had a m/c (ignoring those who have) and hated them, really hated them for the joy they got to feel. I feel robbed of my joy - I'll never look at a BFP and be overcome with joy again, for me there will only be worry. </p> <p>Today I'm having a despair day.... with a lot of anger, now I come to think of it. My dad's funeral has been arranged slap bang in the middle of our holiday - so we're having to cancel. I was supposed to be having morning sickness on that holiday, drinking alcohol free drinks and marveling at our little secret in my belly. When we lost the baby I thought "oh well, I'll just get drunk a lot and unwind, after all, I deserve a break after all I've been through". Turns out I don't even deserve that.</p> <p>Sorry to be such a misery... (this seemed a good thread to unload on, though!)..... I just feel so hard done to. It really really doesn't seem fair. I'm glad other people are praying for me because I'm so angry with God right now..... :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303397 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 18:34:35 +0000 singingbee 303397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCastro: Yes, but also now that you can allow yourself some feelings of anger or sadness. I acknowledged the anger and once I did that, then I was better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303361 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 18:25:07 +0000 MrsCastro 303361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: i am going to try with all my power to stay positive during that time... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303300 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 18:09:08 +0000 singingbee 303300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCastro: I think it would help to have something to look forward to on that day. Maybe just going out to eat or something. </p> <p>I had a really hard time at one our school masses. A lady came with her new baby, just a couple of weeks older than mine would have been had we gone full term. I almost had to walk away. It was so hard to see that, but they had just suffered a loss right before that baby. They found out she had Trisomy 18 and pretty much delivered just a little further along that I was. So she 'got' it and I was happy for them. It just was so hard seeing her though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303276 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 18:04:37 +0000 MrsCastro 303276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: i am scared for April to come and i feel that i will have a hard time when it does come... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303261 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 18:02:33 +0000 singingbee 303261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCastro: Oh I definitely regressed when we had our due date and then came to the first 'event' where we had had a sort of game plan about what we would do, since we would have a 1 month old. : / </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303248 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 18:01:00 +0000 MrsCastro 303248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: i think it is ok to regress, and my work friend and i talked about it and she told me that when she felt she was going backwards was to remember what she felt when she was at the "accepting" stage...</p> <p>@Mrs Checkers: i look forward to your posts...i feel that going through or even speaking of a miscarriage is so taboo, and we dont ever hear of women going through this situation until it happens to us...and i wish it wasnt like it...</p> <p>@alison206: @Running Elley: it make me happy that others can benefit and relate to this... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303241 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 18:00:00 +0000 sslm 303241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely related to every stage, although still working on the acceptance part! Thanks for posting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303229 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 17:56:43 +0000 singingbee 303229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I related to every stage. Sometimes I've regressed, but I've gone through them all agan. </p> <p>Thank you for this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303223 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 17:55:24 +0000 Running Elley 303223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a great article. I could relate to every single stage and pinpoint when I went through them after both of my miscarriages. Thank you for sharing this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303210 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 17:50:31 +0000 Mrs Checkers 303210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am very sorry for your loss. I hope to post a few entries about grief and loss from my own experience soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303208 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 17:50:12 +0000 ladybee 303208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for posting this. I needed that today. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/5-stages-of-grief-after-miscarriage#post-303201 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 17:46:53 +0000 MrsCastro 303201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A friend from work recommend this to me...she know DH and I had a m/c and are just waiting on AF to start trying again. She told she also had a m/c a few months before having her DS a few years ago...she recommed i read this...it was perfect timing for me, and now feel that my feelings over the past few weeks are valid, i feel like i am finally turing a corner and starting to slowly accept our miscarriage;</p> <p>If you have recently miscarried or learned that you will miscarry, normal emotions can be anything from shock or anger to sadness or numbness. Whatever you’re feeling is OK. Everyone reacts differently to pregnancy loss, and pretty much any reaction is normal. </p> <p>In the immediate aftermath, your feelings of grief will probably be at their strongest. The falling hormones in your body can even amplify your sadness to a point that it feels overwhelming, but this should get better after your menstrual period returns and your body recovers. </p> <p>People often discuss grief in terms of five stages, a theory which originated from psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s 1969 book On Death and Dying. Many women find their grief after a miscarriage follows a similar pattern.</p> <p>Some women will go through all of these stages; others will go through only some of them or will experience them in a different order: </p> <p>Denial and Isolation</p> <p>Many women hold out a slim hope that the doctor was wrong and that they are not, in fact, having a miscarriage at all. You might find yourself doing hours of research on the Internet looking for another explanation for your miscarriage symptoms. </p> <p>Perhaps you don’t want to see anyone –- not even your spouse or partner. You might resenting anyone who speaks to you or you want to hole up at home and not take phone calls or go to work. Social interaction may feel exhausting, and you may just want to be by yourself. </p> <p>Anger</p> <p>You may look for someone to blame for the miscarriage. Many women blame their doctors for not seeing the signs earlier and for not being able to prevent the loss from taking place. You might blame your partner or find some reason to blame yourself. (Try to remember that miscarriage is very rarely anyone’s fault and usually cannot be prevented.) </p> <p>You may feel resentment toward the medical clinic you attended if its pregnancy loss support protocol was inadequate. Your friends and relatives may infuriate you with thoughtless and unintentionally hurtful comments. (Try to be gentle with the people in your life and remember that they rarely intend to hurt you -- they are usually just trying to help.) </p> <p>Bargaining</p> <p>If you are religious, you may try to bargain with a higher being and promise specific good deeds if you get pregnant again quickly and do not have a repeat miscarriage. Or, you may conduct hours of research on how to prevent miscarriages and search for anything that you can do to minimize risk of another loss, such as leading a healthier lifestyle or trying alternative medicine tactics. </p> <p>If you have this inclination, remember again that you probably did not do anything to cause your miscarriage and that most miscarriage causes are completely out of your hands. Working toward a healthier lifestyle is nearly always a good idea for any person, but just beware of creating any unrealistic expectations for yourself and believing any claims that something is a "miracle cure." </p> <p>Depression</p> <p>You might wonder if you will ever have a baby. You may convince yourself that you just aren’t meant to be a mom, or that you are being punished for some reason. If you are trying to conceive again, and you are not getting pregnant as quickly as you would like, you may despair that it will never happen. If you do get pregnant again, you may feel intense anxiety and a conviction that you will miscarry again. </p> <p>Images of babies or pregnancy in public and in the media might bother you, leading you to turn away when you see families with young children or women with visibly pregnant bodies. You may not be able to handle attending coworkers’ and relatives’ baby showers or visiting newborn babies. You may end up flipping the channel when commercials come on featuring pregnancy tests. </p> <p>Acceptance</p> <p>Although the pain of your miscarriage may always be with you, it will at some point become easier to deal with. You will be able to look back and be sad that the miscarriage happened, but your feelings of sadness will not feel nearly as overwhelming as they did in the beginning. Many women will not reach this stage until after giving birth to another child. </p> <p>Whatever you are feeling, please remember that it’s normal and that it won’t always feel as overwhelming as it does in the beginning. You will find that you are stronger than you think and that, over time, coping with the miscarriage will become easier. </p>