https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 23:27:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities/page/2#post-1813587 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 10:11:32 +0000 pui 1813587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not my place to judge anyone on their decisions, especially tough ones like this. </p> <p>Personally, I would raise a disabled child myself. I don't think the type of disability is important, but that said we're financially able to handle pretty much anything which I understand isn't a possibility for many.</p> <p>I would not terminate any pregnancy unless it was a life-threatening situation (Like both myself and baby would die if the pregnancy continued). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities/page/2#post-1813556 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 10:02:38 +0000 Adira 1813556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Yes, I agree that her situation was more much severe than someone with Downs or similar. I was just trying to say that some Bees are willing to be vocal about terminating a pregnancy in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities/page/2#post-1813548 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:58:27 +0000 .twist. 1813548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: No, I think you're correct, but like I said. I thin her situation was much more severe than someone with, say, Downs.</p> <p>ETA: therefore, it makes the decision change. It REALLY depends on WHAT the disease/condition is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities/page/2#post-1813543 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:56:26 +0000 Adira 1813543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Some people just said "sorry" but I think many said that they would do the same thing in her shoes. Maybe I'm exaggerating the number though?</p> <p>@MrsTiz: Same here - we didn't want to be surprised and we wanted to know of things as early as possible for the option of termination. I don't know what I would do in the OP's scenario where I already have a child who has a severe mental/physical disability. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities/page/2#post-1813534 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:53:29 +0000 MrsTiz 1813534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Well, we had testing done during our pregnancy and will for any future pregnancies for that exact reason. Some things you can't determine, but I tried my hardest to not end up surprised. I don't know what I would do in that cae. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813519 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:48:15 +0000 .twist. 1813519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I think her specific scenario was quite a bit more severe than some other disabilities that could be detected in utero. At least, from my understanding. I also think that it's very easy for someone to say "I'm so sorry" even though they may not necessarily agree with the persons decision. </p> <p>I haven't answered the OP because none of the options are how I would handle the situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813487 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:39:40 +0000 Adira 1813487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: @MsLipGloss: @swedishfish: @lawbee11: I wasn't even under the impression that this question was asking about what you would do if you knew while pregnant. I took this question to mean after they were already born, which, to me, is a different question than what you would do while pregnant. Hubs and I are in agreement that we would terminate a pregnancy based on the results of certain testing.</p> <p>I also felt like many of the supporters for the Bee who recently did terminate her pregnancy were very vocal about how they feel they would make the same decision in her situation or that they HOPED they would make the same decision, etc. Maybe I'm wrong about that though?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813486 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:38:58 +0000 Sunshine1810 1813486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally don't think that anyone can answer this question until they are put in the situation. I have a severely disabled sister with a lot of complex physical and mental health needs. She is still at home with my parents (at age 28) but her care requires A LOT of work and sacrifice on their part and the part of our family as a whole. </p> <p>I don't judge anyone for choosing a different path with group homes, etc. It is nobody else's business but the family's to know how much they are able to handle, and how their child is best cared for. You can never truly know what it is like until you have lived it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813457 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:32:32 +0000 lawbee11 1813457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: I didn't answer the question because none of the options are ones I would've chosen either. Assuming this is something that could be detected in utero, we would terminate the pregnancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813433 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:23:05 +0000 MrsTiz 1813433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: @MsLipGloss: @swedishfish: For the record, I didn't answer OP's question for that reason.. didn't feel like hearing the flame for it but, if I was able to find out early enough in my pregnancy that my LO would have this type of life or have severe physical/mental issues I would terminate the pregnancy. My DH does not agree with me, but I know myself and I know that I don't have the strength to care for a child like that the way they deserve. I know my limits, and that is one of them.</p> <p>Hopefully no one is afraid to answer questions like these honestly, because I can assure you that you aren't the only one who feels like you do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813411 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:16:42 +0000 Boheme 1813411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think this question could be answered by anyone except those in this particular situation, and I imagine it wouldn't be something they would want to write about in an open forum. I have no idea what we would do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813397 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:12:25 +0000 Boheme 1813397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813365 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:01:35 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1813365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: yeah. This rubbed me the wrong way too, but I haven't been on in a few days and didn't notice a pattern of posts </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813358 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:59:18 +0000 MsLipGloss 1813358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Very few. And frankly, it's really hard to hear those few voices over all of the other (self-righteous!) comments calling some parents *disgusting* and other equally insulting adjectives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813329 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:52:00 +0000 swedishfish 1813329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: :heart: you are a warrior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813327 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:51:28 +0000 Adira 1813327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: I don't think that's true. I know some Bees have been vocal about terminating a pregnancy depending on the outcome of certain tests. I know I personally have said that's why we did first trimester screening because we personally would have considered abortion, depending on the results.</p> <p>I also think it's a very different scenario when you're pregnant and your child might have a health condition or disability and what you would do vs. your child is already HERE and has a health condition or disability and what you would do. What I would do for my living breathing child in one situation may not be the same as what I would do for my fetus who has not been born yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813325 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:50:52 +0000 spaniellove 1813325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: Keeping that baby and loving them and caring for them every day is a very complex and difficult thing, as it turns out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813323 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:50:46 +0000 Smurfette 1813323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: I agree with your first paragraph. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813311 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:47:33 +0000 swedishfish 1813311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think these questions are pointless because they tend to attract the bees who make blanket statements like "of course I would keep the baby; he/she is my child and wanted/loved." Very few bees would admit that a pregnancy would be terminated in a situation such as this.</p> <p>As far as putting a child in a group home, you are not giving up your parental rights. You are doing what you believe is best developmentally for your child. I have several relatives in group homes. You cannot possibly speak to what you'd do in a situation until you're living it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813279 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:38:10 +0000 spaniellove 1813279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: Oh, I meant that the question seems to be asked repeatedly lately.</p> <p>But also it is tough seeing the question of whether you'd leave your child at the hospital upon receiving the news. I remember being told in the first days that J didn't pass his screening and subsequently being told that he was deaf. It hurts a lot to be asked from the perspective of someone who doesn't have a child with a disability whether people would just leave their kid at the hospital. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813164 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 07:55:35 +0000 MrsTiz 1813164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: While I do agree that these are extremely hard decisions to think about and even harder if you are ever in that situation, I don't think that just because someone had to face this issue it's insensitive to talk about it. Every "what if" situation means that somewhere, a person actually had that decision to make. I hope I don't come off as rude, I just don't really agree that since something happened to someone we know that we're forbidden to talk about it..if that makes sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813145 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 07:45:45 +0000 spaniellove 1813145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally I think these "what would you do if your baby/child had ____ disability" questions have run their course for now on HB. We have bees who face these issues IRL and the truth is that these are very difficult decisions to make. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813108 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 07:04:48 +0000 Anagram 1813108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: Oopsss..I think my post was all over the place and not clear. I guess my point is that in the US (other countries probably have better options), your first option really ISN'T an option. At least it isn't so simple as "giving your child up to an organization or group home". You as the family still have to do all the research and find a place that even has opening, you still have to pay the $$ (the biggest issue when the cost is exorbitant), you are still in daily contact with the care providers. You don't GET to just "give up your child"---but maybe that's something people can do legally when the child is younger. I'm thinking more of an adult child scenario....</p> <p>But maybe depending on the disability there ARE group homes I don't know about that don't require the family to pay or are paid for by the state? My experience is only with severe mental illness, so I have no idea about physical disabilities.</p> <p>I was just ruminating out loud that option A isn't really an option at all in the U.S. (in most cases) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813106 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 07:03:28 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1813106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with others that it depends entirely on the specifics of the situation, and that no one besides the people that have to make the decision get to have an opinion about it.</p> <p>We were prepped for that situation (long term care at a facility for sick children) at one time with DS2 but thankfully avoided it altogether. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813088 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:41:47 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1813088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I doubt we would give up our parental rights to our child, but neither of us are equipped to provide full time care. </p> <p>There's no judgment in situations like this. Everyone does what's in the best interest of all the parties involved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813086 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:40:53 +0000 Charm54 1813086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: I don't know many children with Down Syndrome who would be considered to have "little to no chance of improvement over time" ...... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813084 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:40:22 +0000 cascademom 1813084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, I would do whatever I could to keep the child in our care. I would try to mainstream educate as much as I could. I'm really floored by how amazing Lisa Leonard (jewelry designer) cares for her severely disabled son. He's well loved and taken care of with all of their family's support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813072 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:18:14 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1813072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oj. That's such a difficult position that I hope I will never have to personally experience. But I do know that if I'm going to carry my otherwise healthy child, full-term, I won't be able to give him/her up. I would feel that my baby would need me more. I won't be able to live with myself otherwise. DH feels the same way. </p> <p>A harder question for me is continuing with a pregnancy with a severely disabled fetus. Exactly how severe would it have to be in order for me to consider termination? That's another situation I hope to never have to experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813066 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:09:42 +0000 looch 1813066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is really interesting to me, because I have a brother that will never be able to care for himself. My father is adamantly against a group care scenario, but my parents are in their 60s now, and we've got to start making plans for what the next step is.</p> <p>I also think parents must take into consideration other children in the household. Sometimes, caring for a child becomes a full time job at the expense of the other children. So there're also that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-child-with-severe-mentalphysical-disabilities#post-1813062 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:02:52 +0000 Mrs. Coral 1813062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: I wholeheartedly agree. It's making a selfless decision in which one determines the group home is the child's best environment to thrive in. Many families still visit their children regularly, care for them, take them on outings, etc. </p>