https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Jul 2026 09:03:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328373 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 10:28:13 +0000 CATWOMAN 328373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love this thread. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328334 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 09:21:29 +0000 HabesBabe 328334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: omggg, that is such a cute story! Haha your poor neighbor. It's so cute how literal kids are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328283 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 07:39:17 +0000 looch 328283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I like the chart idea, he loves stickers, so I am trying it...did I mention I like this new parenting challenges guerilla posting? You're awesome, thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328277 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 07:25:55 +0000 mrbee 328277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Maybe start a chart above the changing table, and give a star every time he has a good diaper change?</p> <p>You could also just talk in general about your expectations for a good diaper change (stay still, don't stand up, etc.). Then when he's wiggling, you can remind him of your expectations? I find that sort of consistency/reinforcement makes rituals go smoother...</p> <p>Of course if he's tired or hungry, all bets are off! This morning he threw a tantrum b/c I opened the door to his room instead of letting him open it. Oops! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328275 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 07:13:11 +0000 looch 328275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I hear you, but what do you do when all of a sudden, Charlie doesn't want to lie down to have his poop diaper changed?</p> <p>You've changed it a million times before with no issue, now, as soon as you have the diaper off, he's wiggling all over almost falls of the changing table as he stands up and one leg just slides over?</p> <p>AAAnnnnd GO! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328272 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 07:11:04 +0000 mrbee 328272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I've noticed that when Charlie really feels listened to, I find that he does almost 100% of what I ask him to do (just like most adults!). The problem tends to come when I try to force him to do something and don't explain it to him first. Or if he's hungry or sleepy!!</p> <p>Things have also gotten easier as his comprehension has increased! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328248 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 06:31:47 +0000 looch 328248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am struggling with this, with my 21 month old son.</p> <p>I find that sometimes, yes, I can reason with him but other times, he just won't do what I am asking him to do. I try to give him clear actions and consequences, but there are moments where it's not going to work no matter what I do. What I am fearful of is falling into the "negotiation trap," where everything is a discussion. Some things he just must do, others he has a choice. The problem is he doesn't know the difference between the must do's and the can do's. </p> <p>A dog trainer friend of mine once told me you can't teach a dog not to jump on one sofa and not another one, they're all the same to a dog(not sure really how true this is, but I digress). I worry about the same with my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328242 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 05:49:46 +0000 Andrea 328242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I was just going to post something similar yesterday. DH had not done bedtime in a while and DD freaked out on him big time. So I was thinking oh great, how are we going to fix this without DH doing it every day. But the next day, all he did was have a chat with her ahead of time to let her know that he would do bed time again and she was perfectly fine. It is amazing that we can just talk to our little kiddies now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328233 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 02:53:11 +0000 SugarplumsMom 328233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to add that the dad tried evrything to get his son to walk, but his son kept refusing and crying because no one told him he had to walk back! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328231 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 02:48:24 +0000 SugarplumsMom 328231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's great to hear parents actively trying to build a strong bond with their LOs. I can't that my parents really tried to do that - they were just so busy working! But on a lighter note, I have to share a story about DHs co-worker:</p> <p>He actually lives in our neighborhood and asked his toddler son (I forget what age) if he wanted to walk to the store to buy some groceries. They go to the store and the son wasn't complaining at all and walked the whole way. But when they were done buying groceries, on their way home, the son started crying and refused to walk home. He wanted to be carried! When his dad reminded him how he agreed to walking, the son replied, "I agreed I'll walk to the store, he didn't say anything about walking back!!" The poor guy had to lug 2 bags of groceries plus a pouty toddler home. Haha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328204 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 00:42:23 +0000 Red 328204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been noticing the same with my LO. She's only 22 months so she's not 100% verbal but I do notice that when I get down to her level and listen and then check for understanding by repeating what she just said, I seem to get more "buy-in" on future actions.</p> <p>I also notice that when I need her to do something she doesn't like (e.g. brushing her teeth), I get much better results when I simply empathize and acknowledge that fact that she doesn't want to do it. Even a simple, "Mama knows you don't want to brush your teeth but we have to or else they will get yucky" goes a long way to getting reluctant participation.</p> <p>In general, I try not to promise anything I can't deliver but I do see the merits of pointing out fulfilled promises. Gotta put that in my bag 'o tricks. Tx. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328146 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 22:32:03 +0000 kentuckygirl 328146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for posting this, Mr. Bee! I am "favoriting" it for future use! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-big-eye-opener-to-me-the-importance-of-building-up-trust-with-my-son#post-328129 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 22:05:44 +0000 mrbee 328129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have really been enjoying building a bond of trust with Charlie lately.</p> <p>Two things have been helping:</p> <p>1. We've been working to keep track of the promises and commitments we make to him, and then we remind him when we follow through with the commitments. He is really understanding that his parents are trustworthy; you can see how much better he behaves when that bond of trust is there. </p> <p>2. When Charlie gets upset, I get down to eye level and listen to him talk for a while. I don't say much, but really try and make sure he feels heard.</p> <p>The combination of tracking promises and listening to him is really making a difference. I am kind of gobsmacked at how "reasonable" he seems since we've started using these techniques. I never expected that we'd be able to reason with a toddler, but I'm seeing it's definitely possible with a strong bond of trust.</p> <p>I'm sure that now that I feel like I'm getting the hang of this stuff, it will all fall apart. But I'm just really enjoying things right now. But don't worry, I don't want any more kids ha.</p> <p>Who knew that focusing on trust could make such a big difference in behavior!</p> <p>Did your parents build a bond of trust with you growing up? Did it impact how you interacted with them? </p>